From the moment it began, I knew it was a nightmare. The sound of something dripping would echo all around, slowly combining itself with the sound of my harsh breathing. A wet, sticky feeling would start at my mouth and neck, chest and hands. When I moved my fingers against my palm, it felt fresh. Lastly, the taste. Oh, it was sweeter than any confection and salivating to the point where my fangs would appear.

   The nightmare and the feeling were familiar, as if they were both essential parts of me. I was covered in blood, the very thing that was the bane of my existence. From the inside of my mouth to my hands, I was the personification of a brutal death. I squeezed my hands into fists and stared at nothing, the darkness in front of me shifting and morphing into piles of bodies. They were the bodies of the people I had killed, corpses of those I thought of as food. From my very first kill to the most recent one, they all stared at me with wide eyes and wide opened mouths. There were maggots crawling from their eyes and mouths, the little worms gnawing at rotten skin or crawling through the open crevice of the eye sockets.

   I had killed them all.

   The sound of music and conversation was loud as I sat up on the bed. My hands went to my face, rubbing my cheeks in order to calm my ragged breathing and the unsteady beating of my heart. It had been a nightmare. A reoccurring nightmare that happened at least twice a night, but just a nightmare. I breathed in deeply and glanced around the darkened room. 

  In the week I had been gone with Stefan to Cape May, my room had been redecorated. The bed was no longer in the centre, but to the corner in a diamond form where the sunlight from the window only hit at the foot. My dresser was moved a few feet away from the bathroom door, all of the items on top dusted and in an orderly form. There were brand new flowers on top, vivid colours that seemed to shine with the small bit of light that came in through the window. In front of them was a small black box, the same one I had held Damon's ring before he destroyed it when he tried to get my humanity back. A small white note rested underneath, taunting for me to read it.

   I ignored it and stood from the bed, ambling towards the bathroom to take a hot shower. As soon as the burning water touched my skin, a sigh of relied left my lips. At the beach house, my showers had been constantly shared with Stefan. Kisses were exchanged, his fingers trailing across my skin and leaving behind a scorched trail. They all appeared to have happened a lifetime ago. I washed away his scent, the scent of the beach, and the small shadow of touch of the comfort of Cape May.

   I wrapped a towel around myself and walked out of the bathroom, crossing the dark bedroom towards the dresser. The scent of the flowers hit me as I got closer, dahlias and carnations—my favourites. I stared at them for several moments, taking in the colours of each petal, then swiftly moved to get dressed. With each movement that I made, the music and conversation from downstairs tuned out into background noise. For a moment, I didn't hear anything except the beating of my heart and my breathing.

   As I pulled on a shirt, I glanced into the mirror and gasped. "Enzo!" I turned to glare at him, taking a step back and hitting the dresser. The things shook, the mirror hitting the wall several times until it quieted into Enzo's chuckle. He stood across the room, sitting in the chair that used to be by the window with one of my books in his hands. 

   "Surprised to see me, sweetheart?" He put the book down and stood, waving a hand. "Oh please, you don't need to be apprehensive. It's not like I haven't seen any of it. A few months ago, you were practically begging for me to take you in the hood of my car."

   I rolled my eyes and pulled away from the dresser, moving back to the bed. "I didn't have my humanity," I said, my voice low. "I flirted, stole your phone, and almost killed Sarah Salvatore with Caroline."

   "Speaking of the other devilish blonde, where is she?" He kept his eyes on me as I took a seat at the edge of the bed and brought my knees to my chest. "I haven't seen her for some time."

   "She disappeared after her humanity returned," I mumbled against my arm, keeping my eyes on him. "I don't know where she is."

   I had called Caroline many times since my humanity returned, and each time I was sent to voicemail. I didn't coerce her to return, but I did say that she should call me so I could know if she was fine and where in the world she was. Instead, I was always greeted by her voicemail: Hey! It's Caroline, but duh, you knew that because you called. So, leave a message and I'll call you back—bye!

   "Why are you here?" I looked at Enzo and raised my brows, letting my feet fall in front of me. "You're obviously not here to welcome me back, so what do you want?"

