Quinn Peterson

August 19th, 2018

I was never a real fan of parties if I'm being honest. Brianna loved them, she always loved being able to dance with me now matter how stupid we looked. I knew being here was going to dig up old memories but I was prepared to deal with them. Brianna's death being over a year ago certainly helped but for me it's almost like she was still there. I normally wouldn't wear a button up shirt to this type of party but I figured trying something new wouldn't hurt. Josh has this idea of me meeting some new girls in hopes of getting over Brianna. I told him it wouldn't be that easy, Brianna was one in a million. He had high hopes however as he was the one dragging me out to this thing in the first place. Once I finished buttoning up my shirt I made my way out of dorm room and over to Josh's. When I got there I knocked on his door and waited until it was Shaun that answered.

"Where's Josh?"

"He's getting ready, come on in." Shaun said letting me in.

"You know this shit better be worth it." I sat down on the couch in the small living room. "I should be relaxing and enjoying the 'The Office' marathon that's on right now."

"Oh it'll be worth it. The best part about this place is how much fun everyone seems to have." He said sitting next to me.

I looked around the room. "Where's Danny? I thought she was coming."

"Hey you tell me, she hasn't answered any of my texts." He said.

"That's not like her just to ghost someone."

"I was gonna go check on her but I didn't wanna seem too pushy." He said shrugging his shoulders.

I stood up and went back over towards the front door. "Well I'm her brother, I'm allowed to be pushy."

"Where you going?" He asked.

I opened the door and went out into the hallway. "To go get my sister."

I ended up walking past where the party was taking place to head over to the girls dormitories on the other side of the campus. When I got there I noticed a group of girls hanging out by the entrance. I saw one turn her head and look right at me, I stopped in my tracks for some reason before just walking past them. I went up to the third floor where Danielle's room was and knocked on her door. I waited and waited until I got no response so I just knocked again. This time Danielle opened the door before quickly heading back to her bedroom. I looked around before pushing the door open all the way. I entered her dorm room to see that she had went into her bedroom. I walked up to her bedroom door and knocked on it a few times.

"Um hey everyone's wondering what's taking you so long Danny?"

"I'm just busy at the moment!" She shouted from the otherside of the door.

"Doing what?"

"Hey I need your advice real quick." She asked opening her bedroom door suddenly. "Does this outfit make my ass look big?"

I immediately shut my eyes and looked away. "What kind of 'how to catch predator' question is that?"

"That joke doesn't even make sense. Come on I'm being serious tell me." She said clapping her hands.

I shook my head. "No I'm not looking at your ass that's so fucking weird on so many levels."

"Fine I'll just send a picture to Shaun and ask him." She said closing her bedroom door again.

I opened my eyes and opened her door right after she closed it. The last time I had seen Danielle in short shorts was highschool. It was odd for her to be wearing something so uncomfortable surely.

"Hey what's your deal with him anyway?"

"None of your business." She said closing the door in my face.

I scoffed and quickly opened her door again. I crossed my arms and leaned back a bit.

"Ok I know you're pulling the whole 'bratty sister' gimmick right now but it's not very funny."

"Stop opening my door." She said scurrying around the room clearly looking for something.

I walked over to her bed and sat down on it. "Well I'm trying to talk to you, not the fucking door."

"What is it then Quinn?" She asked standing in front of me.

"Ok so lemme just make sure I've gotten this all down." I raised my finger at her.

"First, you tell me you still have feelings for Josh and then the minute we get here you start flirting with Shaun. Second, you then ghost Shaun when he asks you where you're at and now you wanna just send him a booty pic to get his attention again?" I threw my hands up before laying flat on her bed.

"And why the fuck do you care what your ass looks like to begin with, who are you trying to impress Danny?"

There was a moment of silence, I was too busy staring at the ceiling to see her reaction. Instead I just felt her weight on the bed as she laid down right next to me. She let out a deep breath before closing her eyes.

