(Warning! this deals with depression, suicide and other very mature subjects. if you are too young or cannot handle it then I advise not read it. THIS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN OR ANYONE IMPRESSIONABLE. I DO NOT WANT THINGS TO HAPPEN AND I AM NOT AT FAULT IF YOU GET SUICIDAL OR ANYTHING DURING THIS. thank you)

I was called blue once, I didn't understand since I was only working my way into sadness but I soon found out. I thought it was just a colour but I now see it can be many things and it describes me perfectly. Some people haven't cared enough to stay and some people have cared too much to see me rot, inside and out. I can feel the life slowly draining and slipping from my fingers. Nothing I do can stop it. I'm just a self-hating bag of meat. That meat sometimes gets cut by hitself. This meat acts as if it's okay and people fall for it...others fall for it...hard. It hurts every time, they are falling for an act, A PERSON I CAN'T BE. At least I know what people like. No one likes baggage. Especially if the baggage is overweight and hurts easily. I'm not a perfect human, no one is, but it's better to be oblivious and confident then to know and be cowardly and self-conscious. I can never be happy and it fails me. Right now I'm listening to music and being a coward. not fighting for someone i want. but that's how i am. I won't fight. they are happier without me and that's fine, it doesn't matter how i feel anymore. all of this can go away..I love you all

She finishes her writing, tears streaming down her face as she begins to grab the antidepressants next to her. She smiles and chuckles sadly "Is this how I'm really going... how ironic" She lets out another giggle and get her water. she puts many in her hand and puts them all in her mouth. she smiles as she drinks her water and dows her pills. She smiles feeling them all gone. she sighed and turned up her volume on her music "weak...good song" she says, looking at her arms and the marks that filled them. she smiles touching them and then closing her eyes. she starts to fall asleep never to awake again

Her mom walks into her room for fathers day, she has a smile on her face and breakfast. the girls' computer is off and she's fast asleep on her bed. no breath. Her mom starts to scream and hold her...calling her all the things she's never heard before, sweetheart, my beautiful girl, I love you. too bad she couldn't hear her. If only she told her before. No one can save her now.