Two Weeks Later

I was... I was... settling. I doubted if Duffy would have let me do anything but that. She was a very vocal and almost pushy female. I figured it had a lot to do with her age, older shifters were rumoured to be tenacious and stubborn and Duffy seemed to embody it. Except now it was aimed at me. After I told her what had happened, minus the deal with Mene, through quite a bit of tears as I shook hard. I didn't like thinking about it at all but she had pushed me until I told her and then she had made it her personal mission that I not wallow. Or as she put it, 'grieve for fuckers who aren't worth half of one of your chewed fingernails'.

I liked her, I did, but I couldn't help but grieve. I wasn't home. I had gone back to the pack but it was like my home was no longer there, I had no safety or security, even now. I was with Duffy and she made sure I was safe and taken care of but I still didn't feel like I was home. I missed Brochan, I missed little Maeve, I missed Mike and Dana and the kids, I missed Simon. I couldn't just stop those feelings.

I knew she told me, time and time again, to forget about Brochan, that he was a useless, good for nothing male that deserved hell on earth but I understood his feelings and why he had done as he had. I knew where he was coming from. Which she would constantly tell me I didn't understand, that I was simply saying that, convincing myself of it, because the devastation I would feel otherwise would be too much to bear. That realizing he had tricked me, making me think everything was okay before letting the Alpha punish me was too much for me to truly understand. Which I didn't understand at all. I had no right to be devastated by anything. I was a female who had little worth, things that happened to me were deserved because of my station.

I let out a small sigh. That was something I stopped trying to tell Duffy because that usually ended up in a massive lecture on how males did not determine my worth, that I was born with automatic worth that meant I could say what I wanted, do as I wanted, and I didn't have to bow down to any male if I didn't want to. She would continue to lecture me that my body was my own, that no one could just own me, that I was my own person who was allowed to have thoughts and feelings that were contrary to what males wanted me to think or feel.

I understood what she was trying to say but she couldn't possibly understand what it was like. I grew up with that, it was simply how the world worked for me. Which I also never said to her because I knew that would inevitably prolong the lecture I was receiving so I never risked it. She just couldn't understand what it was like. I was born who I was and who I was had little worth. It was that simple. I had poor blood, I had poor colouring, I had a poor circumstance of birth, I had poor everything. That didn't just go away because she said I had worth because I didn't. My father made that very clear.

"Stop moping." Duffy's voice was sharp and I pinched my lips together and shifted on the spot I had on the sofa Duffy had dictated was mine.

"I didn't say anything." I glanced at her over my book and she gave me a shrewd look.

"I'm too old to be fooled by that. You're moping because I gave you a well-deserved lecture." The female gave an almost vicious loop of her yarn as her knitting needles clicked together.

At that I nearly scowled, "You wanted to tell Mike to tell Brochan that he was a pathetic excuse for a male who needed to go play tag with a cement truck on a freeway. That was rude." I kept my voice even and low as I looked at her. She didn't look unrepentant, in fact she seemed to double down. It was what made talking to her so agitating sometimes.

"It was well deserved." She sniffed, her mouth twitching upwards as if she were proud of herself. "Besides it is no less than what he allowed to happen to you." The look she gave me had me swallowing hard. I didn't like to think about what happened. I didn't like remembering it. A small part of me, a tiny tugging in my chest, that seemed to be growing as if it were feeding off of Duffy's influence, said that what had happened was wrong, that I hadn't deserved that. I struggled hard to shove that down because regardless of what had happened, Brochan had been without Maeve for two months. I had made my choices and the punishment was the consequences of those choices.

I inhaled slowly before giving a shaky exhale, looking at the faded rug that rested on the hardwood floors, "What happened to me was a result of-"

"Stupid sexist males being stupid and sexist." Duffy's interjection had my mouth opening in shock.

"Duffy!" I gave her a look and she rolled her eyes, giving another rather vicious looking tug on her yarn.

"What? I have been on this earth for ninety-nine years, you don't think I can spot a sexist prick when I see one?" The sour look on her face was out full force and I knew that this wasn't an argument I was going to win. She was very set in her ways and she made it very well known. So I turned back to my book and tried to get lost in the words.

