I arrive home at 4:20 p.m. on the dot. I'm home, finally! I lock up my car and head up the porch steps. Mail is crammed into the mailbox next to our front door. I remove the mail, a few pieces scattering and falling to the ground in the process. I collect all the loose mail and go inside. Kyzon, as per usual, is perched on the sofa armrest awaiting my arrival. I pet him on the head and put my purse down, hang my coat up, and proceed to the kitchen, the only room with the light turned on. I enter the room to the sound of clinking glass bottles. Sam turns from the counter when I walk in and smiles. "Hi, honey," he says, "Just give me a second here to finish putting this batch of homebrew away." I nod as he carries a box of unlabeled bottles to the basement. Kyzon meows a few times and rubs his head against my leg. I kneel down to pet him. He purrs loudly with the stroke of my hand on his neck and back. Kyzon gazes at the pantry. He knows that's where we keep his food. He rubs up against my hand forcefully, lets out another meow, and scampers away from me towards the pantry. I decide to make him work for his food, "Are you hungry? Hmm? What is it that you could possibly want? Surely not food!" Kyzon lets out another loud meow. I point to the pantry door, "Is what you want in there?" Another meow is his response. I open the pantry door, "Hmm....I don't know....Where, oh, where, is it? What is it that you want ever-so-much?" Kyzon rubs up against my leg again, then runs to the bag of cat food on the floor of the pantry. He rubs up against the corner of the bag and looks up at me. Sam comes back up from the basement, "Oh, is someone hungry?" I laugh, "Apparently!" I pour some food into his food bowl, and Kyzon begins to inhale it in a frenzied manner.

I walk to the fridge and scan its contents for dinner ideas. "How about taco salad?" I ask Sam. "Perfect," he says as he finishes putting away the last of the brewing equipment. I begin reheating the taco meat, rinse off lettuce and proceed to cut up avocado, onion, and black olives. "How was work today, my love?" Sam asks as he moves stuff around in the pantry. "Eh," I respond, "It was intense. That one attorney I have problems with was definitely an issue today. And Beatrice was doing her usual competitive thing..." and I allow the re-cap to continue on auto-pilot. With each sentence that I finish, a new wave of recollection forms in my brain, and spews out of my mouth. I can tell my voice is rising, my speech is more forceful and angry sounding. "Okay, Eve, it's okay," Sam interrupts my ramble and the fury of negative thoughts swarming in my head. I stare at him. My heart is racing and my breathing is rapid. Clearly, you are very upset. Sam doesn't like seeing you this upset. It's not fair to him or to you. A heavy downpour of guilt consumes me, and I feel the need to justify myself to Sam. "I'm sorry, I know you don't like it when I'm this upset, but you did ask me how my day went." Sam stares into the pantry, "You really need to stop caring what these other people think. It doesn't matter." I feel on edge, "Well, obviously it does matter, Sam, to me, for some reason it matters. I mean...it shouldn't, but it does. I either care way too much or not at all. I don't know if I can fall in the middle." Sam grabs a can of black beans out of the pantry, opens it, and pours them into a pot on the stove. He looks at me and let's out a tired sigh, "Eve, we've been over this before. You just need to detach. You're clinging onto your job, onto the drama of the people at your job, onto the deadlines of your job, let it go. Detach. You can do it." I breathe forcefully in and then out. I feel my shoulders tense, causing my neck to ache. I rub at my neck and finish preparing dinner. He's right. But it's easier said than done. He can say that because he is his own boss and works for himself and his clients, not for multiple people, all whom have a different agenda, a different communication style....different everything. Ugh! There you go again! Detach, damn it, detach.

I pull out dinner bowls from the cabinet and place a generous bed of lettuce in each, and begin adding all of the toppings. Sam sits down, and Kyzon jumps on top of my high-back lounge chaise, used as a kitchen chair. I sit down and poke at the salad with my fork. Sam thumbs through his gardening catalogue and appears to be completely concentrated on the words on each page. How is he so calm? I wish I could shut my brain off whenever I wanted. I am my own worst enemy. I drive myself crazy. How do I not drive him crazy? How does he even put up with me? "Eve," Sam interrupts my thoughts, again, "Why aren't you eating?" I stare at him, then down at the bowl in front of me. "I - I was just thinking." I stammer. Sam tilts his head down, looking at me over his glasses, "Stop it. That's your problem. Be stupid for a while, it's okay, I still love you!" he laughs, making light humor out of the situation. I let out a half-laugh, a semi-smile, and begin eating.

