when did i become unloveable?

was there a hidden language

that i had no knowledge of?

some morse code

tapped ont ehf loor

or clicked on a pen

or perhaps i was branded

from the moment i was birthed

a tattoo everyone but me can see

why am i unloveable?

is it something physical?

perhaps the slope of jaw 

the upturn of my nose.

or maybe it's something 

in my essence of my soul

an aura i hold, that drives people away

something that dangles from my ears

jangles from my wrist

like a clunky sort of jewelry 

that brands me as undeserving

is it the click of my tongue against my teeth when i speak

an the stutter in my voice

that makes it unbearable to listen to me talk

or is it simply and utterly me

the way i ramble and babble 

and cannot seem to think for more than a minute at a time

with the way my fingers move

and my toes tap

or are the thoughts that

traverse the dark crevices of my mind true?

and am i simply unable to do any right?

do i crumble any hope

of a pleasant life

with my own bare hands

destined to be empty forever.