A week later

I kept my head down, jogging around the field. I was aware that some of the warriors were watching me, getting lax in their formations. I did my best to ignore it. Trevor was already screeching so loud it was agitating me, I didn't need him to start doing it to me as well because I wasn't quite sure that I wouldn't end up throwing a punch at him. Dealing with everyone out at the training grounds seemed to always put me and my wolf's hackles up. I wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps it was the snide little remarks about me not having my position, not joining in with the others, or how sometimes some of them made remarks about me still grieving for Chrissie. Or perhaps it was how they spoke about Menza.

I narrowed my eyes as my hands tightened into fists at the thought. A lot of what some people said about her was either super predatory or plain disgusting. Whispers of 'She's weak and has poor blood, just kill her and be done with it', or 'She's pretty enough I wouldn't mind trying her out if given the chance', grated on me and my wolf. They needed to stop talking about her entirely. We didn't like anyone speaking about her like that, let alone the warriors.

I didn't understand the dislike. I really didn't. She was sweet, kind, unfailingly patient, and when she laughed it lit up her entire face and made her nearly glow. Which almost soured my stomach. I liked her. I did. Which wasn't something I was very impressed with. I knew liking her wasn't a problem. It really wasn't. She was too sweet and kind not to like. It was just... I heaved out a deep breath my frown growing. I liked her but I could feel something underneath that wasn't something I approved of. It wasn't her fault that there was a bit of budding attraction, that was all on me.

Chrissie hadn't been gone long, to feel something like that for another female felt wrong, so fucking wrong. It wasn't Menza's fault though. I knew it wasn't but it was hard. I was agitated and irritated all at once. I wanted to tell her to stop being so nice, to stop smiling at me because when she did it made my breath catch in my throat. I wanted to tell her to stop being herself because of what I was feeling. I knew I couldn't, that wasn't fair to her to punish her for something she didn't do or for simply being herself.

It was just hard.

I wanted to deny it, I really did. I wanted to deny that when she beamed up at me and her face rounded out and she looked so fucking happy that my heart thumped hard in my chest. I wanted to deny that when I held her hand, that finely boned hand that reminded me so much of a delicate bird, that my stomach went into knots. I wanted to deny that when she laughed at something I said or did that it made a slight heat curl through my veins. I wanted to deny all of that. I did. But I knew denying it would only make the urge to tell her no or to yell at her to stop, grow worse. She was now comfortable with me, she stopped stuttering and giving those bolstering inhales when she spoke to me. I didn't want to ruin that.

I had to accept how I felt. I hated that I had to because it felt like I was admitting to being a giant failure, that I was tainting Chrissie's memory by letting another female that close. But I also knew that by accepting it, recognizing it was there, and then letting it go, was probably the best thing to do. That and Menza was my friend, one of my only and best friends. I didn't want to ruin that with what I was feeling. I didn't know how it would change our relationship for me to leave my feelings like they were. Her friendship was far more important to me than some budding attraction.

I hated the fact I had to bring it up but I also knew I needed to draw the proverbial line in the sand. Let her know there were lines I wouldn't cross and that it was safer for us to stay on our sides. I knew she would understand. Menza was the most understanding female I had ever met. She would understand and accept it because she would get what I was saying. I wanted to be her friend, that was all I wanted and I knew she would happily accept that.

"Run the damn drills!" Trevor's voice was harsh as he yelled at the warriors and I knew what would be coming next. I finished my lap and then stopped by my bag. The sky was still light but I knew it was close to six. Menza had called and asked if she could go home early, saying Maeve was fussing a bit more than usual. I told her to get the whelp to take her home, so I wasn't late to pick her up but I knew it was better to leave now rather than have Trevor start yelling at me because the warriors were following what I did rather than what he told them to do.

I grabbed my water bottle and downed most of it. My wolf huffed at me sightly, watching me intently even as he gave a fake pant as if teasing me about how hard I was breathing. I mentally shoved at him. "Immature beast." I muttered it out as I shoved the bottle into the bag and then picked it up. I wanted to get back to the house, outline my boundaries with Menza, and then finally relax.

I moved away from the training grounds, not looking back for a second. I didn't want to see if people were staring or what they were saying. I heard enough. They tried to hide it from me, they did, but I could still hear snippets. It was honestly getting to the point where I didn't understand why I was even going back out to train. I knew that Stenton classed me as a pack warrior but he was also correct in saying I had a bit of an anger issue. I disliked hearing the warriors talk about me or Chrissie and I hated when they talked about Menza. She was under my roof, under my protection, and she didn't deserve their distaste, their perverse words, or their predatory wants.

I spotted the whelp and his three friends in front of the craft hall. They were laughing but the whelp looked over and his eyes narrowed as he looked at me, tanking my mood further.

'Get your fucking head on straight, Brochan, and think about what you are doing with my sister.'

