CHAPTER FOURTEEN

IT'S BETTER KNOWING

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          ALISTAIR HELD HER WITH A FIRM GRIP. It was the first time he touched her like this, not when he threatened a week before, but almost like a loving step-father in the face of the public for all to see. He had her shoulder in his grasp, and his eyes looked so intently into hers with a secret message (one word and I will end you) and she swallowed dryly, minutely nodding her head before turning to the other members in her family – or "family".

It was almost a loving scene, them gathered together on the platform waiting to board the Hogwarts Express. Two parents, two children, and the father holding one child closely with a relaxed yet firm expression on his face. It was almost lovely, almost everything Morgan had ever wanted for her aunt, but it was also the complete opposite of how it looked.

But her shoulder was starting to ache under his touch, and only recently did her throat stop swelling, and the calm look on his face was only a façade. None of this was real, and although Greer had the same stoic exterior as her father, Morgan could see a small bit of panic in her eyes.

Helen, though, looked completely and blissfully relaxed. Unaware of the looks thrown around between the three, unassuming to the knowledge that Morgan knew to be true, enjoying her life and believing that they were a loving family, her niece beginning to accept her new husband. Morgan wanted to play along for her sake, but she wanted to scream and shout the truth on the other hand, yet she couldn't do that.

She was trapped under his touch, under his gaze, under his threat and she was completely and utterly powerless to him. He held all the cards in his hand, and she was just another pawn who would be destroyed if she stepped out of line. There was nothing she could do except smile and bear it, play the part of a loving step-daughter who willingly allowed him to be close to her.

"Have a great rest of your year," Helen smiled, looking between the two girls before pulling Greer into a hug, "Oh, I'm going to miss having you two around the house all day!"

For a moment, when Helen wrapped Greer into the embrace, the Ainsley girl froze. Stilling for a moment because Alistair never touched anyone unless it was to display power, as he was doing now, unlike Helen who gave away hugs to anyone as if they were nothing. To her, they were just a mean of affection and appreciation, not a cruel power play.

"I'll miss you, too," Greer said back, and Morgan almost wanted to scoff, but she knew she had to keep quiet so she bit her lip.

Helen then moved towards Morgan so the grip on her shoulder released and she was brought into a hug. Practically collapsing into it, Morgan held her aunt close. As ready as she was to return to Hogwarts and leave Alistair Ainsley behind, she would miss her aunt so much. The light of her life, the one who saved and raised her.

"I'm gonna miss you," Morgan told her, squeezing her a bit more because she felt it necessary to hold onto Helen and never let go.

"I know, dear," Helen said, struggling for a moment to let go because Morgan wouldn't let her, "But you can always write, and of course I will too."

Morgan nodded, but she wanted to convey that it wasn't enough, that she wanted Helen with her always and away from Alistair – as far as they could go and even farther than that.

"Don't give me that look," Helen smiled at her softly, "I don't know what you're so nervous about. Is it your classes? I've told you that you need to stop focusing on them so much and let loose."

"It's not my classes, it's just – well, I'm just gonna miss you," she repeated, not knowing what else to say that would truly grasp how she felt without disobeying Alistair and telling Helen the truth, which would only end up in her death.

"I'll miss you too, dear, but it's not like you're never going to see me again," Helen chuckled, joking a little but Morgan couldn't take it as a joke anymore, not after Alistair's threat.

Morgan nodded. "I know..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say or how to explain her behavior, so she kept quiet instead of making a mess of the situation.

"As much as I want to keep you two around, the train will be leaving soon. You should go ahead and get on," Alistair's almost cold tone ruined the moment. For a second, she forgot that he was there, but now she met his eyes again and she had to turn away quickly. She hated locking eyes with him.

"Right," Helen nodded, bringing Morgan and Greer into another hug each, "You better be off then. Be good and have fun. I love you both!"

"Love you too," Morgan chorused with Greer, who mumbled something else, and then they were off.

When they got closer to the train and further from Alistair and Helen, Greer's eyes flickered to Morgan. "I told you to stop looking into it," Greer whispered.

Morgan turned cold and straightened herself. "You're using my aunt as a pawn and taking her love which you don't deserve. If you ever thought I would stop, you were sorely mistaken."

Greer scoffed, shaking her a head a little. "It's not that simple," she asserted, "It's not like I could have stopped it, or even told anyone, my father would have my head – same as he'll have yours. You should've left it alone. In my experience, not knowing is better."

She didn't say anything more before walking faster and away from Morgan, leaving her alone to frown. Was not knowing better? If she hadn't found out, she would still be looking for something, searching for any way to help her aunt away from Alistair's cruel grasp without knowing it could end up with her death.

Now, though, she was stopped. She wasn't looking any further and she was going to end all thoughts from her friends to continue looking. Yeah, something was off about Alistair, but now that she knew she couldn't let anyone else in on the secret. It would only get them hurt, and she was already in a delicate enough position herself. One wrong move and Helen died...

Was not knowing better?

No, it couldn't be. Not knowing would've gotten Helen or herself killed, but knowing forced her to stop. Knowing was going to keep them safe and alive, even if the guilt pooling in her gut was never-ending knowing that she was leaving her aunt in the hands of someone who hated her and would kill her at any given moment.

