9 years ago

"You lied to me," I say coldly when I see Jay walk into the room, finally back from whatever he was out doing. 

He stops abruptly as he takes his hood off, furrowing his eyebrows. "Lied to you?"

"About my parents," I breathe, and the moment I say it, I knew he had a moment of panic about me finding out the truth, which I did. "I saw my mom tonight."

Jay's eyes go dark. "She was supposed to be dead-"

"You told me she was still alive!" I scream at him, leaping from off the couch I had been laying on. "You said that both of my parents were still alive, and you lied to me!"

Jay's head lowers, angry, but not at me. He was angry at himself; I could tell. "You don't get it, Raven. You don't know what they did to me. They deserved to die for what they did; I couldn't tell you the truth-"

"Because you knew I wouldn't trust you if I knew it," I spit in his face, anger coursing through my veins. There was nothing I hated more than being lied to, and the only man I had trusted for so long wasn't someone who I thought he was. "How long were you planning on keeping this from me?"

He shakes his head with a dark look on his face, not answering my question. "What did you tell her."

"Don't worry, I didn't expose your identity to her," I scream as I throw my hands into the air. "I didn't even tell her about me, Jay! Do you know how hard that is? To not be able to tell your own mother what you've been doing the past five years of your life? To not tell her that you're a criminal...a killer."

Jay's eyes flick up to me at the last word. "I saved your life, Raven. I could have killed you that night-"

"Saved me? You're kidding, right?" I scoff, a look of horror on my face. It disgusted me to hear those words. "You ruined my life, Jay. You hear me? You may not have taken my life that night, but you did take the life I wanted to live."

As soon as I finish my sentence, Jay is flashing forwards and grabbing my neck, pinning me up against the wall as he breathes heavily. I knew I was pushing him over the edge, but I didn't care. I had a right to be angry; I basically figured out that my whole life was just a big lie.

"You need me more than you can imagine, Raven. I'll tell you that much," Jay hisses in my face, madness in his eyes. I bite my lip as I stare him in the eyes, not daring to break eye contact. "I'm the only person who understands you; the only person who can help you be the person you're meant to be."

"I'm not like you," I bark back, tasting blood in my mouth from biting my lip too hard. "I'm not a monster; I'll never be like you. You may think I need you, but you needed me most, didn't you Jay? And now you lost me."

He tightens his grip around my neck, pressing me up against the wall harder. I gasp for air as I cough. "I taught you everything you know, Raven. You think I'm just going to let you walk out of here? To leave everything we started!"

I narrow my eyes, seeing red now. "I don't even know you anymore."

I hear Jay let out a low growl before he grabs me and flashes me away, but I wasn't sure where to until he puts me down. When he does, I gasp as air fills my lungs again, looking around to find myself inside the same glass box that we used to hold prisoners that we interrogated from time to time. Standing out of the box was Jay, hate in his eyes.

"Jay!" I scream as I run to the glass, beating on it hard. I knew nothing I could possibly do wouldn't break it, but I had to try. "You can't...let me out of here!"

"You'll come to your senses soon," he says to me, his expression flipping from hate to the same look he always gave me...like he still had faith in me. "For now, you'll be in there."

He turns and leaves me then as I shout at him, screaming at the top of my lungs. Nothing I said made him turn back to face me, making me grow even more angrier than what I already was. I try to use my speed to phase through the glass, but not even that worked. I used to be able to, but since I just recently got my powers back, I wasn't anything that I once was.

I let out one last scream as I let myself fall in the far corner, putting my head in my hands. I felt myself wanting to cry, but I hold back the tears. I wasn't going to cry over something like this; for Jay. He wasn't worth my tears.

However, after sitting there for a moment to realize what I just did, something came to mind that I didn't think of before. Jay knows that my mother is alive now, meaning he'll try and find her again.

He was going to kill her again, and this time, he was going to make sure she stayed dead.

-*+*-

Present

As I sat on the same couch I spent many days and nights on, I couldn't help but think about Barry. Not being able to occupy myself left me alone with my thoughts, and Barry was at the very top of the list of things to think about. 

I wanted to know if he was okay. I wanted to know how he was doing without his speed anymore. I wanted to know if he hated me as much as it seemed like he did. I wanted him to know that I cared about him.

I couldn't help but think how obscured it was that Jay thought I couldn't handle myself when it came to trust and caring about someone. If he was capable of loving someone without taking it too far, I was too...right? I wanted to tell him about Barry, but at the same time, I didn't. I didn't want him to take it the wrong way and for some reason, I was almost embarrassed about it. Jay's taught me for years now to not love; and I did. The idea of telling him something that went against his teaching felt..wrong.

