Present

Scattered thoughts race through my head as I dash upstairs, not being able to grasp a single one of them. It felt like my mind was incapable of processing anything right now; I mean, I was running upstairs so I could kill myself...I wasn't even thinking this through. However, thinking it through didn't matter right now; all that mattered was that I would get the last laugh...not Hunter. Never again.

Even with my wounded thigh, I'm able to push the pain aside and move my legs fast. I knew that if I really did hear Barry's voice back there in the cell, he was going to be coming after me before too long, so I needed to get there first. I couldn't let him catch me. I couldn't let him stop me.

I turn a sharp corner then as I bolt down the hall, seeing the main room just a few feet away. As I run towards it, I see a flash of yellow lightning come from the other side of the hall, it being Barry of course. I see his face full of confusion and worry, but he wasn't fast enough to reach me first. Before he can grab me, I turn into the room, heading straight towards the place I knew where they kept the guns in case of an emergency.

I quickly grab a pistol in the drawer under the desk Cisco usually sat at as I turn around and face the doorway, finding Barry running inside, but he stops. As he does this, I press the barrel of the gun to my temple, my finger dancing over the trigger.

His eyes broke me. "Raven, w-what...put the gun down."

"I can't," I say with tears starting to form in my eyes. No matter what he said, I wasn't going to give this up. Killer Frost was right; I deserved this, and I needed to do it. "He can't have the last laugh, Barry. I can't let him win!"

He was confused for a moment, but then he puts the pieces together that I was meaning Hunter. "Raven, listen to me. You aren't thinking straight right now, but just listen to me, okay? Everything is going to be okay; he won't get the last laugh. Cisco and Caitlin are working towards an antidote, and they're close-"

"There is no antidote," I breathe, shaking my head. I press the gun harder against my head. "That's just false hope. There's no saving me now."

"There is still time to save you," he says slowly, taking a small step closer to me. I tense up as he does so, causing him to freeze altogether. "Raven, you are worth saving."

My voice chokes. "I've lied to so many people. I've killed so many people, Barry. I don't deserve to be saved, and that's the truth. You know that. He made me who I am today, and I was his little puppet in his game. I just hate that I'm just now realizing that. He won...but I won't let him win this round. I can't-"

My finger starts to press against the trigger as a tear falls down my cheek, everything in my body screaming at me to pull it, but something held me back. I couldn't think long enough to figure out what that something was, but just before I can end it all, Barry continues to stall me.

"You saved my life," he says suddenly, taking me off guard. "You saved Jesse's life when Trajectory almost injected her with the laced V9. You saved all of those people on the bridge that night. You saved Central City in helping defeat the metas running around causing chaos. You may have had a rough past, Raven, but there's always hope for a brighter future. Only you can change your future, and this isn't it. You think doing this will give you the last laugh, but it won't. The only way you can do that is by putting the gun down."

For a split moment, I believed him. I believed in the future that Barry almost promised me, and I believed that things could truly change. But then I saw the man I first murdered; the countless of other lives I had taken away because of my selfishness. Barry wanted me to put the gun down for myself, but I held it to my head for all of those lives I had ended.

"Raven."

My eyes flick to the left then at the sound of the other voice, and it came from someone I wasn't expecting to see. Standing there was my mother; an older version of her, not the one that I remembered. She looked the age she was supposed to be...if she wouldn't have died that is.

"Mom?" I choke out, something in me breaking the way Barry couldn't have done on his own. Seeing my mother standing there looking so real in front of me made me feel something that I couldn't quite place my finger on, but what crushed me more was the knowing why she was only there. She was in my head, and she was only there to get me to pull the trigger, something my mother would never have actually told me to do.

A faint smile forms on her face as she takes a step closer to me, my body tensing up. "Raven, listen to him and put the gun down. You're worth more than this."

I was surprised to hear her say those words. "I'm not the person you think I am-"

"Yes you are, you're my daughter. I haven't been able to be there for you these past years, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love you. Despite what you may have done in the past, you have a second chance, don't you see that? You got away from Zoom, Raven. You got away from Satan himself, and that's the biggest step you could have made. Being here with these people...they'll help you. If you pull that trigger, you die the person you were afraid of dying as. If you don't, you have a chance to make things right; to redeem yourself."

