"That tickles."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I like it."

Hayden shifts beneath the sheets, a low chuckle sending tingles from where his skin touches mine. I place a small kiss at the base of his throat and Hayden grins, moving his arms from around me to gripping tightly onto my forearms. I begin to ask what he's doing, but before I get the chance, he yanks up and turns so that I'm lying on top of him.

"Ah, much better."

The heat rushes to my cheeks and I duck my head, lightly slapping him. "Hayden."

Hayden tilts his head up to kiss me, mouth lingering inches from mine. "You didn't say my name right. If I remember correctly, you're supposed to say it the way you did last night."

"Oh my God." I groan.

"You said that also, babe," he adds, stealing another kiss. An involuntary giggle escapes my lips as I roll off of him, taking the blanket with me. Hayden yelps at the sudden punch of cold air, sitting up and scrambling to find a source of warmth and I shush him, reminding him that he's not supposed to be here. He rolls his eyes but continues to grab at the blanket as I stand and let my eyes roam his body.

Hayden stretches, confidently displaying every part of him. "Whoa put that away," I giggle, covering my eyes.

Hayden laughs. "I thought you liked it. Come on, drop that blanket."

"It's way too cold to get naked. I need a hot shower and sweats."

The mattress groans under him. Seconds later, I feel the warm presence of Hayden standing directly in front of me, but refuse to uncover my eyes. His skin occasionally brushes mine, breath fanning across my face when he moves even closer. Hayden gently removes my fingers, tangling them with his, and when I open my eyes, his irises are just as dark as they were last night.

"Mind if I join you?" he asks in a low, toe-curling whisper.

He doesn't let me answer. Instead, Hayden lightly grips the tip of my chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulls my face forward, gaze dropping lustfully to my lips. He angles his head and gently puts his mouth on mine. His other hand unhooks the blanket from beneath my fingers, letting it drop at our ankles as he turns to back us to the bed once more. Hayden whispers incoherently against my mouth when my fingers latch tightly to his shoulders and he lowers us onto the mattress, leaning above me with both hands on either side of my head. All I can do is whimper.

"Up for round two?" he whispers.

Yes.

A rumbling sound comes from outside. The garage, I realize over the cloud of lust that hangs over us, and begin to sit g up with Hayden still over me. He moves his mouth to the sweet spot below my ear, earning a sharp intake of breath. "We should stop," I tell him.

"Why?"

I gulp down a moan and bite my lip. If my mom found us, I don't know if I could live in this house ever again. "My mom..."

Hayden smooths the unruly curls from out of my eyes. "Won't even know I'm here."

"I don't think—"

I don't have a chance to finish. In the next second, the door bursts open.

"Ember?"

Holy shit.

I want to die. I want to burst into a big pile of ashes to save myself from the embarrassment and pure horror of things to come. I want to get up, change my name, and run away to Canada. Because nothing will save me from what will happen. Corry and my mother stand in the doorway with the biggest look of horror and curiosity I ever thought was possible. And right behind him stands my group of friends, all with the same shock and amusement on their smug little faces.

* * *

"Hayden Cross! Out of everyone in the whole fucking world! Him? Here? I know you like the guy but come on!" Corry bellows.

I knew this wasn't going to go well, but I never figured it would go this horribly.

Corry paces himself into a hole, the old carpet of our living room seeming to get even worse with each back-and-forth movement. Hayden, despite his protests of staying, went home shortly after. Gianna, Gabby, Felicity, and Paris decided it was a good idea to leave as well.

Unexpectedly, my mother didn't take the fact that her daughter was sleeping with her ex-arch nemesis very well. Sure, she was all right with the fact that he was going to take me on a date, returning home late at night, to a market forty-five minutes from home. But the fact that we were at home, in a safe and clean place, using protection—that was an outrage.

"Irresponsible?" I cry. "We were safe! I wanted this! Why do I have to justify myself to you?"

"This is Hayden Cross, Em! Remember him? Not even three months ago he was trying to tear you down and break you and now he's tearing into your panties? What could possibly—"

"Ew! Corry!"

"It's the truth! I'm just speaking the truth!"

"You didn't have to say it like that!" I wave a hand. "He's changed, okay? We've both changed. A lot has happened, remember?"

Corry snorts, waving a hand and stopping in front of the fireplace. His face is etched with hard lines of frustration, lips curled over his teeth like he's some kind of wild animal. Even though my brother is significantly larger than I am, I'm not scared.

"Changed?" he challenges. "Ember, he might have changed but he's the reason for all the shit that's been going on for the past three months."

Suddenly, my chest feels hollow. That's not true, I want to say. But I can't get the words out of my mouth. Corry continues.

