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JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

act one ━ chapter six

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━ AUGUST JACOBS ━
june twenty-third 2022

          DESPITE RUNNING INTO CONRAD, AS SHE INEVITABLY WOULD, August's long list of follow requests on social media made her feel better. One of which was Isabel Conklin, the birthday girl.

           Belly informed August that it was her sixteenth birthday, following the bonfire, and the latter insisted that she pop by to say hi. And so that's what she did. With a bouquet of flowers she had got from the local grocers, August headed over to the Fisher household for coffee on the porch while she heard all about Belly's birthday plans.

          It was still very early and Belly said she had yet to open her presents. August made note to be gone by that point. The sun was rising behind them and she could tell it was going to be a very warm day. The sky was clear and the waves were gentle behind them. The pool twinkled in the little light and the Fishers' grass was such a perfect green, August was mesmerised. She was only on the back porch but the whole house seemed so tidy and put together.

          With coffee and pastries in hand, the introductions kept coming. Half of the household was either not awake, showering or getting dressed, and August wasn't planning to stay long. But she did meet Laurel, Belly's mother. Only briefly as she brought them more food, but it was nice to see more into this closely-knit group's life.

          But the relaxed atmosphere quickly shifted when Conrad appeared by the sliding glass doors. When it was just the three of them (August, Belly, and Jeremiah), August could feel the tension seep from her shoulders. But now she was seizing up, and it was as though a cloud had swooped over them. 

          When was her body going to have a normal reaction to Conrad Fisher?

          Conrad, similarly, was gobsmacked to wake up to August on his back porch. He supposed it was possible that she would end up in his house at some point during the year, but being here after less than a week of her being in Cousins seemed a little excessive.

          He tried to hide his shock as best he could because it shouldn't be that shocking that their neighbour was visiting. It would be shocking if his ex-girlfriend were visiting, but no one else knew this.

          "August," was all he could say as he stepped out onto the porch, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He still had sleep in his eyes and was yet to brush his hair or his teeth.

          August had never seen the boy so dishevelled. She didn't think he could even look this dishevelled. But here he was, staring blankly back at her, half-asleep as she waited in his house.

          She kept her calm. "Good morning."

          Conrad buffered before quickly realising that the awkward tension in the air was because of something else. The reason was that everyone was staring expectantly at him.

          "Oh, er, happy birthday, Belly," he croaked out. His cup almost slipped from his hands.

          She smiled back and thanked the boy. August noticed two round circles of pink form on either one of Belly's cheeks. August was thinking she wanted to make her exit quick and swift, no questions asked.

          But Belly had other ideas. As Conrad got comfortable on a chair opposite August, the birthday girl turned to her and said, "So Nicole is throwing me a party later." Belly smiled. "And I'd really like it if you came."

          August instantly remembered the name Nicole to be the girl that Conrad had been with at the bonfire. The one he had been making out with. She couldn't help but glance over at him, but with a swallow and a forced smile, she turned back to Belly.

          "That would be really cool," she said. "Thanks."

          August momentarily soaked in the wholesome moment, how she had met people who were actively trying to include her and reassure her that moving cross-country didn't need to be as terrifying as it felt.

          And then she looked to Conrad. And she remembered his relationship with Nicole and how small this town was and how his friends would soon become her friends.

          His eyes met hers. She sucked in a tight breath as she felt the air be forced out of her lungs.

          Something palpable passed between them then as they both acknowledged that this was yet another circumstance where they would be running into each other. Something like disappointment mixed with anxiety. It was bad enough that they were next-door neighbours but now that August was friends with Belly and Jeremiah, they would be running in similar circles, attending the same events, etc, etc.

          This was going to be a long summer.

❀°。🌺 .ೃ࿐

          LIKE MOST HOUSES IN COUSINS, NICOLE'S WAS MASSIVE. It was elegant and grand and everything August was not used to. She didn't grow up rich. Sure, her grandparents were loaded but she saw them once every year or two and they had pretty much paid her mother to keep the two of them away. They were the only reason she and her mother could afford their new house. August couldn't help but feel as though she didn't fit in.

          Everywhere she turned ─ even to Jeremiah ─ was a wealthy kid, driving a fancy car, living a lifestyle so far disjointed from the one August was used to.

          And this party was no exception.

          It was not a party like August knew the definition of the word. The alcohol was boujee, the outfits were over the top, and the decorations were classy. As soon as they stepped in, August felt underdressed. Her bottle of vodka felt cheap and lazy, and she wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

          But that wasn't going to happen, and she was here now so she might as well enjoy it as best she could. It was, after all, the perfect party house, with electric lighting, a shit-tonne of food, and free drinks.

          Evan was there (Sawyer hated parties and did not make an appearance). Cameron was, too, and plenty of people she recognised from the bonfire were nice enough.

