Reviewed by: ChelleLynnWriting

Book Title: Damnatio Memoriae

Author's Name: saveadanceforme

Chapter 1 - Chapter 5

Total: 80/100

At First Glance (Title/Cover/Blurb): 7/10

The title you chose is terrific. I had to look it up, so perhaps adding the definition to the blurb as an aesthetic and helping understand right off the bat for people who don't know what it means. (I saw you have it in your prologue, but people might not click to the first page if they don't understand the title.) The cover is interesting, but the title hidden behind the graphic seems counterproductive. I see it's a style choice you like to use, so take the criticism with a grain of salt. But it doesn't appeal to me very much. The blurb is short, sweet, and to the point. The very first line sets the tone perfectly. My only suggestion would be to strengthen it with a few minor changes.

Ex. "[...] entire world on her, the [insert adjective] woman quickly finds out there is no running away from oneself, the past, and most importantly- the Gods. She is a thief, a horrible friend, and afraid of people finding out the worst thing about her. She's a fraud."

What's Happening? (Plot): 18/20

The prologue is beautiful. Astoundingly beautiful! The way you wrote about the plants and the drama of the whole scene set a massive precedent for what's expected from this story. Admittedly, there's confusion about the plot from the beginning, which is not bad. It leaves a sense of curiosity to see what's happening. The main character getting drugged in the very first chapter has a chilling tone. However, I'm confused about the Gods being dead, yet still, they bless people.

Versailles seems to be enduring some inhuman conflict with being fed what I can only assume was the Blood of the Gods, then being thrown off the edge of a building by shadow replicas. There's absolutely something fishy going on, and I love the questions you raise. The pace is excellent!

Go With the Flow (Grammar): 11/15

Your descriptions are vivid, and your writing is smooth enough to read without much pause. However, it could benefit you to read your story aloud, it makes it easier to spot mistakes that are otherwise easy to overlook. Word repetition is prevalent. Try replacing simple/overused words with synonyms or restructuring sentences to avoid it.

Ex.

"[...]glass to my face before throwing the liquid into my mouth before I could think [...]" Chapter 1

"The whole concept of the whole 'the God's bless [...]" Chapter 3

"[...]found my eyes staring at the statue that was staring down at me [...]" Chapter 3

Look How Far They've Come (Characters/Development): 10/10

Versailles is very relatable. There isn't much development, simply because the first couple of chapters occur in a short timeline, yet you managed to provide actions that showed who she is at her base. I look forward to seeing what becomes of her and how she'll change as her story goes on.

Out of this World (Worldbuilding): 10/10

You've done a great job at creating a unique world. I love the idea of 'New Gods' popping up in the wake of destruction and demanding worship. The streets of gold turning to black after the death of the Gods, and how some people get chosen to be blessed. It's an interesting take, and I love how you've described it all.

I've Never Seen That Before! (Originality): 9/10

Your world is wonderfully created, and I love the path that your idea is taking. The loss of one point shouldn't be seen as unfavorable. It's only that the "stealing from the Gods" trope is quite common. It's a good one, though!

I Need More! (Hook): 15/15

The last chapter was a smooth transition to a time jump. The heartbreak read strong, and the isolating social ruin clearly hurt, and yet not as much as the conflict of the main character losing her best/only friend. I want to see what else has changed. There is absolutely hook that made me want to continue reading past the fifth chapter.

Keep 'Em Coming (Overall Enjoyment): 8/10

While you have some very big potential to have flawless writing, there are too many repetitions and simple editing that needs to be done to stay fully engaged. Also, I like knowing what to expect from a story, and with your blurb being so vague, by the end of the fifth chapter, I still had no true sense of where the story was going.

Overall:

"Damnatio Memoriae" by @saveadanceforme is an entirely new outlook on Gods, where Versailles Mostafah simply wants to enjoy her college life with her best friend until said friend gets chosen to be blessed. Unknown forces throw her over a balcony into a shallow fountain of the Gods, effectively stealing the blessing and landing her in the hospital and publicly shunned. No one believes that she wasn't alone and that she didn't jump. The author weaves details like fine silk, creating a story full of originality that I would recommend to anyone who is looking to fill their need for mythos. 

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