   He laid a hand over his heart and let out a sarcastic groan of pain. "After everything we've been through, you think I wouldn't come to say hello? Clara, I made that girl that liked Stefan into a vampire and practically brought him back to you—you're welcome, by the way—because I hated to see you cry. I'd say we're friends." He smiled and tapped his fingers against the armrest. "But, this time, you're right. I didn't come back here to say hello or welcome you back to the horrors of Mystic Falls, I came because I need your help."

   "My help?"

   He nodded. "Your mother-in-law needs help," he divulged with a bored expression. "Apparently, her beloved Ascendant's been destroyed. She's in a bad shape. Could use a bit of your time, Clara."

   I looked down at the floor and swallowed hard. "Out of the three vampires that are currently in this house, you come to the one that's most miserable for help? Honestly, you're stupid for doing that." I stood and crossed my arms. "Go to one of her sons and ask them to help you."

   "If I could, I would've asked Damon for help first," he said, half-glaring at me. "Let me remind you that she confessed to not loving her sons anymore, so how could I ask him to help me when he resents her just as much?"

   "Ask Stefan," I said as I shrugged my shoulders.

   The door opened and in walked the mentioned man. "Ask me what?" He glanced over at Enzo, surprise written in his eyes. "What are you doing in her bedroom?"

   "Oh, believe me, there are a number of places I'd rather be," he responded, waving a hand in the air. "Strapped to a gurney, having my spleen cut out, for instance! Unfortunately for me, I'm here because your mother needs your help and I thought Clara could help her."

   Stefan took a protective stance by me as he kept his eyes on Enzo. "My mother?"

   "Like I told Clara, your mother's beloved Ascendant has been destroyed. She's in a bad shape, and I could use a bit of your time to help her."

   "Clara's not going anywhere," Stefan quickly said, moving to stand in front of me. "Especially not with you."

   "I'm sure you don't make decisions for her, Stefan," Enzo said, crossing his arms. His eyes were hard with anger, while his lips were spread into a small smile full of amusement. He reminded me a lot of Damon, and I realised that it was why they were such good friends. "And, I didn't come here to flirt, if that's what your little brain is thinking. Like I said, I came here because your mother needs help."

   Stefan's shoulders became rigid. "What the hell do you know about my mother?"

   "Plenty. Go to her and I'll tell you. She's at The Grill." Enzo said with a simple wave of his hand. He began to move to the door, but stopped and turned. "Clara, you should get out of this room; it's awfully dark and quiet here." He winked and closed the door behind him, the room covered in darkness again. 

   I turned to Stefan and breathed in deeply. "You should go and help your mother," I softly said. "Even though she's a huge bitch, you can help her."

   "Are you sure?" He grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Are you going to be okay?"

   "Stefan, I've been okay for the several hours that we've returned. I think I'll be okay for a little more." I leaned forward and pecked his lips. "I'll probably go back to bed and sleep the whole night away. You know how I am."

   He nodded and smiled softly, pulling his hand away from mine and laying it on my cheek. "You didn't feed that much the week we were in Cape May, do you want me to bring you a blood bag and leave  it in the night stand?"

  During the week we were at the beach house, I had only eaten normal food. The only blood I drank were several drops, just enough for me not to desiccate. It was like the four months he was gone, the four months I thought Damon was dead. But, I felt guilty with each drop that fell on my tongue, even though the blood had been donated to a hospital and Jo was gracious enough to give it to us.

   I forced a small smile on my lips. "I'll be fine. Really. Now, go." I pecked his lips again and pushed him towards the door. "Tell Lily that I hate her for me."

   Stefan laughed as he walked out the room, closing the door behind him. When the room was covered in darkness and it was just me, a soft breath escaped my lips. It was shaky, as if I had been trembling. I looked over at the mirror on the dresser, looking at myself. My hair was not longer the golden blonde it had always been, but a dull blonde that appeared dead. There were dark circles underneath my eyes, the green in them appearing like stinky pond scum. I ran a hand through my hair and took another breath. 

