Ta da!! Update time! I know, I know I'm updating it after a long time but those of you who follow my other YuZhou fics know that I wasn't sitting idle, right?😅😅 And I am having some issues with my job, so, I'm kinda worried and upset at the moment and it hampers my writing. So, please, be patient and don't leave if the updates are not as fast. 😞

This chapter is very important to the plot. Also, I could not find a suitable song for it; I chose a phrase of a song as I thought the lyrics reflected some of the emotions. I'll leave it to you what song comes to your mind reading this.😀

Those who comment/vote/share- You guys are my awesome blossom. Sometimes I don't feel like writing, think about taking a break but then I read your comments, see how supportive and warm you guys are and my zeal for writing comes back.💗💗💗 I love you, guys!💗

Word count- 6.6K
POV- T+ JY

Hope you enjoy the read!

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"I only wanted to have fun
Learning to fly, learning to run
I let my heart decide the way
When I was young
Deep down I must have always known
That this would be inevitable
To earn my stripes I'd have to pay
And bear my soul.."

- "Million Years Ago" by Adele

**********************

Chapter-21

Timmy checked his phone, checked his backpack, checked his hair, checked the phone again and just when about to step out of the door his mother called.

“Timmy? Don’t forget to drop by your Dad’s.”

He frowned as he turned to look at his mother, “By Dad’s office? Why?”

“What why?” His mother frowned back, “Because he had asked you to.”

“No, he didn’t. This is the first time I’m hearing about it.”

“Well, not personally. He asked me to tell you and I told you.”

“Mum! Why didn’t you tell me before? Why are you telling me just now? I’m gonna be late if I go to Dad’s!”

“I already told you about it last night! Don’t blame me if you can’t even bother to listen to your mother,” she snapped and before Timmy could let her know that next time she should try telling something when he was actually awake, his mother left the room.

Annoyed to no end, Timmy swore under his breath. Why did all the things happen when he was in a hurry? He thought about taking his car; after meeting JingYu he almost never touched it anymore. It was his way of reducing the socio economic gap between them; although he never told that to anyone. He just could not make himself strut around in a fancy car while his boyfriend was toiling day in and out.

So, with that option out, Timmy hurried towards his Dad’s company. He and his friends had planned to have a day out together. Exams being over finally, this was their time to have some fun, though Timmy’s idea of ‘fun’ was very different than this. This last month was like war time- sleepless nights, group studies, physical exhaustion, exams and so on. He hardly got any scope to properly spend time with JingYu. And now that he was free, JingYu was busy with his BJJ tournaments.

Gotta meet Dad first. Dunno why, though. On my way. All the best for your match. Text me when you get time. Miss you. Love you more. –ZZ

XOXOXOX

“Dad?” Having opened the door already, Timmy called with a soft knock.

His father was facing away from the door and turned when he heard his son.

“Ah, Timmy, come in, come in,” his father ushered him. “I need to find a new assistant again. This one has the efficiency level of a snail,” he muttered, still looking for something in his cabinet.

Timmy fidgeted in the chair. He always felt suffocated in this kind of high profile, corporate atmosphere, even when it was his father’s company.

“Umm, Dad, I kinda have plans for today, so-“

“You young kids today, always on the run. Learn to hold your horses every now and then, all right?” His father said in an amused tone and finally directed his attention to an impatient Timmy.

“This came last evening,” the old man slid a manila envelope towards Timmy, “I wanted to give it to you last night but forgot to take it with me and by the time I reached home, you were already asleep. So, I asked your Mum to send you here today.”

Looking suspiciously at the cover, Timmy asked, “What is it?”

“You’ll never know unless you open it,” his father said not giving any clue but a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

With a petulant frown, Timmy opened the file and came face to face with a glossy, finely designed cover page of a booklet.

Royal Academy of Music

Timmy’s heart stopped.

He knew very well what it was because he once had spent hours staring at the name.

“That is their prospectus. The form for the entrance exam is in there too. Although the exam is going to be a formality as your admission is already confirmed,” his father informed him with a satisfied face.