Duffy had found out I enjoyed books after she had seen me looking over her shelves as I dusted them and now, every single day, twice a day, she designated 'quiet time' where she knitted or puttered around and I had to sit down and read something. I had read a lot of books in the two weeks I had been with her. It was a nice escape, falling into different worlds where things were black and white, good versus evil, and that everyone got a happily ever after.

She gave a heavy sigh. "You fold under the slightest amount of pushing, trouble." She muttered it out and I gave a small shrug. There was nothing wrong with avoiding a counter productive argument that got nowhere. "You can't live your life doing your best to please others because then you have nothing left for yourself. You spend so long trying to fulfill everyone else's wants that you forget your own." She gave another heavy sigh that had me pinching my lips together and lowering the book again.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes, "I know my limits and I understand that the conver-"

"There you go again. You understand." She stressed the word, staring at me. "It's always 'I understand' and never 'I feel'. You're rationalizing away your feelings and putting them into neat little boxes so you don't explode." She tilted her head at me and I frowned a bit more. I didn't agree with that.

"It is a good thing to understand things and people." It was. Understanding others and things was a vastly important skill to have and one I prided myself on.

She gave a scoff, "Yes but what you're doing is people pleasing."

"There is nothing wrong with that." There was nothing wrong with trying to ensure others were happy. It was a good thing to make sure they were taken care of and understood. I had made sure I took care of others because that made me happy.

"Like Mene's brothers there isn't." The words were snapped out of her as she scowled at me, her face pinching into that sour, stubborn look she had during these discussions. "When was the last time you did something completely for yourself?" The words hit me and I stopped, staring down at the book. The last thing I did for myself was keeping my girl but I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't tell anyone that.

Nearly six weeks ago I had stood in front of the mother goddess and begged her for mercy so I could keep my little female. It was one of the most selfish things I had ever done. "Not that long ago." The words came out like a whisper and I avoided looking at her as she gave another sigh.

"Okay, when was the last time you sat down and asked yourself what you truly felt about your situation?"

The question made me feel slightly exasperated. "What I feel isn't that important." It wasn't. What I felt was irrelevant to the facts, it always had been. How I felt meant little in the bigger picture.

"I disagree, what you feel is very important." Duffy's voice was a sharp crack and I stared hard at the book on my lap. "Look at me, trouble." The words were soft and I glanced up at her. "I want you to tell me what you felt about your father going to get the Alpha to take you back to that male's." She said each word slowly and carefully and I blinked. What I felt about that was irrelevant.

"I was surprised he didn't do it sooner." I had been and the fact she asked me that was completely irrelevant, my father didn't like me. He never had. Of course he would tell the Alpha I was healed enough to walk around.

"Okay, maybe that was a poor question on my part." She muttered it to herself and I watched as she set her knitting to the side. "How did you feel when the Alpha told you that Brochan gave him permission to punish you after Brochan said things were okay?" The question hit me like a ton of bricks and it made my mouth go dry. I didn't like that and I certainly didn't want to answer it.

"I...I..." I swallowed hard and exhaled slowly, trying to reign in the feelings bombarding me, the fear and the shame and the sadness. What I felt didn't really matter, I understood why he had been mad. "I understood-"

"No, no. We aren't doing that." Duffy cut me off sharply. "We aren't going to be using the word understand for this. Start with I felt. Go on." I knew she was gesturing at me and I pinched my lips together harder. I didn't like this and I felt a sudden urge to get up and clean something. I didn't want to delve into my feelings because they were irrelevant. What I felt didn't matter, what mattered were the facts of the situation and the bare bones of it was I had Maeve, and we were gone for two months.

"I felt like..." I paused before flicking my eyes to glance at her. "I felt like Brochan had reason to be upset with me and allow the punishment." The look she sent me could have curdled milk and she exhaled through her nose sharply and pointed at me, as if in warning.

"Don't be a smart ass, trouble." She shook her head, muttering to herself underneath her breath. "Rome wasn't built in a day. It wasn't built in a day." The words were stressed before she looked at me again. Her mouth opened and whatever she was going to say was cut off as someone knocked on the door. "We are not done this discussion." She gave me a warning look as she got to her feet and headed for the front door, a dark scowl on her face. I lifted the romance novel back up, trying to get lost in Avaline's life on the high seas. "Jonas LaVerne, why the fuck are you here? Again." That caught my attention and I frowned slightly.

