A few days later

"Come on, little miss, it's okay." I rubbed Maeve's back as I held her but she just rubbed her fists on her face and fussed. "I've got you, it's okay." Her bottom lip was sticking out and trembling as she rubbed at her cheeks. I bounced her gently as I walked around the living room, ever aware of Getts and Ariel watching. I fucking hated this.

I hated that I had to be supervised to watch my own daughter, that they had taken her from me, giving her to someone else to raise to keep me in line. I wanted to growl, to snarl at them, to take Maeve and run but I had to make sure nothing happened to Menza. I was pinned down from two directions. If I helped Menza, Maeve was in danger, if I rescued Maeve, Menza was immediately in danger. This wasn't sustainable for me, I know it wasn't.

I didn't know how long it would take for Stenton to give. This kind of pressure, the weight of all the Commands would break me, I knew it would but that was the point. He wanted me to give in and give up. That was it. He wanted me to train the males like I did before Chrissie died. That was all he wanted, for things to go back to the way they were. Even those damned rumors of him looking to Maeve as some sort of solution were making more fucking sense now.

It disgusted me. Everything about this fucking disgusted me. If I had the ability, I would have taken both Maeve and Menza and ran away, denounced the pack. I wasn't a pack warrior, I wouldn't have a bounty put on my head for breaking my oath. Even if I would have, I still would have fucking ran with them. It was a male's duty and inherent responsibility to take care for the females under his roof and some how I had failed both of them. Three if I wanted to count Chrissie. She died because I got her pregnant and the guilt of that sat heavily on me just like everything else.

"Here, look at this." I grabbed Maeve's baby blanket, the one Menza made for her and tossed it over my shoulder so Maeve could see it. "Such a pretty blanket, yah?" I jostled her slightly and she grabbed it tightly in her small hands, burying her face into it with low fussy sound. "Yah, it's such a pretty blankie. That's because it was made with love." I flicked my gaze over to where Getts was sitting on my couch. His upper lip curled and I turned my back to him, focusing on Maeve.

"She might be getting hungry." Ariel started to come over and I stiffened.

"She's fine." It came out clipped, almost hostile and I was aware of Getts stiffening, a low growl rumbling from him that sent my hackles up.

"Brochan." The reprimand was clear and I ground my teeth together at it. I was muzzled, fucking muzzled like a damned pet. My wolf was not happy with it, nor was I, but as Maeve rubbed her face against my shoulder I knew I couldn't do anything but back down.

"She's fine. If she's hungry I'll feed her." I forced my tone to be at least civil as I patted Maeve's back.

She straightened in my arms and she looked so sad and it broke my heart. "Sa, sa, sa." She had been very intent with that babble whenever I was with her and it made my heart break even worse because Sa is what she called Menza. My little girl was missing her and there was nothing I could do to make that better.

"I know." I whispered it, holding her close as I kissed the side of her head. "I do too." I bounced her slightly and she slowly stopped fussing but just clung to me, rubbing her face on my shirt. "Do you want to go visit mama?" I brushed her strawberry blond hair back but she rubbed her face harder into my shirt, her little hands tightening into fists, holding onto the fabric. "Do you want to go for a bit of a walk?" I didn't want to be cooped up in my house with Getts and Ariel watching me so intently.

"You are to stay here." Getts stood up from the couch, the air between us turning stifling and I resisted the urge to narrow my eyes.

"And it's well within my rights to take my daughter to the graveyard to see her mother." I turned, rubbing Maeve's back as I stared him down. I wasn't going to back down and I wanted him out of my fucking house.

"It's just a fucking stone on the ground. Your female is gone, it's time you acted like it." The words were harsh and I resisted the urge to bare my teeth as my eyes narrowed at him. Of course he would say that. He didn't fucking understand, none of them did. He was such a piece of shit. My wolf snapped in my head, pushing at me to come out so we could show him teeth and claw for his audacity.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Ariel lifted her hands, giving us both a soft smile that was tinged with wariness on the edges. "It's just a quick visit, we can both be there. I don't see any harm in it." She was being placating and I hated it. I hated that I had to ask permission, I hated that I needed to be supervised while I did normal shit with my daughter, I hated that chained up like a junk yard dog.