          Something still felt off, though. She didn't know what time Conrad was arriving, and she still felt like she shouldn't be there, what with her not being formally invited by the actual host.

          Jeremiah, like the gentleman he was, sensed her nerves. He leant into her ear and whispered, "The only way to relax is to crack open that." His eyes flicked to the bottle in her hand and he winked.

          He was probably right. She didn't know 99% of the people in this house, and they didn't know her. Alcohol was her safety net.

          So once they were settled and had said their hellos, August did exactly that and started drinking.

          On top of the party of new people, August had since met Taylor, Belly's best friend, who was visiting from home.

          Taylor appeared to be the complete opposite of Belly, and she radiated a confidence August couldn't help but admire. She spoke excitedly of her plans while she was in Cousins, and for a brief moment, August was glad she wasn't the only outsider.

          An hour and a half later and August was in a completely different mood. She was no longer terrified ─ half a bottle of vodka down, and she didn't care how she looked, the music was great, and Jeremiah was just as drunk as her.

          The two of them crashed on one of the many couches in one of the many rooms in Nicole's house.

          "Are you gonna be a debutante?" Jeremiah asked her rather randomly.

          August could barely hear him, let alone process a normal conversation. But after shuffling a little closer and taking a swig of her drink, she said, "Considering I only learnt about it the other day, no."

          "That's a shame," he said with a pout of his lips, "I would have loved to have been your date."

          It was like she instantly sobered up.

          Since Conrad, August had not let herself fall for any other guys. She didn't want to feel that kind of hurt again. And she had seen her mother go through countless relationships and not a single one of them worked. And that just caused them to move cross-country all over again. She had uprooted her life because of a man many a time, and she wasn't about to fall for a guy so easily when she knew what that did to a person when it inevitably went wrong.

          So why did she now find herself blushing?

          Straight up, pink cheeks, all the blood heatedly running to her face. She couldn't even look Jeremiah in the eye. In those bright blue, mesmerising eyes. And she was drunk. She was meant to have all the liquid courage in her stomach right about now.

          See, that was just the problem. She had spent so long swearing herself off of teenage boys that now she fell at the first hurdle.

          Jeremiah was actually leaving her at a loss for words. And he had probably told quite a few girls this exact thing. 

          After swallowing down the excitedly nervous lump in her throat, with a swig of her vodka coke, August then said, "Maybe I'll reconsider next year."

          Jeremiah's lips tipped up into a bigger smile. "I'll be waiting."

          They knocked their cups against each other, the liquid inside sloshing over the rim before necking them each.

          Conrad Fisher was somewhere at this party, and August Jacobs was successfully flirting with his brother. It was like the world was off its axis.

          But Conrad wasn't just somewhere at this party ─ he was in the same room. And watching as his brother effortlessly sweet-talked his ex-girlfriend. August was blushing. She was giggling like a giddy child and she was smiling with her teeth, and she was blushing. What on earth was he saying to her? Jeremiah had known her for all of a week and yet every time August looked at Conrad, she looked like she wanted to murder him.

          The alcohol in his stomach was mixing oddly with his dinner and he felt uncomfortable. Even as watching them talk made his skin itch and his blood run cold, he couldn't look away. Is this how August felt when she saw him with Nicole at the bonfire? He knew August would eventually move on and maybe even flirt with a couple of guys in Cousins, since she just moved here. But did it have to be Jeremiah?

          Conrad pretty much tapped out after that. Steven was no fun anymore, and it was not like Conrad was going to be either. He had a few drinks and socialised as much as he felt he had to, but the only reason he felt he had to hold out was because this was Nicole's house and Belly's birthday party. He had hardly spoken to the latter all day, and Nicole wanted him there. It would feel rude to leave after less than two hours.

          So Conrad stuck the rest of the party out. Only thinking of August and Jeremiah and how his brother was no doubt having a much better time than he was with a girl Conrad once called his own.

❀°。🌺 .ೃ࿐

          AUGUST JACOBS KNEW HER LIMIT WITH ALCOHOL. And she had reached the point in the evening when she had had her fun, gotten a little tipsy, but was still present enough to realise that it was probably for the best if she went to bed. She would still feel the hangover tomorrow but at least she wouldn't be chucking her guts up in someone she barely knew's house. That was not the first impression she wanted to make.

          Jeremiah was making out with some guy (she was surprised by how little this made her sad), the karaoke machine had been retired after a quick appearance, and everybody was drunk. It was time to go.

          After saying her goodbyes, ensuring the birthday girl was still having her fun, and thanking the host, August thought she had made a swift escape.

          She was wrong and Conrad Fisher was on her trail.

          "Hey."

          It was a tentative greeting and she almost didn't hear it over the fading sounds of the party. But sure enough, when she turned to face the sound calling out to her, August was met with Conrad Fisher.          