"Everybody says Jessica has a nice ass and I just wanted to outdo her I guess." She said.

I turned my head towards her. "So you do wanna impress Josh?"

"What am I supposed to do Quinn?" She asked covering her face with her hands. "I mean Shaun seems like a decent guy but him and I just don't click you know. I was just hoping I'd make Josh jealous enough to see what he was missing out on."

I smirked a lit bit at how much of child Danielle could be, despite being the older sibling. I propped myself on my elbow and laid on my side towards her.

"Look I'm your brother Danny so I'm just gonna keep it real with you. I get it that you still care about Josh and it's clear he still cares about you. But you playing with Shaun's feelings stops tonight."

"There's no reason to bring him into your little love triangle you have going on with Jessica. And honestly I don't see how making Josh jealous solves anything. If you still care about him like that then just talk to him Danny. I know Josh ok he'll be fine with you opening up to him."

"What if he doesn't love me anymore Quinn?" She asked.

"Then you move on, and hope you two can still be the best of friends."

"God fucking dammit!" She shouted sitting back up. "I hate it when you're right."

I chuckled. "I know."

"I think I'm just gonna stay in then, I honestly don't see a real point in going." She said taking out her earrings.

I stood up off of her bed and walked out into her living room. "Alright then I guess I'm staying in with you."

"Oh no no no you don't get to chicken out that easily." She said waving her finger at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Quinn I don't remember the last time I've ever seen you dressed this nice." She said following me into the living room.

"You are not letting this outfit go to waste by staying here with me." She added before grabbing my arm and leading me to her front door.

"Now you're going to get out there and find yourself someone, because you ain't gonna find your Cinderella hiding in your big sister's dorm room." She said before opening her door and pushing me out into the hallway.

I stood there and just shook my head. "I had a Cinderella, you know that Danny."

"You wanna preach about moving on Quinn? Then you're going to lead by example and get your ass out there. Maybe you won't find a Cinderella but hey there's nothing wrong with finding a Snow White." She said.

I squinted my eyes. "Snow White seems like a major downgrade from Cinderella."

"We are not having this damn debate over Disney princesses. Now go on and get before I beat you with my rolling pin." She said motioning me to walk away.

"You have a rolli-"

She closed the door in my face before I could even finish my question. I just chuckled and made my back to the boy's dormitories where the party was taking place. A few guys had opened up their dorm rooms for everyone to come in and party. That meant the main hallway was now flooded with people who were walking around with beer cans dancing to pop music.

I made my way back to Josh's dorm room where I had to pound on the door for them to hear me over the music. I kept pounding on the door but no one was answering. That's when I felt a tap on the shoulder and I turned around to see Josh standing there with Jessica.

"You trying to break into my dorm room Peterson?" Josh asked.

I looked around the room. "Totally, where's Shaun?"

"Hell if I know, I told that dude to wait for me and he just left." Josh said.

"That's strange, what about Isiah?"

"Oh he's where the liquor is." Josh said.

My eyes widened. "He's drinking?"

"Fuck no I'm just messing with you." Josh said laughing. "I don't know I haven't seen him."

"Well can we go somewhere that's not the hallway please?" Jessica asked.

"Sure babe, come on follow us Quinn." Josh said walking down the hall towards one of the rooms that was blasting music.

I trailed behind them avoiding all the people that were crowding the hallway. The loud music and the claustrophobic environment is why I hated parties like this.

"You know I never understood why they have to play the music so fucking loud."

"WHAT?" Josh yelled over the music.

"I SAID...OH NEVER MIND!" I yelled.

I watched as Josh walked with Jessica towards where a bunch of people were dancing. I would've followed them but my place in parties was always outside where it was quiet. So I just snuck off and disappeared into the crowd as I made way outside on to the balcony of the dorm room. I took a minute to catch some fresh air as the dorm room was really hot for some reason. I leaned on the balcony and just watched as the party was spilling out to the outside of the building. I then felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Isiah.