Sam and I discuss the various vegetable seed options for the spring garden. The entire time, my mind keeps trying to wander off. My thoughts feel like a little army of children all trying to pull my attention in their direction - I don't want to neglect them, but I also want to be left alone. Enough! I realize my mind has been holding me captive the last few minutes of the conversation. Focus. Breathe. Focus. "How about the same cucumbers you planted last year?" I spurt. Without raising his gaze from the catalogue, Sam nods in agreement. Eager to keep my focus on the conversation, I continue, "And the cherry tomatoes this year were fabulous, so those for sure, and the green peppers yielded a lot, that was nice..." Sam continues to nod his bowed head. I sit there for a moment and focus on him, on his behavior, his calmness. I have to learn how he has mastered the art of serenity. That is what I aspire to achieve in the new year. A resolution to end all resolutions. If I master that, most of my insecurities that hold me back would melt away. Serenity trumps the critic within. "What?" Sam asks. I shift my gaze from the bedroom back to him. When did I start looking in that direction? Odd. "What?" I reply. Sam looks slightly irritated as he says, "I asked what other peppers you might like?" "Oh," I stammer. Sam raises an eyebrow, "Stop thinking so hard - we already talked about green peppers, jalapenos, and the spicy red ones I grew this past year." My eyes rise to the ceiling, focusing on a solid color and texture, "Maybe yellow peppers?" Sam nods his head, "Sure, I'll look into that." I smile. Sam smiles back. "Are you done with your bowl?" Sam asks me. "Yes, thank you," I respond as he takes our bowls off the table and begins to wash the dishes.

I rise from the comfy, plush chair and walk into the bedroom. I could use some music. I plop into the computer chair and navigate the pointer on the screen to the music player and pick a satellite radio station. Hmm...maybe some Jimi Hendrix? Purple haze, all in my brain, lately things don't seem the same...actin' funny, and I don't know why, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky! I select a station that plays reggae, and turn up the speaker volume. A Ziggy Marley song plays, as I walk into the living room. I need some holiday cheer! It is December, after all! I walk over to the outlet in the wall and plug in the string of Christmas lights Sam has strung above the mantel. The glow of the lights against the red and gold glazed wall is instantly soothing. That's more like it! I feel a smile inch across my face, and my spirits feel lifted. All concern and worry seems to have abandoned me. This is the kind of abandonment I welcome. I let out a light laugh at my introverted one-sided conversation. "What's so funny?" Sam says as he walks into the bedroom. "Just thinking silly thoughts," I reply in a sing-songy fashion. Sam smiles and gives me a bear hug from behind. I laugh and try to escape by walking into the living room, but he maintains his grip. I let out a laugh amidst my struggling, "Sam! Sam, let go!" He tightens his arms around my waist, "Nope! Never!" He makes biting sounds at the back of my ear as we clumsily hobble into the living room. My knee hits the front of the couch, causing me to lose my balance and we tumble onto the cushions. I manage to wriggle free from Sam's grip and slap his hand away as he tries to pull me back down. "Ha!" I barely am able to let my cry of joy escape between gasping for breaths. I scamper back into the bedroom, then turn around to stare at Sam from a distance. "Really? Is that all you got?" I prod, "are you that old already?" Sam laughs and stands up, rubbing his head in a puzzled-like fashion. "It's okay," I say, "I still love you, but on another note, we need to discuss some 'items of business', such as getting your expense sheet caught up to date." Sam sighs, "You're the boss."