But Timmy could not respond. This was his dream, to study in this particular college. It was all he had planned for after deciding to take music as his future. He remembered how he nagged his parents to make it possible for him to go and study there; how he gave his everything to improve his skills, so that one day he could wear the RAM emblem proudly. But then JingYu came into his life and another dream, a fiercer one, replaced this one. Now he could not even contemplate about going there, let alone actually do it.

England was a long way from JingYu.

JingYu was his dream now.

He brushed his fingers over the golden letters, then, slid the papers inside, closing it, closing his lifelong dream with it.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Dad, but I...” he took a deep breath, “I can’t do it.”

The only reaction his father gave was some rapid blinking and said, “Come again?”

“I won’t be studying there anymore,” Timmy  repeated and steeled his nerves for the storm he knew was coming.

His father licked his lips and opened and closed his mouth several times before saying, “Let me get this straight. After years of coaxing and convincing me and your mother now you are saying that you don’t want to take the course when finally I have managed to secure a seat for you? Now?”

“Look, Dad, I’m sorry,” Timmy rubbed his face; only he knew what was going on inside his heart. This was his dream, after all. “I really am. But I’ve moved on from this. I...know I should have told you before but this is not something I want anymore.”

“And you think the world revolves around your whims? You think it was easy for me to arrange for this? Do you have any idea how many strings I had to pull?”

“You didn’t have to!” Timmy’s voice also rose, to match with his father’s. “I have enough talent to do it by myself.”

His father snorted sarcastically and it stung so much.

“Do you think you are exceptionally talented or there is any shortage of talents these days?” His father smirked again and again it hit Timmy badly. “You are my son but sometimes parents need to show them the reality too. There are hundreds of aspiring talents like you who are fighting to have their position secured. Do you think you would have a guaranteed chance if I did not interfere? And don’t forget that you asked me to interfere. You asked me to make it possible for you because you yourself knew that your talent alone was not enough.”

Every word that left his father’s mouth was a slap for Timmy. Not because of their malice but because they rang too true. Yes, it was him that had asked his father to pull strings because he was that desperate. But anger was not known to make a person rational or wise.

Timmy got up from his chair with a hard shove against the desk.

“This is my dream and it depends on me whether I should pursue it or not. I’m so sorry that you had to go to such a length for your only son but I still can’t do this. This is not my aim anymore.”

“And may I know what is your current aim?” His father asked in an eerily quiet voice that would have sent a chill down Timmy’s spine if not for the fact that he was burning with anger.

“No, you may not,” he shot back through gritted teeth.

“Leave.”

Staring at him with cold eyes, that was the only thing his father said and Timmy could not be quicker to follow the command through.

But once in the street, he could feel the shock settling in.

After meeting JingYu, he had never consciously thought about this studying abroad thing. It was as though the entire matter was erased from his mind. But now that he came face to face with it once again, he realized just how deep rooted this desire was.

He would choose JingYu over anything anytime but turning away from something which he fantasised about since he was a kid was a painful feeling.

And Dad’s words only helped to worsen the matter.

With shaking fingers he dialled JingYu’s number. JingYu did not pick up. Timmy knew that JingYu probably did not even have the phone with him at the moment but his rationality was all fucked up right now and he needed his boyfriend with him. He called again.

And again. And again. And again. With the same result.

Pip’s call came through in between.

“Dude-“

“I c-can’t make it today.”

“Dude?”

“Not now, Pip. I’ll- I’ll tell you later, all right?”

“But dude-“

“Yes, I’m all right. At least, physically. And please tell the others that I’m sorry and-“

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Just take care, all right? And call me if you need anything. I mean it, dude, anything at all. Well, not those stuff, of course but I hardly think that you’d want anyone else-“

“Pip! Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Umm, I’m hanging up. Take care. Try not to die and if you do, delete your call list and browser history first, yeah?”

Timmy cut the call. But weirdly, Pip with his moronic insensitiveness managed to calm his nerves a bit.

He still needed his JingYu, though.

XOXOXOX

JingYu was worried sick. He finally had the chance to check his phone at the lunch hour of the tournament, which was around 2pm. Seeing there were one text and seven missed calls from ZhouZhou, and the last call being made at 10:38am, he immediately called back and with every call that went ‘missed’, his worry began to rise. After trying for five or six times, he decided to text.

