Reviewed by: ChristineAcedon

Book Title: Nemesis: A Tale of Vengeance

Author's Name: wenshi_nykx

Cover: 9/10

The cover is very elegant and eye catching. My only suggestion for this is the color of the title. It's a bit hard to read, and may be better in a font color that stands out a bit better against the background instead of blending in so well.

Title: 10/10

The title fits the story description and plot well. It hints at what to expect without giving too much away. *Side note, I liked that you included the definition of 'nemesis' within the Character Aesthetics page.

Blurb/Description: 10/10

I enjoyed the detail offered within your description. You managed to make it mysterious, attention grabbing and unique. The little note from her stalker being included within this is a fantastic addition and overall, your description easily caught my attention and had me wanting to open it up and read more.

Creativity and originality: 10/10

Based off of your description, I love the concept for your work and the vibe that you are creating within it. It comes across as a cult-like world and while there have been plenty of stories with a similar feel, you are managing to put your own spin on it.

Plot and Flow: 12/20

I had a hard time following what was going on throughout the story. For example, transitioning from the 'real world' to the story had me completely at a lost. Within the first chapter, that transition had me scrambling to catch up. By the time I got to the second chapter, I still wasn't completely certain that it had been two separate 'worlds' so to speak. It wasn't until she begins writing in the second chapter that I was absolutely certain it wasn't just another set of people (or even her) within those scenes.

The dialogue also sometimes seems forced. For example, when her mother refers to her as 'my daughter' when she's speaking to her, which doesn't come across as natural. While I can understand that they have an extremely strained relationship, and that perhaps their conversation always has that forced feeling, Heuron even seems to have odd sounding dialogue with other characters. "I don't lie when I say I'm the nemesis of my opponent" and "Poor he! Now I own the key to run you." are some examples of this. It just doesn't seem like a natural thing to say. I understand that she's reveling in her success, however it's hard to connect to her when everything seems forced.

Character Development: 17/20

With this being a mystery, it's understandable that the readers be kept second-guessing their opinions of characters throughout the story, and you definitely managed to keep us guessing as to who everyone really is. For me, there is a little too much mystery surrounding Heuron. We start to see her true nature and it's interesting, but it seems like there is a new 'twist' every time you turn around.

The first few chapters give off the feeling of having several characters being thrown at the reader all at once and its difficult to keep them straight. I'm struggling to stay engrossed in the story every time someone is brought up and I find myself struggling to remember who they are, when we saw them last, what they were doing, who they were connected to, etc.

Writing style: 7/10

You are very good at using imagery in your writing, and it adds to your story, making it easier for the reader to picture themselves within the story, watching as events playout. I had no difficulty picturing settings and the emotions of the faces of the character. I envy your ability to do that so well.

Regarding your writing as a whole, I was confused 95% of the time while I was reading through each chapter. For example, the way that chapter four ends, and then the way chapter five starts left me very confused. Even once I realized what had happened (kind of), I was still so confused as to what was even happening. The confusion makes it hard to stay invested and feel a connection with the characters.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 9/10

There were a few errors here and there in wording and spelling. This could all be fixed with a quick read through. 😊

Overall: 82/100

This story has a lot of potential and your hard work is evident in every chapter. You've put a lot of thought and time into the world you've created. The biggest issue I had was the perpetual confusion I felt while reading it. There was just too much going on for me to be able to follow it as much as I needed to in order to understand what was happening. I'm sorry, I don't have a suggestion on exactly how you would go about 'fixing' this, but I think that the level of mystery, suspense and intrigue would increase substantially with the ability to understand what is happening with the characters.

I do intend to read more, and I'd really like to know how everything plays out. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to check out your work!

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