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5:17 a.m. Geez, the last time I looked at that clock it was just a few minutes before 5. Might as well make use of this extra time instead of getting frustrated that I'm not able to spend it sleeping - do some stretches, start your day off with a slight advantage. I stare at the shadows dancing on the wall as the faint headlights flicker in past the blinds. 5:22 a.m. Just get up already. Why lay here another half hour or so? I slide off the side of the bed and tip-toe into the living room. I push the coffee table up against the bike trainer and plop down on top of the rug. Kyzon has come to see what I'm up to. He rubs against my toes. I pet him, and then move him to the side. With some slight stiffness, I straighten both of my legs and stretch forward, touching my toes. I allow my torso to relax more and focus on exhaling. I repeat this process, and then continue the stretch while alternating which leg is bowed, and which is straightened. This feels nice. At least I'll feel more free throughout the day. I reach for my stability ball and sit on it, then proceed to do additional stretches. This is then followed by crunches, and eventually push-ups. I rearrange the room back to where it was before I entered it, and head for the bathroom. Kyzon is keeping pace at my heels.

I turn the heater on in the bathroom and shut the door. Don't wake Sam. He was up late working on a difficult restoration job. He deserves as much sleep as he needs. Kyzon meows a few times as I go about brushing my teeth and hair. As I turn the shower on, Kyzon hops onto the edge of the tub, making his way between the blue shower curtain and the opaque shower lining. He loves to sit behind the lining and watch me in the water. Such a silly, furry creature. The rest of the morning goes by in a blur, and I soon find myself wishing Sam good-bye, doling out kisses, and walking down the front porch to my car.

On my way to work, I suddenly remember my appointment with Dr. Coyle. 4:30 p.m. : Dr. Coyle's therapy session. I can't believe I almost forgot. That's not like me! I need to remind Sam so he doesn't wonder where I am. I'll let him know once I'm at work. Today is Thursday. Tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend! After another ten minutes of commute, I arrive at the parking garage, and lock my vehicle. I begin walking across the garage to the stairs and begin the descent down three levels, then head across the intersection. It's not everyday you get the 'walk' light as soon as you arrive. Maybe this day did get started on the right foot after all! I see my reflection in the side of the building as I walk towards the entrance. Nothing stands out with you - not too tall, not too small, no focal point features. I push my way through the revolving doors, and make my way across the marble lobby floor. Once I find an elevator in the appropriate bank going up, I enter it and select floor 24. A few people also enter the elevator, select their floors, then either stare at the floor or at their phones. Elevator rides are so weird. Some people don't understand personal space, others act like no one else exists but them. No wonder I have the paranoias and reactions I do - these attorneys and their staff are such odd characters. The elevator arrives at my floor, and I exit it. I make my way to our suite's double doors, and walk to my desk.

A few ladies pass my area and we exchange morning salutations as I get my desk ready for the day. A sticky note with red ink catches my attention. "Eve: meeting at 2 p.m. in large conference room" I recognize the handwriting - it's Lindsey's. Oh fun, fun! A meeting I was not aware of, and still don't know what it's regarding. Fabulous! I grab my coffee mug and head towards the kitchen to fill it up. Once at the sink, I rinse out my coffee mug, and then fill it with the regular roast coffee. Holiday Peppermint creamer! Not that this is my favorite or anything, but it sure beats boring vanilla! I happily pour half of the single serving cup into my mug and stir. I also grab a cup of water, then go back to my desk. I send Sam a quick text reminding him about my therapy appointment, put in my earbuds, and launch into 'down to business' mode.

As I accomplish tasks, new ones pop up, some more urgent than others. The hours quickly pass, and I realize there are only 11 minutes remaining to my work day. That's not enough time to work on any of these other projects. I open up a popular news site and scan the headlines. Nothing new or innovative, nothing positive being reported on....wow. Well, I'm not going to read any of these depressing stories. I close the browser window and tidy my desk. My tidy-up routine is essentially the same everyday: make sure all stacks of paper have a sticky note on them with brief notes in case I become ill or Lindsey needs to find something in my absence, double-check that all pens are capped or clicked closed, wash coffee mug, and put all papers for recycling in the appropriate bin. I spend the last few minutes of my work day observing the sights and sounds around me. A few people chatter down the hallway, another person is arguing on a phone in one of the offices, and occasionally someone shuffles past our area. I continue to glance at the clock until it reaches 4 p.m., then I log-out of my computer, push in my desk chair, put on my coat, grab my purse and make my way to the parking garage.

