The weekend in Portland goes by in a blur. The appointment goes well and I don't have to have any invasive procedure done, which is good. I take an 'abortion pill' at the clinic and they give me another pill that I have to take in 24-48 hours. After I take that pill though, I'm going to start cramping and bleeding so I've decided to wait until I get back to Idaho to take that one.

Introducing Shaw to my sister was weird but he was on his best behavior, I think, so they got along well enough. I made sure that I was always with Shaw so that Brianna wouldn't be able to take me aside and ask me what was going on. I knew that she wouldn't address anything with Shaw there. 

Back in Idaho, Shaw and I get an Uber ride back to campus and we go up to my apartment together. I'm tired from all of the traveling and I have to take this second pill soon. I don't want to wait until tomorrow because I have classes and I don't want to have to miss them if these cramps get too bad.

Bella, Jesse, and Clayton are all sitting in the living room when we walk in, as if waiting for our arrival like it's the most exciting thing in the world.

"So, how'd it go?" Bella asks me from where she's sitting between the two boys.

"It was fine," I say with a shrug. "I just have to take this last pill and then it'll be over. It's basically forcing a miscarriage, so it's going to hurt but it'll officially be over in 24 hours."

"Okay, that's good. How are you feeling now?"

"Tired," I admit with a long sigh. "I'm going to go take this pill and hopefully fall asleep."

"Then why is Shaw here?" Jesse asks, giving Shaw a distasteful glance.

"He feels bad for impregnating me, so he's just here to help out," I answer as if he's not there to speak for himself. I don't want those two to get into an argument right now though, so I think that it's for the best if I stay in between them. "Were you all just sitting here waiting for me to come home?"

"We were worried," Clayton explains. "Just wanted to make sure that you're doing okay, and to see if you need anything from us?"

"I don't want Clay to speak for me, but yeah, I'm just here to see if there's anything that you need," Bella tells me. "But if you just want to take a nap, I'll head out. I've been talking to this guy who plays club lacrosse and he's free tonight. You are totally number one priority, though."

"I'm good. You go have fun with your lacrosse player," I assure her. "Thanks for coming over, Bell. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, sure. I'll see you tomorrow," She decides, glancing over at Shaw. "Nice to see you again, Shaw. I guess. I'm not sure how I feel about you right now. You two can go to hell." She says that last part to Jesse and Clayton before she grabs her purse from the coffee table and heads out of the apartment.

"How was Brianna?" Jesse asks me before I can go back into my room.

"She was fine," I mutter slowly as I go into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and then Shaw follows me into my bedroom. "I didn't really give her the chance to ask about anything, couldn't ask about Clayton or the breakup. The dog is adorable, Joel was fine. Everything was just fine, Jesse."

"She really wasn't suspicious about you just randomly coming to visit?" Jesse asks me suspiciously.

"Nope, not that I could tell. Now, if you would excuse me, I have a fetus to miscarry," I remind him, finally disappearing into my room, shutting the door to block Jesse and Clayton from me and Shaw.

It looks like Shaw is about to give me some motivational speech, like he thinks that I will need a courage boost to take this pill that should officially make me unpregnant. Before he can get a word out though, I put the pill in my mouth and use the water to swallow it. I don't need a pep talk, I'm ready to get this growing fetus out of my body.

"Do you want to put a movie on?" Shaw suggests as I'm taking off my jeans to put on a pair of pajama shorts. I don't really care that he's here because he's seen me naked a few times now so it's nothing new to him.

"You don't have to stay," I inform him. I crawl into my bed and prepare for the cramps or sleep, whichever one comes first. "It's probably just going to be like a bad period, and I've had those before. I can take it."

"Do you want me to leave?" He asks me, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

"I'm just going to go to sleep. You've been really nice and helpful these past few days but you really don't have to stick around anymore. It's dealt with, we're good. Problem solved," I assure him. I know that he said that he wanted to get his life back on track when we got back to Idaho and he said something about us doing that together, but I don't think that he meant that. At least, not the 'together' part. I think that he felt bad about getting me pregnant, so he was getting emotional.