What happened? Are you all right? Are you safe? I’m sorry I couldn’t check the phone earlier. Why aren’t you answering? –JY

JingYu began to call again. His team mates were hollering for him, the match would resume within minutes.

“Come on, come on, come on. Pick up the damned phone!” JingYu groaned in panic and just when he was about to end the call to type another text, the call finally went through.

“Hello?”

“Why weren’t you picking up the phone? What’s wrong with you? I was dying here! What happened? Are you safe? Where are you? Are you safe?”

The other side was quiet. JingYu’s panic went up another notch.

“ZhouZhou? What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

It was such a blatant lie that JingYu could not decide how to react. His coach gestured for him to cut the call right now. ZhouZhou was quiet again.

“Look, I know that whatever it is, it’s not nothing, but at least tell me if you are okay, if you are safe, please?”

“M’ ‘kay,” Timmy mumbled.

JingYu had to take a deep and long breath to control himself from groaning out loud.

“Are you telling me the truth? Look, I will immediately leave the match if you need me to. Just tell me so.”

Even if he said it, JingYu knew very well that quitting a tournament midway was the ultimate breach of protocol and it would surely land him in a suspension.

“No! Don’t leave your match. I’m, I’m all right and safe. I’ll tell you once you get home. Just- just don’t worry about me. Focus onto your match.”

It’s easier said than done, JingYu thought but did not say so. ZhouZhou was clearly upset. “You’re really safe, aren’t you? You are not lying to me, right? And it probably will be late till I manage to call you back again.”

“Yes, I know. And I’m not lying to you.”

JingYu bit his lip. His coach was spitting hot lava at him with his glares. He felt torn.

“ZhouZhou...”

“I am really all right, JingYu. We’ll talk when you’re free.”

“All right. But please take care, all right? I’ll- I’ll call as soon as I can.”

“All the best, JingYu, love you.”

“I love you more, ZhouZhou.”

ZhouZhou cut the call. JingYu sighed and rubbed his temples. He could feel exactly how well the rest of the tournament would go for him.

XOXOXOX

The event ended later than JingYu had anticipated. The more he wanted to get out, then longer it dragged on, and when finally it was wrapped up and he had the chance to check his phone, there was a text from Timmy telling him that he was going to take a nap, so, if JingYu called and could not reach him, he must not worry.

JingYu exhaled dejectedly, tiredness making even breathing laborious. He wanted to be with ZhouZhou today. After they got together, this was the first time he had heard the boy sounding so distressed and JingYu desperately wanted to know what exactly happened. But knowing that ZhouZhou might be sleeping, JingYu called just once and when it was not picked up after a few rings, he ended it. Guessed he had to wait for tomorrow morning.

JingYu dragged his exhausted body to his home. His performance was way below his usual and he lost one of the matches which he would have won with his eyes closed any other day. In short, the day sucked.

He jammed his key into the lock, opened the door, got in, took off his shoes and jacket, stepped in the room and stopped short.

His bed was awashed with the pale streetlights coming from the windows and in the middle of it, tangled in the blanket, slept ZhouZhou.

He was wearing one of JingYu’s t-shirts and shorts, curled in a foetal position, oddly bent neck hiding his face. His own clothes scattered on the floor. Thinking for a moment and letting the scene sink in, JingYu put down his backpack quietly, took out a change of clothes and entered the bathroom.

Timmy was still sleeping when JingYu got out of the shower. Was he here all along? Alone and sad? Or did he come here later? JingYu shuffled the questions within his mind while towelling his hair dry. But even after knowing that ZhouZhou was not well, seeing him here like this, realizing that his boyfriend felt safe in JingYu’s home soothed his day long anxiety. He threw the towel in the laundry basket and went to the bed.

