Some Village in the South

The days were long and the nights even longer. Saroja was still in a daze and hated how she felt, and how she had come to process everything. Come on, she often thought, rape happens. Not that it should. But life doesn't stop for even a moment. Or does it?

Rape happens not because the victims are at fault, but because somebody out there wants to exert their power, their domination, their control.

And she hated herself to the core for feeling like so impotent, so weak. The same feelings that made her cower every day as darkness set in; though daylight did not serve her better either.

Why was her world this truncated because some brute couldn't take no for an answer?

Why did her mind and her body revolt every time the memories floated in? Surely they understood that it was not something that she wanted?

Why couldn't she relax?

Why couldn't she just be?

Why couldn't she get back to the life she had so desired?

Why couldn't she think of loinge Vedant any more, if bot loving him was even an option for her?

Why couldn't that deity to whom she bowed down everyday help her?

Why couldn't her Mother be with her?

Why couldn't she bring it to her heart to call him?

Why couldn't she dream again?

Why? Why? Why? The questions collided against each other every night, leaving her in desperation as she slipped into bed, often hungry but with no willpower to do anything else. least of all to cook.

Mornings were better. The children were there. Their laughter, their happiness, their naughtiness filled up her life. But Saroja knew that this was all impermanent, she would soon have to leave.

How she missed Vedant? How she wished he was with her? His cool, calm demeanour with traces of intense naughtiness ... oh how she missed him! 

Tears escaped unknowingly. It has been so for the past few months. Saroja thought about how she had been so difficult earlier in returning the love that he had bestowed on her, and now that love was lost forever. Forever, she whispered in the dark.

Curling up in a foetal position, she thought of those few happy days.

The way his hand had covered hers in the Library ...

The shine in his eyes as she agreed for that coffee ...

The happiness on his face when he realised she loved him back though the words didn't come ...

The Rock Garden ...

Their first collision at midnight ...

Clutching her pillow, Saroja cried. She had never doubted Vedant's love for her, but now she knew that her dreams of being together would never be true.

She would never be his

She could never be his

She had nothing to offer him ... not anymore

"Am I damaged?" she asked herself for the millionth time, as fresh tears assaulted her.

She shivered as the past flashed by again, shredding the core of her being into pieces, and tearing her apart. She wanted to howl and cry, and rave and rant ... but to no avail. She felt dead within.

*Flashback*

"You must go" Padma had urged her.

"Not without you ..." Saroja had been adamant.

Padma had cupped her daughter's face lovingly and kissed her cheeks

"Listen, my Darling. Vishnu and I had lots of dreams for you when you were born. And you were such a perfect daughter. But fate had something else in mind ... believe me, it has been quite a struggle for me to stay away from you for all this time. But I had steeled my heart because this was for the better. For your future.

Do you realise how devastated I had been when I heard about you? And visited you in that damn Hospital? What kind of the agony I had to suffer for not being able to fight for my own daughter?"

"But Maa ..." Saroja had shaken her head in despair.

Padma had continued - "This is not going to be easy Saroja. You will only get one chance, and I don't want you to squander that away by burdening yourself with me. Jimmy and his gang - they will search for us everywhere. I could delay their progress if I am here"

Saroja had been crying by then. She was tired, overwhelmed and depressed - "No Maa, they will kill you ..."

"Maybe yes, maybe no" Padma's eyes had moistened up. "But this is a chance we have to take. I promise you, if I am alive, I will find you. Don't call me meanwhile"

Ibrahim had entered the room, all stealth.

"Ibrahim here will take you to the Railway Station, but in a roundabout way. So don't panic. He is the son I never had. Keep this money. Of the three bags, I have packed the essentials in one only, along with your certificates and essential stuff. A single bag will help you move faster. But remember, nothing is precious than your life" Padma had stressed.

Ibrahim had handed a burkha to Padma and her eyes shone

"Put this on now. Jimmy has gone out for some party, but he will be back in an hour. This is the only window that you have. So run."

Saroja had started crying again, Ibrahim covered her bag with an old lungi and picked it up, swinging it carelessly as he exited, as if it was some old, unwanted stuff. The idea was not to alert anyone in the vicinity.