"Thought I'd find you here." He said.

I nodded. "You know me better than anyone Isiah."

"Why aren't you in there?" He asked.

I pointed back towards the room full of crowded people. "Oh you mean the hot room with a bunch of people packed in like sardines?" Yeah I'm good out here."

"Hey you know there's other places, downstairs is pretty chill right now. That's where I've been hanging out at." He said.

"You know its so weird seeing you so comfortable at a party."

"It's even weirder seeing you so uncomfortable at one." He said laughing.

"I don't know parties were more of Brianna's thing than mine."

"Hey can you just....I don't know try and have fun tonight and not think about her for like two seconds?" He said putting his hand on my shoulder.

I chuckled. "I don't know, two seconds seems awfully long."

"Alright I'm gonna head back downstairs, I better see you there in five minutes." He said before walking back inside.

"Five minutes seems awfully quick."

"Who you talking to?" Jessica said walking up next to me.

"Jesus!" I shouted looking behind me. "Where the fuck did you come from?"

"I just walked out here to get some air, it's so hot in there. What about you?" She asked.

I caught my breath. "Same."

"Bullshit I saw you walk straight out here the minute we arrived." She said with an accusatory look on her face.

"Alright you caught me officer." I held up my wrists. "You gonna turn me in?"

"No, but I am gonna offer you a drink." She said holding out a beer can.

I took it from her and smirked. "Thanks I guess."

"What's bothering you?" She asked leaning against the railing.

I popped open the top of the can and took a long sip. "I mean for starters it is very hot in there."

"Ok that's fair." She said popping the top off her beer can.

"Annnddd parties aren't really my thing."

"Yeah they're not really mine either, they're more of Josh's thing. Here's hoping I don't have to drag his ass back to his dorm." She said holding her beer can up.

I tapped my can against hers. "Here's hoping." I took another long sip.

"You know I didn't wanna make it awkward a few days ago, but I actually have known you for a while." She said.

"Really?" I lowered my beer can and looked at her. "How?"

"Ummm you dated my sister...for like 3 years." She said laughing.

"Holy shit." I damn near dropped my beer. "Jessy Jess is that you?"

"Oh my god please don't call me that!" She said laughing spitting out some her beer.

Jessy Jess was my nickname for Adrian's younger sister back in highschool. Adrian and I went out for a while back then, it was a different time, a very different time. Jessica wasn't the grown woman then that she is now. The Jessica I knew was shorter with braces and glasses, I guess I should've recognized her bright blue eyes. I mean I used to call her a white walker from Game of Thrones. That's how freaking blue her eyes were at times.

I leaned against the railing and stared at her. "Oh my god you look....different."

"Yeah I hit the glow up real good." She said smiling.

I snapped my fingers. "You don't have your braces anymore and you ditched the glasses."

"Contact lenses work wonders, but yeah I understand why you didn't recognize me." She said taking another sip of her beer.

"No I'm so sorry." I face palmed myself and shook my head. "I feel so stupid right now."

"No it's fine honestly. I'm just glad to see you after all these years." She said.

"Man we go way back. I mean what was I like 14 when I first met you?"

"Yep and my little short ass was like 12. I still don't know how you pulled Adrian, I mean she was like 16 when ya'll started dating." She said shaking her head.

"Yeah but I was like seven inches taller than her so no one even noticed." I laughed before getting concerned. "How is she by the way?"

"Oh she's uh....s-she's doing good." She said stumbling on her words a bit.

I stared her down and tilted my head. "Jessy Jess?"

"I said don't call me that gosh." She said laughing.

"What's up with Adrian?" I repeated.

"Ok last I heard she overdosed like a few months ago. But she's doing better, she's been in rehab ever since." She said.

"What do you mean 'last you heard'? What? You don't talk to your own sister?"

