isolation.

loneliness, secrets, lies and lies covered in sugar and white paint so that the people lied to didn't have to know of his pain.

that was taehyung's life.

he walled himself off into his own little space, buried in secrets and soundproof walls as he cried into pillows at night and cut his skin to shreds of blood and flower petals. he watched the petals fall and saw how no one ever bothered to catch them or even pick them up. taehyung didn't even pick them up. he stared at them, laying on the floor forlorn and drying into nothingness, death evident in his cramped bedroom where he hid himself and his pain.

his arms were aching from the cuts he had made the night before, and he had called in sick to work because he just felt so awful. he sat in the corner of his room by his window, curled into himself and staring straight ahead. he felt numb. he felt alone. he felt nothing, and nothing scared him. he needed to feel something, whether it be joy or pain, he needed something. he dug his nails into his skin until they left a mark, blood seeping out from the crescents embedded into his sickly skin; he couldn't find the energy in himself to stand up and get anything sharp, so he settled for using his nails. they hurt more anyways.

taehyung's isolated space was starting to feel too close to the rest of the world. he needed somewhere farther away, somewhere completely apart from the rest of everything, quiet and empty and his own place. he needed somewhere far, far away, somewhere he could lay in peace and disappear from the memories of others forever.

his phone rang a few times, and taehyung didn't bother picking it up. he stayed sitting in the corner of his room, unmoving with empty, hollow eyes. eventually, the light outside began to darken, and taehyung vaguely realized that it was night. he blinked slowly at the moon and stars outside his window. gently, he stood on shaky legs. his stomach ached, and his head pulsed. he slipped on his old sweatshirt and left his apartment with slow strides.

the wind outside caught him by surprise, whispering into his ears and sneaking into the space between his skin and the fabric of his clothing.

he walked aimlessly at first, staring at nothing and not really looking anywhere, dragging his feet slowly across the sidewalk, but eventually, he found himself on his way to the cafe. the empty streets and graffiti covered brick walls showed him where he was headed, and taehyung smiled to himself when he saw that the lights were still on in the cafe.

he opened the door weakly and immediately made eye contact with yoongi, who sat alone at a table with a cup of coffee.

"taehyung?"

taehyung smiled. "hi. i've been feeling sick."

"yeah, that's what it looks like, but there's something more to it, isn't there?"

taehyung walked heavily to the table and sat down. "you know me too well, huh?"

"talk to me," yoongi said. "let everything out. there's no one else here."

taehyung looked down. "i haven't eaten in a week," he murmured, sounding oddly guilty. "i called in sick to work today because i just... i couldn't find it in myself to leave the house. i don't know how much longer i can do this, yoongi." his eyes filled with sudden tears, and yoongi watched the flower lose its petals again. "i can't feel anymore. i'm so numb, and that scares me because i'm so used to feeling pain. everything is just gray and black and it hurts but it doesn't hurt because it doesn't feel like anything and... and i don't know what to do."

yoongi listened intently. he silently held every fallen petal in steady palms.

"my mom used to say she was a sinner, that she sinned by living. she smoked to burn away her sins, apparently. she'd get drunk and toss me around as she talked about her sins, her faults, and now i think i'm a sinner too," he said. "i'm a liar. i think that's my biggest sin. i lie to everyone i love, and it's so that they don't get hurt, but somewhere inside, i know that the lies are going to catch up to me and hurt them more than if i had just... told the black truth. white lies hide black sins, black truths, and i think that's the danger of them, and i'm just so, so scared because i'm losing myself more and more and i... i don't think i can do it anymore." his voice faltered. "i'm so lost."

yoongi reached over to hold his hand. taehyung's skin was cold and suddenly his hand felt far too small. "i know you lie," yoongi said. "you lie too much sometimes. i see how much you... break every time you lie. i know it's hard; god, trust me, i've been here before. it's the hardest thing in the world to make the decision to keep going, but it'll be worth it in the end. don't give up on me. don't give up on yourself. forget about your sins. they're weighing you down, i can see it," yoongi continued.

"breathe for a minute, and try blowing those damned sins away. let them go for a minute. then look at yourself again and ignore whatever's inside of you saying that you're not good enough." yoongi bit his lip. "trust me, you're good enough. i don't know the roots of your pain. i don't know exactly what brought you this far down, but you do. all i can do is tell you that you're good enough and that you're important enough to keep living."

taehyung smiled, eyes glossed over with tears that he was desperately trying to keep contained. "god, you're so sappy sometimes," he said. "what do you think i need to do to fix myself again? i want to feel again. i don't want this; i never wanted this."

"tae, i got better when i... when i started getting professional help," he said. "it all sounded like bullshit to me at first, but it really helped. can you consider it?"

taehyung nodded slowly. "yeah. i'll... i'll think about it." he smiled. "i love listening to you talk. it's kind of nice."

"yeah?"

"yeah. cause you get it, and you know how to make everything hurt a little less," taehyung said. "it still hurts, but not as much anymore."

yoongi laughed softly. "really? that's nice," he said. "want me to... want me to walk home with you?"

"that would be nice."

they cleared the table and turned off the lights, leaving the cafe and walking into the  dark streets.

yoongi was still holding taehyung's fallen petals.