Life, as the wise say, goes on.

Roshanak was slowly blending with the royals of Persia. First, a handful of days passed away since her wedding, then two weeks, then a month. Just like time had allowed her to settle in, it would heal her wounded memories too– leaving behind her lover and family, her homeland, everything that was once her only.

Roshanak admired her moist hair and watched the water droplets glide down her wet skin. Lately, she was glowing golden. Her skin, the colour of sand, shimmered after a bath. There was a shy pink flush on her cheeks. Some would say this was the glamour of a queen on her face. But she would disagree.

Perhaps, someone was going to be her light in this tough journey. That was why she felt this divine bliss– smelling the most exotic scents out of nowhere, feel tickly when the wind brushed her neck, hum to the chirping of the birds. Her soul knew someone was there to care for her.

No, not Sikander. He could become a friend, but they needed time. No, not Hridayank. Maybe he was a friend, but not a promise she would hold on to. No, not even Odile– the Kandake was a little too hard. She could be a guide but not a sister of the same flesh and bones.

Roshanak rubbed her belly. "Am I right?"

It had been more than fourteen days since she missed her date. Roshanak couldn't realise why she was so happy.

This was not the child of Kazu. This was not a fruit of love. This was not how she envisioned becoming a mother.

Yet, this was her child.

She was, possibly, expecting. A bud was sleeping in her womb. Growing, little by little. Eyes closed with a smile.

"But it wouldn't be so big now. It would take months for it to have hands and feet!" Roshanak giggled. "Am I really going to be a mother?"

Oh, she wished so much for this to change into something better. Maybe if Kazu was alive and she was still in her home. Alas, not everything was as rosy and bright as her name.

But whatever was there with her, Roshanak found it enough to cherish this rejuvenating change of her body. Her heart sang all day– someone is coming, someone is coming.

Roshanak dried her hair in the sun. The pigeons came to meet her as usual, nowadays even with their chicks which had newly learnt to fly. Was it crazy that Roshanak felt the urge to cry upon looking at them? Was it too clingy of her to hold them in her lap? They weren't her baby, but they were someone's. Every little thing that came to her notice now whispered 'maa' and only Roshanak could hear it. They used to call her, beg her to show affection. She would see babies in the clouds, baby owls squeezed between furry parents in the chilly night, and even admire the red dwarf at sunrise. When she would go to meet the men of the army with Odile, the ponies would love to get caressed by her soft hands.

Also, she had begun to hate fish. The very smell of it. Sometimes she would feel like grabbing a mould of mud and scoop it inside her mouth. It took her a lot of strength to stop herself from acting like a fool.

It all pointed at one truth– she was expecting.

"I need to inform the Kandake. A confirmation is required."

She was a queen now. Beyond the ordinary happiness of a common woman, there was the hope of a whole dynasty. If she was carrying the legacy of Persia inside her, she had to be sure of it, not just speculate.

"But a woman knows, doesn't she?" Her mother used to tell her that a woman would always know. They were in tune with every tiny change of nature, of emotions and bodies. Women were like the ocean absorbing moonbeams.

So without delaying any further, she went to tell the Kandake.

****

Odile was cleaning her idols of Dionysus and Zeus when Roshanak came in.

"You are smiling a lot," the Kandake said. "I find it a little stupid."

"I guess I am."

Odile raised a brow. "Why are you chuckling?" She kept the idols down with a thud. "I am not here for a class of humour. The Kandake and the Shahamsaram shouldn't behave like this. If you have something serious to tell me–"

"I-I might be pregnant, Kandake."

Odile froze, much like the statues on the table. Her lips were parted, but only silence spoke. She put a hand over her chest. "What?"

"The Shah did consummate the marriage that night, my Kandake. Fortunately fate isn't so cruel to me. I can proudly declare myself to be a pure and fertile lady."

"Not that I doubt." Odile stood up, a funny curve playing on her lips. "Why do you suspect so? Did you feel anything weird with your body? You know, we get to experience all sorts of insane things." Odile wheezed, recalling her own past. "I used to crave fish so much even if it wasn't my usual favourite."

"It's opposite for me. I love fish, but now I don't. I would rather eat the earth. Maybe some green herbs and leaves."

It was hilarious and wholesome at the same time to watch the strict, cold Kandake tear up and squeal. The mother of the Shah turned young in those few moments, clapping like a girl and kissing the statue of Dionysus. "I-I don't know what to do."

"Are you happy?" Roshanak fidgeted with the folds of her skirt.

"Mad woman, why won't I be!" Odile thundered, suddenly getting back to her form. Roshanak wasn't scared though. In a way, seeing the Kandake stoic and stringent meant things were normal. If she became too bubbly, that would hint at some lunacy. "We need to call Lady Fatima. She will check you. I-I can't explain how nervous I am. Feels like I am the mother."

"I am sweating too."

"Be calm, Roshanak. And tell every detail to Lady Fatima. She has delivered more number of babies than my age."

Roshanak blew a breath. "I will."

With butterflies in her stomach and a shine in her eyes, Roshanak waited in Odile's room while the Kandake wrote a summon letter for Lady Fatima.