After a brief delay due to traffic, I manage to arrive on time for my appointment with Dr. Coyle. I knock a couple times, and the door opens as if on cue. "Hi Eve, come in!" Dr. Coyle says as he steps aside. "Hi Dr. Coyle, how are you?" I ask as I walk through the first room and into the second. "Dr. Coyle now?" he asks curiously, "If that's what you prefer." I take my coat off and realize our former conversations, "Oh, yeah, Joseph?" I feel like an idiot. Joseph laughs, "Yes, that's what you originally felt was fine, but if you do decide you'd rather go back to conventional titles, then we can. I understand and want you to be comfortable." I raise an eyebrow at his phrasing and respond, "Joseph is good. I just forgot. I'm not used to the first name thing. Is that what you are referencing when you said conventional titles and being more comfortable?" Joseph nods affirmatively and smiles at the question while he takes a seat in the white chair across from me. "Eve, you are a very quick study. You're sharp. You are inclined to experience the unfamiliar based on both your naming choice for myself and your decision to pursue this outside-of-the-box type of therapy. That's why I am certain you are ready to commence with the first phase of reprogramming. I need you to confirm that you are comfortable and ready to let go of some of the aspects you perceive to be reality. Are you ready to give endless possibilities a try, Eve?"

I take a deep breath, settle into the chair cushion, and with an exhale confirm that I am, indeed, ready. "Good!" Joseph exclaims, "Let's start with the name of this phase: 'Beginning of Beginnings'. This phase initiates your journey to your higher-self. The only way to reach your higher-self is by taking routes that pursue that upward spiritual mobility, however those steps cannot be taken until you have a solid foundation with which to balance the upward spiritual mobility and your current horizontal life path. My sessions with you from this point forward are designed to clear out the noisy, unnecessary emotional clutter and societal programming. Since each action we partake in throughout the duration of our lives have equal and opposite reactions, we know that as a result of removing these knotted roots in a particular memory, there will be equally as large voids of memory after this is accomplished. Then we fill those voids with reprogramming methods. Some leading researchers claim this is a sort of brainwashing, however, the counter-argument is that by not assisting those seeking voluntary reprogramming is to encourage the brainwashing the individual currently has succumbed to, and is suffering from. Therefore, I want to make it clear that while reprogramming may sound technical enough to scare off those not as courageous as yourself, it is the exact opposite. It is simply a technique that can be used in a variety of ways. The beauty of this method of reprogramming is that you, the individual, remain in full control and essentially create the outcome you, the individual, desire. This is a very subjective method that cannot be measured by any of science's current metrics. It is a system that is at the forefront of unpublished neurological studies and also a method that engages the foremost state of your consciousness - both are territories that remain unmastered. Do you have any questions so far?" I shake my head no.

Joseph continues, "The very first step after initiation is to vocally address what it is that you want out of life, in positive form and future tense. For example, if you do not want to be scared in certain situations, you should say something like 'In such-and-such situations, I will be confident.' These will become your missions. You will see why missions are crucial to this phase. Eve, please generate three to five mission statements." Oh my goodness. Where do I begin? "Um," I stammer, "I - I don't know where to begin?" Joseph replies, "Anywhere is fine. There is no wrong or right place to start, it's all part of you. We both know that you are not a robot, you have feelings. Use your intuition to discover what is a desire for you, what you want to experience. If you would like somewhere to start, I recall in our last meeting you touched on the subject of always feeling responsible for everything..." Joseph's voice trailed off while my mind began to rapidly generate feelings and scenarios I had encountered over my life. "Yes. In the future, I want to only feel responsible for my own well-being and my own actions." "Good, Eve, put that into a positive form." Joseph nods. I try again, "I will feel complete responsibility for myself, my own well-being, and my own actions. It does me no good constantly worrying about others - especially their opinions." Joseph smiles, "Yes, how about a few more?"

