In her late twenties the woman in front of me looked a queen of sorts. She sat behind her desk, her manicured nails tapping the glass top and the faint wintery sunlight shone from the gaps between the blinders drawn over the glass wall of her office.

She had chin length hair, brown and curly and thin rimmed glasses rested on her nose. Looking through them she shuffled the papers on her desk and fished out a report from her drawers before turning her attention on me.

There was a minute before she spoke and in my mind I could see our cold sitting room back in Himachal; now unfamiliar after the long time spent in Perth and Ma's cold stare as she folded her arms and refused to answer me.

"Forget him," her tone was unyielding. "There's no point in knowing who he was."

"There is no point in finding out the person who promised to wait for me?" I asked her in an exasperated voice.

"He left you." Her tone was harsh. " Will you go back looking for him?" There was an unknown edge of fear to her voice. I watched her for for a moment trying to comprehend her stand. What was she afraid about? I was already heartbroken, there was no possible pain that would be new to me. Why not return to Perth looking for answers?

"I don't want to lose you again," Ma's hands embraced me.

I stared ahead, not meeting her eyes. If I take in her anguish it would be hard for me to fight against the natural instinct to sooth her, stay behind with my doubts weighing my soul.

" But I've left a part of  my soul with him, Ma. I can never be myself until I know why he did this. Why I meant nothing to him when he played with my feelings but still why he couldn't let me simply die without a fight. I need to know why he deceived me into this life Ma I need to hear him explain."

"But I don't!" She sounded firm in her decision. "I don't want you going back to them."

I frowned in thought. Them, my Baba and his second wife; what had I done that made Ma think I wanted to go back to them?

"I'm not going for them, I'm going for my own sake,  for my own peace of mind."

The memory slipped my mind as I returned to the wintery surrounding of Perth around me. Dr. Roy was patiently waiting for my attention.

" Dr. Maheshwari said he only played a minor part in healing me and that it was you who handled my case. I have some questions for you Dr. Roy, and I've been told you have answers."

*

Kavita studied the young woman sitting before her, there was a strange sense of calmness veiling her features. For a fragment of a second the atmosphere switched to a one of two chess players,  the white and black checked warfield lying between them. The white had made an opening, while the black waited in calculative silence.

"Why don't we begin at the beginning Miss Gadodia; tell me what urged you to come here."

The pawns staggered ahead, square by square with no qualms of the lessening distance between the target and themselves. The question led to another truth.

She heard the story she was already familiar with, perhaps more so than the narrator herself.  But still she let her continue without hindrance and made a few annotations to her report.

"I'm confused, I know what I saw, but nothing leads me to him anymore.  Was he real, or simply a fragment of my imagination?"

"was that your question for me?"

" No," admitted the young woman. "when I returned looking for answers I realized there were many more questions than those I knew. And my question changed. It's true that I wanted to find out about the man who broke my heart, but now I have more pressing doubts. What was I diagnosed with?"

Kavita sighed audibly and shut her file.

"Do you know what I do here?" She shook her head to indicate a negative. " This hospital is the best in Perth for terminal illnesses and I am their psychiatrist who deals with patients when they need motivation to fight their ailments."

" But what does that have to do with me?"

"You my dear was a very special case. Because you were different from the others I had to deal with. Ever heard of Munchausen syndrome? You were suffering from a version of that. You weren't terminal, but you were convinced that you are."

She could see the stunned expression crossing the young woman's face.  She gripped the edges of the table tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her breathing turned heavier and her eyes widened.

" I - I wasn't dying?"

" No, you believed you were."

"Then, then all those symptoms," she stammered her words choking her breath. Kavita pushed the glass of water on the table towards her, a graceful smile tugging her lips.

"Here, take a sip." Her tone was gentle.  She waited till her command was obeyed and continued. "The idea was rooted deep in your mind, hence your body produced those symptoms, they weren't true."

