Two weeks later

There were times in your life when you felt like you were on the edge of something substantial happening but you couldn't quite figure out where it would come from or how it would happen.

The time I spent with Menza and Maeve in Oblitus felt like that. I stayed true to my word, I never pressured her, never pushed for more, never let her know just what I felt because I wanted her decisions to be influenced by what she wanted, not what she believed I needed. I wanted it to be her decision, something not influenced by me or anyone else. I wanted this to be something that she wanted, that she chose. And for the love of Mene I didn't want her to feel as though she had to fix things.

Fixing things were on me. As irreparable as they seemed to be, they were my responsibility. I had caused the entire problem by trusting people who should have never been trusted and I needed to fix it. But as that Head Priestess said, you can't come back from being brutal. I had to try, I had to atone the best ways I could.

It was hard though. I wanted to tell her how I felt, feelings that were so much clearer for me being around her without the Commands strangling me. I wanted to tell her that I loved it when some of her curls would escape and fall into her face or halo her head. I wanted to tell her that I loved it when she would smile at Maeve and call her my love. I wanted to tell her I loved her, so much it hurt sometimes, but I didn't. I swallowed the words, shame and regret filling me to the brim and at times overflowing.

I didn't deserve to love her at all. That was a truth that was ingrained into my bones. I didn't deserve her, not after what my weakness, my naivety caused. I wanted to though but I knew there was a very very big chance I never would but I still wanted it. So I swallowed it all down, kept it quiet and tried hard to not let it influence anything because what happened was Menza's decision, no one else's.

I helped her around her house, made sure the doctor's words were being followed to the letter, and perhaps a bit more. I didn't like seeing her move anything or straining herself to get something from her cupboards. I couldn't even begin to think of the pregnancy without breaking out in cold sweats. A little female was growing in Menza's belly, she was growing well, a big baby for being twenty-seven weeks. It was a good thing, the doctor said it again and again but I couldn't find any joy in that. I wanted the pregnancy to be over with, I wanted it to be done so Menza was no longer in danger but we still had nine weeks to go.

I hated that.

I hated it with every bit of my being. The panic of thinking what would happen in those nine weeks was enough to make me want to throw up. I wanted to go back to Sublatus and kill Stenton simply to protect Menza. I didn't care if it resulted in me being tossed in the Void, as long as she was okay it would be worth it but then there was the other half. Another female, pregnant with my child, who adored that little female she was growing, that Mene could take away for no reason.

I couldn't think about the birth or anything to do with the labour. All I could think was Menza was going to end up like Chrissie. I felt it deep in my stomach and it gnawed at me constantly when I went back to the guest house for the night. I would stare at the ceiling and all I could think of was Chrissie's labour. How pale she had been, all that blood, and then her dying. That cracking pain slicing me down the middle as half of my soul stopped breathing and passed to Mene. I couldn't stop my brain from replacing Chrissie with Menza. Another female laying on a birthing bed, dying, bleeding out, another little female left in this world without her mother.

It was enough to make me feel sick. I was at fault for it, all of it. And I knew if Menza died, if the same thing happened, it would be on me. I just didn't know how I would survive that a second time. I loved Menza, I did and the more time I spent with her, the stronger the feelings grew. They reemerged from where I buried them, they grew fast and almost furiously, as if angry I had denied them for so long.

Chrissie had been gone over a year and a part of me felt like I was replacing her but I brushed it off because there was no replacing her. She was Maeve's mother, she had been my mate and the love of my life. That wouldn't change but loving Menza wasn't replacing her, as Chrissie had told me. She had given me her blessing. It wasn't replacing her and I knew that. There was nothing to feel guilty over.

Even my wolf knew that. He loved Menza almost more than I did. The pregnancy didn't scare him nearly as much as it did me and I had to struggle with him at time to not shift and let him loose. He wanted to be there, to curl himself around Menza, to rest his head on that belly of hers to feel our pup grow.

I fought with him on it because we couldn't do that, we couldn't impose ourselves on Menza like that. She needed to be unburdened with our feelings and our wants. It was imperative for me to maintain her boundaries. I wanted her to be better, to get better. She was still so wary of me, almost scared. I hated it and I hated that I caused it. I wanted her to be okay, to know I would never ever do that again but I had to live with the consequences of what had happened and what I had done.

It hurt but it was what I had created it to be.

I just wished I could have changed it.