"When I am given a compliment, I will honor that person's words, as it is their perspective on life, and I will cherish that they let me know how he or she views me. It does me no good to pick apart or criticize how someone else sees the world." I stare at Joseph waiting for his response. He scratches his head, and looks at me, "I haven't yet heard that one, until now, I like it. Continue." This is kind of hard. My brain feels tired. "I will live in the moment and savor the experiences the universe gives me. I will live without an agenda for my life. I am not ultimately in control of what happens, only how I react to what happens, and pretending anything different only leads to disappointment and anxiety." Joseph speaks up, "That's a valid one, and a common mission statement. So far you have two that both deal with social interactions. Keep going." Hmm. What else do you want to see change? "I guess another social interactions one....I will be more confident around others. I will believe there is more love than hate. I will believe there is more desire for interaction and deeper connections than there is for judging and segregating." I look at Joseph. His palms are flat on the arm rests, his head pressed firmly against the back of his seat, and he appears to be in deep thought. After a moment, Joseph's neck and head relax and he brings his hands to his lap, "That would constitute as three separate missions, all social interaction based, but that's great. I do believe your biggest struggles are ones originating from society's expectations of standards. Now that you have given five mission statements, we will focus on the 'beginning' portion. I want you to recall your biggest memories, whether or not they seem significant, starting from your earliest memories until present day. Don't worry about fine detail, simply state the synopsis of the event. Reprogramming, unlike brainwashing, does not change the core of what you have already experienced - only the details that make it an 'undesirable' memory. You look puzzled -"

I am. "Yes," I exhale, "I am a little confused as to why I want to alter an undesirable memory. Doesn't that take away from the sanctity of the lessons learned from that memory?" Joseph tilts his head to the side, "I see what you're asking. Changing the core of your memory would do that, yes. But we're not going to change the core of what happened. Obviously, you can't undo what has already been done, but you can alter your perception of the event to make the memory more beneficial. Does that make sense?" Nope. "No." I reply. "Okay," Joseph continues, "Hypothetically speaking, if you have a bad memory of...say a dog attack - a dog attacked you when you were nine years old, and you associate that same fear you experienced in that one attack with every dog you then come across - does the 'fear' from that memory serve a greater, or 'higher' purpose for you? Or does it harm you and keep you from thriving?" Makes perfect sense now. Joseph is a genius. I smile, "That makes perfect sense. So, I need to tell you my most important memories in chronological order so we can then change the negative associations in those situations into positive associations?" Joseph nods in agreement, "Yes, Eve, but while you recall those memories, I want you to keep in mind your mission statements. Every time we discuss one of your memories, I want you to consciously take note, and raise one of your hands when you exercise one of your mission statements. Don't worry if you forget, I will prompt you. The point of raising your hand is to associate a physical behavior with your mental state, consider it a physical positive reinforcement."

I take a few deep breaths as I reflect back on the life I've analyzed to death. This should be easy. You've told your story a million times. "Okay," I let out a sigh, "My first major memory is of me and my younger brother, Elijah, we were in the basement of my biological father's friends' house. The basement was dark, concrete, and cold, and it had a weird smell. It was Easter. The friends of my father put both of our baskets in a small brick shaped window and said those were for the Easter Bunny to put treats in. Elijah and I were excited, but the next morning our baskets were still empty. They said it was because the Easter Bunny didn't bring anything to bad kids." And that really hurt. I remember seeing the disappointment in Elijah's eyes. Joseph nods in approval, "Good. Do you recall how old you were at that time?" I take a moment to think about it, and respond, "I was probably either three or four, and Elijah is 11 months younger than I am." "Okay," he says, "How did that situation make you feel?" Huh. I guess I haven't thought too in-depth about that memory. "Uh...well, it was sheer disappointment for the both of us. We didn't have many toys, and the thought of a giant bunny bringing us stuff was pretty cool, I'm sure. Looking back on it, it definitely felt like something a bully or manipulative person would do. Who tells two small children that they are going to get something really cool, and then the next day, not only fail to follow through but then tell the children that they are to blame?...It was a real sense of excitement, and magic, and wonder, the first time my memory recalls me recognizing those kinds of feelings, and then immediately that hope was crushed and we were told we were to blame for it. I was upset, scared, and...didn't have any idea what it was I could have possibly done that would cause such horrible feelings...in fact, I also believe that was the first time my memory recalls me acknowledging those kinds of feelings. And - oh - I'm babbling. I'm sorry." I immediately focus my attention back to the present and turn my gaze to Joseph. "Eve, that was great. Do not apologize for doing exactly what you need to do to grow as an individual. It is only through the recollection and dissection of those emotions that consequently lead you to the revelation of what each of us know to be 'truth'. What do you believe the impact of that situation has been in your life?" "Huh...I've never asked myself that before. Let me think a minute....the impact was perhaps life altering? No. Not perhaps, it was, it really was, because I think the magnitude and speed at which I went from immense hope, excitement, and wonder then so very quickly turned into the most heart-wrenching emotional pain and confusion.... well I think that would naturally scar anyone. It was also in that moment I had a profound sense of self. It was almost as though I woke up and realized there are these great forces out there that can hurt me, and they will...and I think...sadly, maybe I associated great hope with equal despair that was somehow caused by my actions. So, I sort of taught myself not to let that excitement in, not to hope too much."