"Fine, but once you're done. I think it's time for the baby to go down for a nap." His words were even but tinged with an unbearable smugness. It took all I had not to lash out at him.

Ariel shook her head, her hands still up in that placating gesture. "It should be okay. He still has another hour-"

"Watch yourself, female. I can and will tell Stenton about your mouth." Getts didn't look at her as he spoke. The reprimand was clear and Ariel instantly backed down, her head lowering, her shoulders going up as if in defense. What a strong man, talking down to females like that. I didn't say it but I knew he could see it in my gaze. "Let's go but you forfeit the rest of your time with her."

The smugness was almost my undoing but I focused on Maeve as she gave another fuss, calling for Menza. I shushed her softly as I rubbed at her back as I carried her over to the small closet off to the side of the front door. I crouched down and grabbed her small jacket, some mittens, her boots, and a toque before sitting her down.

She immediately started crying as I put the cold weather gear on her and I shushed her as best as I could, trying to wrestle her into the jacket and get it zipped up. Once she was fully in her gear I grabbed my own jacket and slipped it on before picking her up. She gave shaky inhales and exhales and I gently wiped at her face. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry. We will go see your mumma. Get some fresh air." I stood up before slipping on my boots and heading out the door, uncaring if Getts and Ariel followed.

The air was brisk and I made sure Maeve was tucked close to my chest as I started across the yard. I didn't really know what to do, to be honest. I was stuck between protecting Menza and protecting Maeve. That was the goal,, I knew that was Stenton's goal but I hoped and prayed to Mene there would be a chance we could get out. I had known I never should have brought her back but the fucking Commands...

My wolf snarled in my head, the hair on the back of my neck standing up as I heard the door to my house close. "You should think about going to train the males after you are done." Getts called the words out with heavy amusement and it took all I had to not retaliate, to say something in return. I bit my tongue till I felt like it would bleed.

"Sa, sa, sa." Maeve fussed it out and I shushed her gently patting her back as she pressed her face into my neck with a shuddering exhale.

"I know, baby girl. I've got you, daddy's got you. I miss her too." I had her, I did but I felt like I was failing, like my own mood was spilling out over onto her and her own missing of Menza, that was what was making her so fussy and upset. She was eight months old, only eight, but she was so bright. I knew she missed Menza. I did too. I knew where she was but it was just... safer for her to be with Mike and his female. I didn't trust myself underneath all the Commands.

I just wished things were different. I just wished things at home were back to how they had been. The house felt empty and hollow, it was like it didn't feel like home anymore. I hated that feeling. I wished that we had been able to come back, that we could have all settled back into the house, the three of us in this little, make-shift family. We were all each other had but now it was fractured, we were all separate and when we were together it was just... wrong.

I hated how the Commands controlled me, how they forced me to move and act and even say things that I didn't want too. I wanted to be able to hold Menza close and tell her I was sorry, that I wasn't stronger, that I couldn't save her. I wanted to tell her that I hadn't meant for any of this to happen, that I should have tried harder, been better. But I couldn't. I couldn't because of some bullshit Commands Stenton put on me so I couldn't look at my females and admit my own fucking faults.

Let's go back to how it was, he said. What they all said. As if Chrissie hadn't died, as if Maeve had never been born, as if Menza hadn't been tossed at me like unwanted trash. But I couldn't go back to there. Too much had happened, too fucking much. I had changed in such and intrinsic way, my soul had been torn right down the middle, jagged and bleeding and with all of this, I knew something had healed wrong.

It made me want to give a mirthless chuckle at the reminder.

You can come back from this but things will be changed in such a way that you will not know who you are underneath it all.

That was what the head priestess said to me. That I wouldn't know who I was by the end of this and she was right. I didn't. I didn't know who I was now. I thought I had. I thought I was getting to a place where I had footing, where I knew who I was after Chrissie died, and then the rogue attack happened and my footing was gone. I was left in a free fall and the one person I had to ground me, Menza, was taken from me.

I had healed wrong in some way, I did. I didn't know who I was underneath all of this meat. The nebulous concepts of thoughts that were me were no distinct from my very body. It obeyed a Command and not me, not my wolf. Who would I be once they were gone? I had no fucking clue. Just as the head priestess said.

I had to atone.