"Brochan, you do understand that not talking to me isn't fulfilling the requirements that the Council set out." The female doctor's voice was low, filled with warning and I resisted the urge to bare my teeth.

"I know." It came gritted out but I didn't like talking to anyone about anything. My issues were my own. I had to deal with them. Besides I didn't want to talk about all the weaknesses I had inside of me. It was bad enough I told her about Chrissie dying. "They kill Stenton yet?" I had asked it every single time and I wanted the answer to change.

"Not that I know of." I had expected that but I had expected that as well. The answer never fucking changed. It should have. Stenton should have been killed. There was a thick silence and I could hear her writing on a notepad. "You're really sexist, you know that?" The words were blunt and I jerked my head up and my mouth dropped open but she just gave me a look. "You are."

"I'm not, and I don't appreciate you-"

"You won't even use my name." The words were almost harsh as she continued to give me that look. "Andrew's female. That is how you refer to me to anyone else. I'm not a person, I'm Andrew's possession. You do the same for all the females in the pack. The only ones who don't get that treatment are Menza, Maeve, and Duffy. That's it."

She seemed to be picking up steam and I felt an irritation rise up inside of me. "Further to that, you don't even give me my well earned title of doctor. I'm Doctor Amber Lawrence. I spent nearly ten years getting my PHD to become a doctor and I have been spending the last half a decade earning my PHD of psychology." I narrowed my eyes at her but figured it was better to just let her run out of steam rather than defend myself against her erroneous assumptions. "I'm the leading expert of Omega deconditioning and have pioneered numerous treatments that are the corner stones for helping them and you sit there and you address me as Andrew's female. The disrespect is clear to me and to everyone else in this territory."

That soured me even more. She didn't understand that it wasn't my place to speak of females not under my protection. "It is not my place to-"

"What? Treat me like an individual person?" The question as a well-aimed jab and I shook my head.

"No! Don't put words in my mouth." I didn't need her claiming I was sexist when I wasn't. I had always treated females with respect they deserved. I had always ensured they had dignity and respect and never encroached.

"I need to." The challenge in her voice was clear and I felt a heavy growl rattle my chest.

"No you don't!" She didn't need to be doing it at all. And she wondered why I didn't want anything to do with our 'sessions'.

"I do. You are a sexist and regressive male who sees females at best as merely extensions of their mates, their brothers, or their fathers. And at worst, a possession."

The words had a snarl rising up inside of me that I didn't hesitate to let out. "I don't fucking do that!" I never treated females like that. Not once!

"You do." She was acting so fucking calm that it was agitating.

"I don't!"

She quirked an eyebrow, as if I were the one being unreasonable. "You won't even talk to Mari and everyone can talk to Mari."

I reared back, "That doesn't matter! I have never treated a female with disrespect." I hadn't and I didn't appreciate her saying I had.

"Within a sexist and regressive system, sure, but here, in Oblitus, you are disrespectful." Her voice was calm as she gestured and I immediately scowled.

"The Old Ways aren't-"

"You were at that trial, Brochan. Don't sit there and lie to me about it. All those violations, all those wrong doings. They are sexist and regressive and in turn, you are too." She pointed at me and I resisted the urge to retaliate.

"I'm not." I bit each word off harshly. I wasn't a sexist or regressive male. Yes, I had fucked up in a lot of things and Stenton's words came out of my mouth at times because I had been forced but not once had I ever not given a female the respect she deserved.

"You are." The words were just as clipped as my own and I met her gaze with my own, my jaw twitching as I clenched my teeth together. "It's not a bad thing, acknowledging where we started, that how we grew up and were raised influence who we are and how we interact with the world. You lived in a sexist and regressive pack and in turn, despite you thinking you are respectful towards females because in that society you were considered as such, it doesn't mean those rules apply here."

I opened my mouth to retort and she held up a hand. "You call me Andrew's female because you subconsciously do not see me without having a male attached. You can't see me as a person, an individual, because in Sublatus females were underneath the protection of other males and being respectful meant not interacting with them without permission and to defer to their males about the steps you took. This means you ignore females when they are around." She gestured with that hand and I still felt a black harshness inside of me. She was pretending to know me when she didn't know anything. "The real world, the world outside of the Old Ways, is vastly different. Females are not tied to males in the same way but you still treat them as if they are."

"I'm not-"

"The best way of combatting it, is to acknowledge that it's there at all." She cut me off without a single blink before leaning closer. "I need you to address me, Brochan."

