37. "I'm Watching Out For You Now."

There are times where you feel your world is crashing down all around you. There are times where you feel hopeless as you watch it crumble before your very eyes.

This is the feeling that consumes me as I watch my baby brother hold our older brother's broken body to his chest, his sobs tearing through my soul even more. If I wasn't in such pain, I would be right with Sam, holding our bloody, dead brother.

"Sam," I rasp, gently touching my brother's shoulder. I find myself leaning into him, holding the wound in my stomach. "Sam..."

"Jo. Oh God, Jo." Sam awkwardly turns as I sit back. His face is full of pain and despair. "Shit, we gotta get you to a hospital."

Through our pain and tears, Sam carries Dean's body over his shoulders while he keeps a hold of me by my wrist. I think had Dean still lived, I would be the one over Sam's shoulders. The homeless that watch us leave have horror etched upon their faces. They probably think I look like the walking dead compared to Sam. Or, you know, it's totally possible that they're focused on Dean's limp body over Sam's shoulder. That could be worth their expressions.

Our walk takes forever, and it's a surprise how I don't collapse and bleed out onto the road. I gotta keep fighting, for Sam. He can't lose me too. The adrenaline that's been patching my pain is wearing off, and the intensity is bringing new rounds of hot tears to my eyes.

"We're almost there, Jo, almost there," Sam murmurs hurriedly. We come back to the Impala and my truck.

"Take Baby," I rasp. "We'll get my truck when I'm better."

I barely manage to get myself into the passenger side as Sam has the unfortunate duty of dumping Dean's corpse into the backseat of the Impala. He runs and throws himself into the driver's seat, cursing as he looks for the nearest hospital on his phone. I look up into the mirror, and Dean's body looks back at me.

"Dean..." I whimper, wishing I could be held by him.

I'm jolted around in the seat as Sam guns the Impala down the road, leaving my truck in the dust. I don't have a seatbelt on even though it's highly recommended. Sam keeps muttering things to himself, and I see the tear streaks down his face. I feel horrible for my little brother. In the midst of his own pain and mourning, he's got to drive me to a hospital. He should be mourning Dean.

If you were in better condition, he would be, says my conscience. But you just had to go in and try to help. Now look where you are. Bleeding out, just like Dean. On the verge of death, just like Dean.

The pain heats up, and I remember I've got two wounds, one in my back, and one in my stomach. I'm lucky to not have been paralyzed. But maybe that wasn't Metatron's intention. Maybe he did this on purpose. I twist uncomfortably in the seat.

"Jo?" Sam asks.

"It hurts," I moan.

"I know, we're going to get you help, okay? J-just hang on." Sam's voice breaks, and the pieces of my heart get torn apart even more.

I'm in such pain that I find myself crying Dean's name through my blubbering. He's not coming back. He's dead. Metatron killed him. He killed my brother. But he's not gonna kill me. I can't let him do that to Sam. I can't let Sam go through this. I can't...

Sam is flooring the gas. He keeps looking at me through the corner of his eye. I'm trying to not look in the backseat where we dumped Dean's lifeless body.

"We're gonna get you help, Jo," Sam says in a strained voice. "You just gotta hang in there, okay? You just gotta fight long enough." I try and swat his hand away as he takes one off the wheel. He grabs my hand and presses both to the wound. "Keep pressure on it."

"Sam, there's two holes." I wince. "One's in the back of me. He—he got me from behind. I can't exactly...hold both in." I mean, I could try, but it'd be extremely uncomfortable on my part.

"Damn it. Okay, well, we just gotta try and slow as much of the bleeding down as possible."

"Focus on the road, not me, Sam." I gasp in pain. "Don't kill us both getting there."

"We'll get there, we'll get there." He honks the horn viciously at oncoming headlights. He jerks the Impala around a little, which makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"Wait...how are we gonna hide...Dean?" I rasp.

"Huh?"

"We can't exactly have people see him. It'll cause a scene if someone...finds him." That's the last thing we need. We don't need to be arrested for someone finding Dean's body in the backseat.