   The sounds coming from downstairs become louder and louder, from the music to the chattering of the women Damon had invited for Alaric's bachelor party. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes to try and tune them out, but nothing. When it didn't work, I sighed and walked out of my room, downstairs. There was a full party going on, from dancing to alcohol, to the woman who seemed to have been compelled to be there. I had no doubt they had all been compelled, considering that not this large amount of women would come to a bachelor party where there were only six men, one of them being the groom.

   I pushed by the women and made my way to the kitchen, half-gagging when one of them stood in the corner and threw up the countless jello-shots she had drank. To the other side, stood Matt Donovan downing a green jello-shot. I stared at them for a moment, the image of me almost-attacking them when I had no humanity quickly appearing in my mind. When he turned towards me, I moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water and a soft baked grain bar. I opened the bottle and took a big swig, downing the cool liquid down my throat and imagining it to be something sweeter. Like the liquid in my dreams.

   "Look who appeared after three and a half months of hiding," Matt said as I turned, downing a blue coloured jello-shot.

   From the cup, I glanced to his face. "Nice to see you're still in one piece, Matt," I said. "Last time I saw you, you were bleeding from your stomach."

   "I have a really cool scar as a reminder of that," he said, lifting his shirt and showing a long gash on his abdomen. "I see your humanity is back. What were you doing the three months you disappeared, feeding on other people in a different town?" There was anger in his tone, dancing around with the half-slurring from the alcohol he had consumed.

   I raised a brow and drank another swig of water. "Didn't Elena tell you? I was being tortured by them to get my humanity back." I shrugged my shoulders and threw the empty bottle in the recycle bin. "It worked, so there's nothing else to say. Sorry that I tried to kill you, Matt." I began to walk away, but stopped and turned to look at him. "If you want something better to drink, there's an old bottle of bourbon stashed in the back of that cupboard." I waved a hand and walked away.

   I peeled the wrapper from the bar and took a bite, trying to enjoy the sweetness of the strawberry instead of thinking of the sweet liquid I wanted. I chewed thoroughly, forcing myself to continue to taste it. The desire of the sweet and saccharine liquid continued to pass through my mind with each step that I took. I was too deep in my thoughts when I bumped into someone. Whatever they were drinking landed on my shirt, the strong scent of juice and vodka quickly hitting me.

   "I'm so sorry!" she slurred, tapping my chest with her hand as if she had a napkin. "I-I wasn't looking..." She continued to tap my chest with her hand, muttering something incoherent to herself.

   "It's fine," I said as I pushed her hand away. "It's all..." My words trailed away as my eyes focused on the vein in her neck. I could hear the blood pumping through her veins, calling to me to sink my teeth. I began to salivate in the back of my mouth, the uncontrollable itch in my veins getting stronger and stronger. The world around me fell apart, the only sound being the pulsing of her blood. I hadn't tasted blood in days...

   "S-sorry..." she slurred.

   I looked into her eyes, my mouth moved on its own, "Don't scream." Without a second thought, I pushed her against the wall and sank my fangs into her neck. The sweet taste that had clouded my nightmares flowed through my mouth freely, pushing its way down my tongue and throat. I drank it without a care; I no longer thought about how my life had been turned upside down when I killed many without humanity. My hand squeezed the other side of her neck, as if it would push more blood to my mouth. To others, I looked as if I was seriously flirting by giving her a hickey.

   Her body slumped in my arms. I pulled away and let go of the girl's body, sucking in a deep breath. My breath came in ragged, the taste of blood fresh on my tongue and lips. I let my eyes avert to the girl, leaning against the wall with a blood seeping from her neck and decorating her glittery golden dress red. The heartbeat was faint, half-dull, close to death. When I looked up, my eyes collided with myself in a mirror. My mouth and neck were covered in blood, the black veins protruding beneath my eyes, the white in them red.

   There I was, the monster I've come to know.

   "When I said that you should get out of your bedroom, I didn't mean that you should kill someone?" Enzo took a stand besides me, arms crossed in front of him.

   I slightly kicked her leg, the flinching of her fingers a sign that she was still alive. "She's not dead."

   "No, but she's barely alive." He leaned down and bit into his wrist, pushing it to the girls mouth. When she had drank several gulps and opened her eyes, he made her look at him. "Forget about her and me. The reason you have blood on your dress is because you slipped and scratched it with you nail. Now go." 