JingYu sat beside the sleeping boy carefully as not to startle him awake and tried to squeeze the pillow under him more comfortably. ZhouZhou moved his head in his sleep, facing JingYu, as if subconsciously feeling where JingYu was, and sucked in his lower lip. Smiling fondly at the young, cherubic face, just as JingYu tried to pull that lip out with his thumb ZhouZhou’s eyes snapped open, staring straight at JingYu. He noted every little development of how the sleepy haze cleared quickly and consciousness flooded in those obsidian orbs.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“Hi-oomph”

JingYu’s greeting was cut off short as Timmy jumped and crashed into him, arms wrapping like vines around his neck.

Momentarily stunned by such a strong reaction, JingYu hugged him back quickly, threading his fingers through the sleep mussed hair, the other hand sliding up and down the slim back.

“I’m here...Shh...I’m here....it’s okay, baby...I’m here.”

The more he soothed the clingier Timmy became. Staying that way for a long while, finally Timmy leaned back and let go of JingYu.

“Is it a good time to ask what happened?” JingYu asked cautiously, watching Timmy sitting up with his back against the headboard.

“I don’t wanna go home,” Timmy said looking away.

“Okay. No one is going to send you home at this hour,” JingYu replied with a soft chuckle.

“Ever. I don’t wanna go home ever,” Timmy snapped, glaring at him.

“All right, okay. As you wish,” JingYu placated immediately. “Have you eaten anything?”

“I’m not grumpy!” Timmy shot back because JingYu always told him he acted grumpy when hungry.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t know how long you’ve been here and I was worried if you slept in empty stomach, that’s all.”

Timmy picked at a lose string of the blanket, then mumbled, “I’ve been here since morning.”

“You’ve been here all along?!” Just as JingYu had feared, “And I bet you haven’t eaten anything, have you? Shit. Let me- uh- what should- okay, let me see what can I do-“

Before JingYu set out to make something for his petulant, hungry boyfriend, the later stopped him.

“JingYu, please, no, I’m not hungry.”

Something in Timmy’s face told JingYu not to force the matter and he sat back again.

“Talk to me, ZhouZhou.”

Neither was it a command, nor a request. A simple open offer. No matter how curious he was to know what had caused his boyfriend to be like this, he would never force Timmy to talk.

Timmy chewed the corner of his mouth, clearly hesitating. JingYu waited patiently, giving Timmy the required space.

“Dad wants me to study in London,” Timmy said at last, voice subdued.

Study in London. In London. London.  These words echoed through JingYu’s mind as he tried hard to comprehend the information.

“London?” He thought aloud. His knowledge of geography was not something to be proud of but he knew it was somewhere in Britain, Europe. Another continent. Far, far away from China.

“Yes.”

“But...why there? What’s wrong with studying here? Isn- isn’t the Universities good here?”

“Because.....I wanted to go and study there,” Timmy answered after a pause.

The words hung between them like a heavy curtain.

“Oh.” That monosyllable was the only thing that JingYu could utter as a response. His head was spinning. You want to go to London? Isn’t that a very long way? Does that mean you want to leave me? Why do you want to leave? JingYu wanted to ask but did not. He found it hard to say anything except another, “Oh.”

“JingYu, it wasn’t recent. It was before I met you! I didn’t mean I want to go now. I wanted it till you came to my life. I can’t even think about leaving Beijing now, let alone China,” Timmy spoke in a rush and JingYu suspected that his own lack of response was what triggered the reaction.

As the words took effect, JingYu’s chaotic mind began to calm down considerably, but not entirely because then came another concern.

“But you said....that it was your dream,” JingYu asked rather than said, still not meeting Timmy’s eyes.

“Yes, it was.”

JingYu winced hearing the answer. Timmy’s hand slithered between his own clasped palms.

“JingYu, it was. Was. Past tense. Not anymore,” Timmy’s eager voice, along with his warm touch eased the tightness within JingYu’s chest a little bit. He looked at Timmy’s bare feet then up his face.

“You are my dream now. We are my dream.”

JingYu gathered the boy in his arms and held him close. He should not act this selfish, should think about ZhouZhou’s future, his success but this once he wanted to be irrational, to be selfish. The reality of the situation that it was this easy to lose him made him numb with fear.

“But it is your dream. Something important to you. Should you let it go this casually?”

Timmy tried to pull out of his embrace, “What are you saying? That I should go? And what, leave you here? Leave everything behind?”

