Reviewer: june_berrin
Written by: Curiouswords27

Reviewer's note:
Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a great story and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title: The title is a very common and overly used kind of title, even though it matches the plot I suggest you come up with a creative title. But this one works too.

❥ Cover: The cover sets the mood of the story, linking with the tragic past of the female character.

❥ Blurb: The blurb was beautiful and well written. It gives out just the right amount from the plot enough to entice the readers. Apart from some grammatical errors, it is was a good one.

❥ Storyline: This story was a roller coaster of emotions, with all due honesty I cried when Kent was killed. I appreciate the fact that you made the readers develop an emotional connection with the story. Most of the stories happen so fast, the second mate comes out of nowhere so the readers didn’t care much. But I think you need to make those chapters longer by combining these small ones. And the story lacks description, you need to add some description to the story.

❥ Characters: The characters are well developed and portrayed, currently I haven’t read the whole but is in the part where Kent has died and Jia’s second mates family is preparing for the Luna ceremony. You have perfectly captured the emotions of the characters very well and have given them different personalities.

❥ Grammar and punctuations: The story was really good but this part is the place where you need to focus more. A lot of typos are there which could turn off some readers.

The next issue was with tenses of verbs for example in the first chapter:

Original: ‘ “ITS MY BIRTHDAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY”

I yell, jumping....’

Corrected: “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY,” I yelled, jumping up and down on my bed...”

See, in here after the dialogue, you should not write ‘I yell’ in the next paragraph since it was how the character said that particular line. And you should write it as yelled and not yell. I added up and down just to add a bit description. It is not compulsory.

But I want you to mainly focus on the verb tense here because throughout the story I have spotted such similar mistakes a lot.

Next is that,
Difference between ‘then’ and ‘than’

Both of these words are different, used for different purposes.

The word ‘than’ is used to mostly compare like, in your story you wrote,

In the prologue and one chapter this same line is mentioned, “ Better go with them, then turn into a rouge wandering in wilderness.”

It is wrong here and changes the entire meaning that Jia is planning to go with them and then later she want to turn into a rogue wandering in wilderness.

If that’s what you meant then it is correct.

But if you meant that Jia thinks it is better to go with rather than turning into a rogue then you should have written like,

“Better go with them than turn into a rogue wandering in wilderness.

There are lot of other mistakes but it is difficult for me to point it all out. I suggest you seek help from an editor, you can find one in rose gold community itself. Or if you want you can do it by yourself.

❥ Conclusions: The story was really great one  with an amazing plot line but mainly you portrayed it well. I can see you have worked a lot on this story and I truly appreciate you for that. The story was lagging at some parts but it is overall good. To be even better I suggest you read other Wattpad writers book which will not only help your writing, it will also help you find your style. If any of my words hurt you then I am sincerely sorry, my intention was to only help you and not to hurt. That being said I will take my leave, hope you a have a great day and I am sorry for the delay.

Best Wishes