"You are-" The words 'Andrew's female' were right on the tip of my tongue and part of me wanted to say them, just to be spiteful but I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't the male she said I was. "Doctor Amber Lawrence."

"Good. Very good." She opened a drawer and I couldn't see what she was reaching for. "Now you're going to address me as such when we see each other again or I will take corrective action."

"Corrective action?" I asked it, almost sneering before I was sprayed in the face by a small stream of water. I was pretty flabbergasted as I stared at her. She had sprayed me in the face. With a water filled spray bottle. "Excuse me?"

"Corrective action. It's harmless and it provides a fairly decent incentive for correction of poor behaviours." She settle the spray bottle on her desk. "Further to that, you're going to be spending your next few sessions with Mari and your entire job in them is to be able to converse with her like a normal person."

"And Bennett is okay-" I didn't get any of the snarky words out when she sprayed me in the face again.

"No. Mari is her own person. Bennett's wishes and wants are considered but are not the end all be all. Mari is okay with doing it. So it will be done." She clasped her hands together, "Understood?" I gave a mute nod, wiping the water off of my face, even as I scowled. "Perfect. You are free to go." She gestured to the door and I didn't waste any time getting up and leaving. I was done with her and I had other things to do.

~~~

I parked the truck that Alpha Jace had let me use and gathered the bouquet of flowers I had bought for Menza before I got out and walked over the snow towards her house. Oblitus was different to Sublatus. It shouldn't have shocked me as much as it did but it did. The biggest change was the fact everyone had a job and you were required to put a minimum number of hours per week into it before you were to put in a minimum amount of training hours and patrol hours. Which changed depending on how well the businesses were doing.

As a newer male to the pack I had been put on the more 'shit' jobs. The pack had a construction business and I was used as basically muscle, moving things from one place to the next, cleaning up the garbage in the shop, that sort of thing. It grated on me and my wolf slightly. After being what was essentially a ranked member in Sublatus for so many years, being put down to a common labourer was... it was an adjustment that I knew I needed to simply deal with. I didn't want to give Alpha Jace a reason to kick me out of the pack because I felt like he was looking for one.

None of the males in Oblitus liked me. They had made it very clear with how they avoided me and the look of judgment and disgust they had on their faces when they were forced to interact with me. It hurt. We were a social species and being pushed to the outer edges of the pack was difficult to get used to but I knew I had to accept it. I could only imagine they had been told what happened back in Sublatus, what Menza had gone through and my part in it. I had to accept that my actions had consequences and I had to live with that, even if it was hard, even if it was difficult.

I slowly made my way to Menza's house. It was well built and it was clearly made with care for her. A part of me was jealous and a bit upset that I hadn't been the one to provide her with the home but I told that part to be quiet, that I was lucky to be allowed inside those four walls at all. I ducked my head and swallowed hard as the guilt wrapped itself around my throat. I wished I could explain to Menza what I felt, that I could explain to her just how I felt, how the guilt haunted me, how much I regretted, and how if I had the ability I would have turned back time and loved her properly, like how she deserved, like how Chrissie told me. But I couldn't. I couldn't put all that weight onto Menza because she would blame herself and try to fix me.

I climbed up the stairs and knocked on the door. I had to live with what I had done and there was no way to turn back time, I had to live with it, all the failures I had. I figured that was what made it so hard. Menza opened up the door and she didn't say anything, just moved out of the way. That stung but I had to accept it. She was wary of me, scared of me. I hated every second of it but I had done that so I had to live with it.

"I hope you don't mind me dropping by." I stepped inside and she shook her head before she was moving towards the sink. I closed my eyes briefly as I pulled off my boots. She needed to clean when I was around. I could see it whenever I was near her, her hands would twitch and she would immediately go into the kitchen, trying to find something to arrange or tidy. I hated that I made her that nervous, that anxious. "Where's Duffy?" I looked around but couldn't see the female anywhere. I was used to her being around when I came over. She had definitely taken Menza underneath her wing and I appreciated it, even though the female berated me constantly.

"Alpha Jace asked her... he asked her if she would help a bit in the store front... because-because Fern got sick and Angie couldn't- she couldn't work today." Menza's reply was quiet and slightly stuttered and I nodded slightly as I turned to look at her. She was moving things around on her counters and I watched her for another moment, watching how graceful she was in each one she did before I remembered the flowers.