That was what he told me. As if the whelp could see something that I hadn't at the time. I didn't like his commentary on it. I really didn't. He could get fucked for all I cared. Menza had nothing to worry about when it came to me. I would outline the boundaries and then everything would be okay. Once the lines were drawn, we would both stay inside them and we could keep being friends, just like I wanted.

"Trevor still screeching like a little girl?" At the amused voice from one of the whelp's friends I flicked my gaze over. I believed the male who said it was Nash but I wasn't sure.

"Does he ever not?" I called it back out and the male laughed hard, grinning at me

"I swear he's gunna get challenged." One of the other male's said it and I couldn't quite place him but it sounded like Jake. I wasn't sure. They weren't warriors, just general pack members who occasionally trained. They fell into a quieter conversation and I looked away, continuing my walk.

I felt more and more nervous the closer I got home. I didn't even know where to begin with what to say to her. I knew what needed to be said but I wasn't quite sure I could formulate the how I was going to say it. I knew I couldn't be a coward about it. The conversation needed to happen and it would. I just needed to stop being a coward and get it over with.

I walked through the trees, doing my best to shove that nervous energy back down where I didn't have to think about it but that stupid little tugging in my stomach kept telling me it was okay, to let it go because Menza was a great female, a good one, and that she would take care of me. Which was the last thing I needed to hear so I did my best to tune it out. I stopped when the house came into view and a sharp bolt of pain struck me right through the chest. It was brightly lit and cheery but what caused the pain was the fact I had come home to the house looking like night after night when Chrissie was alive. It felt like I stepped back in time for a brief moment before reality slammed into me, reminding me of what happened, that my female was dead, and I was left to mourn her.

I took a heavy inhale, letting the pain bolster me for the conversation I was about to have. That pain, that grief, was the reason I needed to tell Menza my boundaries, to let her know what was going on and that we would always be friends but that was it. She would accept it. I knew she would and I also knew it was more for me than it was for her. Once I laid out my boundaries I could stop myself from feeling what I was. With defined boundaries I could settle myself within them and ignore everything else.

I walked up the porch stairs and pushed open the front door. The smell of chicken parmesan flooded my nose and I froze slightly, blinking back the thought that Chrissie would come around the corner from the kitchen and ask me how my day was with that beautiful smile of her. My heart thudded in my chest as Menza peeked around the corner. She looked hesitant and I swallowed hard but closed the door behind me and set down my training bag.

"Hey." Her voice was soft and sweet and I closed my eyes, exhaling slightly before inhaling the familiar scent of Chrissie's favourite dish. "I hope you don't mind but I was figuring out how old Maeve was and I realized that it's been a few days over six months since you lost your Chrissie." The words were like a spear through my chest and I fought back the emotions as I opened my eyes and looked around. Pictures of Chrissie were set out everywhere and there were daffodils in vases on different counters and shelves. "I figured we could spend the evening talking about her and I made her favourite dish, Lisa gave me the recipe, and playing with Maeve." Her voice was oh so soft, like she was afraid I would be upset and angry with her.

Six months.

It had been six months.

I hadn't realized just how long it had been since I had lost her. It seemed like it happened yesterday but then there was days it felt like she was still there and then others where it felt like it had been a lifetime since I last saw my female's smile. I let out a heavy exhale as I looked around, kicking off my shoes. "This is..." I trailed off, the lump in my throat was too big to get words around.

"I hope it's okay. Dana helped me get the flowers and more pictures of Chrissie, her mate also picked me up the ingredients and Chrissie's favourite wine. I thought you would like to spend the evening remembering her." Her voice trailed off and I shook my head slowly. There was no way she could be that thoughtful and sweet. There wasn't. "I can... I can take everything down if you want. If you aren't ready." Her voice shook slightly and I ignored it as I strode across the room to her.

Once I was close enough I grabbed her and pulled her in close, wrapping her in a heavy hug. "Thank you." My voice cracked, nearly choking me on the lump in my throat. I held her tight, resting my chin on her head as those small and delicate hands of hers came up and touched my sides tentatively. "It's okay." It came out trembling but I didn't have it in me to fight against it as slowly but surely, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me back. The embrace was warm and comforting and I closed my eyes. "I appreciate this." I whispered it, swallowing convulsively against the lump in my throat. Only Menza would think to have a small celebration to the life of the female I had loved.

"I wasn't sure if it was a bit too much." She whispered it against my chest, nearly muffled and I shook my head quickly.

"It's not. It's perfect." It was. I honestly was. To spend the evening eating Chrissie's favourite food, drinking her favourite wine, being surrounded by the things she loved as we talked about her and her life and the love I shared with her. There was nothing better than that.

Six months.

I swallowed convulsively and blinked away tears. Half a year. I had been without Chrissie for half a year. I didn't know what to think about that so I hugged Menza a bit tighter, holding her a bit stronger. She was so small against me, my form nearly dwarfed hers but she still fit there, against me. It didn't feel awkward or strange, it felt easy and natural. I swallowed hard again before slowly letting her go and wiping at my eyes.