My eyes flick upwards then as I look over in the corner, finding my clothing drawers sitting there where they always were. I slowly stand as I make my way over to it, my fingers trailing over the edge of the dresser. Memories were tied to this thing; the type of memories that I wished I could go back to.

I let my fingers fall to where they grab the top drawer handle, tugging it forwards to open it. Inside was a couple of random nicely folded shirts, ones that I haven't touched in forever. I rarely wore normal clothes because I always had my costume on; it was just apart of me. I carefully pull back the clothes as I dig towards the bottom of the drawer, looking for the one thing I hid in here just yesterday. 

A chill shoots down my spine as I grab the costume Cisco had made me; the one that reminded me of another version of the black canary. I grab it as I hold it up, feeling the material scrape across my fingers. Seeing it made me long to be back on Earth 1 again; back with everyone else and being a....hero, as Barry would say.

Suddenly then, I hear a crashing sound as I lower the costume, using my speed to quickly shove it back under the clothes and deep into the drawer. If Hunter were to find that I kept it, he'd kill me. After I slam the drawer shut, I turn around, thinking that I'd be seeing Hunter come dashing in at any moment, but he doesn't. Instead, I hear another loud sound, causing me to furrow my eyebrows and dash into the other room. 

When I stop to analyze the situation, I see Caitlin standing by the doorway, a look of fear on her face. I wasn't sure why until I see Killer Frost standing there a few feet away from her, frost emitting from her hands. How did she get out of her cell?

"I figured out why Zoom doesn't need me anymore," Killer Frost says, her voice echoing around me. "I look just like you, and now that he has you...he'll kill me. I guess I'll have to make sure that won't happen."

Killer Frost raises her palm then as she throws it out towards Caitlin, an icicle heading straight for her abdomen. Before I even think, I'm racing towards the icicle, desperate to get it before it hits Caitlin. As I ran towards it, I couldn't help but see Barry's face in my mind, it being the only motivator of mine. 

As I reach my hand out to grab it, I see another there as well. I turn and see Hunter there then, grabbing the icicle before I can get my hands on it. I hold my breath as I watch him run forwards and implant the icicle deep into Killer Frost's stomach, causing Caitlin to gasp. I stop in my tracks as I turn and watch him hold her up by the neck, his voice muffled through his mask as he speaks.

"You're right, I don't need you anymore."

He drops her to the floor then as he turns back to me. "You were supposed to keep an eye on her!"

"You weren't supposed to have Killer Frost here in the first place," I spit back, angry that he was angry at me. "You should have killed her before when you had the chance, but you didn't."

Hunter stares at me for a long moment, blue lightning dancing across his skin. Caitlin stands behind me in silence as I wait for him to say something, but nothing comes out. I shake my head as I take a step closer to him, eyes locked on his own behind the mask.

"Who's the one who crossed the line now?"

I walk around him then as I kneel next to Killer Frost, finding her gasping as she stares up at the celling above. Hunter looks over his shoulder at me before flashing away, leaving Caitlin and I behind. Caitlin stands there in shock for a moment before she darts to my side, kneeling by Killer Frost as well.

"She's still alive," Caitlin breathes as she holds her head up, blood starting to trickle down her face. "We have to help her-"

I cut Caitlin off as I grab the icicle sticking in Killer Frost, thrusting it up farther to where it finally does the job. Killer Frost lets out one last moan before her hand falls to the ground, dead. The life drains from her eyes as Caitlin looks at me in utter shock, eyes wide. I could tell that she was heartbroken to see her die.

"Why'd you do that?" she asks me as she looks up at me slowly. It amazed me that even after the girl below her just tried to kill her that she still cared about her life.

I look over at her. "I helped her."

"She may have tried to kill me, but she didn't deserve to die," Caitlin says, looking back down at Killer Frost. 

I stand then as I look down at the two of them. There hadn't been a trail of doubt in my mind before I had ended Killer Frost's life; I never have a second thought before I did anything anymore. But seeing Caitlin sitting there practically crying over her dopplegangers body made me wonder what it was like to care that much; to have a heart that big. But then I switched back into reality.

 "You can't save everyone, Caitlin, and if you think you can, you're already dead."

-*+*-

ah I can't believe this book is already this far along; I can't wait to write more either. I've got some plans up my sleeve! 

vote n comment as well! ily all