"God it really has been a long time." She said before drinking the rest of her beer. "Quinn we don't talk anymore, Adrian doesn't talk to any of us anymore. I mean after you two broke up you saw the path she was going down and so did my parents. So they kicked her out of the house and that's how she ended up in rehab."

"You let your own sister stay in rehab that long and you haven't even tried to visit her?"

"What am I supposed to say Quinn? 'Oh hey Adrian I know I haven't seen you in like four years, but please forgive me for being such a horrible sister'? It's not that easy Quinn." She said.

"I don't see what's so difficult about it. Adrian loved you more than anyone else in your family."

"Maybe because everyone else was too fucked up to notice her." She said.

I shook my head. "How the hell did you come out so normal?"

"I don't know Quinn, maybe because I didn't turn to drugs for an escape." She said.

"Don't act like you're a saint Jessy Jess." I took another sip of my beer. "We both know what you turned to instead."

She reached over and slapped my beer out of my hand. I watched as it fell off the balcony and on to the ground below us. I sighed and looked at her, she was obviously hurt by that comment. Jessica may have not turned to drugs, but she went through a failed suicide attempt at thirteen that nearly took her life. Nobody knew about that of course, Adrian and I would be the only ones. Well there was one other person.....but I choose not to remember him.

"You bring that up again or to anyone else....and I'll rip your god damn head off." She said pointing her finger in my face.

I looked down at my beer can that was now a floor beneath me. "I wasn't finished with that." I turned to face her again. "Fine, you got a deal."

"I'm gonna head back inside and find Josh. It was nice catching up Quinn." She said turning to leave.

I grabbed her arm almost instinctively. "This rehab place that Adrian's at....where is it?"

"What makes you think I know?" She asked.

"Because you know."

"It's up in Georgia...about an hour from here." She said before pulling away from my grip and heading back inside.

I shook off the thought of actually going to visit Adrian. I mean I doubt she'd even be happy to see me, we didn't exactly end on the best of terms. I was gonna try and have fun tonight so I just decided to forget about her especially. I went back inside and walked through the crowd until I got to the main hallway. I then walked downstairs until I followed the party outside in front of the building where Isiah said he would be. I walked around grabbing another beer from a cooler and opening it. I walked across the courtyard away from the group of people after I couldn't seem to find Isiah anywhere. I downed my whole beer before throwing it across the courtyard.

"That's littering you know!"

I turned around to see the girl I had saw earlier outside the girl's dormitories. She looked like a traditional Florida white girl with her light brown hair and green eyes. I dug her jean jacket and the bandana she had tied around her head. It was also my first time noticing someone wearing a skirt at this place. She was actually....kind of cute if I was being honest. Not that it mattered, it didn't. She had a textbook in her hand which she must've been reading. She was sitting down at one of the many tables scattered around the courtyard.

"I didn't know the litter police was out in full tonight."

"If you want another you can have the rest of mine." She said holding her beer can up.

"Had too much?"

"I haven't had enough if I'm being honest." She said smiling a bit. "But I have an exam after this weekend so I figured I shouldn't get too hungover."

"You know they say those that just drink 2 or 3 beers are psychopaths."

"Well I guess that makes two of us." She sneered.

I walked over to her and pointed out her textbook. "What's that you're reading?"

"Just some light studying." She said.

I lifted up the book to check out the cover. "AP Trigonometry, that's light to you?"

"Eh sort of." She shrugged. "I'm just trying to get through this chapter so I can go hang out with my friends."

I sat down on the table. "I mean you could just go now, nothing is stopping you."

"I'm stopping me....it's why I'm not really drinking heavy tonight." She said handing me her beer.

"I don't usually drink at these kind of things." I took a sip of her beer before setting it down on the table. "Tonight is just different."

"How so?" She asked.

"My ex was a huge fan of these type of things. I was never really into them but I guess I just went along with what she was doing."

"Ex? What happened?" She asked closing her textbook. "Bad arguement? Someone cheated?"

