Reviewed by: Crazy LordsSword
Book Title: The Guardian's Gift
Author's Name: shiteutea

Title: 8/10

One of the best parts of your title is that it's specific and interesting. It begs the questions 'What is the gift?' and 'Who is the guardian?'

One thing I would like to point out. Looking at the title and cover, I did not think angels, which is an important aspect in your story.

Tips:

I would suggest including 'angel' in the title. That way the target readers just need to look at the title and know that this is a story about angels. If you do, forgo the Guardian part and just write 'The Angel's Gift'. 'The Guardian Angel's Gift' would be too clunky and awkward to say, and it's better to have titles readers can say without tripping over their words.

Cover: 10/10

I love the color palette you choose. The light, cottony pinks, purples, and blues really reflect the story, and I love how it looks like the sky. I love the stylized edges and the font as well.

Blurb: 8/10

Your blurb succeeds in all of the basics you need. Dramatic hooking statement, character description, moment of change and stakes. Well done!

What you still need is a little bit of life and flavor to your blurb. Spice and refinement are all you need to make your blurb spectacular.

Tips:

Simplify your blurb's hook. That would be the quotes. The problem with this comes in that you have two separate hooking quotes from different segments of the story. They're working at cross-purposes, which makes your hook chaotic and weak. Pick whichever one is the most intriguing and keep that one.

Let's move on to the character descriptions. They only tell us one or two facts about them. They don't bring the character to life.

The point of this part is to make the characters seem human. This is dependent on the tone, which is tough to explain. Let me give you an example, based on your blurb.

"God's favorite guardian angel, Jisoo, is at the end of her rope. Centuries of diligently protecting her charges eventually take their toll. Especially since Jisoo's most recent years have been spent protecting Seokjin, the clumsiest man she's ever been assigned. Even though she loves her job and the chances it gives her to observe humans and their wonderful lives, she's in desperate need of a break."

In this example, you can see that I've elaborated on the 'as a reward for her hard work' part later on. By including how long and how hard she's worked, I've increased the emotional pull of the reward. I've also given context as to why becoming human for a day might be something she'd consider a reward.

In addition, by elaborating a little, readers now have something to relate to. She seems more human to us now that we know how long and how difficult her life has been. Now that we know a little bit of what kind of person she is.

If you notice, I didn't elaborate on Seokjin as much since in the story, we're introduced to Jisoo first and she introduces us to Seokjin.

As for the next part, the moment of change, I'd advise that you tie back in a few things we've learned about Jisoo in the character introduction. Just one or two small things that relate to something you bring up, like that her hard work has been protecting Seokjin or that she's fascinated by humans when you bring up that she'll be human for a day. This will serve to connect this part of the blurb to the rest, making the whole blurb run a little more smoothly.

As for the stakes, I like them, and how you end with a question. Just maybe add the alternative to your question. Such as: "Will Jisoo be able to go back into Heaven before her doubts lead her to do something unforgivable?"

Basically, add details to tell us a little more about who Jisoo is when she starts out and streamline the blurb by reducing the extra hook and smoothing out transitions.

Plot/Flow: 7/20

To be entirely honest, your plot confused me and your story flow seemed a little like a stagnant pond, especially in the beginning. Stuff happens in your story without build up or follow through. People or things get mentioned in your story that prove to be irrelevant.

Tips:

The death of a man in the beginning. Kyungsoo's forced transformation to human. Kyungsoo himself. I thought they'd end up a lot more relevant to the storyline then they did. As it stands, I think those moments can be cut out without changing anything.

Try to make moments relevant. Interactions is the best way to do it, but I'll explain this further in a later section. You should try to include concrete ties of people and events to the plot and, more importantly, to the main character.

In fact, more interactions with your main character, Jisoo, will help fix a lot of your flow problems. Contemplation has its place, but it is important to balance revelations with action. Your problems stem from too much of the first, especially in the beginning chapter, where you want action to pull in the readers.

As for the confusion, that mainly stems from the whole thing with Ilhoon.

The plot twist there was amazing, but I would have liked a little more explanation of why God changed the timelines, at the very least at the story's wrap up, as well as why Jisoo was the one to fight Ilhoon.

In fact, any sort of conclusion to Jisoo's assignment against Ilhoon would be very much appreciated.

Any questions you open in a story should either be resolved, reflected on and left open for a sequel, or reflected on and the uncertainty accepted by the characters. It's important to do this so that readers feel satisfied with the ending. Open questions and plotlines leave the story feeling incomplete and tacky.

Let me explain the three options I've mentioned.

