Everything that had happened for the last four months, I had blocked by reading and pushing myself into continuously studying. I wrote paper after paper, read book after book, and blocked every thought in my mind with something that had nothing to do with my feelings. But, even though I tried to block them, my mind would slowly go into those thoughts. 

   Damon, a name I could no longer say or think without feeling an ache in my chest, had disappeared with Bonnie and the Other Side. It became the main event to everyone being a bit broken, Stefan more than others. After he said that he loved me, after he said that we would go somewhere far, he left without a word. The last time I spoke to him was days after the Other Side collapsed. 

   "You're still here?" someone asked as they walked into the classroom. I looked up to see Alaric walking in to the classroom with papers in his hands. He was staring at me with a half bleak expression, the other hand being confusion. "I thought you would have left."

   "I'm studying," I said as I leaned back on the chair. "Medical technology is not as fun as studying about resurrection, though." I forced a small smile on my lips as I tapped both ends of the pen against the corner of my notebook. 

   "Or, you're denying everything that has happened four months ago," he noted as he moved to his desk. "Clara..."

   "I'm not denying anything," I interrupted him. "Ric, I'm just focusing on something other than wondering whether Damon is still alive in anyway, or where the hell can Stefan be." I placed my hand under my chin and stared down at my notes. They were written neatly, with colour, with specific drawings of what each thing was. It looked too organised for me, something I have never been.

   "Stefan's fine," Ric said as he took a stand in front of me. "Trust me."

   I looked up at him. "If he's fine, then why the hell can't he answer my phone calls? I haven't spoken to him in months!"

   The last time I spoke to Stefan was days after the Other Side collapsed. We spent the night together, probably because we wanted to forget about many things. When I woke up, he had disappeared. The only thing left of Stefan Salvatore were the fading trails of his skin against mine, nothing more and nothing left. Sometimes, I pressed my fingers against my lips as I tried to recall what his kisses felt like. 

   I had trouble remembering my medical terminology that I've studied hours for. And the parts of my body that I needed to remember for the exam next week. I forgot important facts and the names of important peoples. Sometimes, I forgot I needed to be somewhere, and sometimes I even forgot the need to feed. But for the love of God, I couldn't forget a single detail or memory about Stefan. And it was slowly tearing me down. 

   "Ric, he didn't say goodbye," I continued, finally looking up at him. "Damon and Bonnie died, or were sucked into oblivion, and he just left. No phone calls, no emails. He just disappeared into thin air. I somehow convinced myself that he was in some remote mountain region and couldn't accept my calls."

   "Or maybe he just doesn't want to bother you with every half-lead that goes nowhere," Ric said, crossing his arms. 

   "Or maybe I just need to get over it," I mumbled, "and him."

   "Clara, he still cares about you," Ric sighed. He leaned his hands against the desk and stared at me. "He asks about you, and I tell him nothing except that he should call you and ask you that himself. But, he... I don't know what, but he always says that he doesn't want to hear your voice, because then he would want to come back."

   "What's so bad about coming back?" I quietly asked. There were a few tears at the corner of my eyes, threatening to fall down just like they did every other time. 

   There was a small smile around Ric's lip, something I hadn't seen since he came back to life. "You remind him of Damon," he said, softly, as if he weren't supposed to be saying it at all. "You remind me of Damon."

   "Am I some form of replacement for him?" I asked, my voice breaking. "I'm not Damon, Ric; I'm nothing like him."

  Ric let out a soft laugh and nodded. "Clara, you're a lot like Damon. Sometimes, I wonder how the hell did you two fall out of love when you're so alike. Then I realise it's because you two are too alike."

   I sighed and wiped away the stray tears that had fallen from the corner of my eyes. "Well, that's a nice thing to say to someone before class, don't you think?"

   "I'm just saying," he said with a nod. "And, I'm now your teacher. I should be giving you weird things to take into mind. Like, a riddle."

   "Ric, we go out drinking almost every night," I reminded him with a small smile. "It's weird saying that you're my teacher."

   "Clara, this will never not be weird," he noted. He turned around and walked back to his desk, where he pulled out a cup and a blood bag. 

   As soon as the scent of the blood hit my nose, I stopped moving and swallowed hard. Since I was trying to stay busy, I had forgotten to feed for the past few days. I had acted so human, that my instinct to feed on blood had disappeared. No, it hadn't disappeared. It was there. I just pushed it back, trying to forget that I was a predator.

   "Do you want some?" Ric asked, pushing the cup in my direction. 