   The girl stood and stumbled away, slurring about getting something more to drink.

   "You didn't have to help me," I said, the emotion small in my voice. I felt nothing, no hate or desire to continue for more. There was a small hint of pain deep in my chest, but nothing else. If I let that pain push its way out, I would become the same person I was soon after my humanity returned. If I pushed the pain back, I would become the same person I was without my humanity.

   "You're right, I didn't have to help you." Enzo stood and looked at me, his hands on his waist. "But, you'd probably have a breakdown and we'd have a house full of dead women, or one woman crying her eyes out because she almost killed someone. Which one will it be, Clara?"

   I rolled my eyes and turned, shuffling towards the stairs. "Bye, Enzo."

   "Now, hold up." He walked besides me, amusement in every step he made and every word that left his mouth. "Don't you want to know what Alaric told me? It's juicy."

   "No."

   "It's about Damon."

   "No."

   Enzo hummed. "I supposed you don't want to know how he's hanging up his fangs for a pair of khakis."

   I stopped and turned to him, raising a brow. "What are you talking about?"

   A smirk that appeared more like a sneer formed on his lips. "He's planning on taking the cure with Elena." He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, pursing his lips. "We both know that Damon's selfish. He doesn't want to become human—not even under the magical influence of Elena Gilbert. Take if from someone he left to burn to death in order to save his own skin—no one changes that much. Especially not those like us that have the luxury of immortality."

   "I think it should have been me that told Clara about my decision," a voice joined. I turned my head to see Damon leaning by the doorway of the bedroom, arms crossed in front of him. His blue eyes were cold, the same feeling making me shudder. Ever since I returned, we hadn't exchanged words, just a passing look when I was going up the stairs.

   "Of course you would," Enzo chuckled. "Why would you want to hold this important decision to yourself to the other woman you love, right?"

   My shoulders became right at his words. I swallowed and turned to Enzo. "Don't say such stupid thigs," I said, quickly glancing at Damon. "He doesn't need to tell me anything; he can do whatever he wants with his life. I'm no one important to him."

   "That's not true," Enzo quickly said when Damon opened his mouth. "Everyone in this room knows that Damon's one true love is the woman he couldn't stop talking about when we were locked up together."

   "A lot of time passed since then, Enzo," I said as I moved to the bathroom to clean my mouth from the girl's blood. "Damon's one true, epic love is the one and only Elena Gilbert."

   He chuckled. "I smell jealousy," he sang. "From the other two people in this room that aren't me." A breath was exchanged in the room, and another chuckle escaped him. "It's my time to leave. Clara, if you want to leave, I suggest leaving the house." The door closed a moment later, but my bedroom remained dimly lit from the lights on the ceiling.

   I cleaned my mouth from the blood and walked back, then stopped. Damon sat on the edge of the bed, hands pressed together in front of him as his eyes ramined staring at the floor. After several seconds, he looked up at me. "I wanted to tell you soon," he softly said, his voice loud in the quiet room. "I didn't know how."

   "Hey, Clara, I'm thinking about taking the cure to become human so I can like a white picket-fence life with Elena," I sarcastically said as I crossed my arms. "I don't know, Damon, but that sounds pretty easy to me."

   He slapped his hands against his thighs and stood. "Okay, fine. Clara, I'm thinking about taking the cure to become human." He stared at me for several silent moments, eyebrows raised to say that he was expecting something from me. "I'd appreaciate it if you opened your mouth to tell me some helpful feedback."

   "What do you want me to say?" I played with fingers, unsure of how to feel or what to say in that situation. If I were to be truthful with myself, my chest ached at the thought of him becoming human. My fingers trembled and I wanted to yell out one simple words—no. So, instead, I asked, "Do you want me to lie or tell the truth?"

   Damon shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I think either response would make me feel terrible." His eyes landed on mine, soft but cold. They had always been cold, but not the uncomfortable cold of not wearing a sweater during a winter's day. No, his eyes were the comfortable cold, the type where you're covered in a warm blanket and sipping on a warm beverage while it snows. "So, just tell me whatever you're thinking."

