Reviewer: therosepoetk

The Guy in Black by JustaFreakingBeign

The title is clever, if I do say so myself. I'm already getting those pursuit-the-antagonist kind of mafia vibes, which is great. I just think that the cover is too simple, as I think there are perhaps better visuals to represent your story.

But I really like the blurb. It's detailed and descriptive, without being too overbearing, so that's good. The opening is very plain and ordinary, and I like how you took that approach when it comes to a story that follows mafia gangs and such.

The plot is moving along very smoothly, although I do think you can work in your transitions between each chapter. For example, end off a few chapters with cliffhangers, so the readers will be more invested in what you have to say in the next segment.

I also am not a huge fan of the lack of consistency, because I'd rather it go in chronological order. There shouldn't be a chapter 7, then 7.5, then 8. Either 7.5 gets roped in with chapter 7, or it becomes its own chapter, which is titled 8. I just think this is better for your flow, and overall reader comprehension.

I love all the characters, but I just think that the relationships between them all are so fluid and are hard to keep up with. I encourage you to stick to only one point of view per chapter, and perhaps a maximum of three different perspectives during the whole story. This may require a rewrite, but this is my honest belief. But I love the emotional appeal, and you were able to rework the mafia style genre super well into your tale.

Keep up the fantastic work Kai!