   I shook my head and swallowed hard, controlling myself. "I had some before I came," I calmly said with a forced smile. "Thanks, though."

   At that moment, Elena walked in. She had the large Occult Studies book in her arms, a small smile around her lips. She stopped when she sat me sitting at the front. "You were here the whole time?" she asked. "I tried calling you..."

   "My phone's on silent," I said as I pulled it out of my bag. The screen said that I had four missed calls from Caroline, two from Elena, and none from Stefan. I sighed and pushed it back into my bag. "Why, what's up?"

   "It was Caroline," Elena said with a shrug of her shoulders. "She was asking where you were and why didn't you pick up your phone." She turned and gave a small at Ric, who offered her some blood as well. She refused, then said that it was all weird.

   "What?" Ric asked, his tone filled with no amusement. "That some ancient witch turned me into a vampire, or that four months ago I rose from the dead?"

   "That you're my college professor now," she said with a tight lipped smile. She turned and walked up to her seat, giving me another smile before disappearing behind me. 

   Over the summer, we had become good friends, although I had began to hate her. No, not hate her, but question every single thing that she did. Elena was a wreck over Bonnie's death, but when we mentioned Damon, it was as if nothing happened. Like Caroline had said several times, Elena Gilbert was living in planet denial. But, in a way, so was I. 

   Over the next few minutes, the rest of the students began to pile in. Ric stood in the centre of the room, starting his class. I tuned him in and out, my hearing mostly focusing on the carotid artery of  the person that was sitting closest to me. The strong sound of the blood pumping through the arteries and veins caused me to bite my lower lip in hunger, it made me want to rip my teeth into their neck so I could feed.

   "Clara Forbes." Ric's voice startled me. I slowly looked up at him, seeing him standing by the door with folded papers in his hand. "Miss Forbes, grab your things and meet me out in the hall."

   For a moment, I stared at him with wide eyes. Never had I heard him sound so stern with me, because I was—and proudly—a good student. Slowly, I closed my book and notebook and pushed it into my bag, moving towards the door just as slow as I closed my things. In the hall, Ric waited for me with his arms crossed. When I closed the door, he opened the papers to reveal a blood bag.

   "Clara, you need to feed," he said, as if he were scolding a young child. "What would have happened if I hadn't brought more than one bag with me?"

    I grabbed the bag and ripped it open with my teeth. "There would have been a murder scene," I said before I pushed the opening of the bag to my mouth. As soon as the blood made contact with my tongue, the veins under my eyes appeared and my fangs pushed their way through my gums. The perfect combination of tart and savoury, sweet and sour, perfect and disgusting. When the blood bag was empty, I let out a deep breath to control my face. 

   "Stefan was right," Ric said with a sigh. "I really do need to keep an eye on you."

   I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "I'm not a child, Ric."

   "Are you sure about that?" he asked, looking down at me. His stare was one of a teacher, dark and brooding and absolutely no kindness there. He was looking down at me the same way my father looked down at me when I told him that I loved Damon. With disappointment, wondering how did he go wrong in raising me. "Clara, you haven't fed in how many days? The last time I saw you take a drink of blood was two weeks ago, and I'm surprised you're not desiccating."

   I pursed my lips and swiped my tongue in the inside of my bottom lip, anger running through me. "Do I look like a child to you?" I asked. "Ric, I've been alive longer than you. I certainly don't need you to baby me and tell me when the hell I need to feed."

   "Are you sure?" Ric raised a brow and laid his hands on his waist. It was his teacher pose, the one he did whenever he wanted to give a stern lesson. I had slightly memorised it when he was human, when he used to be a teacher at the Mystic Falls high school. "You were about to rip into that kid's jugular if I hadn't called you, Clara. 

   I bit the corner of my lip. "Tell Stefan I'm okay," I said, fixing the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "I'll see you at the game, Ric." Before he could say anything, I walked away. 

   It wasn't that I hated my father, but I disliked him for wanting to control my life. Back in those times, it wasn't unusual for a father to control the life of his children, especially his daughters. My father wasn't a bad, but he wasn't the greatest either. He was a big fan of the Confederate army, publicly hated President Lincoln with the rest of the men in the town, drank a lot of whiskey and chewed a lot of tobacco, and flirted with women that were not my mother. 