          She took a second to check her surroundings. The party was somewhere down the street, several houses over. The sky was pitch black and he was illuminated by the glow of a street lamp. There was nobody else on the sidewalk, just the two of them. He must have seen her leave and followed her here.

          Conrad had actually been waiting for an excuse to leave. He rarely attended social events if he could avoid them (this one, he felt he couldn't) and seeing August make her exit seemed like a perfectly good sign for him to make his too.

          August had no intention of hiding her confusion. It pulled at her facial muscles and her chin jutted out. "Hey?"

          "You leaving?" He asked.

          August's eyes flitted behind him where the once booming music had begun to dwindle. "Obviously."

          Conrad walked right up to her under the impression she would follow alongside him. "Do you know your way home?"

          She shrugged, "I'll figure it out."

          Conrad's brows furrowed. "So you don't know your way home?"

          He was walking now and she didn't like how that suggested they would be walking home together. She slowed her pace, hoping he would get the hint. "Like I said, I'll figure it out."

          "I'll show you," he offered, a smile tempting his features.

          But there was nothing to smile about.

          "You don't need to leave a party for me, Fisher."

          He nonchalantly lifted one shoulder. "I was leaving anyway."

          August didn't buy this. She cocked her head to one side. "Even when you were having such a good time with, what's her name again? Nicole?"

          Conrad clocked her smirk immediately and came to a stop, sliding his hands into his pockets. He cocked his head, just as she had. "Jealous?"

          Conrad was just teasing her but it was clear she didn't appreciate that. She hadn't actually seen the pair together all that much tonight so she could only assume.

          "Jealous?" She scoffed. "Until last week, I had forgotten you existed."

          August silently prayed that Conrad wouldn't see passed her lies. Even if he did, he didn't show it.

          Conrad knocked his head back and forward very slowly. "Is that right?" He questioned, with a thoughtful expression.

          August knew instantly that she had been caught. He didn't believe her. But that didn't mean she was going to admit anything to him. "Yes," she said, holding her head a little higher. "So, you go back to your girlfriend, and I'll be on my way."

          "The way that you don't know?"

          "I thought we established I'll be fine?"

          August had Google Maps; she'd be okay.

          Her shoulder knocked his when she walked passed him. She didn't mean to but the path was rocky and uneven and she could always play it off as a spiteful move. Her vision was going fuzzy and her head was reeling. But she wasn't slurring her words so as long as he didn't bring up alcohol then─

          "How much have you had to drink?"

          August halted like someone had just slammed on the brakes. She swivelled to face him. Her shoes ground into the gravel. "None of your business."

          Conrad narrowed his eyes and then his gaze swept over her body. She was swaying slightly where she stood, but there was no breeze this warm June evening. Her lips were parted and her eyes glossed over. He had never seen August drunk but alcohol had universal effects on people and he felt as though he could safely wager that she would look like this if she was drunk.

          Finally, after completing his examination, he said, "That tells me everything I need to know."

          And then he started walking in the direction she was once going in. August was growing frustrated. Surely he felt awkward every time they made eye contact? Why was he voluntarily spending time with her when she was quite literally asking him not to?

          "What are you doing?" She asked. For the first time, she could feel the tiredness mixing with the liquor and she was beginning to slur her words.

          "I'm walking home."

          "Right now?"

          "Yes, right now."

          He then took a cigarette out of his pocket, a lighter too. He placed the cigarette between his lips, lit the end, and blew out the smoke.

          Her face soured. He was so relaxed, calm, uninterested. She was anything but.

          August knew she had given her drunken state away but surely her being slightly tipsy didn't mean that he was going to stick around? She wanted to whine and groan as he kept walking in the same direction, August trailing somewhere behind, Conrad making sure he sensed her presence as he kept going.

          From Conrad's point of view, she was young and vulnerable. He had never seen her drunk and so didn't know what kind of drunk she was. When Conrad was drunk, his sense of direction was increased massively. He didn't know what alcohol meant for August's ability to get home safely.

          She didn't see it like that.

          "I get that we live next door and Cousins is a small town," August said to the back of his head, "but if I am quite clearly trying to avoid you, it would be nice if you stayed out of my way."

          This didn't just apply to this one scenario.

          Conrad turned back around and closed the gap between them. There was a ghost of a smile on his face ─ he clearly found this amusing. "I'm not even here for most of the year."

          August thought this piece of information was irrelevant. "But you're here right now."

          August didn't want Conrad Fisher to be here at all, but she would have appreciated it if she and her mother had moved at least a couple of months earlier. At least then she would have been able to find her footing before Conrad ambushed her. She felt like she would never truly settle in Cousins if she knew he was somewhere close.

          Conrad's shoulders sagged. He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. "Yes, I am. Do you want me to apologise for that too?"

