Nearly two weeks later

Everything hurt.

I walked on legs I could barely feel, my joints screaming at me, and I shivered violently. The hair that escaped my braid stuck to my face and my teeth chattered together. I had been walking for so long. I wasn't sure why I hadn't come back to the pack territory. I followed the river. I had. Maeve gave a fussy sound as her tummy gurgled and I felt like crying.

We didn't have anything else.

The back up can of formula in the diaper bag had been stretched as far as it could and now there was nothing. The little baggies of snacks were also long gone. There was nothing to feed her but water and I knew it was upsetting her stomach. Her poor little bum was raw and she cried constantly when she was awake but I couldn't do anything about it. She was hungry, oh so hungry, but I didn't have anything. The diaper bag was a hollow shell of what it had been prior. I had some baby advil in it that I gave her when she felt feverish but I used it sparingly because I didn't want to make her sicker, poison her.

I gave a shuddering breath, adjusting my hold on the diaper bag. Once it had been emptied of diapers and one of the burp clothes ripped into make shift diapers, I had made it into a carrier for Maeve. She barely fit but I needed something to carry her in while she slept. I stumbled and stopped walking. My hand fluttered up to my side but I held it away from the wounds.

They were festering. I knew they were. They were hot and smelled foul. I was fevering as well. I was so cold but I was sweating so much and I knew something was seriously wrong with me. Something inside of me was just as sick. I tried hard to keep the wound clean and I washed the burp cloth bandage in the icy river as often as I could but I was getting sick, so very sick. My head swam as I slowly slumped to the ground as Maeve gave another cry. She was awake and that meant I needed to pull her out of the diaper bag and hold her.

I shifted the diaper bag, reaching into pull her out but the shoulder I had slammed into the rocks when I first got into the river sent a vibrant and savage spear of pain across my shoulders and down my spine and I gave a silent cry of pain and bent over. I was breathing heavy, far heavier than I knew I should be, and I ached.

If I had tears left in me I knew they would be burning my eyes but I had none left. I wanted to curl up, to just stop and rest, but I knew I couldn't. I had to keep moving. I had thought the pack would have found me, that someone would have found me but the days dragged on and on and on and no one came out, no one crossed my path. I gave a weak cry that matched Maeve's. I was lost, so utterly lost and I didn't know what to do.

I tucked my elbow close to my side and it touched the bandage on my side, sending that sharp, angry pain across my entire body and I gave a sharper cry, sobbing slightly. I hurt so bad. I just wanted it to stop. Maeve gave another cry and I pushed myself up, rocks digging into my palms as I swallowed down the watery bile that rose up in my throat. I couldn't stop, Maeve needed me. I gave a deep and guttural groan, a sound that made me feel like I was dying as I sat up, my spine aching and nearly creaking, as I reached into the diaper bag with arms that felt like they were made of rubber. Maeve gave a shuddering cry and grabbed my arms weakly and I sniffled.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I croaked it out as I used all my strength to life her up. She was so small, her weight should have been so easy to lift but my arms shook and it took all I had to bring her to my chest. She buried her face into my neck and gave a faint whine as she shook. "I'm so sorry." I didn't want to think it but I wondered if we would both die out here. I didn't want to think it, to put it out into the universe, but I was getting so weak. I was all she had and I knew something inside me was wrong. I felt a dark cloud hanging over my head, as if I could feel Death waiting at my back. She was healthier than I was at the moment, I would fall before she did, but she was so little. She couldn't take care of herself.

I clung to her, holding her tight as I closed my eyes and gave another dry sob that sent shards of pain through me. I was so tired. I was so so tired but I had to keep moving, I had to keep pushing forward. I gave another deep and guttural groan as I struggled to get to my feet. My knees wavered and I fell back down too many times to count before I finally managed to get my feet under me. I shook, my teeth chattering as I stood, swaying in spot as the pain made black spots dance in my vision.

"Just a little further. I promise." It was a hollow and empty promise, one I couldn't keep. Not for Maeve and certainly not for myself. I didn't know how many more nights I had in me as that dark presence chasing me, hovering over my shoulder, crept closer and closer. I didn't want to sleep one night and never wake up, leaving Maeve to starve to death, to never be rescued. I swallowed down that watery bile and forced one foot in front of the next. The diaper bag across my chest thumped against my hip gently but each bump reminded me that it was light and empty.

Empty.

Empty.

Empty.