“No, I didn’t mean-,” JingYu stopped himself. What did he mean anyway? Of course, Timmy would have to leave everything in order to go there. “But it’s about your future. You wanted it all your life, don’t you think you should think about it a bit more?”

“Stop sounding like my dad!” Timmy yelled suddenly, his previous agitation coming back.

JingYu let go of him but not completely, just enough to look at his face closely.

“I still don’t know what happened between your father and you. Care to share?”

So, Timmy told him, in details, with occasional interruption from JingYu telling him to stop yelling or cursing.

“I agree that talking about your talent like that was uncalled for but he was angry, ZhouZhou, you have to consider it too,” JingYu said when Timmy finished.

“Why do I have to be the considerate one? He’s my Dad, he should be the one with better understanding!”

“Because he was angry and upset. Because you are the one who wanted and insisted it in the first place and then forgot to let him know that you had a change of heart. I think he feels betrayed somehow. This is as much his dream as yours, or at least that’s what I suspect.” JingYu held Timmy’s chin and lifted his face to look at him, “And when has age anything to do with being considerate? I mean, look at us. We wouldn’t have been here in the first place if you weren’t half as considerate towards me as you are, and you are still practically a kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Timmy snapped with such a petulance that contradicted his words.

JingYu smiled amusedly and pinched Timmy’s nose, “Yes, you are.”

After scowling at him for a second, Timmy buried his face into the juncture of JingYu’s neck and shoulder once again; sound of sniffles could be heard a few moments later.

“He- he said I didn’t have any talent,” Timmy’s voice was clogged up with hurt pride and sadness.

“No, he did not say that. He said that your talent was not enough to get you admitted to that collage. And he was desperately trying to make you see sense-“

“Why are you taking his side? Whose boyfriend are you?”

“Certainly not your dad’s. And I don’t want you to have meaningless misunderstanding with your parents. All I am asking for you to think clearly when that little head of yours is clear, okay?” JingYu patted the said head lovingly, “And talk to him. Not yelling at each other but have a proper talk. Tell him your reasons-“

“You mean telling them that I love you and I can’t leave you?” Timmy interrupted.

JingYu paused and blinked, “ZhouZhou....is that the only reason behind your not going? Am I the only reason that is keeping you away from your dream?”

Timmy blinked confusedly, then his eyes got even bigger.

“What? Noooo. It’s not like that. At least not that bad as you make it sound.”

Not really a denial. JingYu sat back more to look at Timmy.

“Listen ZhouZhou,” he licked his lips, needing courage for the things he was going to say, “I think you should go there. This is what you want and you should not give this up for anything or...anyone.”

Timmy began to say something but JingYu gestured him to listen.

“When I first saw you on that stage of that college fest, I vowed to myself that I’d do anything to see you shine like that. And I will never be able to live with myself if you sacrifice your career for me.”

“And what about us? What will happen to us? I hope you do know that the minimum time I need to stay over there is two years.”

There was a steely quality to Timmy’s voice that did not miss JingYu’s attention. He bit his lip.

“Time will fly by. You’ll be busy learning new things and I’ll be right here waiting for you,” JingYu smiled with forced enthusiasm, “And who knows, maybe I’ll find some work over there and can stay near you.”

JingYu looked at his boyfriend hopefully, trying to convince him and maybe his own self too that things could be that uncomplicated.

But Timmy extracted himself from JingYu’s arms, “Is there anything else you want to suggest?”

“ZhouZhou-“

Before JingYu could continue, Timmy jumped out of the bed, almost tore off the shirt he was wearing and took his own shirt from the floor.

“You are not a hobby, Huang JingYu. You are life.”

“ZhouZhou-“ JingYu pleaded but Timmy was busy donning his clothes. His hands were shaking. JingYu got up and snatched the jeans from him.

“Giveittome- give it- give IT TO ME!” Timmy screamed when JingYu did not let go.

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you still get it?” Timmy gave a hard shove at him, “This is not a game for me! I love you for real! Why is it so hard for you to accept that I can leave everything for you because I find everything in you?”