"I got these for you." I lifted up the yellow bouquet and Menza glanced at me before she did a double take and her gaze landed on the flowers. I cleared my throat. "They are called Sternbergia daffodils. I couldn't get you actual daffodils because they're out of season but the florist told me these are in the daffodil family but they flower in winter and I thought you would like them. So I got you some." I held them out for her and she slowly came around the counter before taking them.

She held them in one hand while the other reached up and smoothed down one of the yellow petals. A smile slowly crossed her face, oh so slowly, but it made her entire expression glow and my heart to nearly trip up in my chest as she looked up at me, a faint flush on her cheeks. "Thank you. They are beautiful." She held them close before she moved back to the kitchen.

Maeve giggled and crawled after her from where she must have been near the living room. "Essa mamamamamama." She followed Menza quickly as she babbled and I shrugged off my jacket before hanging it up. I turned my head and watched as Menza carefully set the bouquet into a jar and then bent down. She picked up Maeve and I had to bite my tongue so I didn't tell her not to do that, not to strain herself.

"Your daddy got me flowers, aren't they pretty?" Menza showed Maeve the flowers that soft smile still firmly on her face and Maeve giggled. "I know. They are very pretty, my love." She kissed her cheek and Maeve's giggles turned into laughter. I swallowed hard, trying hard to bask in the memory that was being created while trying to ignore the pain that ripped down the center of my chest. It was hard watching those moments and realizing I could have had that all along but I had allowed myself to controlled, been too weak to stop it, had been a hinge point in her destruction. All because I trusted someone I never should have.

I moved further into the house, feeling like I was a stranger and intruding I didn't matter how long I had been there or how many times I had walked through the doors. I knew I was intruding. Menza was never truly comfortable around me and I had to live with that because that was the consequence of what I had done. It was just hard to bear at times.

I cleared my throat, "We're finishing up at the Johnson place. Got the windows in today, will probably be done completely tomorrow evening." That was the latest job. I wasn't sure what had caused the mundane's windows to break but three had and it had been an emergency repair but he had decided that if we were going to replace the three windows we might as well replace all of them.

"That's good." At the words I glanced over and Menza walked out of the kitchen, Maeve tucked high up on her side, as if to hold her a bit more comfortably due to her big belly. I looked away as soon as I glanced at it. I couldn't look at it and not feel the curlings of panic inside me. I was terrified I was going to lose her like I lost Chrissie. The parallels of the situation were too close, to identical for me to be comfortable or happy about it. "Go see daddy." Menza said it gently as she moved close to me and turned so Maeve was towards to me.

"Hi my beautiful girl." I reached out and picked Maeve up before lifting her above my head. "Did you miss me?" She squealed with laughter and I smiled at her before lowering her and blowing a raspberry on her belly. My wolf whined in excitement, wanting out to play with her but I knew better than to do that, he would just bother Menza. I winced as she grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked. "Ow, ow, not the hair."

"Mene you have a tight grip." I shifted her as I managed to extract my hair from her fist as she squealed with laughter. "You're a little monster!" I tickled her belly as I cradled her in my arm and she wiggled frantically, giggling, her face red as she tried to escape. "Ah ahhhhh, not this time." I lifted her up slightly as I pretended to eat her cheeks. "Nom nom nom, tasty Maeve." She kicked at me and squealed with excitement and it caused me to chuckle as I settled her back in the crook of my arm. "She was good today?" I looked at Menza and she nodded as she opened the pantry and started arranging the cans so that the labels faced outwards.

"She wants to start walking." The words were said a touch quieter and I was aware she was glancing at me from the corner of her eyes. The anxiety practically made her vibrate so I carried Maeve back over to her toys and sat down with her.

"Well she's getting pretty pro at standing by herself I wouldn't be surprised if she started soon." I tucked Maeve on my lap and then grabbed her some toys, pulling them close enough she could grab from where she sat. "She been saying anything else?" All I ever heard her say was when she was calling for 'Essa mama' her name for Menza.

"Yah. She started saying-"

"Dadadadada." Maeve looked up at me as she said it and I grinned, excitement blooming through me.

"Yah sweetheart! I'm dada." I looked up at Menza in excitement, grinning. "She said dada!" Menza looked over at me and she smiled back and nodded.