Joseph takes a few breaths, "Does this mean that you tend to avoid joy with the intent to avoid sorrow?" Hmm. Another tough question. "Mm. For the most part that would be true. I will say I think it has been a cause for me to never to fully surrender to joy. I think, in my head, I felt that would mean I could just as easily find myself surrendered to sorrow, and I just could not allow myself to feel that again. Especially since I also felt this way for Elijah. I felt like he needed to be protected, and I could not protect him if I was consumed by sorrow....I mean, I was only three or four, so I doubt that's how I actually viewed it, but I know that was when I realized no one was looking out for either of us, at least emotionally." Joseph smiles, "So you saw that both you and your brother had no one taking care of you and put all of the responsibility onto your child-size shoulders?" "Haha," I laugh, "That's kind of a funny image. But yeah. I would say so." He nods, still smiling, "And do you remember what we talked about in your last session? About your need to take complete responsibility in every situation? How you said you have felt this way for a long time?" Oh. my. god. He's...right. How did I not see this before? I inhale and feel my shoulders tensing up, "I feel like such an idiot. It's so obvious. That requirement - that standard - that I hold myself to with regard to responsibility...it's from this. From that memory. I just thought something was... wrong with me ...and I was obsessed with controlling things around me. I.." Joseph cuts me off, "Eve. Stop. Listen. Relax. Breath....deep breaths, do it with me. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Are you feeling calmer now?" I nod my head yes and continue to focus on my breathing. I'm being such a whiny baby. I sure am an embarrassment to myself.

Joseph continues, "What you are coming to terms with has been buried in your brain for over two decades. Two decades, Eve, that is a long time for a negative situation to fester and infect your daily life. The way you are reacting to this is perfect. No one deserves to experience pain so great that you have to justify it as the result of something you did. As you said, you were just a child. What you did in that situation, and what you have been doing your whole life has been your personal, child-mentality devised coping mechanism. You did what your mind told you to do, as a survival instinct, that way you could move forward and feel you had the smallest sense of security since no adults around you could offer that. Eve, that is a serious burden for a child to carry throughout adolescence and into adulthood. You are in no way to blame, you should feel no shame or disappointment with yourself. In fact, quite the opposite. You are emotionally strong. This takes us to the next step - we know that this is the knot in this particular root. So, let's reprogram this memory. Are you ready?" I nod in agreement. So much is going on right now, I feel like my brain is about to explode.