Simple resolution is best for a single book or a final book, because it is the most satisfying option.

Reflecting on an issue without entirely solving it should be for some of the questions and issues in a series. This is to maintain curiosity for the next book.

Leaving a question open-ended with reflection and acceptance is best for certain themes. It's more about what you want to say. Leaving a book like this says, 'there's a lot of unanswered questions, but that's okay'. Sort of melancholic and resilient vibes at the same time. Definitely include reflection though, so that readers know that this open-ended issue/question isn't you forgetting an aspect of the story.

Characters/Character development: 9/10

Jisoo is a very interesting character, and I love her development. She starts out calm and forgiving, but also has a temper that flares up in later chapters. The side characters and Seokjin look to be well fleshed out as well.

Writing Style and Grammar: 6/10

I noticed very few grammar issues, which is not to say that they aren't there. I noticed a small issue with your grammar with dialogue, which very simply involves capitalization. There were a few others, I'm sure, but that's the biggest one I noticed.

I'd also advise having shorter paragraphs. The larger the paragraph, the more intimidating it seems.

Your last issue is the biggest, and it has to do with the way you're showing us your world. It relates to your 'flow' issue

Tips:

After someone says something, the next word starts in caps.

For example:

"This is very generic sample text," He said.

Note how the 'H' gets capitalized. It's a separate statement. However if you include a single word or phrase, that doesn't count as separate. For example, if I were to use the word 'person' in quotation marks, it's still part of the sentence. Therefore, the 'i' in the next word remains uncapitalized.

Try to cut out anything that doesn't contribute to the story and to cut apart anything that is too blocky to read. Try to have only one speaker per paragraph.

Time to talk about your flow and character interactions.

A lot of character interactions should have tension, which will help the flow of your story. The more true tension ― not a bunch of fabricated tension that could be easily solved, but issues that have consequences and stakes involving the characters ― the faster paced your story will be.

It is most important to start with tension in your first chapter. You did well to have that scene with the murderer and the death angel in the beginning, however, that should have set the stakes and flow for the rest of the story. If you want to keep it, there needs to be more death-like stakes in the rest of the book and that level of tension ― the edginess of a person getting executed, the force of his commands when talking to one of his subordinates, and the danger of a man meeting a death angel; these things are what made that moment tense and interesting.

This edginess, force, and/or danger should be apparent in all interactions after this point. This includes positive interactions, like those between the main character and the love interest. You could include some distrust to make conversations more edgy, or make a character angry for some reason to add more force, or add an element of danger that some or all of the interacting characters are aware of ― including Jisoo so that the audience knows the danger.

Negative conversations should have as many of those three as possible, because you want them to be more tense than the positive conversations.

Include Jisoo's reactions and emotions to this tension, as that will increase the amount that your readers will take in and understand.

Now, I will briefly mention that you should avoid over-correcting. If you never let your characters catch a break and earn small victories, the story becomes frustrating and exhausting to read.

Genre relevance: 10/10

Very hard to mess up the fanfiction genre, so you get an easy ten out of ten here.

Reader enjoyment and communication with the readers: 4/10

As I said, I was confused. Plus, your character's emotions could have been done better. You've already heard how to fix those issues, however, so I will copy and paste those instructions.

Tips:

"As for the [my] confusion, that mainly stems from the whole thing with Ilhoon.

The plot twist there was amazing, but I would have liked a little more explanation of why God changed the timelines, at the very least at the story's wrap up, as well as why Jisoo was the one to fight Ilhoon.

In fact, any sort of conclusion to Jisoo's assignment against Ilhoon would be very much appreciated.

Any questions you open in a story should either be resolved, reflected on and left open for a sequel, or reflected on and the uncertainty accepted by the characters. It's important to do this so that readers feel satisfied with the ending. Open questions and plotlines leave the story feeling incomplete and tacky."

"Include Jisoo's reactions and emotions to this [your story's] tension, as that will increase the amount that your readers will take in and understand." < Let me add to that. This is one of those things you should show, not tell. Little things like voice cracks, body language, and descriptions of physical and emotional sensations can and should be used to paint a picture of emotional/stressful situations. Punctuate your point with some thinking, and your character's emotions become a lot more real to your readers.

Overall: 62/100

Your score is not indicative of your writing skills. It is indicative of how much you still have to learn.

There are many parts I enjoyed, such as the characters and the cover.

There are also many parts you could stand to improve upon.

These include your lack of a satisfying conclusion, your lack of tension, and the irrelevance of certain events and people.

With this new information, you should be able to improve your story immensely.

~

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