"She started that this morning." At that I beamed, unable to help how I puffed out with pride.

"That's right, I'm dada. I'm your dada." I gave her a quick squeeze until she wiggled to be let go. I kissed the top of her head and gave her a block. She squealed happily and immediately tossed it away. I laughed at that and gave her another one that she tossed as well with a squealing laugh.

The door opened and I caught the growl in my throat before it escaped. "Surprise!" The female's voice was bright and cheerful and I watched as Maricella and Bennett came in. She was carrying her youngest while their eldest boy, Jackson, ran inside.

"Mari!" Menza turned around quickly, a bright smile on her face.

"I figured you could use some company with Duffy in town at the store. I hope you don't mind. We brought some casserole." The female came in and Bennett lifted a cake dish before lifting another one he was holding.

"I made you pumpkin pie. Duffy said you were craving it this morning." His tone was half warm as he looked at Menza and she clasped her hands to her chest and looked half a second away from crying.

"You didn't have to." Her breathing hiccuped as she said it and he shrugged

"I know." He set both dishes on the counter and I looked away right as Jackson had spotted Maeve and grinned as he came over. From what I knew the little boy was about four and he really liked the other kids.

"Hi Mae!" He waved enthusiastically and Maeve screeched happily as she caught sight of him.

"Jackie, take off your boots, love." At his mother's words he scrunched his face up but kicked off his boots rather inelegantly and shed his jacket, dropping it on the floor. "Not like that, Jackie love." Maricella gave an exasperated sigh.

"Monster, pick up your boots and your jacket please." Bennett's voice was firm and I watched as Jackson huffed but turned and picked up his jacket and boots and stomped over to his dad and held them up. "Thank you." Bennett crouched down and kissed his cheek as he took the boots and the jacket. I turned back to Maeve and handed her another block that she tossed away with a giggle.

"How are you? How is baby?" Maricella's voice was happy as she moved into the kitchen to be closer to Menza and I couldn't help how my expression twitched. I really couldn't think about the pregnancy. All I wanted was Menza to be healthy and okay. I wanted her safe but that pregnancy was not safe for her, it wasn't.

Maeve climbed off my lap as Jackson moved over to the toy box and grabbed a block. "Wanna play, Mae? Build wit' blocks?" He held one out towards her and she screeched happily as she moved over to him. I slowly stood up and looked at Bennett. He had sat himself down in one of the chairs and I glanced over at Menza. She and Maricella were chatting by the stove and I glanced back to Bennett.

"Do you know what other jobs we have after we're done at Johnson's?" I was aware he heard me because his shoulders tightened and his entire bearing spoke of how much he didn't want to listen to me or respond and it caused me to duck my head slightly. All the males were like that with me. The only one who half spoke to me was Collin but half the time he was insulting me or saying something to try and piss me off. The other one was Alpha Jace and that was essentially to tell me my schedule or tell me what I needed to do for the day.

"Have you two thought of names?" The question was asked loudly and I paused before looking over at Menza and Maricella. Maricella was looking at me expectantly and I shook my head slightly. "Well baby will be here before you know it, you'll have to start thinking about it soon. Are you excited?" Her grey eyes were kind but I couldn't bring myself to find the happiness she was expecting but I forced myself to nod anyway. "Nervous a bit I take it." I nodded again and she chuckled before turning back to Menza.

I ducked my head as I clasped my hands together. I rubbed at my knuckles, hating how I felt. I wished I could feel the excitement of the baby but I just couldn't. There was too much danger, too much that could go wrong, too much that could happen. I wanted Menza to not be pregnant anymore so she was safe. I couldn't even begin to think about the baby. I wished the Council would just kill Stenton already. He didn't need to be alive. The longer it was before the Council made their move, the more I wanted to ask Jace for permission to travel to Sublatus to kill Stenton myself. Anything to keep her safe.

I swallowed hard before clearing my throat and glancing at Bennett. "Do you know if the Mackenzie's will be picking up their order tomorrow?" He didn't respond and I winced at it before turning back to my hands. I knew why he disliked me but I felt like I was starting to go insane.

"Do you mind if I set Eva down in the crib for a bit? I don't want to interrupt her napping schedule." At Maricella's words I glanced up right as Menza nodded and the two females headed towards the nursery.

I glanced over at Bennett before I sighed. "Listen can we just talk-"

"Why the fuck would I want to talk to you?" The male's voice was cold and overly hostile and I glanced at him and his entire bearing was cold.

"I'm just trying to make conversation." I was. I had just wanted to talk a bit because I was starting to chaff under the rather overt hostility that was radiating from the pack males. I needed someone to talk to, someone to interact with or I was going to start going insane.