It was hard though, being stuck. I had asked Mike if everything was okay. I couldn't mention Menza or the Commands would tighten on my throat and spew vitriol from my mouth but he had understood what I was asking. He said she was resting mostly, that the wounds were healing and Dana was making sure she didn't stress them or herself. Said she was puking a few times here or there. That had concerned me so much my stomach had clenched so hard I felt like I was on edge of puking. He said she was fine, that Dana said it was mostly stress, which didn't make me feel any better about the situation.

I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly as I patted Maeve's back through her jacket as she rubbed her face against my neck again. I narrowed my eyes as Getts shoved hard against the mindlink. He was doing it to get underneath my skin, to remind me that he was still there, still watching. I hated it and pushed the intrusion away in agitation, my wolf snapping at it, a low growl rumbling his chest.

We came to the graveyard and I carried Maeve over to Chrissie's grave stone. I was trying hard to ignore Getts and Ariel as they followed me like a damned specter. Getts' gaze on my back had my hackles up and I knew he knew that. I wanted to swing on him, I wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. I had a lot to work out on him and I knew he knew that too. It was why he was so fucking smug.

They were too close and I looked over my shoulder, narrowing my eyes and Ariel's eyes widened and she gently touched Getts' arm. "We can step back, give him some privacy."

I could tell Getts wanted to argue but he eventually caved and walked away. I sat down and set Maeve on my lap. "Hey, Chrissie. I bought Maeve for a visit." I gave a small smile but that hollow feeling only grew inside me. None fo this was right, I missed having Menza here with me. She made me smile when I felt like the grief was eating me up inside. I cleared my throat, trying to ignore it. "Maeve has started crawling and she has a tooth now."

"She's getting so big." I grasped one of Maeve's mitten covered hands and she fussed at me, wiggling on my lap. "She's a little fussy today. Most days." It came out as a whisper. She was fussy every time I saw her and it made a gaping worry grow in my chest to where it swallowed everything whole. I didn't know what they were doing to her at Stenton's house. I hoped that Ariel was ensuring she wasn't harmed but I didn't trust Stenton. At all.

"We miss you." I adjusted Maeve on my lap and she gave a small cry, arching her back as she waved her little hands. "I know. I know." I picked her up, holding her to my chest. "We miss a lot of things right now." I couldn't say it but we missed Menza. I knew Maeve did too, so much. There was something about Menza's quiet presence that gave something so warm back to the house, to our lives. Like a hearth in a home. "It's okay, baby girl." I patted her back and she whimpered slightly, a sound that was a prelude to her crying. I let out a heavy sigh, knowing that my time with her was more than likely done.

I hated that but I wasn't going to force it. If she was upset, she was upset, "Sorry, sunshine. We will come back out another day." I got to my feet, hating how I felt inside. Everything inside of me was wrong. Like as if a bone had broken and had been set wrong.

"Looks like it's time for her nap." Getts' smug tone had me wanting to drive my fist into his face as I stood up. I kissed Maeve's cheek as she sniffled, clinging to me.

"I know, baby girl, I know." I gave her another cuddle, breathing her in as my wolf whined. He didn't want me to let her go. He didn't understand why she wasn't with us. He was pissed at Stenton but he was a wolf being denied his pup. He didn't understand why. "I love you, okay?" I murmured the words into her cheek.

Ariel came over and took her. "Let's go home, little one." I didn't want to let her go and the urge to snatch her back was heavy as she started crying, reaching for me. "It's okay. We will have a snack and then a nap."

"It's time you went to train the males, Brochan." Getts gave me a look and I resisted the urge to bare my teeth at him. I turned and headed away, doing my best to ignore Maeve crying for me. It went against every one of my instincts to do it. My wolf pushed at me, shoving for me to get her, to grab our pup and go but I knew I couldn't.

I couldn't do it myself and I couldn't go get Menza while the Commands were still on me. It wasn't safe. I had to ensure she was okay. I would look for any and all avenues to get her out so I could get Maeve and go but right now, I couldn't do that. I refused to get Menza and have her endure that bullshit Stenton Commanded me to say. I clenched my hands into fists at the reminder as I walked towards the training ground.

I would figure out how to get out, I would, but I needed time.

I just hated that it felt like time was running out.