"kim taehyung?"

the nurse's voice was soft, but too loud in the nearly silent waiting room. taehyung stood slowly, yoongi beside him, and they followed the nurse into a narrow hallway.

"hi. here for a checkup?"

"yes," taehyung replied.

"alright, let's start with getting your height and weight. can you stand here for me?"

taehyung nodded, slipping off his shoes and stepping onto the scale. he was turned away from where the numbers blinked, so he didn't see the numbers. yoongi, however, obviously did, eyebrows knitting together when his gaze landed on the screen behind taehyung. taehyung tried to ignore yoongi's reaction.

"alright, step off please."

taehyung did, and they were then led into a small room with a desk, a bed, and two chairs. after checking his heart rate and blood pressure and whatnot, the nurse had him fill out a form with basic medical information as they waited for the doctor. she left the room, and taehyung stopped writing for a moment to look at yoongi.

"yoongi?"

the older boy hummed in response and looked up from his phone.

taehyung swallowed thickly, finding the words to ask yoongi the words that were choking up his throat. "you... you saw my weight, didn't you?"

yoongi startled a bit at his words before nodding slowly. "yeah, i did. why?"

taehyung looked away, throat still constricted. "i... um, you... i just... did you think i was too heavy?"

"what?"

"i mean, like, you made a face and i was worried that maybe... oh, i don't know, just..." taehyung stumbled over his words, tongue heavy and sour from the bitter taste of the anxiety filling his mouth. "was i too heavy? why did you... why did you do that thing with your eyebrows that you do when you're upset?"

"tae, oh my god, i can't believe you sometimes," yoongi said. "i just... it worried me."

worried?

"you didn't weigh a lot, by the way. that's what worried me. why are you getting so nervous about that?"

taehyung sighed, imagining the numbers that must have shown up on the tiny little screen behind him. did yoongi think that wasn't a lot?

"i just don't want to be too... i don't know, forget it," he said, laughing softly.

"taehyung, you know that it doesn't really matter how much you weigh, right?" yoongi asked. "honestly, i just want you to be healthy and happy, and i... i know you're neither of those right now. that's why i'm worried, okay?"

taehyung hesitated before replying, "okay."

he turned away then, going back to filling out the papers. once he finished, he set the clipboard on the floor beside his chair, and the doctor entered the room briefly after.

he was an old man, with greying hair and little bald spots, wearing a long white gown over a white shirt and tie with black pants. he smiled as he walked in. "hello, how are you today?"

"i'm good," taehyung said, handing him the clipboard of papers. the doctor sat down in front of the desk, putting down a laptop in front of him. his hands were bony and veiny, thin skin wrapped loosely around them.

"so, you're kim taehyung, nineteen years old, correct?"

"yes."

"well, let's start at your heart rate and blood pressure," the doctor said, scrolling on his laptop. "your heart rate is... irregular, and you have an abnormally low blood pressure, which strikes me as something to be concerned about." he spoke as he looked over the papers taehyung had filled out. "you're also quite significantly underweight for someone of your height. the first thing that makes me question is whether or not you eat well."

taehyung hesitated, biting his lip and looking to yoongi for help.

"he skips meals to stay thin," yoongi spoke for him. "he also... um, makes himself sick."

taehyung flinched at the words, but at the same time, looked to yoongi silently thanking him. he wouldn't have been able to say it out loud himself.

"have you ever thought that maybe you have an eating disorder, mr. kim?"

the doctor was careful, speaking softly.

"my... um... my friend actually mentioned that to me," taehyung said. "but i really don't think i have a... an eating disorder."

"that's understandable, and i would like to ask you a few more questions before i make a diagnosis." the doctor flipped through the papers. "are you okay with that?"

taehyung nodded slowly. "y-yes. i'm okay."

* * *

taehyung was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa with bulimic tendencies and clinical depression.

he wasn't surprised, or sad: rather felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, now with words to describe his struggles. it wasn't so blurry anymore. of course, to some extent, there was a churn in his stomach when the doctor formally diagnosed him, but that was a temporary feeling before he felt the permanent one.

he and yoongi walked out from the building and to the cafe again. it was nearing dinnertime; yoongi had taken the day off from work to go with taehyung to see the doctor, and with time still left until closing, he wanted to help namjoon and hoseok at least for a few hours.

when they reached the cafe, taehyung sat down at an empty table, a relieved sigh leaving his lungs. "i did it," he said. "it's over."

yoongi smiled. "you did good, tae," he said. "we'll pick up your meds on the way home, and i'll come with you for your appointments later on too. okay?"

"that sounds perfect," taehyung replied. "i'm so lucky to have you."

"i know. aren't i amazing?"

yoongi took a rag from beside the register and walked back to the table taehyung was sitting at. he wiped the table down. "you want anything to eat or drink?"

"black coffee," taehyung said. "i need the caffeine."

yoongi nodded knowingly.

he was about to walk away, but turned back to look at taehyung again.

he sat with his knees to his chest, knobby knees shown through his sweatpants and frail wrists clearly visible. his gaze was fixated on something outside the window, and while his eyes seemed burdenless at first glance, yoongi could see a darkness, a heaviness to them. he was about to turn away when taehyung slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out the cigarette again. his eyes looked it up and down a few times as he held it between two fingers.

"you still have the cigarette."

taehyung smiled softly. "i don't think i'll ever get rid of it."

"why?"

yoongi asked why because the cigarette brought nothing but bad memories to the younger boy. why would he want to keep such a reminder with him? it seemed taehyung didn't know either, because his answer came a moment later.

"i don't know."