   "No." I said that simple word too quickly for my liking.

   "No?"

   I looked down at my hands, pressing my fingers against my palm. "No, I think you shouldn't take the cure..." I said the words softly, afraid to even say them. My heart began to beat wildly, that bit of pain that had appeared when I fed squeezing my heart in a locked hold. "You would, uh, hate being human... You like everything about being a vampire, Damon: the speed, the feed, the compulsion, how everything is so hightened. And I think being an eternal stud is a plus." A small chuckle, half-forced escaped my mouth. It faded into seriousness as I looked up to him. He looked so strange underneath the dim lighting of my bedroom. The gentleness in his eyes made that hold on my heart pierce as if it were the piece of wood that Helen killed me with. Looking at him, in that lighting, speaking about him turning human and... I swallowed hard and said, "Don't take the cure, please."

   "Please," he scoffed, his mouth turning upward in a small smile. "Why does everyone want to stop me from taking the cure?"

   "Because you're Damon Salvatore, and there would be nothing more dreadful than being human," I told him.

   He let out a hum and nodded, not of approval or disapproval. Just a hum, as if he were saying okay. "How do you feel now?" he asked. "I heard from Stefan that he took you to Cape May."

   "I still hate myself," I mumbled with a shrug of my shoulders. "I still have nightmares. So, nothing really changed."

   Damon stared at me, took me in from the top of my head to my feet. He cleared his throat and looked away, crossing his arms across his chest. "I'll be here," he said, softly, his voice a perfect combination with the obnoxious music playing downstairs. "Even in the middle of the night, when you wake up sweating and crying, I'll be there." His lips spread into a small smile, and then he disappeared. He walked out of my room, leaving me in the dim lights and my heart beating against my chest.

   At that point, I decided that it would be best for me to leave the house. It was full of half-drunken people, and I needed fresh air to calm the erratic beating of my heart. I quickly changed and pulled on a sweater before walking out of the house, straight towards town. Mystic Falls was still the same as I last remembered, dull and boring but with laughter. The last time I had stepped downtown was the night of Liz's funeral, after Caroline and I turned off our humanity and went to a bar to have a drink from some patrons.

   I stopped in the centre of town, the small park with a few tall trees and several benches. It was quiet, picturesque, the opposite of Cape May. In that town, there was a party every night with loud music and both locals and tourists together in a joyous moment. In Mystic Falls, the night was too quiet. The loud sound of screaming people made me turn my head, towards the Grill. With a furrowed brow, I walked towards it. 

   The screaming subsided as I came closes, a few people walking out with a hazy look in their eyes. There were to options of why: they were either high on drugs or compelled. I pushed the door open to see Stefan compelling a shaking man, and his trembling subsided quickly.

   "What happened here?" I asked as I came closer, glancing around. The place was half empty, a few still trembling. "Do you need help?"

   "It's fine," Stefan said as he moved to another person. He compelled two people quickly, then stopped when he came up to the third. "I got this."

   "Sure looks like it," I hummed softly, glancing at the two trembling girls in the corner. I walked up to them and made them look at me in the eyes. "You two won't remember anything unusual happening tonight. You left dinner early because it was boring and you wanted to go somewhere fun. Now, leave." I stepped back and watched them leave, their shoulders rigid from the compulsion. I let out a breath and turned back to Stefan, pulling the sleeves of my sweater over my hands. "Now, can you tell me what the hell happened?"

   The door opened, the jingling of the bell revealing that someone walked in. "Ahh," Enzo breathed. "Broken glassware, the overwhelming scent of blood... I see the family reunion went without a hitch." He took a stand besides me, crossing his arms with amusement. 

   Stefan turned with anger in his eyes. "And what the hell took you so long? I had to compel the entire restaurant myself!"

   "I was looking for Damon," Enzo revealed, uncrossing his arms and letting them fall besides him. "Word is that he took off to find Elena."

   My hands closed into fists and I swallowed hard at his words. I glanced over at him. "He went to find her? I guess he really did want to..." I trailed off and nodded to myself. 

   "Yeah, well, he's not picking up his cell phone right now," Stefan said as he closed the distance between us, "which means it's just us."