“I was just trying to do what’s right for-“

“Stop trying to do the right thing and for once do what you want to do! I’m tired of you playing martyr, JingYu!” He pushed JingYu hard again. “I’ve been waiting here all day. All. Fucking. Day. And you come home and preach about doing the right thing?” He grabbed the front of JingYu’s shirt and shook him. “I needed you today, needed you with me and you want me to go thousands of miles away from you? Is that what you want? To get rid of me? Why?” He shook JingYu back and forth will a vicious force that neither of them knew Timmy could muster up. And suddenly he let go, taking a step back, eyes still manic, “Or is it because I came here? You don’t want me here, do you? You didn’t mean it-

“ZhouZhou, stop it-“

“When you gave me the key! And I took you seriously! I thought it-“

“Stop. It.”

“-WAS MY HOME TOO! BUT YOU NEVER MEANT IT. YOU WANT ME GONE! YOU NEVER THOUGHT THIS- GET OFF ME! LET ME GO!”

But JingYu had already lifted him over his shoulder and headed for the toilet. Timmy kicked, screamed, punched and clawed at him but JingYu only put him down in front of the wash basin.

“What the fuck are you doing? Let me go! JingYu, let me-mmmmm-uugggg”

He spluttered and spat as JingYu began to wash his face by pouring the water in his cupped hands. Timmy struggled to get away, pursed his lips, groaned like a wronged animal and gradually started to calm down. JingYu was now threading his wet fingers through Timmy’s hair, massaging the soft place behind the ears, down the nape and neck. He hummed a slow, soft wordless tune as he continued his soothing motion. Timmy’s quickened and laboured breathing began to normalize and with every second the tension line in his muscles melted down to a point where JingYu had to hold him to keep him straight.

JingYu traced Timmy’s every reaction through the mirror and asked, “Are you calm?”

Timmy did not answer. His face was red. The cold water must have hurt his skin but JingYu had no other way. He had seen his mother calming him down like this when he was being especially difficult as a child.

“Open your eyes please,” JingYu murmured softly.

Timmy looked up slowly. Their eyes met on the mirror.

“It’s okay now. You are okay now.”

Sluggish eyes blinked at him tiredly.

“Are you calm now?”

A nod.

“Are you ready to go back to the room?”

Another nod.

“All right,” JingYu nodded, more to himself actually, and took the face towel off the rack. Once drying Timmy’s face, and removing his soaked t-shirt, JingYu lift him up again, close to his chest this time and going to the bed, laid the boy down carefully. He, then, lied down beside him; his own body was on the verge of having a crash.

He turned his body towards Timmy’s who was lying there limply, eyes staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t want you to go,” JingYu’s voice was barely audible and he did not even know if the person lying next to him heard it at all, but he continued anyway. “And I meant every word when I said this was as much your home as it was mine.”

JingYu turned away when there was no response from the other side, and curled into himself. He was tired too. Tired of making mistakes, tired of putting others before him, tired of hurting ZhouZhou even though that was exactly the opposite thing he wanted to do. He only wanted the best for the boy and he was always afraid to pull him down. Was it wrong of him to prioritize Timmy’s career, his dream more than his own desire? Of course, he would not be able to take the blow if Timmy left; he would be devastated. He could not even go without seeing him two days, let alone two years. But.....he wanted to see his baby boy shine. That was his dream. And by the sound of it, studying in that fancy college would give his career a push.

And there was another thing also. JingYu never wanted to cause any kind of problem between Timmy and his parents, be it directly or indirectly. But see where it had put him in the end?

A bone deep exhale left his body noisily and he burrowed his face into the mattress. The places where Timmy’s nails had scratched stung a bit, but not more than his heart.

He must have been lost within his own thoughts because the feeling of two gangly arms enveloping him from behind startled him. His neck felt the touch of Timmy’s forehead, nose and mouth. After a pause, he interlinked his fingers with the ones that hung against his stomach.

“Cold water hurts.”

Timmy’s words tickled his skin but even JingYu’s reflex seemed to have dulled down.

“I know,” he said equally quietly.

“But not more than the way fighting with you hurts.”

“Mmhm.”

The boy moved and JingYu felt his cheek against his neck now.

“You were right.”