I don't expect him to stick around though. I've caused him as many problems as he did to me. We're clearly so bad for each other and if either one of us want to improve our lives, I don't think that the right way to do that is together.

"Maybe it's just my hero complex talking, but I don't think that you'll be okay without me around," He admits to me, looking me in the eye and seemingly serious.

"I promise that I'll be alright, Shaw," I mutter with a long, tired sigh.

"Okay. Well, before I go, I should probably tell you that I applied to a few culinary schools around the country in your name. So if you get an acceptance letter, that's because of me."

"You what?" I look at him with wide eyes. I would sit up because I'm so shocked but I really am tired. I didn't sleep at all on the flight and I've had an intense past few weeks.

"One in Seattle, Washington D.C., San Diego, and one in New York," He says. "I figured that maybe if you got an acceptance letter, it'd help you actually do what you want to do. Somebody needs to be there to push you or you're just going to sit in the same miserable place forever."

"Why do you think that my future is your responsibility?" I ask him. "I watched a few guys kick the shit out of you, we've fucked a few times. But other than that, really what are we?"

"I don't know," He admits to me. "Maybe we should talk about it tomorrow and just let you relax for today."

"Okay," I say with a yawn. He's been acting really nice lately and I've been thinking that it's just the guilt that he feels for knocking me up but I'm not sure anymore. We should definitely talk about what we are because I wasn't even planning on staying friends with him but I guess if he has other feelings, that's something that needs to be talked about. Right now, though, I'm so tired. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to. You can lay with me and we'll talk in the morning."

"If you want to be alone, I'll go, Wren," He starts to stand up from the bed but I quickly move to grab his hand in mine so that he doesn't leave. "I want to make sure that you're comfortable and if me being here isn't what you want, I'll go."

"I don't want to be alone," I admit to him. I'm not sure if it's him specifically or if I'm just craving somebody to pay attention to me, but I don't want to be in this room alone with this dead fetus. I know that I'm about to go to sleep, but I want to feel his arms wrapped around me when I start to doze off. "So, if you want to stay then I want you to stay too."

"Alright," He gives in as he takes his shoes off by the door and then turns the TV on with a low volume. It's on the Food Network and Chopped is on. I like that show and Shaw doesn't make any objections. He just crawls onto the other side of the bed, under my cozy comforter. He scoots close to me so that we're spooning and his arm loops around my waist.

I feel a thousand times more comfortable like this; I'm glad that he's staying.

"It's kind of funny, how easy things were between us," I tell him under my breath. "Just a few weeks ago, we were just having sex and flirting like there was no tomorrow. I went down on you after that brutal fight. It's kind of funny to see how much our vibe changed in just a week or so. Just because of this fetus."

"I wouldn't say that it changed completely," Shaw suggests, his lips very close to my ear. I already know that he's going to say something perverted, just to lighten the mood. "You can still go down on me whenever you want."

I laugh just at how easily I had predicted what he'd say. "Yeah, thanks for that."

"And besides, I only recently realized how much I care about you," He adds, which isn't something that I had expected him to say at all. I guess I only have him partially figured out. "When you said that we shouldn't talk anymore. I started missing you like crazy."

"That's funny. Because from what I saw, you were doing just fine," I remind him, recalling the night that I had went to tell him that I was pregnant and he was about to hookup with another girl.

"I was thinking about you," He says into my ear.

"That's gross," I tell him, even though I'm blushing now.

"It's romantic," He insists.

I know that it's not actually romantic to tell somebody that you were thinking about them while being with somebody else. It's a bit flattering at best but definitely not romantic. And yet, it still puts the slightest smile on my face when I hear him say that. I like that he's been thinking about me. Granted, he hasn't been the biggest thing in my mind lately but I've had a lot going on. I don't tell him anything else, hoping that he wasn't expecting me to tell him that I'd been thinking about him too during that short period of time that we weren't talking.

I just close my eyes and try to drift off to sleep, which is pretty easy in his relaxing arms. I might not have been thinking about Shaw lately but with how he's been acting in these past few days, I'm most definitely thinking about him now.