There was nothing left for Maeve to eat and I hadn't eaten anything either. It had been nearly a week since I had taken small bites of the snacks in the bag before I stopped myself, saving them for Maeve. She needed them more than I did. I saved it all for her and now I regretted the small bites I did take because now there was nothing for her but water. Icy water that made my teeth ache and my stomach cramp. I tried so hard to warm it up using my body heat before I gave it to Maeve but I knew she still felt the cold it had.

I was failing, I was a failure. I shouldn't have eaten any of her food, never should have taken those small bites to stop the vicious gnawing of the hunger in my belly. I gave another dry sob, my thoughts washing away in the pain. My side throbbed hotly at me, demanding I stop but I couldn't. That urging, that shoving, pushed me forward and I followed it, it was all I had. I blinked and the sun had changed position but I was still staggering along. Maeve still weakly fussed against me, trying to suck at my neck as if that would give her food.

I wanted to stop, wanted to fill that empty bottle with some water but I couldn't. I had to keep moving. I knew, deep down that if I stopped, I wouldn't get back up. I needed to keep moving to make sure Maeve was safe. I swallowed and shivered. My clothes were sticking to my skin, I was fevering again and I knew it was bad but the only solace I had was the fact that with how warm I was, Maeve was settling down. She was kept warm as my body tried to burn through the infection I had, the sickness that was deep inside me. I was burning alive, feeling so utterly cold, but she was warm. That was all that mattered.

I blinked again and the sky darkened further but I was still moving. I swayed more, each step a struggle my body did without me. I felt disconnected as that heavy darkness at my back grew warmer and almost whispered at me to give up, that it was time. I struggled against it as Maeve weakly grabbed at my shirt, reminding me why I was pushing forward. She needed me, she had no one else.

I closed my eyes, humming to myself, a low and dull tone as if that would keep Death at bay and something cool brushed my cheek.

So close.

The words were whispered in my ear and I felt comforted. I struggled to open my eyes and when I did everything was dim and fuzzy. The day was turning to night and I could no longer feel my legs but they were moving, still pushing forward. My body was also separate from me and I struggled to push away from the darkness that I felt was hanging off me, tugging me further and further away.

I tripped, a small rock catching my foot and that was all it took. My legs buckled underneath me and I collapsed onto the bank of the river. It burbled sweetly, nothing like the roar I could remember but everything inside me was spinning and breathing was getting so very hard. I could hear it wheezing out of me and the scent of rot was thick in my nose. I was dying. I knew that and I wanted to weep for the fact I couldn't stop it or protect Maeve from what would come after.

Push.

Push.

The urging was strong but my body was done, tapped out. I couldn't go any further and I could barely bring out a sob. I sat as my vision wavered and danced. That darkness following me was right there. I could feel it touching the back of my head, stroking down my back, numbing the pain as it whispered at me to let go, to just lie down and close my eyes. I struggled to keep my eyes open, to hold onto Maeve but it was so tempting.

Hold on!

The order was clear, as if someone had shouted it in my ear and I jolted, my eyes opening. I wanted to ask what there was to hold onto when I saw it. A shape emerged from the dusk. My vision swam and wavered but I stared at the shape, it melted into the rest, like a black blob coming towards me.

"What the fuck?" The words were sharp and I blinked my head falling forward slightly, my eyes closing again.

Don't sleep!

The whispered urge and shove made me jolt and I lifted my head as the figure melted and reformed again and again. A white hand reached out to me, grabbing my shoulder as I tried to focus on the face that appeared in front of me as if from no where but I couldn't truly see it. "Who are you? Where did you come from?" The questions danced in my head and I wobbled, my body wanting to sag in on itself.

"Help." It came out cracked and broken and Maeve gave a weak little cry from where she rested on my lap and there was a sharp curse.

"Fuck! Shit! Hold on, sweetie! Hold on, okay?" Hands gripped me and then the world felt upside down, like I was falling off the earth and into the sky. "Shit, fuck! Hold onto the baby, sweetie!" I tried and gripped Maeve, holding her close to my body, pulling her to my chest with arms that felt numb. She cried and then the world spun around and around and around.

I felt a gurgle come out of my chest with the next wheeze and that darkness was reaching around me now, grasping at me, grabbing at me. I swallowed, my mouth dry and my throat feeling like it would crack and bleed. I wasn't sure if I had any blood left to give if it even did so.

Hold on.

It was a soft whisper in my ear and I struggled, my eyelids were so heavy and the darkness felt so comforting. I didn't know what to hold onto, not anymore.

"Hold on, sweetie." The words rumbled against me and slipped down my cheek and neck on a hot breath that made me shiver. "Hold on."