Present

I fold my hands over my stomach as I stare up at the celling, not being able to sleep. My mind was haunted with too many thoughts, along with a terrible stomach ache that just wouldn't go away. After Barry and I had taken The Rival down, it started bugging me soon after. 

I sigh as I try to close my eyes once again, but the moment I do, another sharp sting in my stomach causes me to flash my eyes open once again. A groan of frustration leaves my throat then, since I had another day at work tomorrow and I wanted a good nights rest, but something told me that this stomach ache was going to keep me awake the rest of the night.

After sitting still for another five minutes, I find myself sitting up in bed, wondering to myself if there were any meds I could take. Before I know it, I'm flashing myself downstairs in the kitchen, digging through the medicine cabinet like some sort of ravaging animal. The pain was starting to grow worse, and I just wanted the feeling to be gone.

I had just found the pain reliever before I hear a voice behind me, scaring me half to death. "What are you doing up?"

I drop the pill bottle in my hand as it topples to the floor, creating a loud banging sound. I cringe for a moment before I turn around and see Barry standing there, hair messy from sleep. "Geez, you've gotta stop scaring me like that. I have a stomach ache...can't sleep."

He bends over and grabs the pill bottle, handing it back to me. "Stomach ache?"

"Yeah," I start, taking the pill bottle and dumping out two tablets into my hand. "Every now and again it'll start bugging me, but it's nothing too serious. It just keeps me awake most nights, when my nightmares aren't that is."

He gives me a funny look. "If it's reoccurring, you might want to go get that checked out, but nightmares? You mentioned that the other day but you didn't elaborate."

I take a deep breath. "I don't know, every time I close my eyes I just...I see him. I know that he's dead and gone, Barry, but sometimes I feel like he really isn't. I feel like he's still apart of me, and every time I try to sleep at night, I feel him there. It's almost as if he never really left."

Barry takes a step towards me, concern on his face. "Is it just nightmares? Or something more?"

I shake my head. "It started out as hallucinations, but now its just turned into nightmares. I don't really remember them much after I wake up, but half of the time I find myself covered in sweat or somewhere where I shouldn't be."

"Raven, how many hours of sleep do you get a night?" Barry asks me.

I try to count up the hours in my head. "Three at most, I'd say. I'm okay though, Barry, really."

"Maybe we should have Cisco and Caitlin run some tests on you," he tells me, taking the pill bottle from my hand and setting it on the counter. "If this has been going on for weeks, it might just keep getting worse."

I didn't want him to worry about me. "Honestly Barry, I'm fine. I don't need any tests...this will all blow over soon, I promise. Plus, I doubt Caitlin would want to waste her time on me anyways."

A surprised look appears on his face. "Don't say that...that's not true-"

"Did you not hear her at the dinner table the other night?" I ask, remembering her words clearly. "She hasn't liked me ever since...you know. She has good reason not to. I don't want to ask her to do something for me when all I ever did to her was-"

"She needs to understand that you've changed," Barry tells me. "You aren't the same Raven that you used to be...why can't she see that?"

I take a deep breath, shaking my head. "Not everyone can forgive and forget so easily, Barry."

There is a long moment of silence between the two of us, but it wasn't anything close to awkward. In that time frame, I thought about everything that has happened over the past few weeks. After hearing Barry's secret about creating flashpoint, it made me wonder a lot of things, but what I did remember was that I had yet to thank him.

"Thank you, Barry," I say out of the blue, causing him to look up at me with a confused expression on his face. 

He furrows his eyebrows. "For what?"

"For giving me another chance," I say simply, talking about him saving me and also for giving me another chance to stay here with the rest of them. A lot of people in his life have tested his trust, and for him to trust me after what I had done...it meant the world.

A faint smile appears on his face. "That was the one thing I couldn't put back after returning from flashpoint. I couldn't move forwards without you by my side, Raven. And it's...in that other timeline, it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for you to live the life you did and to die like that...not with him."

I find myself wrapping my arms around him, hugging him. "I'm sorry for everything I did...I hate myself for playing you all the way I had. Thank you for still believing in me...for trusting me."