“.................About what?”

“Having a proper talk with Dad.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“If you think it’s better.”

They fell silent again.

“I am afraid of losing you, JingYu,” Timmy said, arms tightening their hold.

“You are not the only one,” JingYu replied and brought their entwined hands to his mouth.

XOXOXOX

For some reason they chose the dining table to have this conversation. Timmy had returned home sometime around eleven in the morning and it being Sunday, had the advantage of having everyone in the house. And now here they were, his Dad sitting at the head of the table, Mum was on his left, Nana beside Mum. Timmy sat off centre on the right side of his father, chair positioned in a way that positioned him face to face with his Dad.

“Where have you been last night?” His mother asked, anxiety written all over her face.

“At a friend’s,” Timmy answered vaguely, toying with the salt shaker.

“You weren’t at Pip’s. I called him.”

“I have other friends than Pip, Mum.”

“You weren’t in-“

“Other friends than my band,” Timmy interjected, irritated by this meaningless quarries.

“You could have let us know, couldn’t you? Do you know how worried I was? We all were?” Mrs. Xu accused, giving back the irritation that Timmy just showed her.

“This wasn’t the first time I spent a night out without calling. Then, what makes it special?” He asked heatedly, turning and leaning over the table with his elbows.

“The fact that you seem to have lost the faculty of thinking of your own good. That makes it special.”

It was his father that answered him on his mother’s behalf, and going by the sound of his tone, Timmy knew it would be another gruesome argument.

“What makes you think that I have lost it?”

“Wasn’t yesterday enough proof for you?”

Timmy took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. He had a long and peaceful talk with JingYu this morning and had promised his boyfriend that he would not lose his cool.

“Dad, look, I’m not here to argue with you again. I want to talk. I want to tell some things which I should have told you long ago.”

“What is it? What do you want us to know?” His mother asked looking worried. Nana had a knowing expression on her and she gave him a tight but positive smile. His father did not react other than piercing him with his eyes.

“I know I told you that I wanted to study at the Royal Academy, even nagged you time and again to make it happen, but......”

“But what?” Predictably it was his Mum again.

He looked at her straight and said, “But that’s not what I want anymore. That’s not my intention...anymore.”

Before anyone else could say anything, his father gave out a sarcastic laugh.

“And you think everything should happen according to your moods? When your mood strikes we have to bring you things and when you’re not in the mood anymore, you throw it away?” His face hardened and he, too, leaned over the table, index finger poking at a certain spot for emphasis. “That is not going to happen. You have to take responsibility for your actions. Act like the adult you claim yourself to be.”

Don’t scream. Don’t shout. Be calm. You need this to work, a voice that sounded like JingYu’s spoke within his head.

“I have my reasons, Dad. This is not a matter of my mood swings as you put it. It is impossible for me to leave Beijing at the moment.”

“Can’t even leave Beijing? What is it so important that you can’t even leave the city? You were quite so eager just a few months ago!”

While his mother shrieked incredulously, his father glared daggers at him, and Timmy might have felt very much intimidate by it if his love was not at stake here. He realized that it was time to reveal more than some vague excuses. He looked at Nana who consented by nodding slightly.

“I...” he cleared his throat, “I love someone and I can’t leave them here.”

He carefully avoided mentioning the gender of the person he loved. Not wanting to take the gay cat out of the bag just yet.

His father laughed outright. Not in a good way either.

“So, you are going to sacrifice your career, you music for some puppy love?”

Anger like forest fire swept through Timmy’s toe to his hair tip. Fuck being calm and composed.

He narrowed his eyes at his father and said, “Aren’t you a bit too much presumptuous? What makes you call it a puppy love?” He almost spat the word out.

“Because at twenty that’s what love is for you.”

“Twenty one, Dad. I will be twenty one in less than a couple of months.”

Timmy’s jaw hurt from all the clenching but it was the only way for him to stop himself from screaming out.

“But Timmy, this is not a good reason to throw your career away!” His mother exclaimed.

“And how do you know that?” He turned to his mother, “How do you know that it is not the reason enough for me? That I am ruining my career? Do you mean to say that there isn’t any Chinese artist here with a sound career? Just because you don’t think it as important does not make it less important. This love is everything to me, and you know what, I will leave my music altogether if it comes to that.”