She was safe for now, they both were, and knowing allowed them this safety. It was better to know, Greer was wrong.

Greer was always wrong, when she tried to change Morgan, when she tried to hide it all from Morgan, when she forced Morgan to meet Carlisle probably in attempt to keep her distracted and away from the truth. Greer was always wrong...but it wasn't all Greer's fault, was it?

How much of that was Greer's idea, and how much of it stemmed from her father forcing her to? Did she do it all alone, or did Alistair hold her against the wall and grasp her shoulder and force her into submission? Greer was a child, just like her, forced into silence, forced to keep a secret.

Maybe Greer was the same, or maybe Greer was a mastermind as well. She didn't know, but the way Greer had this nervous look in her eye before, the way she tried to help Morgan – in a twisted way, yes, but still help – and the way she spoke today...maybe she was just another pawn in this sick game. Maybe she was just another victim.

He'd have my head.

Would Alistair hurt his own daughter? She didn't know, but she also wouldn't put it past him. She didn't know anything anymore...

"Hey!" a voice called out beside her, and she turned to see Anderson running to catch up with her. She rolled her eyes, continuing to move even though it was clear he wanted her to stop. Still, he caught up to her, "Fancy seeing you here."

"Not really," she scoffed, is that the best he could do? A lame pickup line that didn't even make any logical sense? "This is the train back to school and I wasn't expelled, so..."

"Still, fancy running into you. Almost like it's fate trying to tell us that we're meant to be," he said so in a wistful tone, an annoying smirk cursing his lips.

Morgan rolled her eyes. "Or it's karma punishing me for a past wrongdoing," she countered, "Because this is a punishment rather than a blessing."

"I don't know, I'm feeling pretty blessed right now. Then again, I always feel blessed when I look at your face," he winked at her. She was sure he wanted her reaction to be one of blushing cheeks and a girly giggle, but instead he got a nose wrinkle of disgust and a shake of the head.

"Can't relate, because all I see when I look at you is someone I can't stand," she shot back at him. Yeah, it was probably too cruel, but it wasn't like she was in the best mood to begin with. She was annoyed, a bit scared, and the last thing she needed was Anderson Dwellers invading her personal space and trying to flirt with her.

No, what she needed was her old home. She needed the warm feeling in her stomach when she ate cookies that melted in her mouth right after they came out of the oven with Helen, watching Disney movies and feeling utterly relaxed. She needed her friends who bickered like an old married couple, childish and mature, refined and unpolished, who made her feel comfortable. She didn't need him.

"Oh, come on, Morgan, don't be that way," Anderson pouted, "Stop denying that we have a connection. I know you feel it just as I do."

"I really don't," she deadpanned, "And if you'll excuse me, I need to find my friends."

"Mind if I join?" Anderson turned his pout into a smirk, a hint of something devious in his eyes.

"Absolutely. I can find them on my own," she then turned around, walking away from him, looking into the compartment windows until she found her friends.

She found Adeline in a compartment, and easily opened the door, collapsing next to her friend. Adeline raised an eyebrow, though she sifted her fingers through Morgan's hair as she always did when Morgan was distressed.

"Everything alright there?" she asked, in a surprisingly calm tone. She was sure it was from Adeline's mother, who preached the benefits of keeping a cool head and kind words rather than always jumping into action.

"No. Anderson stopped me before I got here," she said, explaining only a little bit. There were so many more reasons for this, the need to just step holding herself so high and let go, to fall into the arms of her friend, and stop thinking about what onlookers would think.

Here, the world couldn't see her, and here she didn't have to be the pristine daughter Alistair needed her to be. She just needed to be herself, and that meant anything, and so she could collapse and fall, let go of the pressure and cry if needed.

Adeline's face turned sour. There went all those teachings...

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that right after break. And to think he couldn't even wait for classes to start up again..." Adeline muttered the last part, but she heard and couldn't help but snort. If she wanted, Adeline could be quite the comedian even though she tried to hold herself as such a serious person.

"The flirting was worse than usual this time – and he had this awful pickup line!" Morgan complained, because this was something she could complain about.

Alistair was strictly off limits, along with anything to do with him and his new Death Eater status, but Anderson...Anderson was fair game. He was easy, and she could let out her frustration through him, but the fear...she had to hold onto the fear.

The fear was for her and her alone, the only who might understand her was Greer, but there was no way she could go seeking out Greer again. Especially not now. She didn't want to face her step-sister and the darkness between them, surrounding them, suffocating them. She would keep that locked away as well.

"Why didn't you just hex him?" Adeline asked.

"Technically, we're not at Hogwarts yet, so it wouldn't be allowed," Morgan explained, "Besides, I didn't want any parents to see and complain – especially not his or Alistair."

Alistair would have her head if he saw, probably Helen's as well, and that was not okay. They were safe for now, and she wouldn't go and ruin that because one boy annoyed her. She had to keep Helen safe, and herself as well, even though it meant enduring Anderson – ugh!

Adeline hummed in understanding, nodding her head a little, her fingers gliding through Morgan's hair. She felt like she could fall asleep her, safe in the embrace of her hand. This – this was exactly what she needed.