Jonas LaVerne was the Alpha's heir. He came by every so often, bringing food from his mother or groceries for Duffy. She said that he never did it prior to my arrival and he was only doing it to catch sight of me. Which was confusing for me. I had never been given so much attention from shifters before and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I rarely interacted with males so the fact there were... there were a lot that came over to introduce themselves to me or came to the house to ask Duffy if she had anything she needed help with, was confusing. Whenever I asked Duffy she just laughed and said she called me trouble for a reason.

"You need to see trouble? I'll give you trouble, you little brat!" Her voice pitched upwards and I grabbed my bookmark and tucked it into the book. I knew what was coming although my stomach knotted and churned as I wondered what it was he wanted to see me for. I could faintly hear him murmuring his reply and Duffy gave an exasperated sigh. "Trouble, can you come here for a moment?" That was what I had been waiting on and I got off the couch, heading to the front door.

Duffy was standing off to one side, that sour look on her face and her arms crossed over her chest. I slowly stepped into the small front door area. The air blowing in from outside was overly cold and I repressed the urge to shiver as Jonas grinned at me, his handsome face lighting up. "Menza, I'm sorry to bother you." He bowed his head at me and I gave him a tentative smile, wiping my hands off on my skirt, trying very hard not to fiddle with the fabric because of my nerves. No one in Vis had done anything to make me feel unwelcome and they had all been very excited to meet me but the nervousness I got from dealing with a ranked member was... it was hard to shake.

"Like hell you are." Duffy scoffed the words and despite rolling his eyes slightly, Jonas paid her no attention.

"I'm just here to ask if you have a brother." He pressed his hand to his chest and seemed to look me over and I gave a small nod, feeling a bit confused.

"I do. His name is Simon." I wondered why he was asking when his shoulders seemed to slump with relief.

"That's good to hear. That's really good to hear." His gaze turned a bit appreciative as he seemed to not so subtly flicked his gaze down my body and then back up. It made me fee self-conscious and Duffy snorted inelegantly at it, so clearly she caught the look as well. Jonas jolted at the sound and his cheeks pinkened slightly.

"Why do you ask?" I swallowed hard, trying to keep the shaking in my hands from showing too badly. He was the Alpha's heir and I didn't want to do anything wrong or have his father become upset with me. I was there because Duffy welcomed me but I knew that could change if the Alpha decided against my presence in the pack.

"Oh. We had a trespasser claiming he knew you and wanted to see you." Jonas turned and gestured down the small path to the side walk. Two large warriors were standing there, a blond head between them.

"Simon!" I was surprised at the force that his name came out with and he turned his head and grinned.

"Come here, fluff for brains." He stepped out from between the two bulky males and held his arms out. I smiled back, happiness blooming in my chest before I lifted my skirts and dashed outside.

"Trouble, put shoes on!" Duffy's voice followed me but I ignored her. The ground was freezing but I didn't care as he took several steps and then pulled me into a hug, lifting me off the ground.

He squeezed me tight, chuckling as he did so. I had missed him so much I wanted to bawl. "Such a sucky bear, sissie boo-boo." At the teasing I shook my head and he lifted me a bit higher before he started to carry me back towards the house. "As you can see, clearly she knows me." Simon's voice was a bit exasperated and sarcastic and I knew he was talking to Jonas. I ignored it and I hugged him around the neck a touch tighter, closing my eyes tight as I fought back the urge to cry. I felt so overly emotional all the time now and I hated it.

"Stay out of trouble." Jonas' words were a clear warning and Simon scoffed as he took a few steps and then set me down right inside the house. I opened my eyes as I steadied myself on my feet. "I mean it." Jonas was giving Simon a dark look, his arms crossed over his chest as he lifted his chin, almost puffing his chest out.

"I'm a smart ass, not a dumbass." Simon rolled his eyes and I smiled, my chin trembling slightly at the urge to cry. I had really missed him. I missed quite a few people from our pack but I was happy to see him.

"Thank you, Jonas. I missed him a lot." I gave the male a grateful smile and the dark expression disappeared and he gave me a wide smile.