"Alright," he says, "close your eyes, relax, and keep your mind open - shut nothing out. If anything comes to your thoughts outside of what we're doing right now, quickly acknowledge it, and mentally put it on a shelf to think about later... I want you to step back into that memory, back into that basement. I want you to first think about the excitement you experienced. You had that precious excitement stolen from you, but a sliver of it remains in your memory. Tap into that excitement. Feel the physical and emotional sensations of that newly discovered hope, magic, wonder, and imagination. It's there. You experienced it. You enjoyed it tremendously. Those positive feelings energized you and made you feel alive. That is what your heart cherished. Relish those feelings right now. Let that revitalizing energy pulse through your veins again. Allow the warmth to cloak you and protect you - even in the dark, cold basement. Imagine all these fuzzy, warm feelings woven into a soft blanket tightly wrapped around both yourself and your brother. Enjoy this moment with him. Now, look to the window at the empty baskets. These represent unfulfillment. But these baskets also now symbolize the emptiness of the people who hurt you. They are broken. What is broken cannot realize its full potential. You and your brother, tightly wrapped in that warm, soft blanket of positive energy, are something envied by these broken people. What people envy frequently becomes what they resent. You and your brother are innocence, purity, and wholeness. These qualities are desired by broken people, so they try to steal it away from you, to make you, also, broken. They are trying to steal your wholeness away by keeping your baskets empty. Let them keep the baskets empty. You and your brother have what it is you seek already, the comfort of that blanket that is wrapped around both you. This blanket is woven of feelings, something intangible, something no one can physically take from you in this moment. And it is yours and your brothers. Look back at the empty baskets and see them as just baskets in their normal states - nothing was in them before, nothing was in them after. The baskets do not change and neither of you care about the baskets. Both of you are enjoying the security the emotional blanket is creating. This is all you want, all you need, and all you have. Now, open your eyes. How do you feel?"

I open my eyes and bring myself back to the present, "Relaxed." Joseph nods, "Do you feel as though you were just betrayed, cheated, deprived, do you feel scared, hurt, sorry, confused, anything along those lines?" I feel ...nice. "No, not all. How can I when other people were broken? If anything, at this point, I feel pity for them." "Eve, what positive emotions, if any, are you now feeling from that memory?" Joseph studies me with interest. "Aside from relaxed, I feel a sense of peace, and maybe of familiarity. As if I just re-lived a memory of something that did actually happen." That sounds a little on the nuts-o side. Am I feeling ok? Joseph chuckles, "Excellent. Then you successfully reprogrammed that memory. When you reprogram a memory, the sensation of revisiting that memory becomes different from the sensation you would have experienced before. Instead of now associating pain or sorrow with that memory, you now associate peace. This also means that the emotional blanket technique works very well for you. It does typically work well with those that didn't experience much positive physical contact during their childhood - those who didn't get many hugs, kisses, etcetera. The great thing about the emotional blanket is you can use it anytime - in reprogramming memories, or even as a way to buffer strong negative emotions that may arise in the present. Think of it as a very healthy coping mechanism that you can take with you anywhere you go and doesn't contain any toxins that will poison your body. Hahah! In fact, some of the other counselors in this field joke that if everyone learned how to use this coping mechanism - or something of a similar concept - the pharmaceutical, alcohol, and tobacco industries would collapse. People would no longer turn to chemicals that mask the true issues. You certainly have applied your new tool well. By the end of your sessions here, you will be a master wielder of your tool, and emotionally, you will become unrivaled in your own right."

"Is that typical, though," I ask, "that people can reprogram their memories just like that? With very little effort?" "Yes," Joseph replies, "most people can. The few that cannot are often the ones resisting any change because they are so familiar with their negative feelings that to feel anything different scares them. Fear is what it boils down to for those types of people. Our immune systems are predisposed to resist change. You, on the other hand, are fearless when addressing your emotions. You have the courage to look your emotions straight in the eye, down to the core components that create those feelings and you take action. It's hard enough for someone to even acknowledge their emotions, let alone undress them, and then command them - like you just did. That strength you possess is likely the result of you carrying around such an emotional burden for two decades. If you can carry that kind of weight and still function well, you can do anything you put your mind to - and, you just did. We did not necessarily correlate any of your mission statements to this particular memory, but what I do want you to take away from this session, aside from a revamped memory, is that your past acceptance of complete emotional responsibility will now become a powerful asset to you as opposed to a heavy burden. How does that make you feel in this moment?" "It feels different, but a good different. Perhaps a little exciting, perhaps a little unknown, like uncharted territory." I laugh and Joseph begins to laugh, "Eve, for you, it technically is uncharted 'mental' territory. I knew this would be adventurous for you. Let's continue the adventure next Tuesday?"