14. The Night That Changed Everything

It takes a while, but in the early hours of the morning, I've brought the three of us back to the bunker. Dishearteningly, the Impala is nowhere to be found. He's serious about going it alone. Let's see how it long it takes before he shows his face here again.

I'm lost in my thoughts as I follow Castiel and Sam into the bunker. I nearly trip down the stairs, catching myself with the railing. Sam doesn't know, but Castiel does. I give him an I'm-okay look. He doesn't seem very convinced.

"I assume you're staying over and heading out in the morning?" Castiel asks me as we go into the library section of the bunker. A section that hasn't really been cleaned up since Dean's—what I assume to be Dean's—explosion before I drove Castiel and myself here just yesterday. The broken lamp still lays on the floor, untouched.

I bite my lip. "I'm not too sure anymore, Castiel." I watch as Sam disappears down into the labyrinth of halls. "I mean, lately, with all that I've been pulled into..." I sigh. "I'm wondering if it's not worth the effort. If it's just better if I...I stay here and contribute."

Castiel looks at me strangely, blue eyes meeting brown. "But you told me from the time you found out what I am, you swore—"

"I know." I soften. "I know what I said. But with Gadreel getting away, I won't feel better until I know he's been taken care of. I can't know that when I'm back in Rexford."

"Someone could reach you and tell you."

"I'd want to see it for myself. It'd be the only way I'd be at peace."

"But what about your place, and all of your stuff?"

"I'll figure out something." I smile weakly. "How else do you think I've survived on my own for so long?"

"I'm not sure this is a good fit for you."

I sigh again. "I want to do this. I want to see Sam get better. We'll get to Gadreel first before Dean can."

"You're staying?" says Sam. He looks sleepy, blinking his eyes tiredly.

"Yeah, I guess I am, Sammy. Looks like I'm Dean's replacement."

"You bring anything with you?"

"Just my truck."

"Wow, so you're starting from scratch." Sam rubs the back of his head. "Uh, okay. Well, we've got plenty of spare rooms for you to take. What's ours is yours now, I guess. Just try not to get too lost in here, it's easy to."

"I suspected as much."

"I can show you around a bit, if you want. Or at least show you to a room."

"I think just finding me a room will work, Sam. We're both about to pass out."

I nod a goodbye to Castiel as I follow Sam down into the hall maze. It's silence between us as we open doors and peek into rooms. I guess with all the doors, it's hard to remember what rooms are what. We end up passing the kitchen, which is an open way, easy for me to find.

"They aren't much," says Sam as we're in hunt for my new room. "They're pretty plain. Once you get some things, you can make the room into what you want."

"Sam..." I rub my arm. "I know I was gone a long time..."

"Over ten years."

I flush. "Right. I know I missed a lot. But...this. What's even going on?"

"You've missed the brunt of a lot, Josette. Be thankful for it."

"I don't know about that."

"No, really, you should be." And Sam starts rattling off everything that has happened since I left my brothers and my dad.

Sam found himself at Stanford, and did the same thing that I had. He went to school, got himself a girlfriend. Apparently, I would've loved her. Then Dean came a knocking, saying that he needed help finding Dad since he'd had no contact with our old man. They went out on a case, Sam came back to his dorm room to find his girlfriend dead like our mother, on the ceiling, engulfed in flames.

From there, there had been no going back for my little brother.

"I'm sorry," I say sincerely. "How is Dad, anyway? I haven't heard either of you talk about him."

"Dad...Dad's gone, Jo."

I stop. "Gone? As in...?"

"Dead."

I blink at Sam, holding my ground. "Dad...Dad's gone?"

"Been gone for almost seven years."

"Jesus Christ." I put a hand to my forehead. "Dad...How?"

"We'd gotten into a bad accident. Dean was on his death bed, he was hurt pretty bad. We figured Dad sold himself to a demon to spare Dean."

"Oh my God...And you didn't think to tell me?"

Sam laughs bitterly. "How could we, Jo? You didn't leave behind a number or an address. You never reached out, so you were never told."

"So it's just been you and Dean ever since? Bobby hasn't been joining you?"

"He did for a while."

I pick up on his tone. "No, Sam. No, don't tell me that...that Bobby is gone too."

"I'm sorry, Jo."

I sniff, letting the tears fly. I remember Bobby Singer as practically the father I never had. Granted, my dad did his best as a father, given our situation. But Bobby, he was the dad I'd imagined my dad always being if the hunting life hadn't gotten to him, and to my brothers and me. I'd like to think that was how he would've been had Mom not died in that fire when I was little.

I hold in the anger with clenched fists. "Anything else, Sam?"

"Ellen and Jo are gone too."

I feel nauseous, like I want to find the nearest bathroom and puke my guts out. Dad. Mom. Bobby. Ellen. Jo. I remember Ellen and Jo Harvelle. They were good people. I especially loved Ellen, I'd adopted her as a mother. Jo—yeah, that was fun, but her name was Joanna, not Josette—was the sister I never had.

All the people in my past life, are gone. Dead. Buried. I'm not sure if I have the guts to ask how they died. I know the general reason: their life. Hunting. Hunting got them killed. All that's left are Sam and Dean.