I looked over at her and took a deep breath. "Cancer."

"Oh." She said. Her face seemingly dropped and I could tell she immediately regretted asking about it. "Shit....I'm sorry."

"Its fine" I waved it off and smiled. "What are you supposed to know everyone's story? No you're good."

"I know how it feels you know." She said.

"How what feels?"

"To lose someone you love." She said.

There a moment of silence where we just looked at eachother. The music from the party could still be heard even it was muffled. I looked down at the rest of her outfit to see she had a pair of black leggings underneath her skirt. I half cracked a smile when I noticed she was also wearing a pair of white vans. I looked back at her and noticed her smile returning.

"What did you say your name was again?"

"Cassandra." She said holding her hand out. "Cassandra Winters."

"Quinn." I shook her hand. "Quinn Peterson."

"You're new here...aren't you?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah I just came here a few days ago."

"Follow me." She said putting her book in her backpack before throwing it over her shoulder.

I hopped off the table. "Where are we going?"

"If you're new here you gotta know about the best spot on campus." She said standing up from her seat.

I followed her past the boy's dormitories and over towards the west side of the campus. I hadn't seen much of FSU since getting here so most of it was new to me. I was surprised to see a giant building with so many windows on it. It was so reflective it almost looked like a giant mirror. This must've been the spot Cassandra was taking me to.

"What is this place?"

"It's the science building." She said stopping and turning her head towards me. "It looks like a giant mirror don't you think?"

I held my hand up and shook my head. "Wait! What about your friends?"

"They can wait, this is far more important." She said walking up to a door and pulling something out of her backpack.

I looked around the area to check if anyone else was around. "What are you doing?"

"Picking the lock...duh." She said as she got the door open with two little bobby pin looking things.

I sucked my teeth before crossing my arms. "Ummm are you sure we're not gonna get in trouble for this?"

"Have a little faith Quinn. Trust me it'll be worth it." She said putting her backpack on before heading inside.

I followed her inside before closing the door behind us both. The door had led a flight of stairs that must've led all the way up to the top of the building. I followed behind Cassandra keeping my head down as to not look up her skirt by accident. It didn't matter she had on leggings, still creepy. It was one thing to be breaking into campus property but the probability of getting caught was high. I mean it must've been, it's 2018, there had to have been cameras.

"What if the cameras see us?"

"There isn't any on this side of the building. I've done this before you know." She said glancing back at me.

"Still I don't wanna get in trouble my first week here."

"Will you stop worrying so much." She said as we reached the top of the stairs. "This'll be worth it."

"What will?" I took a moment to catch my breath. "You still haven't told me what we're doing here."

"They never lock the door to the roof." She said walking over to the only door and opening it. "Which means we can hangout on it."

I walked outside on to the roof. "But why would we need to....."

My words trailed out of my mouth as I took in the sight that was seven stories above Florida State University. I hadn't been this high up in forever, the last time had to be when I went to Disney with Brianna a few years back. The view was unbelievable, the lights looked so small this high up. My eyes were taken off the view when Cassandra stepped in front of me with her arms up her head.

"I give you, the best damn view on campus." She said smiling.

I looked around and it took me a moment to realize just how damn high we were. I mean there was a nice breeze blowing through my hair as I looked down on the lights of the FSU campus. I looked out farther and I saw the multiple lights that made up Tallahassee. I looked back to see Cassandra sitting on the edge of the roof.

"Umm you're a little close to the edge there don't you think?"

"Sit with me." She said patting the ground next to her.

I smiled nervously and crossed my arms. "Yeah I'm good right here."

"Come on." She said holding her hand out. "Live a little."

I walked over to her and chuckled. "I swear if I fall off to my death you are so not invited to my funeral." I took her hand and sat down next to her letting my feet dangle off the edge.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She asked.

"What?" I looked over at her then back towards the lights coming from the boy's dormitories. "The party? Yeah I guess so."

"Not the party." She said softly. "The campus."