          She wanted to say yes, actually. But it was clear Conrad was growing tired of their bickering and as much as she didn't want to do as he said, she didn't need this in her life. If she was going to avoid him like the plague, she wanted to truly feel the absence of that negative energy in her life.

          August didn't have anything else to say but, "Whatever, Conrad."

          For the first time, August wasn't forcing her feelings. She wasn't pretending that she wasn't bothered by whatever Conrad Fisher was up to. She wasn't pretending that she didn't get nervous every time they spoke. She wasn't pretending that she didn't care about him anymore.

          She genuinely didn't care.

          And now, it was late, she was tired and a little bit intoxicated, and all she wanted was to go home, get into bed, and do what she had been doing for the last three years: forget Conrad Fisher existed.

          But as she turned away from him and continued on the dirt road home, Conrad followed her.

          "I'm not letting you walk home alone," he said, the cigarette burning orange between his fingers.

          She couldn't help but laugh. "Like you care what happens to me."

          Conrad was much taller than August and caught up with her in a few strides. He walked alongside her, and she felt every hair on her arms stand up. Maybe she was just cold.

          "Of course I care what happens to you, August."

          August rolled her eyes. She let out a long breath. "It's not far. I'd rather be alone."

          Conrad knew what that meant: if you were anyone else, I would walk home with you. But because it's you, I want to walk home alone.

          Conrad also knew how stubborn August Jacobs could be, so he prepared himself for a brutal battle.

          "You know I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well give up trying to get rid of me."

          August wanted to point out that, come September, he would be going somewhere, but considering he was standing in front of her right now, that piece of information was probably futile.

          "I thought I did get rid of you."

          It was out of her mouth before she could take it back.

          Her eyes flared and she stared at the ground. Conrad kicked his feet along the ground beneath him, but neither of them stopped walking. 

          So many unspoken words and memories passed between them. Both of them wondered how long it would be until those shared mementoes of their time together no longer lingered somewhere close every time they were in the same room. Conrad wagered that he would never forget. August prayed she would but she knew, deep down, that everything that happened between them would always be on her mind every time she looked at him.

          Conrad cleared his throat. He couldn't put up with the silence anymore. It was eating him alive. "Right," he said.

          "Ignore that," August croaked out. She could blame it on the alcohol if this ever (God forbid) came up again. She wanted to walk home alone now more than ever. But as August looked out at the dark abyss before her, she knew it was for the better that he was here.

          She wondered what reality she was living in when it was actually what was best for her for Conrad Fisher to be close by but she ignored those thoughts. The road before them stretched out for so long, and was pretty much pitch black. It would be bad enough for any girl to walk home alone, let alone a girl who had just moved here. And Conrad was her next-door neighbour; he was going to the same place ─ it made sense.

          "I'm not going to try and get rid of you," she said quietly. She was smarter than that. And August also thought she was more mature than that.

          "Oh, gee, thanks," Conrad replied sarcastically, stubbing out his cigarette with his shoe.

          She wanted to say something. She wanted to say a lot of things but if she was going for a sophisticated, unbothered persona, playing defensive probably wasn't going to look great.

          Instead, she just rolled her eyes.

          Silence engulfed them, uncomfortable, as usual. August kicked her feet along the ground to fill the void and Conrad kept clearing his throat. The moon shone bright above them and soon the party was so quiet behind them and the streets so still around them that it almost felt like they were the last two people on earth.

          August thought back to that morning and how he looked like a deer in the headlights when he was met with her in his house. And how that would be a totally normal reaction if anyone had any context.

          As if reading her mind, Conrad asked, "Are we still not going to tell anyone about . . . us?"

          This was probably the first time that either of them had acknowledged the fact that there was an us.

          And she never wanted it to happen again.

          "I think it's best not to," she said.

          She didn't want Jeremiah asking questions, or Isabel getting uncomfortable, or Evan badgering her for details. She wanted to erase the past, not relive it.

          Conrad's mouth fell open. Then he snapped it shut again. He wanted to protest. Surely people should know? But he didn't feel as though it was his place to tell people and so he said a very conclusive, gentle, "Okay."

          August wanted to forget it. What better way to do that than to deny it to the entire world?

          When they made it back home, after a walk in silence, the two of them walking ajar, Conrad lingered on her drive for a little longer than she thought he would. 

          "I know you want to keep it a secret," he said before she could make it very far up her front porch, "and I know I can't erase what I did, but I truly am sorry, August. I hope you know that."

          For just a second, she believed it.

          But she didn't want to say that, and she didn't think there was any necessity for forgiveness. She would go about her life, and he would go about his. And then he would leave again and she would be fine about it. And that was that. There didn't need to be any kind of reminder of what happened three summers ago.

          So all she said was, "Goodnight, Conrad."

❀。🐠 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 🌊 ❀°。🌺 .ೃ࿐