"Everyone...?" I rasp. "Everyone except you and Dean?"

Sam looks at me softly. "I'm sorry."

I squeak out a cry. "No, Sammy, if anyone should be sorry, it should be me." I'm holding back the tidal wave of emotions in me, but it's quickly winning over me. "What I did to the family...I can never take that back. I...I turned my back on people who loved me."

~*~

It has to be like this. Goodbyes are hard. Goodbyes are painful. We've already been through enough pain. I'm ending mine now.

I keep reassuring thoughts in my head as I tiptoe through the motel room. There wasn't much for me to pack except any clothes that could only fit me. This is all I'll have until I start over somewhere.

I've got enough knowledge to get me by. It's dishonest, yes, to commit credit card fraud, but for now, until I get a good stash of cash, it'll have to do. I've got to erase any memory of me. New name, new life. A clean slate.

I sneak past the two beds, one each holding a brother of mine. Dad's out, probably to fill his void with alcohol. I roll my eyes. Between the hunting and booze, my old man is one marble short of becoming a basket case.

I slowly get the door open, wincing as it creaks lightly. Cold air comes in. Freedom. All I have to do is step out and start walking. The road will be my guide. Someone (hopefully) will be kind enough to pick me up and drive me somewhere. If not, I can always find a bus stop.

"How far do you think you're gonna get?"

I sigh through my nose, readjusting the pack on my back. I half-turn to Dean, who looks like he's on the verge of either holding me hostage or letting me go. Sleep is keeping his eyelids halfway down over his eyes, giving him a boyish look. I'm amazed that my brother can look any bit of innocent anymore.

How can any of us Winchester kids look innocent, with what we're doing? With what our dad is bringing us along on?

"As far as my legs can take me," I say neutrally. "You gonna stop me, Dean?"

"I should. Dad said—"

"I don't care what Dad said. I can't take this anymore. I'm taking my chance and running with it while I still have the window."

"You really want to do this? Leave us behind like we're nothing?"

"Don't play it like that!" I hiss. "You are my family, and always will be. This just isn't me."

"If you're saying we're your family, then why are you hightailing it out of here?"

"Dean?" comes Sam's sleep-filled tone. "Jo?" I look past Dean to find our little brother—who's always been very tall—slip out of bed. He's rubbing his eyes. "Guys, what's going on?"

"Nothing, Sam, just go back to bed," I say.

"She's leaving us, Sammy," Dean says, glaring at me.

"What? Why?" asks Sam.

I sigh. "The family business isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life."

"So what are you gonna do exactly?" snaps Dean.

"Whatever I damn well please."

And just at that moment, just as I'm going to make my getaway, I hear the Impala's purr cut off. Son of a bitch. I wince at the car door slamming.

"What's going on?" Dad asks.

My father, John Winchester, upon first impression, could easily scare anybody. Truthfully, I'm not scared of my old man. He and I have had disagreements before. But this, this is on an entirely different level. This is me making the choice on my own, a choice I know he hates to hear me voice.

"Jo's leaving us," Dean tattletales.

Dad groans. "I was afraid this was gonna happen. Josette—"

"Don't, Dad. Just. Don't," I tell him. "You, Sam, and Dean can boo-hoo till the cows come home, but it's not gonna change anything."

"You just wanna walk out and turn your back on us?"

"I'm not turning my back on you."

"The hell you aren't. You walk away right now, we're dead to you, aren't we?"

I rub my face and moan. "No, Dad. You've known for years that I don't want this! You're pushing me into the life! I don't want it! I don't care if you're my dad, I'm old enough to make my own decisions!"

"As long as you're my daughter—"

"Oh, no, don't pull that card on me." I stand toe-to-toe with my dad. "You know, for a while, I was hoping things would work out. We'd be a happy family again. But no. Your sick devotion to find Mom's killer has driven you insane, and you've taken us along for the ride! What if we've never wanted this from the start, Dad? Huh? Did you ever think of that?"

"Hunting is in your blood, you can't change that."

"You're right, I can't. But I can change my life. And that's what I'm doing. Now, let me go on. Or are you gonna hurt me to make me stay?"

"You walk away right now, there's no going back."

"Oh, believe me, I know the risks." I snort. "You know, I've asked myself this for a while now, but have you? Is this what Mom would have wanted for you? For us?" I gesture to my brothers. "Would she want us to be like this?"

"Don't talk about your mother like that."

"I'll do whatever I damn well please," I mouth off. "Think about it, Dad. Mom would be rolling in her grave if she saw—"

I recoil, stumble back into the room after I feel the hard sting against my face. Dad is pissed. He looks like a bull about to charge into the room. He's shaking. I feel hot tears prick in my eyes, his eyes. My eyes are the only thing of my dad's, the rest I have inherited from my mother.

"Don't disrespect her like that," Dad hisses.

"You think you're doing the best for us? This'll get us all killed! Sorry, but I want to live to be old and gray!" I scream hoarsely. "It may be too late for Dean, he may be your good obedient soldier, but I'm not getting sucked into the brainwash." I look back at Sam.

"Where did I go wrong with you? Where did I make you turn into a failure?"