   When I told him that Damon and I were together, my father got angry and threatened to arrest him. He almost hit me, but my mother stopped him and gave him a glass of whiskey to calm down. After he left to the parlour, my mother took me to my room and said that my father hated how reckless Damon Salvatore was, how irresponsible and childish he was. I would have told her that the reckless side of him what was attracted me to him. Instead, I stayed quiet, and I continued to meet the eldest Salvatore in secret. 

   Now that I thought about the past, my mind went back to Stefan. I recalled the many days we would spend together, the many days that he would take me to town like a gentleman; the many days he would hold my and, wipe my tears, compliment the most simplest things about me; the days were we would sneak into the woods to drink Mule Skinner, which was a drink made of whiskey and blackberry liquor. It was those times when I wondered how could I have fallen for his brother instead. It was this time where I wondered why the hell didn't he tell me where he was going. Did he hate me? Did I actually remind him of Damon? Did he love me still?

   Once out of the building, I reached for my phone and called the number I had been calling ever since he left. It didn't even ring once, instead it went straight to voicemail. I let out a sign and stopped walking, glancing down at my shoes as I bit the corner of my lip. I stayed silent for a couple of seconds, now knowing what to say.

   "Hey," I finally spoke, my voice breaking a bit, "it's me. Just leaving another message. I'm fine, just wanting you to know so that you don't tell Ric to look over me, because I'm fine." I kicked a pebble that was lying besides my shoe and let out a sigh. "I miss you, and you know that because I've said it every other time I call, but I do. Stefan, I love..." Before I could finish the sentence, I was cut off by another tone. I sighed and ended the call, pushing my phone into my back pocket. 

   Instead of going to the football game, I went towards the edge of Mystic Falls. Caroline had called, once again, about some vampire prowling around the edges of Mystic Falls and feeding on the kids that liked to sneak around it. She wanted to figure out who was behind the attacks, so I decided to go with her since I didn't want to face Ric or Elena at the game. 

   "He still doesn't answer?" Caroline asked. She was talking about Stefan, and how he hadn't answered any of my phone calls. 

   "Nope," I sighed. I lumbered besides her, hands in my pocket and eyes glancing around.

   "Ugh!" she scoffed. "I can't believe him!"

   "Well, I can." I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at the blue sky. "It's Stefan of him, skipping town the moment things go wrong. The day of your graduation, the night that Helen had me, he was going to leave Mystic Falls, but didn't because of Silas."

   Caroline took a step in front of me and gave me a smile. "He still loves you, though," she said, "or he wouldn't be telling Alaric to take care of you. Speaking of Alaric, we should just have him compel Stefan to come back since he's, like, an original or something."

   I let out a soft chuckle and shook my head. "Ric hates being a vampire just as much as we all do," I said with a nod. "Probably more."

   "Which is why he has been trying to get drunk for the past four months," she noted. "Ugh, I hate this."

   "Don't we all," I smiled. 

   There was a scream somewhere around us. We stopped walking and glanced around, furrowed brows and squinted eyes. At that moment, I caught the sweet scent of blood. Since I had recently fed, I didn't go immediately. I glanced at Caroline and said, "We found our vampire."

   We sped towards the scent of the blood. A familiar car was stopped besides an unfamiliar car, a familiar figure feeding on an unfamiliar figure. At that moment, I realised that it was Elena that was feeding on the girl. 

   "Elena!" I gasped, staring at her in disbelief.

   "Oh my God!" Caroline gasped. "What are you—"

   "No!" Elena yelled. The girl ran away from Elena, holding on to her neck as she bled. Elena tried to go after her, but was stopped when she reached the border of the town and the sun began to burn her.

   "What did you do?" Caroline began to scold her. "Why the hell are you feeding on people?"

   "I-it's fine," Elena stammered, glancing from us towards the direction the girl ran. "I've compelled everyone else."

   "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I stepped up. "Wait. You're the one that's been feeding on the people that sneak around the border?"

   "You're the border-lurker?" Caroline asked.

   "The what?"

   "Yeah, did you know my mom's been out looking for a vampire prowler?"

   "It's gotta be the herbs Luke's been giving me. They make me so thirsty." Elena turned away from us, pressing her hands against her head. "I am not thinking straight..."

   "What herbs?" I asked, raising a brow.

   Elena hesitated for a couple of seconds. Her shoulders slumped. "They make me see Damon," she said, her voice breaking. She turned to us. "I can talk to him, and-and I can be with him, and—"

   "God!" Caroline interrupted her, her voice filled with disbelief. "Is this what you've been doing this whole time, hallucinating your dead boyfriend?"

   "Caroline, stop..." I sighed, shaking my head.