“Timmy! Okay, okay. Just- just let us all think for a moment” his mother tried to gather her wits and trudged on, “Um, if- if the situation is so dire then maybe- maybe, we can send her too with you? Arrange something for her, for your girlfriend, too, can’t we?” The last question was directed at his Dad as his mother looked at the older man with hopeful eyes but his father never once averted his eyes from Timmy.

“You will go to England-“

“No, I won’t-“

“And study at the Royal Academy-“

“Never-“

“Alone-“

“Never going to happen-“

“And that is the final decision.”

“No, it is not!”

“Yes, it is-“

“No, it fucking is not because I love him and I can’t live without him!”

The shout tore through his heart and made him stand up from the impact.

Deathly silence.

“H-him?”

With both of his hands on the table, Timmy panted, head bowed. Hearing his mother’s shaky voice he glanced up at her. Time to lay everything out in the open.

“Yes, mother, him. The person I love is a man.”

His mother flinched back with a gasp as if slapped.

“But- but how is that- how can that- does that mean- You are- you-“

“I’m gay, Mum,” watching his mother stammer and gape, Timmy said with a bitter chuckle.

“Gay?” Tears began to form in his mother’s eyes. It added fuel to his burning heart, instead of extinguishing it.

“Yes, gay. You know, homo, faggot, ponce, sissy, shirt lifter, nan-“

“Enough!”

His father roared and stood up as well.

“I will not have this kind of abomination in my house. I am giving you three days. Three days for you to come to your senses, otherwise I will use everything in my power to make you realize what a shameless fool you are. I will send you to conversion therapy if things come to that, but you will go to England, alone and straight. I will make sure of it. Do not forget for once that even the money for your cigarettes goes out of my pocket. I pay for your everything and in return you will obey me.”

Timmy’s entire body shook from the anger, loathing and hatred he felt for this man. He wanted to break something. A bone maybe. The crunch of a bone might be able to control the waves of acid within him.

“Who the fuck want to stay under the thumb of such a hateful, tyrannical man? I planned to move out after my graduation anyway. You can shove your money up your pocket.” Timmy snarled at his father.

“Get. Out. Of. My. House-“

“Son, don’t be so quick. You are his father-“

Nana spoke out for the first time. She was looking pleadingly at her son and grandson, face mapped with distress.

“You shut up. I’m having the feeling that you knew about this all along!” Timmy’s father shouted at Nana and Timmy totally lost it.

“Don’t you fucking dare to talk to her like that! She was a more of a parent to me that you will ever be.”

“Timmy, no, please stop, it. Both of you, please, just stop for a moment,” his mother begged through her sobs.

But the two men stood head to head, neither of them willing to back down.

“Leave my house and you can come back only when you are ready to fill up that form.”

“In your dream.”

And Timmy stormed out of the room, leaving behind the person who once taught him how to walk.

XOXOXOX

The ladle dropped with a thunk from JingYu’s hand at the sound of the knock. In his nervousness about what was going on at Timmy’s house, he had started a cooking marathon. A way of keeping his mind distracted.

He rushed to the door and opened it.

Timmy stood there, looking small and broken. Two guitar cases dangling precariously from his shoulder, there was a backpack hanging by the crook of his elbow, a plastic carry bag was held against his chest and there was a trolly suitcase by his side.

And Timmy’s eyes were red and puffy.

“Can I stay here with you?” He asked with a hoarse voice that was usually caused by excessive crying. His eyes began to fill up again.

JingYu pulled him closer and held him tight, bag, guitars notwithstanding. He kissed Timmy’s temple, his ears, his neck repeatedly, soothingly.

“This is your home, ZhouZhou. This is yours, I am yours. You can stay forever.”

Timmy began to cry profusely.

[][][][]

A

/N: Conversion Therapy is also known as "Gay Cure". It is a non scientific, inhuman 'treatment' process that claim to cure homosexuality. Many unfortunate people, mostly kids, have been subjected to it and many of them did not survive the torture.

Any thoughts?