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may 3, 2018

INCOMING CALL FROM COLE

"Hello best friend!"

"Hi. Are you free?"

"For about fifteen minutes. Why?"

"I'm hiding in my bathroom. Chris isn't home."

"Why are you hiding in the bathroom?"

"I'm kinda... sorta... waiting on the results of a pregnancy test?"

"Wait what?"

"I'm late by about two weeks. Wren I'm freaking out."

"Stay calm, Cole. Have you told Chris?"

"No. I didn't want to tell him. I'm not sure how he'd react."

"How are you reacting?"

"We've only been together for five months but Wren... you know how much I want to be a mother. And it's Chris. I love him so much. He'd be the best dad in the world."

"He would. How many minutes ago did you take it?"

"About three."

"Two more to go, then. So you're hoping for a positive?"

"I don't know what I'm hoping for. It's stupid to think we can just have a baby with only five months of a relationship under our belt, but..."

"I know, Cole. I'll wait with you on the line until the results pop up."

"Thanks, Wren. You're the best."

"..."

"..."

"Well, what's it say?"

"Um... it's a negative."

"Cole, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. It was stupid to think, anyway. I've got to go, um, do some laundry."

"Cole—"

CALL DISCONNECTED

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Cole hadn't moved from her spot in the bathroom in two hours. Ironically, she had to pee, but couldn't bring herself to stand up. She was leaning against the bathtub, and though she was too low on the ground to be able to see herself in the bathroom mirror, she knew there were tear tracks on her face.

"Cole? You home?"

Cole lifted her head at Chris's voice. "I'm in the bathroom," she called back weakly, not bothering to raise the volume of her voice by much. She heard his footsteps come towards where she was and saw his face fall when he saw her leaned against the tub. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, rushing over to her side and dropping down to his knees. "What's wrong?"

Wordlessly, Cole handed him the negative pregnancy test. He looked terrified for a second until he read the word on the little stick and let out a sigh of relief. "Cole, I'm sorry. I know how upset you must be. But maybe this is for the best. I mean, we've only been together for a little while."

Cole knew that, logically, what he said made sense. It was the same thing she had said to Wren less than three hours before Chris came home. But hearing it from Chris, confirming that he might not have been as excited as she would have been if the results had been different, had Cole's heart dropping in her chest.

"You think this is for the best?" she asked in a whisper.

"Don't you?" he replied, grabbing her hand and holding it.

She didn't know what she was thinking. "Chris, if the test had been positive, what would you have done?"

Chris sighed, sensing he had to be careful with his answer. "I would start getting prepared to have a baby. Get you into a doctor's appointment to make sure the baby was growing okay."

"But would you be excited? Happy?"

Chris was quiet for a few moments. "Cole," he whispered, "a baby would have been a lot to deal with. Yes, I'd be happy. But the timing isn't right."

Cole wondered if the dull ache in her heart was a new kind of heartbreak, sent personally for her to make her feel like she couldn't breathe. "Okay," she said softly, managing to get to her feet. "I'm gonna get ready for bed," she whispered. 

"It's seven," he responded in the same volume. "Cole, we can talk about this."

"I'm really tired. I just want to go to bed."

Chris stood and pulled her in close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I'm gonna grab something to eat and watch some tv with the dogs. Are you sure you don't want to join me?"

"I'm okay. Go make sure our dogs haven't killed one another."

Chris nodded and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth before he stepped back and walked out of their bathroom. Cole pressed her lips together to keep herself from crying. The last thing she needed was to make Chris feel guilty. Because in reality, he made excellent points. Sure, they had known each other for eighteen years, but more than three-quarters of that time they had known each other as friends and not two people in love. How could they possibly parent a child together after only five months of dating?

That didn't stop the hurt from sneaking it's way into Cole's heart as she lied down on their bed, facing the wall and not the door. She didn't want to see Chris come in. More importantly, she didn't want him to see the tears she knew were coming.

Cole sniffled to herself, letting the warm tears run down her face. She was still awake when Chris came back into the room two hours later, but she didn't turn around. When she dared to look back, she found that he was facing away from her, and felt farther away than he ever had.

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