"You stand there and you say you wanna make conversation? Why the fuck would I want to talk to you. I know what happened to Menza in that fucking pack and you allowed it. My Mari loves Enza, we all do. Then you can't even pretend to be happy about the little female she's carrying. We can all tell you would rather she not be there at all." Bennett's voice was clipped as he narrowed his blue eyes at me. "You're a fucking sexist prick so why the fuck would I want to talk to you? Why would anyone here want to talk to you when you treat females like that?" The words slapped me and I sat up a bit straighter, frowning. Why the fuck did he have to say that to me right after the damned female doctor had said it?

"I understand what happened was wrong but I'm not sexist and you have no clue what I am feeling about the pregnancy-"

"You won't ask about the baby, you won't even look at her belly. You barely show any happiness and constantly wince whenever someone brings it up or you catch sight of her belly. One can only assume you would have preferred a male. You question Amber when it comes to Menza's health and pregnancy the fact she has been a practising doctor for nearly twenty years and has delivered more babies than you can count." The words were icy and cold and Bennett's glare was just as and I flinched under it. I wanted to respond that I wasn't questioning the doctor's ability as a doctor but simply for the fact the pregnancy was stressing me out and I wanted to know all I could but I couldn't find the words to do so. "You keep to yourself and when the females try to make conversation and resort to nods or grunts. So why the fuck would any of us want to talk to a shit bag like you? The females you snub and treat like they are lesser are our loved ones. Do you think we want to play nice with you when you treat them like that? Fuck no. Stop trying to talk to me."

"You don't know what I feel about the pregnancy." He didn't understand that it had nothing to do with it being a little female and it had everything to do with how I lost Chrissie, with how I was sure I would lose Menza. There was just too much there for me to be happy about something that had a high chance of killing the female I loved.

"No, you make it quite clear. Stop trying to talk to me." He got out of his chair and moved towards the hallway. "Sweet one, I'm heading out. Collin is bringing some more things for Duffy's place and I want to help him unload them." He called it down the hallway and shifted his bulk on his feet.

"Okay, love you and see you later!" Maricella's response was nearly instant and Bennett threw me a dark look as he turned and headed for the door. I ducked my head, feeling a flush crawl up my neck and burn at my ears and cheeks.

I hated that they disliked me. I hated that what they believed about me was untrue but I couldn't put what I felt into words. I couldn't. Every time I tried it felt like the words jumbled up in my throat and choked me. I got off the chair and wondered if I should just leave, to go and sit in the guest house to try and deal with everything inside me but I knew I couldn't be a coward.

I swallowed hard and moved back over to where Maeve and Jackson were playing. Maeve smiled at me, showing off her four teeth. "Dadadada." She reached for me and I ducked my head and kissed the top of hers as I sat down behind her."

"What are we playing?" I looked over at Jackson and he held out a colourful block with a grin.

"Blocks! We stack them and Mae knocks them over!" He sounded so excited and I nodded as I watched the two of them play. I knew Jackson wasn't old enough to understand what had happened but it was nice to not be looked at with judgment or dislike. I knew everyone had a reason but we were social creatures and we needed contact with others, interaction in order to be okay.

The others are tied up, you need to run a patrol. Alpha Jace's voice was sharp in my head and I sent him my agreement as I got up. I moved into the kitchen and Menza and Maricella were coming down the hall.

"I have to run a patrol. I'll be back later, if that's okay." I looked at Menza and she nodded.

"That's okay. You take care." She actually looked at me before smiling, a soft and sweet smile. "Thank you for the flowers." Her cheeks flushed and I felt a surge of pride that I had gotten that reaction.

"No problem. Absolutely none." I bowed my head at her and then at Maricella. "I'll see you later." With that I turned and grabbed my jacket and put on my boots before leaving the house. The crisp winter's air was harsh on my throat but I ignored it as I walked to the patrol spot. Once there I pulled out the clothes cache and quickly shed the clothes and tucked them into the empty bag along with my boots before shifting.

Once I was down on four feet I shook out my fur, my wolf whining and urging me to head back to Menza's house but I pushed him away slightly, reminding him that Alpha Jace wanted us to patrol. He fought me for a second before he gave in, although he whined at me for doing so. Our paws broke the snow layer as we took off for the patrol route.