I recoil. A failure? "You don't mean that."

"I think I do, Josette."

"You're just pissy because I'm not consumed by hunting like you are." I snort softly.

"No, you did fail me, Josette. You've failed me as a daughter."

"Well, then I guess you failed me as a father. Can't have one happen without the other," I say coldly. "Drunk or sober, you've failed as a parent."

"Maybe I should've let you burn in the house."

I let out an audible gasp. Now, I'm shaking with rage. Angry tears well in my eyes. "Now look who's disrespecting my mother, your wife! You know, I don't know what she saw in you! You're a bastard!"

I look back at my brothers. Dean's eyes are a mix of hatred and sorrow right now, and Sam...

Sam has turned back into that little kid I've always been told to protect. Vulnerable.

Neither of my brothers have the balls to get into this fight between our dad and me. I'm alone in this fight. I'm taking all of the hits.

"No goodbyes," Dad says gruffly. "If you want to go, go. See you if we ever do."

I have enough anger in me to want to flip him off, but I decide to be better than that and start my hike away from my family.

"Jo!"

I turn around, only to get slammed into by Sam. I'm so used to having his head under my chin, but since he's sprouted so much, I'm the one who has myself buried in him. His head is stuck into my shoulder, and I feel him shaking. I'm surprised Dad and Dean didn't stop him.

"Don't go." He's afraid. "Dad—"

"Don't try to defend his sorry ass," I whisper. "It's not worth your time."

"Jo..."

"Sammy, I can't stay," I whisper, rubbing his back. "You don't have to either. It's too late for Dean, but not for you. Don't trick yourself into thinking that you want this. I know you don't, you've told me so many times. Get the courage to stand up to him and leave. It'll hurt, but you'll be better off without all this. And who knows? Maybe we'll run into each other again."

"Jo-Jo..."

"Shh. Tough it out until you're old enough to go out on your own. Get a plan made and make sure Dad can't stop you. Okay? Hey. I'll always love you, Sammy." I would say that I love Dean and Dad too, but...Yeah, I'll always love them, some part of me will. But right now, all I can feel is opposition from them. Anger. Frustration. Loathing.

I gently pry Sam off of me, holding his tear-stained face. I keep the tears going down my face. I can't hide how much this hurts, to leave them, to leave Sam. Dad always told me to watch over Sam, even when Dean was to do so as well.

I feel a ball and chain fall off of me as I take those steps away from that motel room. I cover my mouth with my hand, muffling my sobs. Sam doesn't run after me, but that doesn't mean that I can't hear his heart break along with mine. It doesn't mean that I can't picture his sad, puppy-dog face begging for me to stay, pleading for me to not go.

"Goodbye," I whisper to the wind.

~*~

"Dad was right, I turned my back on you guys."

I'd buried the guilt once I was able to. I'd kept it buried for a while, but not as long as I've been away from my family. Now, knowing what I know, even if it's just a small piece, the guilt is surfacing.

I can still look at Sam and see my little brother. I can see him just as I had the day I'd left him with Dad and Dean. The only thing that's changed him is time and experience.

"It wasn't turning your back on us," says Sam. "You made a choice to better yourself. I made that same choice."

"Yeah, and look where we are now. Two runaways back in the game, back to square one." I wipe my eyes. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"You know, I've always forgiven you, for running."

"R-really?"

"I wanted to hate you. I did for a little bit. I mean, you left us, you left me." He rubs the top of his head. "But when I got older, I remembered what you said to me. About what we'd talked about. I realized then that you weren't doing it because you hated us or anything, you just wanted a way out. You saw the chance, and you took it."

I laugh. "I think you're making me worse instead of better, Sam."

"Point is, whether or not Dean will ever forgive you, I have. And I'm sure at some point Dad might've too."

I snort. "Yeah, our old man, forgive me? I don't think so. I don't know about you, but I remember his parting words to me. I remember every word he told me in that fight. If I had lived through what you guys did together, I'd believe you more."

"Come on, I'm trying to make you feel better. I hate seeing you upset."

I laugh through my pain as Sam hugs me. "Still haven't changed, Sammy. I'm glad this hasn't."

"Guess Dad was right about us."

"About what?"

"Try as we might, we're Winchesters. There's no escaping this."

**[gestures to hoard of tissues] Take them, please. *dabs eyes* I never realized just how much that fight got to me. I wanted to make it hurt so much, and I made it hurt so much...

Well, on the plus side, at this point, after deliberation, Jo doesn't look like she's going back to Rexford. Good or bad for her?

Fun fact: I had a hard time picking an actress for Jo. Originally, I'd had Adrianne Palicki as a contender (She played Jess way back when, if you remember). I think I'd had a few others up for Jo's role, but then I found Emily VanCamp. Then I knew, this girl is the offspring of John and Mary Winchester.

This was a nice filler chapter, though. You saw what caused Jo to leave, saw the ugly fight that went down. You could see who clearly chose their sides in that fight. Hence why Sam will always have a closer bond with Jo than Dean will.

But, I don't know, you guys. With all that's happened in Jo's absence, I don't think Dean is too happy to see her for a different reason than she suspects.**