"yoongi, i'm too full."

taehyung pushed away the bowl of lettuce and grape tomatoes, rubbing his stomach. he looked slightly uncomfortable, but yoongi disregarded it because the doctor had said some discomfort would be normal.

"you sure you don't want any more?"

yoongi knew he was pushing a bit, that taehyung had already eaten more than he was physically and mentally used to, that he would be lucky if he kept down the food for a few hours, but it was worth a try. the answer came as expected though, taehyung shaking his head slowly. "too full."

they sat down together to watch tv then, and merely ten minutes later, taehyung abruptly stood up.

"where are you going?"

taehyung didn't reply immediately, and when yoongi caught sight of his anxious eyes, he stood up with him. "i... i just can't," taehyung choked out. "yoongi, i can't."

before yoongi could stop him, taehyung rushed into the bathroom attempting to close the door. yoongi somehow managed to get there before the door completely shut, but not fast enough to avoid having to see taehyung down on his knees in front of the toilet with his fingers down his throat.

"no, tae, stop it!"

yoongi dropped to his knees beside him, pulling taehyung towards him by the waist before he could heave any food into the toilet. "no, let me do it! yoongi, please."

taehyung was sobbing, and yoongi was growing flustered, bringing his shaky hands around taehyung to pull him in for a hug. "sh, tae. it's okay. you're going to be okay."

taehyung didn't stop crying.

* * *

taehyung now had a small plastic container filled with a simple salad with him, sitting at a table with seokjin, jimin and jungkook. he took noticeably small bites, but no one pointed it out.

jimin and jungkook stood to leave first after eating, leaving taehyung with seokjin in the empty room.

"you ate a little today," seokjin said softly. "i'm really proud of you."

taehyung tried to force a small smile. "i ate a little last night too. it's been... tough," he replied. "i didn't know eating could feel so hard."

"how was the doctor? did the appointment go well?"

"i was diagnosed with, like, three different things," taehyung said lightly, packaging up the rest of his salad back into the box. "i'm seeing a therapist now, and taking medications and stuff."

seokjin smiled. his smile was warm and caring, lighting up the room briefly. "that's good. let me know if anything gets too hard, okay? if there's no one else to turn to, i'll be here."

taehyung looked away at first when his eyes filled with tears, but then he looked back up to smile softly at seokjin.

"i'm so sorry for being such an asshole to you," taehyung said. "i just... i got so defensive and so angry every time you tried to tell me something was wrong and... i just..."

"hey, it's okay. i get it; things were bad," seokjin replied. "all that matters is that you get better from here on, so just focus on that and don't worry about what happened before, okay?"

"what if i do that shit again? i probably will, you know, yell at you and push you away and everything."

"then i'll help you get back on the track to recovery. it's no big deal."

taehyung wiped at his eyes, eyelashes matted together. "thank you so much for being here, jin."

"always have been, always will be," jin said, standing up. "now let's go back to work. ready?"

* * *

taehyung stepped slowly into the coffee shop, and yoongi startled at the sound of the door opening.

"can i have a small black coffee?"

yoongi smiled. "yeah. anything else?"

"no thanks. not hungry right now."

it really was the truth. taehyung had eaten more that day than usual, and he had gotten too used to hunger to really feel it when he needed to eat; whether he really was full or just didn't feel hungry, taehyung didn't know, but for now, it was the truth. he would try a pastry later, when he got over his fear of carbs and sugars and weight gain. it would be a while.

yoongi came back with a small cup of coffee, setting it down on the table taehyung had sat down at, taking a seat himself.

"hoseok and namjoon are...?"

"in the break room watching tv," yoongi said, laughing softly. "how was today?"

taehyung shrugged. "i had an apple in the morning and some salad for lunch," he said. "i kept it down, but i just don't have the appetite for dinner."

"that's okay; you ate a little more than yesterday. it's going to be slow. the doctor said to take it slow, so we'll do that."

"but yoongi, i just... the problem is, i don't want to gain weight." he paused for a moment. "maybe i'm not... fat, but i'm fine right now, aren't i? i don't need to gain anything, right?"

yoongi had anticipated this. physically eating more would be hard, but not as hard as getting taehyung emotionally okay with gaining a healthy amount of weight. yoongi remembered the weight he had seen displayed on the scale at their doctors appointment; it had brought a sick feeling to his stomach, because taehyung hadn't weighed nearly enough for a boy of his height.

"you're really, really underweight right now, tae," yoongi said, carefully. "you should really be at a healthy weight."

"i... i know that's what the doctor said, but i really don't think i look that unhealthy right now. i just..." taehyung paused for a moment, a shadow of some sort of realization falling over his brown eyes. he looked away for a second. "the doctor mentioned body dysmorphia or... or whatever. am i... am i sounding dysmorphic right now? you're looking at me weird. or are you lying to me? saying i'm skinny when i'm really not?"

"taehyung, yes, that's what the doctor meant by body dysmorphia, and no, i'm not lying to you. you can trust me."

taehyung bit his lip. "sorry, i... i just.. i don't know."

they sat in silence for a moment, taehyung fiddling with something under the table. yoongi soon came to the realization that it was the cigarette. taehyung noticed yoongi's eyes upon his arms extended downwards and twisting something between his fingers.

"my mom called herself a sinner," taehyung said. "am i a sinner too?"

taehyung considered himself marked: marked with tattoos of horizontal lines up and down his skin. did his marks make him a sinner? was he sinning every time he marked his wrists with lines?

did his mother's death make him a sinner? did his sick remembrance of his mother as a sinner, as someone he despised for turning him into nothing but a broken toy make him a sinner too?

"doesn't matter," yoongi said, interrupting his train of thought. "you're taehyung, and that's all you need to be."

taehyung looked back up, eyes slowly meeting yoongi's gaze, and smiled a bit, cheeks warm from the lighting of the cafe. he kept the cigarette between his fingers, considering it a reminder of everything that had brought him to where he sat then, in the nearly empty cafe with yoongi sitting across from him.

and he timidly told himself that everything would be okay. not perfect, but okay.

he was going to be okay.

a/n:
well wasn't that a shitty ending lmao.

i spent so much time trying to figure out how to end it and this was honestly the best i could come up with lol. (sorry if it was disappointing).

anyways, thank you so much to everyone that read and enjoyed this story!! your kind words of support both for my story and me as a person meant so much to me :,-)

for now i'll try to think of ideas for another story!! comment any ships you want to read about next.

until then, bye and thank you all!!