A week later

I didn't really know what to think.

I hadn't changed my behaviour, how I did things around the house, how many chores I had done. I did everything I was supposed too, how Brochan wanted them to be done. Nothing had changed on my end but he was... he was nicer. I didn't know what that meant or why he was acting like he was and a part of me was bracing for when the trick would be revealed and he would yell at me again.

Since the day with my hair supplies and me finding them set out on the counter, his female's things put away, he had seemed to pull back. I had noticed his drinking had slowed down, not stopped, I doubted it would with how much he must have hurt from losing his mate, but slowed down significantly. And then he attempted to have...conversations with me. Small things, asking about Maeve, talking about her development, asking me what was being made for meals, talking about various things that were absolutely mundane but baffled me when they came out of his mouth. And he stopped glaring at me so much when I was around.

I didn't understand what happened and it wasn't my place to question a male. I couldn't look at him and ask him what had changed, it wasn't my place. If he believed it was necessary to tell me, he would. I had no position or reason to ask him anything about what he did or didn't do or was doing. That hissing voice in my head made me want to flinch.

Worthless.

The word didn't stop being true. I had been gone from my father's for two weeks and some nights that was the only thing that whispered in my head as I tried my hardest to fall asleep with the unfamiliar sounds of a house I didn't really know. I had no worth, no value. I knew a female who had value could have asked him what happened, could ask him why. I couldn't.

It was a hard weight to bear, the knowledge that the entirety of my life trying to show my father I had value, that I was an appropriate female of the pack, that I was dutiful and mindful and did not complain, had been a complete waste. It was hard to realize that he never saw my actions as something that added value. I had been tainted by the very situation of my birth and nothing could add value to me because of it.

I reminded myself every single time the thought came up that at least it was Brochan. He didn't hit me, never physically hurt me. He yelled and would tell me to leave him alone or tell me I was a burden but he had never harmed me. It was better him than the Delta. I told myself the words again and again and again. But now he had changed and I didn't know why and I had no ability to ask because it wasn't my place. I existed underneath his roof as an unwanted burden, burdens didn't get to ask questions.

Worthless

The word stung so hard that it was if I had been slapped and I closed my eyes as I willed the feeling away. I took a deep breath in before I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes. I scrubbed at the supper dishes, cleaning the spaghetti sauce and slightly hardened cheese off of them. Brochan had complimented the supper and it left me feeling more than a bit strange. I really didn't like that he had changed. Before I knew what to expect but now I felt like I was walking in an active mine field, not knowing if the ground would blow up in my face if I moved even a half inch.

There was an uncertainty now that I did not like. Before it was easy, he didn't want me around and he didn't like me in his house but I had been forced onto him. Now? There was nothing I could rely on other than waiting for the other shoe to drop and him to blow up on me. I didn't want to feel like that but I couldn't help it.

"Do you mind if I rinse and dry these?" He asked it evenly and I froze, unable to help myself. He moved closer and his presence was like it was pushing against me. He was a large male, something I was not used to seeing. I had always held father up to be this giant figure in my life but being around Brochan made me realize just how small my father was in comparison. My father wasn't this huge, terrifying figure anymore. Brochan was. "Menza?" He was staring at me and I gave a shaky inhale.

"I'm alright, sir. I- I can do it myself." I was in charge of the chores, it was my duty to make sure my stay in his home wasn't a burden. I didn't like him asking me if he could help, it thew my position in his life into precarious waters. If he was doing the chores I was supposed to be doing to lessen the burden of me being forced into his home, then that gave him less of a reason to keep me around.

Worthless

The word once again hit me like a stinging slap and I had to fight to keep from flinching from it. "You cooked dinner and are washing dishes, the least I can do is rinse and dry them." He moved to stand beside me and I couldn't help how I shrunk away from him slightly. He was just so big. His presence, while not menacing or terrifying at the moment, was heavy and it shoved against me and it reminded in a very different way that I was prey. Others it was a direct stare but his was a lingering pressure and unease that something stronger, faster, and infinitely more dangerous was laying in wait for a misstep.

"As you wish, sir." I gave a shaky inhale and went back to my dishes, doing my best to focus on them and not eh predator that stood beside me far too calmly. I didn't like him being that close because I knew I couldn't get out of the way quick enough if he got it in his mind to hit me.

"You can call me Brochan." The words were a little gruff and I simply nodded, hunched forward as I scrubbed at the spaghetti pot, using trying to get the residue off the sides as a good distraction to try and hide how utterly uncomfortable I was with him being that close to me. He rinsed each dish carefully and then dried them before setting them in the dish rack. "Chrissie always told me that if she cooked dinner, I was to do the dishes. She said it was to make things more fair." He said it slowly, clearing his throat slightly. "

I hate doing the dishes, always have, so I made an effort to get home early enough to start dinner so she would have to wash them instead of me." He spoke evenly although his breath hitched slightly as he spoke of the female I knew he must have loved dearly. "If you would like, we could split the days like that. Switching between cooking and dishes." He said it lightly and the way he said it let me know he was attempting conversation but the thought of him taking over even more duties made my heart lurch. I needed to be useful. The minute I stopped easing the burden of me existing underneath his roof was the minute I would be tossed aside.

