(Alright, I needed a break after cramming 50k words in January for my fantasy novel, and These Guys: Bring the Payne was just not flowing. So, I decided to reward you guys [and give me something to do] by writing out counseling sessions based on the characters from my series, Tales of the Fourth Age. If you have not read those stories, this will be a spoiler/not make a lick of sense. Enjoy)

******************************

Údar sits down on the couch, adjusting his glasses and picking up a pad and pen.

"Alright, so nice to finally meet you both. Eragon and Earwen, right?"

"ARA-goRN, my wife is AR-wen."

Údar clicks his pen, jotting down some notes.

"Slightly defensive or small misunderstanding."

Aragorn's mouth drops open.

"What!? I'm not defensive! I'm giving mild correction!"

"You see! This is what I had to deal with!" Arwen interjects. She begins to mimic Aragorn. "I'm da king, I dun't hav ta lidzen to yu, herp derpy derp."

"That is so uncalled for!" Aragorn says.

Údar takes his glasses off, motioning between the two.

"I'm getting this sense of tension between you two. Aragorn, where do you think it comes from?"

"Pfffft, probably because my wife led me to believe she'd slept with the captain of my personal guard!"

Arwen gasps

"Lies! You ASS-umed!"

Aragorn looks at her, confused.

"I feel like you are insinuating something there..."

Arwen looks at Údar, indicating her husband

"Do you see? So. Dense! Half the time I'm talking he's just staring off into the distance blankly!"

"I do not!"

"You don't huh? Okay, explain this!"

Arwen pulls out phone, handing it to Údar

"I don't even know what he's doing in that last photo!" Arwen says.

"I was putting my dagger away!" Aragorn protests.

"Is that what the people of Rohan call it these days?" Arwen glares at him. "And I suppose you weren't Facetiming her in the one before?"

Aragorn looks around, turning red

"I WAS CONFRONTING SAURON!"

"Mhmm, sure you were."

Údar replaces his glasses, clicking the pen as he jots down notes, mumbling as he writes

"Possible infidelity on husbands part."

"Don't write that down! None of that is true!"

Údar looks at Aragorn over his glasses

"Only trying to connect the pieces, Eragon."

"ArAgOrN!"

"Right, what I said."

Údar leaned back in his chair, looking at the couple

"It seems that there are some much deeper issues that we're going to need to dive into. I'm sensing a possible superiority complex that could extend from abandonment issues due in part to a death in the family. Father. Mother. Perhaps even both. This led to a deep need to be accepted by men and by women, which then led to a sense of setting out on a journey to find ones self. 

"Due to this deep wounding by having a lack of a mother and/or father, there was a desire to have an older woman in the picture, perhaps much older. If they were beautiful enough, it is possible that an unhealthy attachment could occur."

Údar removed his glasses as he continues, looking at Arwen

"Now, based off of our previous session, I believe that your issues with your father are playing heavily into this. Lord Elrond came across as a know-it-all and was very overprotective when you were younger, so it stands to reason that whenever your husband reminds you of your father, you act out from your inner child. You lash out, seeking to prove yourself to him because that is what you have been trying to do your whole life. 

"And because you never really had a father that was affectionate, you bonded to the first handsome human you came across because, well, you didn't want any of the 'proper elves' as your father called them because that would mean you were giving into his silent demands. What better way to send him to the Undying Lands than binding yourself to a mortal, probably not really thinking through that whole line of thinking until it was too late."

Údar regards both of them

"I'm going to suggest we meet twice a week for a couple of months to get to the heart of this so you can both heal and move forward. Agreed?"

Aragorn nodded and Arwen did the same.

"Good. Ninel will get you scheduled. Now if you don't mind, my next clients are here."

Everyone stands as Údar hurries them out the door. They passed Eowyn and Faramir in the hall as they step into Údar's office.