I knew it would be a few hours of patrolling so it was best to start right away and push through it. So we did. We patrolled until it started getting dark out and then more until Alpha Jace finally mindlinked me to let me know I could go home. We were nearly exhausted but I didn't care as we reached the cache bag. I shifted back, my wolf protesting because he wanted to go see Menza. I pulled on my clothes as soon as I was back on my own two feet and then I was walking back to Menza's.

It didn't take long to make it there and I was soon knocking on the door. Duffy answered it and glowered at me. "Oh... it's you." She looked at me like I was a bug she had stepped on but stepped out of the way of the door. I slipped inside blowing into my hands, trying to warm them up.

"Are you hungry?" At Menza's question I nodded.

"I can get myself something though." I could dish myself up. I didn't want her on her feet for longer than she needed to be and as I looked over at her I could see her rubbing her back, letting me know she had overtaxed herself somewhat.

"I don't mind." She grabbed a plate from the cupboard and I quickly took off my boots and moved around the counter.

"Mene. Let the male get his own food, trouble. He's more than capable." Duffy's voice followed me and I snagged the plate from Menza, making her jump.

"It's okay. You go sit down, get off your feet." I didn't look at her, even though that was all I wanted to do and there was a moment of time before she moved away from me, leaving the kitchen.

"Stop trying to butter her up." At Duffy's words I shrugged slightly. The old female could believe what she wanted but Menza's boundaries were important to me, even if I had put them in place because I knew Menza would never do so.

I carefully dished myself up a plate of casserole and stood by the counter as I ate it. I wanted to be right by the sink so I could clean my plate before Menza got up to do so. She was sitting on one of the dining room chairs, her eyes closed and her hands on her belly. I glanced away quickly, unable to bring myself to look at the bump. I ate the casserole quickly before glancing around.

"Is Maeve in bed?" At the question Menza gave a small nod and Duffy took a sip from what I knew was her glass of whiskey. "Okay." I nodded and finished off what was on my plate before taking it to the sink and quickly cleaning them. Bennett's voice and his words rolled through my mind and I paused. "Am I sexist?" I asked it quickly as I looked over at Menza and she stiffened in her spot slightly.

"If you have to ask that, then yes you are." Duffy's voice was rather sarcastic and when I looked towards her she was giving me a look that was spelling out that she thought I was stupid. "All you Old Way males are." She flicked her hand in my direction and I frowned slightly.

"Mike is Old Way." He was the same as me, raised up in the old ways and she scoffed.

"Yah and he knows to stop that shit when he and my Danny come to visit." She picked up her glass of whiskey. "I don't cater to those assholes." She took a drink and I turned back to look at Menza.

"What do you think?" I asked it low and she sat up a bit straighter, pinching her lips together.

"I think..." Her voice was quiet before she gave a bolstering inhale. "I think you have been raised how you have been raised and that some people might not agree with how that was." The words touched uncomfortably close to what I had been stewing on all day since my session with the doctor.

Duffy snorted at that and when I looked at her she was rolling her eyes. "That's a polite way of saying you were raised shit and you act like shit and people will call you out on that shit." She gave another snort and downed the rest of her whiskey.

"That isn't what I said. Our upbringings define us into who we are and sometimes people won't agree with that." Menza was staring at the table and I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest as I watched her. "It doesn't mean it's wrong, it means it's different." She spoke firmly even as her voice shook slightly.

"If it's oppressive, it's wrong. You know that, trouble. Mene knows I have been doing all I can to teach you that." Duffy didn't sound impressed. "I would say our company is making you forget the lessons I have tried to teach you about your worth." She almost sneered the word as she threw me a rather nasty look. I lowered my gaze at it and pinched my lips together.

It was something to think about. I didn't like it but if three people had spoken about it in a single day, then it was something I needed to think about. I wasn't stupid, despite what everyone believed.

"Thank you for dinner." I headed around the counter and to where my boots were. "I'll see you tomorrow, Menza." I turned to look at Duffy and nodded at her. She sniffed in displeasure and didn't respond outside of that.

I was soon out of the house and walking to the guest house. I frowned as I walked, pondering their words over in my head, mixing it in with Bennett's. I wanted to be good for Menza. I wanted to be a male who deserved her but it was looking like I had more work than trying to show her how sorry I was and how much I regretted everything that happened.

It was a daunting task though, challenging what I had grown up with, what I had lived within.

But for the female I loved, for Menza, I would try my fucking hardest to do it.