I swallowed and tried to stop how my hands shook as I scrubbed the pot harder. "I- I like cooking and cleaning, sir. It-it gives me purpose and-and keeps me busy." I needed to have chores, things I did that he wouldn't want to do because it meant I had purpose and there was a reason he couldn't toss me to someone like the Delta. I really didn't want to go to the Delta.

There was a heavy feeling of awkwardness that I didn't like but I had no ability to change it. I didn't like this dynamic, this weirdness he had created. At least when he was verbally berating me I knew where I stood. "I..." He stopped and exhaled. "I don't like this weirdness between us." He said it sharply and I leaned away from him slowly, waiting with my heart in my throat for him to blow up. "I apologize for how I was towards you when you first came under my protection. I blamed you when you were not at fault for any of the shit that happened to bring you into said protection." The words made sense, I knew they did but I didn't quite get what he was saying.

He was apologizing.

I frowned and looked up at him. "It is not your fault. I'm a burden in your house. You are allowed to act how you wish towards that burden." I blinked at him, utterly confused. Males didn't apologize. Especially not to females with less worth than them. As I had no worth, he could treat me how he wished and there was no need to apologize for it.

He glanced at me before he leaned against the sink, gripping the edge of the sink with a dark frown, his eyes on the dishes left in the basin. "You have a habit of devaluing yourself and I can admit that I did not help with that when you first came here." He muttered the words out before he gave a heavy inhale and looked at me. I dropped my gaze, unable to meet his. "I spoke to your father and he informed me that you have been removed from his realm of protection permanently." He said it low and almost gently and I frowned with confusion.

I glanced back up at him. "I knew that."

His eyes narrowed and I looked away quickly. "Do you though? It means that if I were to cast you out, you would have no protection." He stated it a bit more firmly but I frowned, still confused as to why he was bringing it up at all.

"I...I am well aware of that." I had known that would be the outcome of my father handing me off. I had been aware of it for a very long time. It was not surprising to me.

"Are you?" He stressed the words and it just made me more confused. How would I not understand the very simple fact of what my father passing me on meant? It was made very clear to me growing up, he might not have said the words but my father had never needed to.

"Did-do you remember when I told you about how I came to be?" I glanced up at him and he nodded slowly. "I knew from a very young age that once my father handed me off, I would never step foot into that family again. I am very well aware that I will never be welcome to darken their door again and that if I attempted I would be punished severely. I am a burden my father had to bear. He would not be willing to take it on once it was gone. So I am aware of what it meant when he handed me off to you." I explained it slowly and carefully, not wanting to make it seem like I wasn't questioning his logic or his reasoning. I wanted him to understand that I understood very clearly what it meant and why I was not surprised by my father stating it to him.

There was a bit of silence and I went back to washing the pot. "Your father is not a nice male, is he?" He asked it low and I pinched my lips together.

"I cannot speak on such matters, sir." I wasn't allowed to state anything about those above my station. I was to defer to them, not judge them regardless of what they did.

"Well I can. He is a shit male and you have more worth than what he gave you." He said it firmly before he went back to rinsing and drying the dishes. "I guess what I am trying to say is that despite everything I am feeling. You aren't at fault and using you as a punching bag for it is wrong." At the words I froze and looked back up at him in confusion. He was allowed to treat me however he wanted, there was no wrong way he could treat me. I was worthless and that meant any treatment of me was right, there was no wrong.

"It's not fair to treat you so poorly and I know Chrissie would have pinched my ear for speaking to you as I did when you first came underneath my protection. I am doing a disservice to my female by treating you as I have." He soke slowly before he took the pot from my hands.

I swallowed hard as I looked at him, "You are allowed-"

"I don't want to hear that, Menza. I'm not allowed to treat you poorly because some backwards traditions give me leave to." The words were snapped out and I flinched slightly under them. I shouldn't have spoken like that to him, he was above my station. I turned back to the sink, quickly getting back to washing the dishes. He let out a heavy sigh, "I'm trying to say that I understand that this house, my house, is the only place you can go. Outside of my protection, you have no one, no place to go. So as long as that remains true, you have a place here." The words came out a bit haltingly, as if he truly didn't want to say it but felt he had a need to. I didn't understand it or him but it wasn't my place to question his decisions about me.

"It's just... hard for me. I know Alpha tossed you at me to replace Chrissie so the fact you are stepping into that role is hard for me." He said the words softly and I looked up at him in shock. I never would have wanted to do that. His female was his and I would never presume to take her place in his life.

I gave a heavy inhale, he needed to know that. "I-I never wanted to-"

"I know you didn't, Menza, that is not on you. What I was saying is that he can have that be his goal but in the end no one can replace Chrissie, even if you do the chores or make dinner. Chrissie was my female and I loved her with everything I have inside me and when she died, a big piece of me died with her." His voice wavered slightly and he cleared his throat, wiping at the pot to get every drop of water off as if the task would take his mind off of his unbearable loss.