Something about her words felt like they were more than just coming from my self conscious. Like I said, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but they struck me deep. But not deep enough.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you deserved," I fade out one last time as I close my eyes, holding them shut tight. I press the trigger in that moment, and after that, the world went silent.

I stand there frozen, waiting for the pain to hit me in a sudden wave, but I feel nothing. When I open my eyes to figure out what was happening, I realize that I'm still standing there, perfectly okay. Confusion comes upon me before my eyes trail back over to Barry, seeing him opening up his hand for me to see.

In the palm of his hand sat bullets; the very bullets that were supposed to be in the pistol to end my life. He must have taken them out just before I pulled the trigger. When I look back at my mother, she was no longer there, as if she just disappeared out of thin air. Well, that is what she did.

My heart sinks into my chest as I lower the gun in my hand, allowing Barry to take action. He races towards me then and takes the gun from me, his eyes locking on my own. It was then a switch flipped inside of me, and it was almost unbearable. All of the pain that I should have been feeling during all of that came rushing back, causing me to scream and fall to the floor.

First came the sharp pain in my thigh, which wasn't as near as bad as my head. After the feeling came back to my thigh, it traveled upwards until it reached my head, striking me almost dead. It felt like more than just needles pricking at it now; it felt like someone was literally holding my brain in their hand, digging their nails deeper into it with every passing second.

I felt like I was dying.

"Raven!" I hear Barry shout, causing me to wince even more. The sounds...the light...it only made everything worse. But I deserved this...I deserved to die like this.

I feel my fingers claw at my scalp, having a mind of their own. They tug at my hair to relieve some of the pain, but little does it help. I even think I draw blood when I see a few drops fall onto the white tile below me, causing my eyes to go wide. I tried to tell myself to stop, but I couldn't; the pain was too much, and doing this helped, even if it was only a little.

"Raven, stop it!" Barry shouts at me once more as he pulls my hands away from my head, causing the pain to grow even stronger. A blood piercing scream escapes my throat then as I fall onto my knees, wishing that all of this would go away. "Cisco...Caitlin! Someone, help!"

I fight against Barry to get my hands back, to relieve some more of the pressure, but he holds them in place, permitting me from clawing at my scalp again. For a moment, I try to use my powers against him, but I was too weak. I couldn't focus long enough to use them either.

In that moment, I look up and catch a glimpse of Barry, and it tore me up inside more than this hideous poison was. His face showed pure horror and fear, and something about it struck me deep; but I could only think about this for a split second before another wave of pain shoots through my head, causing me to scream once again.

"Oh my God," I hear someone breathe as I look up towards the doorway, seeing Cisco standing there, shock on his face. Caitlin stands at his side as well, her eyes frozen on me as she stands still. It was then I noticed a vial in her hand, but she clearly wasn't in any hurry to help me.

"Did you get it?" Barry shouts over me as Cisco snaps back into motion, looking over at Caitlin before snatching it out of her hand, running around the desk to kneel by my side. He pauses however, something holding him back. "What are you waiting for?"

"There's a chance this may not work," he starts to say before Barry cuts him off.

"She's dying, Cisco! This is the only hope she has left!" I continue to try to get my hands back from Barry, the pressure starting to build up more and more behind my eyes. I suddenly understood why so many wanted to claw their eyes out when they were injected with this poison. "Do it!"

Cisco makes a face before he takes a deep breath, pulling out a needle and sticking it into the vial. I watch the yellow liquid go into the needle before he drops the vial, holding the needle up. I let out one more scream as the pain jolts inside of my head, knowing that I was right on the brink of death.

I feel a pinch in my neck then as I blink fast, trying to comprehend what was happening to me. For a split moment, relief floods my body as I stop struggling against Barry, wondering to myself if it was all over. I hear Barry let out a sigh of relief as I start to sit up right, but just when I told myself that it really was over, I feel my eyes roll back as I lose my balance once again, falling backwards towards the tile.

Barry's arms wrap around me as my body begins to shake, my mind starting to go numb. I fight to stay awake, but I already knew it was too late for me. My eyes start to close as I feel myself foam at the mouth, Barry and Cisco's words already starting to fade away from me.

The last thing I see is Barry's face frozen in horror before I'm met with a never-ending darkness.

-*+*-

Raven?? You okay girl??

Y'ALL...The Flash tonight left me shooketh. The ending there got me good...but no spoilers for those who haven't seen it yet!

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