   Enzo chuckled. "Just us," he repeated. "Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Suppose we ought to get used to it." He brushed past Stefan and went to the bar, grabbing a bottle of alcohol and serving himself a glass.

   "What the hell are you talking about?" Stefan questioned, glancing from me to the other vampire. He turned and ushered his hands in his pockets, tilting his head slightly back in a cool manner. 

   "That's right, you haven't heard." Enzo turned towards us. "Damon has the cure. And if we're to believe his bluster, he plans on taking it with Elena."

   Stefan laughed in disbelief. "I think I would know if my brother were planning on turning human."

   "Based on the look of shock on your face, you don't," Enzo mused. Stefan's face held horror as he came to realise that he wasn't lying. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but Enzo quickly shut him by walking past us towards the door. "So, we can either stand here and debate the merits of Damon's words, or we can split up and find your mom before she rips their heads off. Which is it gonna be?"

   Stefan turned to me. "Is he..."

   I shook my head. "Enzo isn't lying," I breathed, walking with him out The Grill. "He told me he was planning on taking it after you left to find Lily. I, uh, tried to talk him out of it, but it obviously didn't work..." I glanced down at my feet as we walked around the town. "I don't blame him, though. If I could, I would also take the cure." A small smile fell across my lips, more forced than genuine.

   Stefan stopped and looked at me. "So, he really wants to take it..." He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled a number. He motioned me to follow him as he strode back to the direction we came from. When Damon picked up, I heard a breath leave his mouth. "Damon, do not take that cure!"

   "What? How do you know about that?"

   "Lily got away from me," Stefan said, glancing behind us, "so it's a really bad time to be human. You were right. We've got to lock her up." He ended the call and pushed the phone back to his pocket.

   I stopped walking when a sweet scent filled my nostrils. The back of my mouth began to salivate at the scent, the veins underneath my eyes appearing. "Do you smell that?" I asked as I shut my eyes, inhaling deep so that the same thing that happened at the bachelor party wouldn't happen again. "Someone's bleeding."

   Stefan stared at me for a moment, before motioning to one side with his head. "This way." As we walked back to The Grill, his phone began to ring again. It was Elena, saying that she hid in the tunnels beneath the Grill. He told her to get home, that we'd be dealing with her.

   Damon was on the ground, slowly standing as he rolled out his stiff neck. "Yeah, I'm fine," he breathed. "Thanks for asking."

   Stefan stopped and stared at his brother, anger radiating from his stiff shoulders. "So, were you gonna tell me, or was it just easier to be your normal dickish self?"

   "What do you think?" he asked as he looked up from the ground. 

   "I think being human is the last thing you want."

   Damon stayed quiet, his eyes glued on his brother. For a moment, they moved on to me. I stared back at me, my breath getting caught in my throat. For a moment, the human Damon I had come to know appeared in front of me. It was the reckless boy that I sneaked out in the middle of the night to meet, the boy that gave me teasing smiles across the room, the boy who was so desperate to kiss me that he ended up ripping the buttons from my dress. 

   At that moment, I realised why I didn't want him to take the cure.

   "Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to hear it from Enzo?" Stefan continued, the anger in his voice clear and loud. "To have no say as to whether I lose my brother or not?"

   Damon groned and looked back at his brother. "Of course I know what it feels like. Why do you think I didn't tell you?" Anger crossed his features as he pointed to the restaurant. "I'm gonna go find out mother."

   I sighed and followed behind Stefan, pushing my hands into my back pockets. Though my sweater, I felt the cold of the air and the cold between the brothers. I glanced between them, seeing how there was an unspoken conversation that needed to happen between them. Between the one that hated being a vampire and the one that wanted to be human because of a girl.

   I entered The Grill with Stefan. Lily Salvatore was pacing back and forth, sobbing, dried blood down her left cheek. She turned towards us, towards Stefan.

   "Look what you've done to your mother," she hissed. "I'm a mess."

   Stefan stopped and stared at her, frowning. "In a few days, or months, or years, you'll feel different."