"He's the reason why you got involved in all of this crap. Mom was shot because of those people, Ember! She could have died."

His words collide into me and suddenly, I'm not in our living room, but in a darker place, a damp, cold storage house, with bright eyes staring into mine. I'm looking at Nate as he tells me it wasn't Derek who shot my mother, but it was Hayden. Those words weren't the truth, but the anxiety still churns in me. Will I always feel this way? Am I doomed to feel this suffocated forever?

I'm not quite sure.

* * *

I don't see Hayden for an entire week after our date. Part of it is my fault: working, seeing a therapist for all of the fucked up things I've had to go through, and the want to be with my mom and my brother after everything that's happened. Another part is Hayden dealing with his own demons and going to Cleveland, Ohio for a few days to get over his dad's official, permanent return to Valleyfield, Wisconsin.

I wouldn't be able to see Hayden the following week. He stopped by to tell me that he and his mom were going to Ohio for a few days to help his uncle move into a new house. It was weird not seeing him in class on Monday and Tuesday. I'll admit, I miss him but part of me is relieved that I haven't seen him because I dread asking him the question that's stuck in my brain.

* * *

"Corry actually said that?" Hayden asks with absolute amusement.

I grip the phone to my ear, happy that we're able to talk. "I almost died."

There is a rustle from the other end of the line, followed by a girl shouting. "Hold on a second," he says, and in the background I hear, "Melody! You're going to burn the fucking house down if you don't stop!"

What the hell is going on over there?

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, my cousins are acting a bit wild in the new house," Hayden explains with a sigh.

"You sound tired. You should sleep." I lounge on my bed, homework scattered across the sheets. There is more shouting and Hayden laughs. The girl shouts again, this time at Hayden. As usual, he retorts with an asshole remark. "So there's a bonfire at Gabby's on Friday around eight," I continue. Anxiety pools in my stomach. "Do you think you'll be able to make it?"

There's a silence from the other end of the line.

"Hayden?" I ask.

"Hello! Who is this?" a girl asks from the other end. She sounds breathless, voice shaking as if she's running. By the sound of it, she can't be more than fourteen. "Are you Hayden's girlfriend?""

"Who is this?" I ask, eyebrows furrowing. Hayden can be heard shouting from a distance.

"This is Melody," she shouts into the phone. "I'm Hayden's cousin! And I am super duper hyper! Word of advice, stop after the seventh Pixie Stick. Who are you?"

"My name is Ember."

"Oh Ember is such a pretty name! I like that name! You know Hayden has a nickname that sounds like a girl's name! Do you want to know?"

"Yeah," I say curiously.

"Okay!" she giggles, "It's—hey!"

There's an audible struggle. Melody lets out a string of curses just as Hayden swears to lock her in the bathroom. I fall to my side, laughing at what they're saying. After several long moments of threats and names, Hayden wins the struggle and Melody can be heard throwing a fit.

"I want to go home," Hayden whines.

"I want to meet this cousin of yours." I smile.

"No. You don't. Not with a sugar high you don't. I thought I was moving boxes, not babysitting. Do you know how hard it is to convince two sick kids to take some medicine? I lost twenty bucks!"

"Hang in there, Marry Poppins."

"You're hilarious."

"I know."

"I have to go," Hayden sighs. "I'll text you later, okay?"

I prop my knees up, pulling them into my chest, and lean back against the headboard. "Yeah. Talk to you later." A second later, the phone buzzes as Hayden hangs up. I stare at the screen and grin. His caller ID photo is one of my favorites. He's lying across the nurse's table, covered into Hello Kitty bandages. It's hard to believe that picture is only a few months old. It feels like a few lifetimes ago.

* * *

The air is as crisp and frigid as any other November night. The moon sits behind the clouds in a slim crescent shape, casting sparse light over the trees behind Gabby's house. She lives on the more rural part of Valleyfield, near the park, giving us a private stretch of land before the forest starts.

As Corry and I make our way back to the house, another chill ripples down my spine. This time it comes from the trees around us. Even though there are a few, the surrounding bushes are dense enough to successfully hide whatever is in there. Something moves from one tree to the other and I can hear low growls. The weight of a gaze pulls on my shoulders and I frantically look around and over my shoulder. There could be a coyote or raccoon.

"Are you getting the feeling that we're being watched?" I ask. Corry looks in the direction I point and frowns.

"Not really. Are you sure you're okay? I know the therapist said—"

"I know I'm crazy, Corry, but I'm not imagining things."

My stomach does a knot in fear. I can feel the quickening pace of my heart rate. I shake my head. "No, I mean...I think something's watching us from behind the trees."