   "I tried to grieve him, Caroline!" Elena's voice broke each time she mentioned Damon, the pain clear in her eyes and the way she moved. "Trust me, I know grief. I've got grieving down to a science at this point, and I tried. But, every time I let it sink in that I'm never going to see him again, I feel like I'm gonna die."

   I took a step closer to her and laid my hands on her arms, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "I get it," I said softly, my voice breaking. "I get it."

   "There are better ways to get through this," Caroline added.

   "Like, what?" Elena took a step back from me. "Like dropping out of school and having picnics with my mom near the town border? Or maybe I could pull a Stefan and bounce from country to country, chasing some false hope that we're going to find a way to bring Damon and Bonnie back. We're all getting through it. This is me getting through it, okay?"

   "Yeah, but you're not getting through it, Elena," Caroline said. "You're just pressing pause."

   I sighed and gave a tight-lipped smile to Elena. "Look, I'll call Liz, and she can fix all of this. But, you need to get out of here, okay?" Elena swallowed hard, but nodded, then made her way back to her car. 

   I turned to Caroline and nodded, then followed behind her as she made her way to the border of the town. She immediately called her mother, telling her about the girl. Liz said that the girl had somehow made it into town, and luckily Matt had gotten to her first and was driving her to the border of the town so that one of us could compel her. 

   Then, Tyler Lockwood called. I leaned against the hood of her car as Caroline told him the story about Elena, the herbs Luke gave her, the hallucinations, and how she almost killed a girl. And when she spoke, all I could think about was what Elena said. 

   The herbs Luke had given her to see Damon, the love that had consumed her. And I understood all of that. Damon Salvatore was a man that made you love him until you were a wreck when he was gone, a man that made your heart beat wildly with the simplest look, a man that could smile and your whole world would be colourful and bright and sunny. He was the kind of man that people wrote love songs about, both about heartbreak and that great consuming love.

   I had all of those loves for him. What broke me was that my love had faded, and he had become my best friend, and he was gone, and I would never see him again. 

   "I'm gonna head back," I told Caroline as I pushed myself from the hood of her car. "Long drive to Whitmore and I have exams tomorrow."

   "It's weird listening to you talk about college," she said, pushing her hands in her pocket.

   I smiled. "You should come back, too. Maybe we can share a dorm and make fun of Ric as he teacher."

   Caroline let out a laugh, but shook her head. She glanced back at the sign that welcomed us to our hometown. "I'm fine right here," she said with a sigh. "Until we get out home back. When we do, you better be waiting for me because I will take that side of the dorm room."

   "That better be a promise," I said with a smile.

   "I promise," she nodded. She quickly gave me a tight hug, then jokingly pushed me to my car. As I walked towards it, I could hear her clicking her tongue. "You better pick up your phone, Clara!"

   I opened the car door and turned in her direction. "I'll try to leave it on sound from now on," I called back. A last smile, a last wave, and I was driving back to Whitmore College. It still felt strange to say that I was at college, alone, stupidly studying to forget about my feelings. It was those moments where I wished I would have left for some other place, maybe Greece or New Orleans. 

   I pulled out my phone and, once again, called the number that ever answered. It rang several times.

   "It's Stefan. Leave a message."

   As soon as the tone appeared, I spoke: "It's me again," I said, my voice breaking. "You're probably tired of the many messages I've left you, but I can't stop calling you and hearing your stupid voice on that message. So, I'm gonna tell you about my day, which was bad." I let out a soft, shaky laugh. "I'm not okay, Stefan. I stopped feeding because I wanted to feel a bit more human, but that was stupid because I almost ripped into a kid's jugular in Ric's class. Everyone's drifting apart: Caroline is living in the borders of a town that doesn't want us, Elena's a mess, Tyler is angry all the time and pretending everything is fine, Matt and Jeremy never leave Mystic Falls so I don't know what's up with them. Ric's been hating himself more now than ever, and that's understandable. And then there's me." I bit the corner of my lip and looked down at the the steering wheel. "I'm sitting in my car, driving to Whitmore, stupidly wondering what the hell would it be if we were all together again, wondering what would it be like if you were still here, or if I were there."

   I took a deep breath, and bit the corner of my lip tightly, until I drew blood and tasted it in my mouth. "I miss you," I said, my voice continuing to break. "I miss you, Stefan. And I know this sounds stupid, but I'm bot going to stop calling you until you pick up your phone and let me hear your stupid voice, and tell me something good. I love you, Stefan."