"Losing a loved one is hard and nothing can ever replace them." I spoke as softly as I could, remembering my mum and how much I loved her and how much it hurt to learn she was gone and I would never ever get to speak to her again. "If... if you feel I am encroaching on her territory, let me know, so I can pull back until you are ready and if you never are, that is perfectly okay." I didn't want to step into a role that he wasn't ready for. If he needed me to not do something that his Chrissie had always done, I would step back. Even if it was a certain meal she made or how she set the table. I would step back if he told me. I never wanted to be the one to step into his female's place underneath his roof. That wasn't for me.

"It will be inevitable you will but I will let you know if I need time to process letting go a bit longer." He cleared his throat and he set the put on the dish rack as I set the clean cutlery into the empty sink for him to rinse. We fell into a small silence, it was still a bit awkward and I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do or act but I figured focusing on dishes was the best option. I could focus on making sure I was getting everything clean and not on his presence. "The sun is setting." He said it low as I set some more cutlery into the sink. I glanced up and looked out of the large kitchen window. He was right, the sky was turning a pale pink and purple as the sun started to sink below the horizon

"Chrissie loved watching the sunsets. She always asked me to watch them with her. I was so busy with my duties I rarely did." His voice shook slightly and I could hear the pain he held back. It was clear the loss of his Chrissie was a wound that hadn't began to heal and I didn't blame him. A mate was for life, one half of yourself. To have that taken away would be nearly unbearable. "I feel like I have missed so much time with her. I spent so much time with the ranks that I left her behind and now she's gone." His voice was thick and I felt my heart turn over in my chest at just how pained he sounded. It was like there was an ache in him that came out in his voice that let me know just how badly he was hurting.

"I thought I was untouchable before she died. Like nothing in my life could go wrong. And then it did." He gave a shaky inhale as his voice cracked on the last words. He gave a cough and rubbed at his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be acting like this." His voice was both rough and a bit gruff and I hesitantly reached out and touched his elbow, looking up at him.

"It's-it's okay. It's okay to hurt with her gone. It doesn't have to be better, not right now." I kept my voice soft and he didn't look at me, just looked out the window to where the sun was painting with vivid colours across the sky.

"She would have been a great mother." He gave a choked sort of laugh and then pressed the back of his wrist to his forehead as he grimaced, his teeth grinding together as the muscles in his jaw jumped. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I love Maeve but I want to hide her from the world. She's all I have left of Chrissie and she won't be cherished in this world like she deserves. How I should have cherished Chrissie. It's not right." He grabbed the edge of the sink and let out a shuddering exhale, his eyes closed as he tried to even out his breathing.

I didn't know what to say, it was clear he was hurting in a way I would never understand but I did understand grief. Mine was old but it was still there, it still ached at times. "Maeve is a darling and sweet child. I am so sure that your Chrissie would be so proud of her and of you for taking such good care of her." I said it gently, watching him carefully to see if I was helping or hurting. "I am sure your Chrissie is watching you with love because you love your daughter. I can tell and you are a good dad." He was, no matter how rough and angry he was with me, no matter how loud her got and how much he yelled, he loved his little female. He cherished her greatly.

"I should have been a better mate." He muttered the words out and I swallowed

"And I could have been a better daughter but we can't change the past." I felt a little shaky as I turned back to the sink and giving the cups a quick wash. "I am sure your Chrissie knows how much you love her and how much you grieve. She knows and she loves you back just as fiercely as you love her now." I carefully set them into the sink and there was a few tense moments before he slowly reached out and picked one up, rinsing it before picking up his drying clothe.

"I should be over it." It came out sharply and I swallowed hard and inhaled to bolster myself.

"We cannot give a timeline for grief because it never truly stops hurting. It has been just over two months. That is not long enough to grieve for your female." I spoke carefully, my voice shaking slightly. I was taking far too many liberties but he sounded so hurt. "It has been over fifteen years since I lost my mother and I still have days where my chest hurts and I ache for her." I let the water out of the sink and wrung out the cloth. "There is no time limit on grief. It stays with us for the rest of our lives." I knew I would mourn my mother until I died. I would mourn her until it was time for others to mourn me. That was simply how it went.

Sometimes I would forget about the aching pain and then sometimes it would hit me again and it took all I had to breathe because I missed her so much. I carefully folded the damp cloth and hung it on the sink's divider before moving over and drying my hand on the towel hanging from the oven's handle.

"I'll..." Brochan paused and I froze slightly, turning my head slightly towards him but not looking at him as he cleared his throat. "I'll make supper tomorrow." He glanced at me as he said it firmly. It was clear he wasn't going to let it go.

"Yes, sir." I bowed my head at him. He folded the drying cloth and then walked away, leaving me wondering just what was going on and why it was happening at all.