He pulls me in tighter. "Of course."

I close my eyes for a moment as I take it all in, realizing how lucky I truly was. I went from being a person who had nobody to someone with a family. Barry and team flash may not be my actual family, but they were the closest damn thing I had to one, and I knew that I wouldn't let that go no matter what happened. 

Suddenly in that moment, a question arose in my mind. "Barry, in that other timeline...were we together?"

I could tell Barry was taken by surprise by my question, because soon he's tense in my arms. "Why are you asking?"

I pull away from him in that moment, feeling my cheeks turn red. "You had just asked me before where we stood, and I didn't know if anything changed between us."

He bites his bottom lip before shaking his head. "No, nothing changed...at least, as far as I know. If you're asking me if we were together...we weren't."

"Oh," I say simply, not sure what exactly to say. Things suddenly became awkward as we stood there in silence, trying to find the words to say. "Well, in case you're wondering, my feelings haven't changed."

The corners of his lips start to form into a smile before he stops. "Mine either."

I stare at him for a long moment, wondering to myself what I wanted. At one point in time, I decided to focus on myself and figure out who I really was, but something changed. I wasn't sure if it was after hearing Barry's secret about flashpoint or after hearing that I had died in that other timeline, showing me how possible it really was, but all I knew was that Barry meant more to me than I liked to believe. I wanted to try things between the two of us, but something was holding me back.

"But I totally understand that you want to wait," he quickly adds on, starting to walk away.

I shake my head, the words coming out of my mouth before I could stop myself. "Barry, I-"

He stops and turns back towards me, waiting for me to speak. I bite my lower lip in that moment as I think, wondering what I really wanted and what I didn't.

"It's not that I want to wait, because I really do like you," I say quickly, the words flowing out too fast now. "It's just that I'm scared that I'm not the person who you thought I was. I'm still figuring out who I am and I'm afraid that this version of me will disappoint you. I just-"

"Raven," he cuts me off, taking another step towards me. "You've gone through so much the past fourteen years of your life. I understand if you want to take things slow...to focus on yourself. But what I want you to know is that no version of you will disappoint me, okay? I care about you, no matter what version you are. If you want to find yourself, I'll be here waiting. But if you're waiting because you think you won't be enough...you're wrong."

The breath gets caught in my throat as I stare at him with watery eyes, not being able to find the words to speak. I truly did believe what he was saying to me...he just had that look in his eyes that made me know he was. 

Before I can say anything more, the light is flicking on in the kitchen as we both squint, looking over towards the doorway to see Joe standing there with a tired yet confused look on his face.

He glances over at the clock. "What in the hell are you two doing down here in the kitchen at four in the morning?"

Barry runs his fingers through his hair. "I heard Raven get up and thought I'd come see if she was okay."

"I was just getting pain meds," I say as I hold up the pill bottle, shaking it a little as well.

Joe rolls his eyes before switching the light back off. "Well I'm pretty sure that doing that simple task doesn't take fifteen minutes. I know you both are adults and I don't have much authority over you, but please, go back to bed. Whatever you're talking about can wait until the morning."

I half smile as Joe turns and heads back up the stairs, Barry and I giving each other a funny look. When I thought about it, it was strange. Here Barry and I were, standing in the middle of the kitchen in our PJ's at four in the morning, talking about our feelings for one another. 

But I think what made me smile more was that Joe reminded me a lot of my own father. When I was little, I'd always find myself downstairs getting a glass of water or something else, and down there waiting for me was always my dad. He'd always give me a half smile before telling me to go back to bed.

I missed him. 

"Is your stomach feeling better?" Barry asks me, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

I look down for a moment before nodding my head. "Yeah, actually. Those pain meds work faster than I thought."

He smiles before turning around, heading towards the stairs. "I'll see you in the morning then...goodnight, Raven."

I smile as butterflies fill my stomach. "Night, Barry."

-*+*-

hmm...will Baven happen faster than you had thought?? we'll have to see (;

I didn't think this chapter would just be filled with these two talking, so i'm not sure if that's a blessing or a bad thing?? I promise there will be more action next chapter, lmao.

don't forget to comment and vote! xx