"It smells delicious." It did. It smelled amazing and wonderful and perfect. I looked down at her as she stepped away and she gave me a wavering smile, her own eyes looking a bit glassy.

"Thank you. I wanted to make sure it was perfect." With the words she turned and headed into the kitchen. I moved over to the high chair where Maeve was sitting, playing with one of her spoons. I bent over the back of the chair and kissed her cheek. She jumped in surprise before turning to look. She gave me a gummy smile and started babbling at me as she lifted the spoon.

"I know. I can see it." I kissed the top of her head as she babbled again, tapping the spoon against her tray. "Do you need any help?" I looked at Menza and she shook her head as she came around the kitchen counter, carrying two plates.

"I'm alright." She gave me a smile as she set down a massive plate in my usual spot before she set one across the table where she usually sat.

"Let me grab the wine." I spotted the two bottles of rosé on the kitchen counter and Menza looked at me like she wanted to tell me it was okay but I was already moving. "I've got it." I moved over to the cupboards and pulled out two wine glasses. "Do you drink?" I looked over my shoulder at her and she shuffled in place a bit.

"Not really but I don't mind trying some." She glanced up at me and her cheeks darkened a fraction and I smiled back at her.

"If you don't like it, it's okay. You don't have to keep drinking it." I carried the glasses over to the counter and grabbed one of the bottles. "Chrissie liked rosé wines because they were more mild. She said the flavour profile paired with nearly everything." I carried the glasses and bottle over to the table and set one glass beside Menza's plate as she moved around the table, heading for the second bottle.

"I know Lisa recommended a red wine, she said a Merlot I think it was, for the chicken." She tucked the other bottle into the fridge and I set my glass down before opening the bottle quickly. It didn't take much and Maeve giggled at the pop the cork made.

"Silly girl. You think that's funny." I smiled at my daughter and she giggled again, banging her spoon against her tray before giving an excited screech.

"I know. I know, little miss." Menza said it quickly and I poured her a generous glass of the wine before pouring some for myself. "I've got your food, little miss." I set the bottle in the middle of the table as Menza set a bowl of pureed food down next to her spot. Maeve bounced in her spot, giving a small gasp before screeching, banging her tiny hand and the spoon on the tray again and again

"Such a vicious beasty." I chuckled warmly as I bent over and kissed her cheek before moving around the table to sit in my spot. I looked at her with another smile as I settled into my chair. "So greedy." She grunted as she strained towards Menza, her spoon firmly clutched in her hand.

"I know, I know. I'm moving so slow." Menza chuckled as she sat down in her spot before taking a spoonful of the puree and holding it out for Maeve who gave a little growl and nearly tossed herself forward to eat it.

I chuckled as I watched her before picking up my own fork and knife, cutting into the chicken and noodles. "Go ahead." I gestured towards Menza and she nodded, giving Maeve another spoonful of the puree. I took a bite of the dish and closed my eyes, humming in contentment. It was just like Chrissie always made. It made a bittersweetness move through me at the thought.

Six months.

She had been gone for six months.

It didn't feel that real, that she had been gone for that long. Half a year gone. Maeve was halfway to being a year old and I had been without my Chrissie for half a year. It really didn't feel real. I swallowed the food and took another bite, chewing slowly.

"What was your favourite thing about Chrissie?" Menza glanced at me as she fed Maeve another bite as the little girl grunted, reaching for it.

I chewed and then swallowed before taking a sip of the wine. It was fruity and a touch dry but it made a wave of nostalgia flow through me. Chrissie had always insisted that I share a glass with her at the end of the day. It had been well over a year since I had done so. She hadn't had any alcohol after we found out she was pregnant. "That she was confident and stood up for others. That she believed in me even when I couldn't believe in myself." There was so much I had loved about her and Menza gave a small nod before feeding Maeve a touch more, her own plate untouched. "Here, let me take over for a bit so you can have a bit to eat." I held out my hand and she glanced at it before giving me a tiny smile and handing the bowl over.

"Dana told me about how Chrissie liked to volunteer to help others. She said Chrissie was the first person in line if anyone needed help." Her voice was soft and sweet and I nodded, feeding Maeve a bite as she bounced in her spot, her eyes looking at me with so much excitement and love.

"She did. Always wanted to be there for others." I cleared my throat and took another drink of wine. "The ranks said she was disrespectful more time than I could count but I liked that she wasn't afraid to speak her mind and that she would speak up for others to ensure their voices would be heard." She had been such a giving person, she had wanted everyone to have fair treatment. She wasn't afraid to speak up to make sure people understood that want.

"She sounds like an amazing female." Menza's voice was low and I nodded, glancing at her. She took a sip of wine before holding out her hand. "I can feed her again so you can eat." I smiled at that and held out the bowl and handing over the spoon.