Reviewer: marshaa1306

“The Art of Undercover”

Story by LittleKatcake22

Title - 9/10
The title of the story has a good gist but it doesn’t sound very smooth and I’m not sure whether it is grammatically correct. I’d advise maybe changing the wording in some way to make it sound better such as “The Art of Secrecy” or perhaps simply “Undercover”  (of course, these are just suggestions).
I really like the abstract feel of your cover and its red tones match up with the fact that the story is about a killer. I also like how the font looks more official and business-like to convey the setting of a police department. Overall, it’s a very nice, cohesive cover.

Blurb - 9/10
So, your blurb does a good job of introducing the two main characters and the setting but I wish you would have left out the fact that Beau is a killer. Maybe instead of stating Beau’s situation directly, just hint at what he is. Say that he has a dark secret that he needs to hide, but don’t say what it is. Let the reader wonder about what he may be hiding and then read your story to figure it out.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 9/10
The main mistake that I noticed is that your subject-verb agreement is messed up sometimes. Also, you sometimes put a sentence fragment together with a full sentence, and it doesn’t really make sense. Here’s an example of both of these errors:

Your story reads: What about the cameras? Well, there is none out back, only in the store and in the front of the store.
This should read: What about the cameras? Well, there are none out back; they’re only in the store and in the front of the store.

Characters - 14/15
Beau: I think it’s interesting how his name is a play on Beowulf. He is so twisted and messed up. I am disgusted by the things he does but it’s also intriguing in some weird, convoluted way. Beau is totally unpredictable and I find myself reading simply to see what he does next.

Neo: His character is pretty cynical and he’s totally sarcastic which provides a little comic relief. If his character wasn’t around, I feel like your story would be so much more serious and dull.

Neo and Beau’s team: They also provide some good comic relief for the seriousness of the story and they totally seem unaffected by serious things that happen around them. I think they’re pretty playful, even if they don’t necessarily play a massive part in the story.

Overall Enjoyment - 13/15
I wasn’t really sure what to expect when I received the request to review your story, but I was quite impressed with what I read. Your writing style is nice, your storyline is interesting, and the events keep me waiting for what will happen next. Really nice work!

Total Score: 92/100