Between Life and Death

by ella_rowan

"They crossed time and space to be together" Ever have a night out go wrong? After a disastrous evening, Julian takes a taxi ride to nowhere, and wakes up in the Afterlife. Now he has to navigate the Afterlife legal system, avoiding the worst punishment that can be meted out - going Back. It would all be a lot easier if he hadn't unexpectedly fallen in love with a boy named Noel, who seems to be headed for the eternal bliss that Julian has been denied. And nothing in this lovely serene Afterlife seems to work correctly for Julian, either. Is the Cosmos mistaken?

Reading this story was truly such a pleasure and I enjoyed it cover to cover. I don't think I've come across such a unique version of the afterlife. This story does not have a religious affiliation and can be enjoyed by anyone regardless of beliefs. Between Life and Death is so carefully written and crafted. I recently lost my grandmother and reading this story was very healing for me. To say that it touched my heart is an understatement. I would love to see it get more reads and recognition so that it can touch the hearts of many more readers. And I think it would be a great submission to the Wattys. If you qualify next year, I think this would be a competitive entry and would love to see it on the winner's page. 

Every part of this story was absolutely fascinating. It's rare to come across a Wattpad book with a world that is as strong as its characters. While this story is character driven and mostly about Julian's journey through the Afterlife, the world you created is just as breathtaking as his story and his themes. You are adept at transporting the reader to another place. I felt as if I were boarding a train with Julian. I was sweating with Julian and Noel in the courtroom, nervous for them both. I was taken back by the beauty of the waystation and its flowers. I felt like I had my own bed in the House of Healing. I wasn't just reading this story as a bystander, I was totally transported into the story itself. Your excellence in description, environmental details, and world building really shines in this story. 

I was also really impressed with your emotional story telling which is something that I struggle with personally. You let the character's emotions determine a lot of the plot and it made for a wonderful, character-driven story. I think that's also why this story connects so easily with the reader. Julian comes to terms with life and death thanks to his relationship with Noel. The reader feels his pain and hopelessness when he first arrives in the Afterlife and comes to terms with what happened at the lake and why he wasn't so willing to keep waking up in the mornings anymore. Then, the reader feels his growing peace and joy when the Afterlife, and his relationship with Noel, heals him. This is one of the most beautiful love stories I have read in a long time. 

I don't have a lot of notes for the actual prose. Once I realized it was written in British English all the things my American brain was flagging as errors made sense. Tea is supposed to be sweet and served in a glass with ice and lemon, by the way, and it better be like that when I get to the waystation. You Brits are so weird with your hot teas.

Sometimes your dialogue tags are way too busy. Almost every dialogue tag has an -ly adverb or an action beat or something like that. I would recommend just using "said" for each dialogue tag, and then letting the emotion beats be inferred by the dialogue itself. The dialogue tags distracted me from what the characters were saying in most cases. 

I was really impressed with your ability to focus on just one or two themes, and then everything else in the story supported that theme. "They crossed time and space to be together." This story, to me, was about how love can heal all wounds in both life and death. Julian Barratt and Miranda's story taught me that love is always something worth waiting for. This story has a really beautiful message and it was written with such incredible maturity akin to a writer who has been at this craft for decades. You outperformed most published authors in that regard.

John Coltrane as the "big J.C." was absolutely my favorite part of the story, by the way. 

I really like the twist with Miranda and Julian Barratt and I thought the last chapter was really cool, however, I was actually very confused. I couldn't figure out that this chapter was from Julian Barratt's point of view and not our Julian's. While he does say he is Julian Barratt later in the chapter, I feel like this should have been established like, in the very, very first sentence. Otherwise the reader thinks that our Julian ended up with some other girl at the end of the story and not with Noel. 

While this story is largely very well paced, I thought that the chapters in the hotel between Julian and Noel were gratuitous and they slowed down the pacing too much. To me, it read like it was fluff for the sake of fluff and that the story was on pause until the author finished self-indulging in their relationship. I just prefer stories where every word goes to serve the story, the character's arc, the world-building, exposition, or the plot itself. When a story isn't progressing anymore, the reader can tell. 

I think too many authors these days believe that a book is only successful if it gets published, gains monetary success, makes it on the NYT Bestseller List...etc. They believe that the success of a book is measured in how many copies it sells. But I couldn't disagree more. Fiction is about finding truths about the human experience. When you've written a story, start to finish, that seeks to uncover the truth about life and what it means to be human, then you have succeeded as an author and an artist. And to have one person come up to you and say "hey, your story really meant a lot to me and it touched my heart" is far more valuable than publication and monetary success. I can definitely say this story really meant a lot to me and it touched my heart. And I noticed that most of your commenters are saying the same thing. I think you accomplished something here that's really special and I hope you're proud of it. I want to see this story go far. 

Let me know if you're interested in publishing this one and I can help you locate a few presses that might be a good fit.

Thank you for applying for a review.

See you, space cowboy