Padma had kissed her daughter's forehead - "Go. I will meet you soon. And reach out to that boy. He is in love with you"

Ibrahim had managed to get Saroja to the Railway Station alright. It was very late in the evening and there were only shorter queues in front of the counters. Saroja had stood beside Ibrahim in the line. He could however not read the names of the stations clearly, and Saroja had chipped in. They would be travelling as a couple, at least that was what they were going to project.

As her eyes had scoured through the list of destinations, a name had caught her attention. She had heard about it somewhere.

By the time they had reached the ticket window, Saroja's decision had been made. They had purchased two tickets.

By the time, the train had left the station, Ibrahim had already forgotten the name of the village. He had only warned Saroja to stay away from the windows; he had seen two of Jimmy's goons entering the Station. And then he had slipped out of the Station.

...

Saroja couldn't thank Radha Mami enough.

During their many conversations, Radha Mami had discussed about her maternal village and how she had enjoyed her time there. She had fondly remembered how her sister, Shobha still resided there. The name of the village had seemed long to Saroja at that point of time, but had stuck in her mind nevertheless.

And with that 1 per cent luck favouring her, the next train out of the Station was travelling towards a destination, crossing that same village. Saroja had not looked behind. She knew she had to flee. Her Mother had shielded her from Jimmy, stating that she was unwell and in shock, but Saroja had well understood that Jimmy's patience was running low. After all, if he used Saroja properly, he could reap a golden harvest.

However, by the time, she had alighted and looked all around the small, dusty station the next afternoon, Saroja had not been sure any more. She could only see wasted farmlands all around her; but she trudged along, towards the crossing, all thirsty and hungry, but more afraid than ever before.

A few dilapidated shops had greeted her outside the station; she had asked for Shobha ... she hadn't known her husband's name. The few people who had spoken to her could not help much, and Saroja had sunk down on the ground, too tired and overly scared to think of anything else.

It was then that she had met Dayal; a curious teenager who had approached Saroja, while his friends had stayed behind. Saroja had repeated the same name. Dayal had been quiet and observant as he had offered some water to Saroja; he later invited Saroja to his house, his grandmother's name was Shobha after all.

It had been a case of once bitten, twice shy' for her. While Saroja had been helpless in an uncharted territory, clouded with all the downs that she had experienced, both physically and emotionally; yet her gut instinct had told her to go with the kid. She further realised that the night encroached the open countryside much more faster, than in the city, and she needed some sort of shelter.

Her heart thudding, she had followed Dayal and his friends; she couldn't understand their conversation fully, but she heard the word Ammamma float around a couple of times.

By the time, she had reached Dayal's house, she had been too tired to take another step forward.

But she was happy as Dayal called for his Ammamma. Shobha was a splitting copy of Radha Mami; she was Radha's elder sister after all.

"Amma ... Radha Mami" were the words that she uttered before collapsing on the ground, as she thanked God for the momentary respite.

...

Emotionally, Saroja had clung onto Shobha Amma like anything once she had woken up in a clean bed, in a separate room, with only Shobha Amma seated beside her, grave concern etched on her beautiful face.

"Who are you girl? And how do you know Radha?" she had enquired, after she had offered Saroja a drink of water.

Dazed, tired and all broken, Saroja had recounted her horror. Shobha Amma had wiped her eyes at the end and pulled Saroja closer. The experience in Hyderabad had made Saroja jumpy and she abhorred touching of any kind; yet with Shobha Amma, she could let her guards down. And Shobha Amma had let the girl cling onto her and sleep for some more, the creases in her forehead deepening every time Saroja had woken up, all sweaty and restless. And scared of everything.

Saroja had stayed with Shobha Amma for some more time; requesting her that they do not contact Radha Mami then. She had slowly picked up the broken pieces, as she got to know the other family members and volunteered to teach Maths to Dayal, now in Class 9.

The entire truth was however known only to Shobha Amma in the entire household.

As fate would have it, the Maths teacher in the local school had fallen ill and had been advised bed rest; Shobha Amma's husband had spoken to the Principal on a whim; they had been happy with the way Dayal was being tutored by Saroja.

And Saroja had been allowed to join a temporary position for a few months though. Nevertheless, Saroja had enjoyed every single day at the school. She had been now put up in the one room house that had earlier belonged to a senior teacher. Shobha Amma's residence was just five minutes away.

...

*Flashback ends*

End of Part 21