A violent rustle crashes from behind us and I whirl around. Something darts across the trees and rushes toward us with a loud snarl. Corry screeches like a lady in distress and I have just enough time to dive to the ground and grab a rock. A dark figure leaps from behind a tree right onto me, the rock falling from my fingers.

"Boo!"

All I can do is scream, kick, and punch as much as I can. "Get away! Get away!"

In the midst of my fighting, I hope Corry can get to safety. Or help. But suddenly, I don't hear my brother's terrified screams, instead, he's laughing.

"Ouch! Ember!"

Someone grabs my arms and legs and pins them down. I open my eyes and stare up at Hayden's grinning face. His hair is covered in twigs and the remains of leaves and shadows playing across his face from the moonlight to make him look like a werewolf. He grins from ear to ear. My twin is beside him, doubled over in laughter. Gianna, Gabby, and Paris step out from behind trees of their own. They're all laughing.

"You asshole!" I screech. "No! You assholes!"

"Hi, baby, did you miss me?" Hayden asks.

I struggle under his grip and kick my legs. "I hate you." He leans down and kisses me before grabbing a hold of my arm and pulling me to my feet with one swift tug.

"No you don't."

I cross my arms over my chest and try to recover from my mini heart attack. The sudden adrenaline rush makes me shake and I swat at him again. "No, I do. I hate you so much." Hayden laughs and circles his arms around my waist, lifting me off of my feet and spinning. "Hayden!" He stops and kisses me again.

"Ember!"

I pull away to glare at the rest of the group. "You knew about this?"

"He showed up ten minutes ago and we thought it would be funny," Gianna explains.

"And you?" I demand of my brother. "What's your explanation?"

He holds his hands up in surrender. "I was just as caught off guard as you were."

"You guys suck."

"Oh don't be such a baby," Hayden teases. I stick my tongue out.

"Bite me."

"Gladly."

My brother intervenes. "Okay, before I regret being here, let's get to the fire? I want some 'smores."

Everyone happily agrees and as we make our way down the winding path that leads to the back of the Hansen house, I take Hayden's hand and stop. He turns to look at me curiously, nodding at the others to go ahead while my eyes are pinned to him and my thoughts race a million miles an hour. I want to forget about the notion of Hayden causing so much damage to our home. I know all of it isn't his fault—he was caught in the same trap—but the idea of him being responsible for my mother.

"Are you okay?" Hayden wonders, seeing the strain in my face.

"I just wanted to talk for a second," I begin. "About things that happened this year."

Dropping my hand, Hayden cups my face and leans down so we're face to face. I accept his kiss. It's soft, slow, and full of so much trust and adoration. He's ready for what I'm about to say.

"I can't stop thinking about New York," I confess. "Just when I think the memories are receding a little, something always brings me back."

"And you have no idea how sorry I am for doing that to you, Emmy." Hayden presses another kiss to my lips and I have to hold my breath to escape the sob that bubbles in my chest.

So I take a step back. "I know that all of it is not your fault and I won't let you believe that it is. We were bound to fall into that trap—I was bound to fall into Derek and Nate's trap. I forgive you for that, Hayden. I do."

"But?"

"I have to ask you one important question." I exhale. "I just need to know one thing for the sake of my mind."

He stares at me intensely. "Whatever you want to ask me, ask. I'm not keeping any secrets."

"Are we ever going to be okay? After all of this?"

Hayden doesn't flinch but I watch the guards slide into place behind his eyes. Suddenly, it feels like I'm starting to fall, and my stomach twists and turns as I go hurtling into despair. He opens his mouth and I brace for his words.

"We will."

"I just don't feel okay."

His eyes glisten in the low light and my heart swells.

"What happened to us was crazy," Hayden continues. "I'm actually not a horrible person. No—I take that back. I was a horrible person, but I'm not going to be that way anymore." The weight of the world begins to lift from my chest and I can see that the same is happening for him because the light is returning to his eyes. "I've done a lot of horrible stuff and I'm ready to make up for that. Starting with you, Ember. I'm going to make it up to you. But right now, it's okay not to be okay. You need to feel that before you can heal and I'll be right next to you the entire time."

I'm not okay. Not yet. But I will be. I know that.

And that's okay.

"I know," I say, throwing my hands around his neck and pulling him into the biggest hug my tiny body can allow. "I believe you."

He breathes a sigh of relief and tightens his hold. Suddenly, his expression changes. "We..." He begins to chuckle. "We never formally called a truce on our little war."

"Truce?" I ask. "It's pretty obvious, I won."

"Oh, please. I definitely was in the lead."

A spark of playful fury zips through me. "Oh, yeah?"

The spark dances in Hayden's eyes. "Yeah."

"Sleep with one eye open, Cross."

"Gladly."

* * *