"So the surgery?"

"We enacted it, to end your illusionary illness."

"Then I wouldn't have died even if I didn't get it done?"

"I have no idea about that Miss. Gadodia, but I guess there was a chance of your body giving up under the influence of your mind."

"Then that's why...he,"

"Uh," Kavita stopped her. "We needed someone to pull you it of the pit you were fast sinking to, someone you were close to. You were keeping things from your mother because you thought you were making her worry. You and your father didn't have a good relationship. The only person left was Lakshya.  But when I reached out in 2013, his accident had already happened."

"Then why didn't I realize they were two different people?"

"You were living in a world of your own and you secretly wanted Lakshya to return for you right? So I guess your mind simply accepted the aid offered to it. You weren't in your best thinking abilities, which of cause is nothing to be ashamed of."

A deep intake of breath, and another sip of water seemed to have calmed her down.  

"Who was he?"

Kavita did not answer immediately.

"You must know this was completely a clinical practice. We were trying to the best of our abilities to get you back. There were no other emotions..."

"Who was he?" She did not let Kavita complete her statement. There was another long pause and Kavita fiddled with her wrist watch for a moment.  

"Telling you that is against our rules."

"I came across the continent to hear it!"

When Kavita looked at her, there was a shadow of unease creeping over her face and her eyes shone with sympathy.

" He won't see you ever again Miss. Gadodia. it's best if you don't go searching for him."

" Then why did he save me?" Her voice shook before breaking into sobs.

"He does that all the time. Gives you chances. Leaves you to your fate. He is cruel like that." For some reason she did not sound bitter as she uttered those words, there was more of a wistful tint to her tone.

" What does he think he is?"

*

Over the rim of his glasses Dr. Durga Prasad Maheshwari studied the profile of his son. He had spoken nothing since their discussion early that morning. Sanskar was folding his clothes with a precision only a man of his profession would master. He was packing once again ready to leave.

"If you need her this much why did you let her go Sunny?" The question slipped before he could ponder over it.

He stopped what he was doing, then looked up at his father. In the wintery sun, Durga could distinguish the similarity between his gaze and Annapurna's.  It made things harder, watching the anguish that shadowed his warm brown eyes.  

" I'm alright Dad." He shook his head, as if to get rid of the gloom that had settled upon him and tried to smile.

" The fact that you have to say that, proves you're not." Durga Prasad's comeback was equally strong. " I don't understand the reason of punishing yourself like this. You need her, she needs you; then what could possibly keep you apart?"

Zipping his bag shut and tossing some crumpled papers to the bin under his study table, Sanskar exhaled deeply.

" Why didn't you marry again after Mom's death?"

For a one solid minute there was silence in which Durga Prasad tried to find a rational reply to that sudden question. "Wasn't it because her memories didn't leave even a miniature void within your heart where you could let anyone else take a place?"

Still his father did not find words to join the conversation.

"I feel the same.  Our love was kind of like that, it consumed all until I was left with nothing to give another. There can never be anyone else for me. It's not some kind of a oath I've taken nor am I trying to be overtly romantic," he shook his head again, dismissively at the idea. "I'm simply incapable of letting her go."

" Then why did you involve yourself in this...This drama Sunny?"

"The woman I love gave up her existence for her, I couldn't possibly let her waste it all away."

"Is this your way of revenge?"

" Can you love and hate at the same time?"

"If you're not trying to hurt her, why are you avoiding her like this? The girl is desperately searching for you!"

"She reminds me of everything I lost. She reopens my wounds Dad, I - I can't stand her!"

Without him realising it, a lone tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek.  Sanskar made no movement to wipe it away. He simply clutched his shaking fingers into fists.

" I have nothing to do with Ragini Gadodia anymore."

*

*It was persephone who told Orpheus not to look back as he returned to the mortal realm or he may lose Eurydice forever. Our Persephone is quite different. Rings a bell, anyone?