"No problem, Menza. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm just a phone call or a mindlink away." He nodded at that before he winked at me and sauntered away.

"I guess you can come in." Duffy sounded majorly put out as I quickly stepped backwards from the door and Simon grinned. He stepped inside and I closed the door behind him as he crouched down and untied his boots. "Would have liked to have a warning but I can't expect much from you young males. Obviously." I glanced at her and she was wrinkling her nose as she nearly glowered down at my brother.

"This is Simon, he's my big brother. I told you about him" I said it gently, hoping that she wasn't too upset and she waved me off.

"I got that. I'm just don't appreciate him showing up unannounced." She tsked slightly, "Typical male."

Simon stood up, kicking off his boots slightly before moving them to the designated boot tray. "Apologies. I'm not supposed to be here because Alpha Dickface doesn't want me off territory but he couldn't lock me up and I drove all the way here for a visit before I head back." At that I nearly gasped. He had disobeyed the Alpha to visit me?

"Simon, you'll get into trouble." He would, I knew Alpha Stenton would punish him for visiting me. I didn't want that, I wanted him safe and secure, not punished because of me.

"I don't care. I missed my little sister. Besides he's currently preoccupied." He threw me a look and I let out a small sigh and when I glanced at Duffy she looked half impressed as she stared at him.

"You interrupted our quiet time." She grumbled it out before she turned on her heels and walked back into the living room.

Simon glanced down at me as he pulled off his jacket. "Quiet time?" He raised an eyebrow and I nodded.

"Twice a day we have an hour of quiet time." I clasped my hands together as he hung up his jacket.

"It's to keep her from scrubbing the patina and wood stain off my floors and counters." Duffy called it out and I felt my cheeks heat up slightly as Simon grinned.

"Yah, that sounds like fluff for brains." He reached out and attempted to ruffle my bun and I quickly side stepped it, lifting my hand to protect it as I scowled at him.

"She cleans enough as it is. The breaks are needed to get her to slow down." Duffy's reply was amused and my cheeks felt a bit more heated as I moved into the living room. "Quiet time is not over for another twenty minutes." Duffy pointed at my spot on the sofa with her knitting needles. "Even your brother showing up is not going to get you out of relaxing and getting off your feet." Duffy threw me a look that dared me to challenge her and I nodded as I once again sat down on the sofa, picking up my book.

Simon groaned as he sat beside me, reaching over and pulling my feet onto his lap as he leaned his head back against the sofa. "Ass face is being a ridiculous ass." He rolled his head against the back of the sofa to look at me and I tilted my own at him, wondering who he was talking about.

"Quiet time is named that for a reason." Duffy's voice was a little snappish and Simon grinned wide before he lifted his head to look at the old female.

"Oh come on, you don't want to hear some gossip?" He raised an eyebrow and I glanced between her and him and Duffy's mouth twitched upwards at the sides.

"Fine, spill." At the huffing response I smiled as the old female turned back to her knitting, using the knitting to gesture at Simon to continue.

"Okay. So Alpha Dickface has been going on a rampage lately because the males are getting sick and tired of his bullshit. Like some are being out right hostile towards him. I'm so gad they're picking up on what I already knew." Simon wiggled slightly, as if getting more comfortable before he started to explain just what he meant and how the Alpha was acting. I closed my eyes, smiling faintly as he rubbed at my feet.

I loved him being with me. I loved him being close. Simon was my best friend and I knew that despite everything, he would do whatever he could to ensure both me and my daughter were safe. Even if it meant defying the pack we had grown up in, even if it meant we would both be pariahs and would leave our lives behind.

Although I still hurt, I still felt achy and empty as I realized that meant that I would never again see Dana and the kids and would never see Maeve and that was enough to send a sear of pain through me. I loved that little girl. I loved her so much and being separated from her was painful. I wanted to let her know that I loved her and would always love her but I knew I couldn't. Once we left, once the rest of the month was up, I could never ever see her again.

And that hurt.

It hurt so much and I knew that feeling wasn't irrelevant because it made me ache so badly when I thought about it that it made it harder to breathe. I loved that little girl like she was my own and it was painful to realize I would never again be able to hold her close and whisper my I love you's to her.

It was painful in a way that I knew couldn't be better.