   "What does it matter if I'm alone, terrified of falling off the edge?" Her hands fell limp to her side. "I suppose I'd be like you, wouldn't I? Sad and alone." She stared at her son with exhaustion in her eyes, the various emotions clearly overwhelming her. She inhaled deeply and broke a piece of wood from the wall, and pointed it to herself. 

   I took one step closer to her, staring at the piece of wood that was close to her heart. "I've fallen off the edge far too many times," I said, looking up into her eyes. "I know how you feel; the loneliness that eats you alive, the despair that keeps reminding you of what you are, the sadistic hunger that makes you want to feed from every single living thing." My stare fell to the wood in her hands. "I tried to kill myself before, too. I tried every other possibility that would kill anyone else—swallowed a bullet, hung myself, drowned—but never a stake to heart. I guess I was scared to really die, but not scared to feel the pain of dying."

   "That's not important," Lily hissed, her hold tightening on the wood. 

   "It's not," I agreed, quickly glancing to the figure behind her. "I was just stalling."

   Damon quickly sped towards her and injected vervain into her neck. As she fell limp, he grabbed on to her and stared at me with wide eyes. "You okay?"

   I nodded and turned, walking away from The Grill and returning to the boarding house. It was empty when I arrived, dark, no sign of the bachelor party except the few strewn empty cups. In the parlour, in front of a fire, stood Elena Gilbert. I stared at her for several moments, her heart beating wildly in my ears and the flow of blood through her veins as loud as her swallowing. My eyes widened in realisation. 

   "You're human..." I uttered, suprise lased in my voice as I continued to stare at her.

   Elena turned and looked at me with wide eyes, her heart beating even wilder. "Y-Yeah," she stuttered, a smile forming on her lips. She spread her arms as if she were pointing at herself, the smile forming into a grin. "Can you believe it?"

   My hands closed into fists as I continued to hear her heart furiously beating in her chest, the flow of her blood through her veins. I clenched my jaw tightly, something other than hunger surging through my veins. "No," I said between my teeth, "I can't believe it. I'm..." I swallowed and glanced away, trying to calm myself down. "I'm happy for you, Elena. You wanted this as soon as you woke up in that morgue."

   Before she could say anything, I hurried to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and took another deep breath. And another. Another. Another, until all I could hear was my breathing. I had paced back and forth in my room.

   "You should stop before you burn a track through the floor," a voice said from the door.

   I turned my head to see Damon walk in with a glass of alcohol in hand. "It shouldn't bother you since it isn't your room," I hummed in annoyance. There was another pain insie of me, another sting other than the insatible hunger.

   Damon hummed and swallowed a mouthful of bourbon. "True," he nodded. "Let me ask you this: what you told Lily, was that all true?"

   I stopped. "Why do you want to know?"

   "Don't you think I deserve to know after you basically begged me for not to take the cure?"

   I huffed and shook my head, staring everywhere in my room except towards him. "Yes," I finally said. "After I transitioned, I felt absoutely miserable. Between all the bloodlust and pain, I tried to end all of it. As you can see, I'm still here so none of them worked."

   "Let me remind you that you did manage to die," he said, pointing at me. "Right before Bon and I poofed into a prison world where every day was May 10th, 1994." He let out a sigh and glanced down at the glass of alcohol in his hand before swallowing it whole. When the glass was empty, he looked back up to me. "Let me ask you something else."

   "Damon, I'm tired—"

   "Why did you tell me not to take the cure?" he asked before I could finish my sentence. 

   "I can't—"

   "I need to know, Clara!" He crossed the room and stood in front of me, eyes soft and full of wonder. "I just need to know..."

   I stared into his eyes as my limbs trembled, as I held my hands tightly. My heart was beating just as fast as Elena's, the sound an annoying ringing in my ears. I could hear his as well, just as fast, but the sound softer than mine. When I was human, I used to lay my head to his chest and think the sound was a lullaby. When I was human, I used to lay his head to my chest and run my fingers through his hair, listening to the steady sound of summer in the forest. 

   He wanted to know why I didn't want him to take the cure, a reason that terrified me.

   I glanced away for a moment before looking back at him. "Because I..." I swallowed and clutched my hands tighter, to the point where I almost broke my fingers. "Because I don't want you to leave me, Damon."