"Oh yeah." I nodded my head like I actually understood what she meant, I didn't. "Very beautiful."

"You don't see it do you?" She asked.

"See what?"

"Come here, lay your head on my lap." She said patting her lap.

"Ummm...ok." I leaned over and laid my head on her lap.

"Right around this time of night, the moon lines up perfectly with the capital building." She said pointing towards a large building off in the distance.

"If you just unfocus your eyes....its almost like the moon is sitting right on top of it." She added.

I looked at the large building off in the distance, probably a good seven miles away. I saw the moon right above it but I did what Cassandra said and unfocused my eyes. That's when I saw the real view Cassandra was talking about. The moon grew larger and it was like this ball of light that rested right above the capital building. My eyes grew wide as I became lost in the sight.

"Wow."

"Now I'll ask again. Beautiful isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah." I looked up at her. "Very beautiful."

"What?" She asked smiling.

"I don't see why I had to lay my head on your lap to see that."

"Oh you didn't." She said patting my head. "I just wanted you to."

I laughed and sat up. "Oh you're so stupid."

"Oh come on it had to of made the experience better." She said leaning back on her hands.

"You could say it did." I motioned my hand towards the moon. "Is this what you brought me all the way up here for?"

"I mean yeah, it's the best spot on campus. I sometimes come here to think about things and just clear my head." She said staring up at the moon. "Only at night though, this place is a real bitch with the hot sun on you."

"Why'd you bring me here?" I focused my eyes on hers to read her reaction. "I mean I just met you less than an hour ago."

"Because....you reminded me a lot of myself." She said looking at me. "The way you were just walking around with no sense of where you were going."

"I mean I was heading somewhere."

"I don't mean physically jackass" She said tapping me on the back of the head. "You just had that far away look in your eyes...like you were lost. I know because I used to have that same look for a while."

That's when I remembered what she had said earlier.

"You said you lost somebody you loved too. Who was it?"

"My brother...he uh...." She said looking away for a moment before returning her gaze back to me. "He was my bestfriend. He's the reason I even came here in the first place."

"My girlfriend before she passed away told me to follow me dreams." I laid back on the hard concrete with my legs still dangling off the edge of the roof. "She said to not let her death hold me back from continuing my life. So that's why I came here."

"My brother told me something similar." She said turning on her side to lay right next to me. "You see he had Cystic Fibrosis so it was unlikely he would have even lived a long life, but he insisted on fighting it."

"He said he wouldn't be happy until he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day." She said. Her voice choking on those last two words.

I looked over at her to see a few tears in her eyes. She was biting her lip to stop herself from balling her eyes out. I could tell it was hard for her to relive those memories of her brother.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this." She said wiping away the tears that was forming in her eyes.

She sat up and hugged her knees. Her eyes were staring off into the distance. She was probably staring at the moon again. I sat up as well and placed my hand on her shoulder.

"I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to lose one of my siblings. I'm sorry for your loss Cassandra." I took a deep breath before putting my arm around her.

"If it helps....when my girlfriend was diagnosed with leukemia......" I felt a few of my own tears creeping up into my eyes.

"She said that if she would've died right there....that she would've died knowing she had lived a great life with me."

"Some basket cases we turned out to be huh?" She asked leaning her head on my shoulder.

Against my own morals, I pulled her closer and leaned my head on hers.

"When the night is over....you think we'll still talk to eachother?" She asked.

I smiled. "I'm sure hoping we do."

"You know I wasn't wrong....this does make the experience so much better." She said.

"Yeah....it sure does."

We stayed up on the roof for the rest of the night. Long after the party had seemingly ended. We didn't talk much after. We just sat there, enjoying each others company. For the first time in a long time I felt comfortable in a another girls presence. I don't know what it was about Cassandra. Maybe it was her outgoing demeanor, maybe it was her understanding of my loss, or maybe.....maybe it was the fact that was just.....different.