****

For over a week, Roshanak was asked to urinate over bags of wheat and barley. If they sprouted, it would mean that she was pregnant, though Lady Fatima was confident the Shahamsaram was with a child. "I know just by her look and her heartbeat," she had said.

To Odile and Roshanak's joy, the barley sprouted, followed by the wheat grains. Lady Fatima was immediately called.

"The Shahamsaram is a very fertile lady. She will bring a boy."

"A boy?" Odile asked.

"Yes. Since the barley sprouted first, it will be a boy."

Odile handed her a heavy pounch of tinkling gold coins. "You will come to check the Shahamsaram whenever I demand. I will make arrangements for you to live in the palace quarters soon. I want you near at all times."

When Lady Fatima left, Odile turned to Roshanak. "See, even though she says it is a boy, we don't need to jump around. Such things are in the hands of god. So we will not be boasting about it."

"Yes, I understand."

"This should remain between only you and me. The men know nothing about the pregnancy tests and no need to enlighten them. I don't want people to hope for a boy when we can't be sure of it."

"What if it's a girl?"

Odile squinted. "You will have to keep trying. I got one at my first chance. Not everyone is so lucky."

Roshanak's face lost its colour. "I hope it will be a boy."

The Kandake clenched her fist and scoffed. "Don't be so pale. A mother needs to be happy and healthy for the sake of their child." She coughed. "Boy or girl, doesn't matter. Both require you to be cautious about your habits."

"You are not as heartless as you seem, my Kandake."

Odile's eyes widened. Roshanak pursed her lips. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that–"

"Oh well, nevermind." Odile shrugged. "I know what I am. You will get used to it."

"You have been a mother before. Please do guide me in this phase. I don't have my Maa around, so I need someone who can comprehend the complexities of motherhood."

"That you don't need to dictate me." Odile blushed. "I-I know I will help you. You are my daughter-in-law."

For the first time Odile validated Roshanak. The latter beamed.

"Let's go and tell Sikander. He needs to know. After all, he is the father."

Roshanak gulped. "I am anxious."

"Why?"

"I-I don't know." She shut her eyes. "It is probably my fragile mind."

Odile placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know you two haven't got enough time to taste the euphoria of marriage, but I assure you he will be happy. He is a good man, at the end of the day."

Roshanak smiled. "That I have genuinely realised in this small time."

"Come," Odile gave her hand to Roshanak, "we want to give the news when the excitement is still fresh."

They almost ran to Sikander's room. The guards looked on in strange wonder. Why were the two most powerful women of the kingdom running hand-in-hand?

Well, they would know soon.

Sikander wasn't alone in his room though. Hridayank was reading to him. Seeing his mother and wife, Sikander stood up with arms wide open. "What are two beautiful stars doing here? Did I do something wrong?"

"Not wrong. But very right," Odile said with a smirk. "I guess the only good thing you did."

"Oh, then I am interested too," Hridayank chimed. "Because we know your son is good-for-nothing," Hridayank joked.

"Why do you ridicule me in front of my wife?" Sikander frowned.

"She needs to know that you are a pain."

"Let me speak," Odile raised her voice. Pulling her son closer, she whispered, "Roshanak is pregnant. You will be a father, Sikander."

"What?"

"Yes!" Odile cupped his face. "You will be a father. I will be a grandmother. Persia is getting a child."

Sikander's mouth hung open. He stared at Roshanak for what seemed like an eternity. "A-are you pregnant?" he stammered. "Really?"

"I am, Shah."

"That's...great."

Roshanak didn't miss the happy tears glimmering in his eyes. He placed a hand on her head. "God bless you, Roshanak. Motherhood is a gift of Hera. Enjoy it to the fullest. I will give you everything you want."

"We must get ready for a formal announcement," Odile said.

"Did you call a midwife?"

"Yes. I did."

"I want to meet her. Now. I will order her to live here in the palace."

"I have asked her–"

"No. I will ask her personally. Take me to her now."

Odile patted her son. "As you wish."

Roshanak saw them leave with a glitter in their eyes. "Isn't he happy–"

There, in the middle of the room, stood Hridayank, a smile on his face too. His arms invited Roshanak to an embrace.

But the glassy sheen of his eyes said otherwise. His quivering fingers told a different tale.

His lips, puckered, buried agonies unfathomable.

"God bless you, Roshanak. Not everyone can feel motherhood. Being a woman is such a precious thing, isn't it?"

Hridayank wrapped his arms around her. Tightly. Roshanak was never hugged with so much warmth, so much of a desire.

Perhaps any other man in his place would have wished for her.

But Roshanak knew that Hridayank wished to be her.

****

word count: 1981 words
Total word count: 26,392 words

I literally felt a hollow while writing the ending of this chapter. I am a woman myself, and even though not a mother yet, I know it's a dream for many to experience this bliss. It's some super duper magic! You growing a whole human inside. And a baby is such a beautiful symbol of love... It kills me when I put myself in Hridayank's shoes. It pains me to write him. I wonder how many people like him are there. It's not just about pregnancy I guess. It's this whole identity. We are born as someone but we wish to be someone else. It's such a cruel play of destiny.