"I'll figure something out. Focus on staying awake, Jo. That's the big thing I need you to do."

I squeeze my eyes shut, panting. I try and hold Sam's hand as tight as I can though I should really let him go so he can have two hands on the wheel. I can feel his pulse through how tight I'm holding his hand. He doesn't voice any discomfort, but I know it's got to hurt him a little bit.

"Remember...remember when we were little?" I rasp. "And, whenever storms hit, you—you always went to me for comfort, b-because you knew I would protect you?"

"Jo..."

"Sammy. Please."

He sniffs. "Y-yeah, I remember."

"Back then you were little and huggable."

"I'm still huggable, just not little."

I laugh, but cry when the pain spikes. "I remember when you, and me, and Dean...when we were together. We had the best of times." I sigh, wincing. "I...I miss those days, Sammy. I wish for them back."

"Shh, shh. Easy, Jo-Jo. We're gonna be okay. You're gonna make it. I swear you're going to."

We nearly get into two accidents before we pull into the ER parking lot. Sam hurries out and practically carries me out of the car, leaving Dean forgotten about. I swear if anyone discovers his body, Sam will have a hard time talking his way out of that.

Sam is too impatient, so he gets me into his arms, and I bleed onto him as he runs me to the doors. His hair keeps hitting my face, and I try my best to keep it away. I've got my head cradled into his neck. Right now, I feel like a scared, lost little girl who just wants the safety and comfort of her family.

If only that was the case right now.

"Hey, Jo."

"Y-yeah?"

"Remember all those times you're supposed to watch out for me?"

I laugh. "How can I forget? Dad a-always made me recite it to him before he—he left for a hunt."

"Well, I'm watching out for you now." I flinch as I hear the doors get forced open by Sam's foot. "We need help!"

My eyes are half open, but my ears are wide awake as I hear orders being hollered and bodies surrounding us. I hear the wheels of a gurney and Sam explaining what happened to me as he's flooded with questions. When it comes time for us to pull away, I feebly cling to his shirt. I can't leave him.

"No!" I whimper.

"Jo, you gotta—they're gonna help you."

The nurses hold me down as I'm strapped in. I search wildly for Sam.

"Is she gonna be all right?" I hear him panic. "Is she gonna make it?"

"Sir, we don't know. Please, we need you to sit down—"

"N-no, I can't do that. She's my sister. I need to make sure—"

"Sir, please—"

"Let me go with her."

As the gurney rolls me away, the noises blur together. My eyes see only lights and ceiling tile. I feel one of my arms limp over the side of the gurney. My eyes find Sam, who's jogging beside the gurney. I reach for him weakly.

"Sammy," I rasp.

"Jo!"

"Sam!" He's suddenly disappeared now. Probably the hospital staff has to cut him off.

But I don't want that. I want Sam with me. Truthfully, I'm fucking terrified. I'm bleeding out, things are mushing together. I've just lost my older brother, and there's the potential that I'll be leaving my younger brother with no other family left.

I feel like I'm starting to slip towards permanent sleep, which I don't want to do.

I have to fight. I have to fight, for Sam. For Dean. Dean would want me alive, for Sam. Always look after Sammy. I remember Dad drilling that into my head for as long as I can remember. Even though Mom's been gone for decades, I know she'd want me to fight.

And then there's Cas. Cas. I need to fight for Cas. For the broken angel. For the angel I've grown close to. What about him and Gadreel? What's happened to them?

I remember the last time we saw each other. How Cas kissed me, how I had kissed him back. How what we are has changed completely, all with one gesture. At least with him I'll have a happy memory.

But it can't save me. It can only bring me so much comfort in my effort to stay alive.

I have to fight. Sam needs me. Cas needs me. I need to fight, for them. I need to fight so I can kill Metatron when I find him. I have to fight.

I have to...fight.

I have...to fight.

I...have...to...fight.

I have...to...

I...have...

I...

**One more chapter, angels. You can do it. [gently coaxes towards epilogue when update happens] It's best to take your provisions with you.**