ｔａｅｈｙｕｎｇ

        I wake up to the sound of a pounding on the door.

    If this were a Sunday, I would have shut the sound out and gone back to a peaceful sleep since my mother is around and can answer the door herself. But alas, this is a Saturday, and I'm the only one in this two-storey house.

      Grumbling a bunch of curses, I slowly detach myself from the bed like it has some sort of magnetic pull on me (it probably does) and make my way to the front door downstairs. With every step I take the pounding gets louder and my head hurts even more.

       "For fuck's sake, I'm coming! Godamn." I twist the keys and swing the door open, about to chew out whoever dared to come to my house at what, eight in the morning?

      Jungkook drops his fist down and pit his hands in his pockets, glaring at me. "Why weren't you picking your calls, you fucking moron?"

        "Okay, first of all, don't make me hit you. Second of all, why the hell are you here at eight in the morning?"

        He gives me an incredulous look. "Bro, it's almost twelve."

        "That...doesn't change anything."

       The younger boy rolls his eyes, pushing past me and sitting on my couch like he lives here, and I'm not bothered becase in a way he does. Some of his clothes are here, he has his own toothbrush here, and mom usually includes his preferences in her shopping plans.

          The boy feels like he's my adopted brother sometimes.

       "Why did you come?" I ask. "And why were you knocking so hard? You do realise there's a doorbell."

         "I know you disable that shit from 1 am to 1 pm on Saturdays."

       And I oopㅡ "Oh yeah.." 

     For a moment, he's silent. I watch him as he plays with his fingers, something he does when he doesn't know how to start an important conversation.

     For what exact reason is he here? Did something bad happen?

      "Dude, 뭐예요? [what is it?] Is there something wrong?"

     His eyes snap up to meet mine, and for a split second I see anger flare in his expression.

     Is he mad at me? What did I do?

     Then it's gone, and Jungkook sighs.

        And he drops the bomb.

       "Were you not going to tell me about you and Lola?"

        My eyes snap wide open, no longer sleepy. Me and Lola? He knows?

        The first question that runs through my head is what do you know then who told you,  but I discard it because the answers are obvious. He's probably talking about our public makeout session. And we were in the street near the school, so anyone could have seen it and spread gossip.

       Or Jimin ratted me out.

        It's more likely the latter.

       It almost feels like a hole is burning through my face with the way Jungkook gazes at me. The air becomes thicker than it should be on a day as hot as this, and for a moment I can't even speak.

      What do I say? How do I explain it to him when I'm not even able to explain it to myself?

       What's going on between me and Lola?

       I feel guilty. When Lola dumped Jungkook, the boy became incredibly depressed and didn't come to school for a whole week. And now, I'm kissing the same girl who did that to him like he means nothing to me.

        I kissed his girlfriend and now I'm semi-fucking his ex girlfriend.

      When did I become such a horrible friend?

       "I didn't mean toㅡI mean it was a mistake..." I trail off, knowing that whatever explanation I give to him will be shit.

        Jungkook stares at me for a long time.

       "형 [Big bro], you know it's okay if you like Lola, right? Like, I'm with Jessica now...although it may be a bit awkward because of the whole 'kiss at party fiasco' where I fucked up bigtime but we'll work on itㅡ"

       "I don't like Lola." It sounds funny coming out from the same mouth I used to eat her out yesterday. "I just kissed her because she's hot, okay? There are no feelings between us."

     'That's a lie and you know it'. My head tells me, reminding me of yesterday and all the sweet words I whispered in her ear, the sound of her exquisite moans as I brought her over the edge, her beautiful brown eyes that made my insides turn to mush.

      I know that there's something going on between us, I'm just not ready to face it yet.

      Jungkook eyes me, "Sit down, dude."

       I'm about to retort that I'm his senior and he can't tell me what to do, but when I see the serious look on his face, I relent.

        "I have known you forㅡwhat?ㅡlike nine, ten years? And I've seen you dodge girls at parties, I've seen you reject love letters and confessions, I've seen you hate on all the guys who play with girls to get laid. So I know  that you wouldn't just kiss Lola because 'she's hot'."

       I don't know why, but something about his words irritate me. Maybe it's because he's acting like my mom right now, who pretends she knows every little detail about me. Or maybe, it's because I know he's somewhat right, and that fact scares me.

     I won't lie, I'm attracted to Lola, but I've been attracted to other girls tooㅡwhose affection I turned down. So what makes her so different?  Why is it so hard to control my lust for her?

    And why does the connection between us feel like it's more than just lust?

      "Puberty is catching up to me, I guess." I add a shrug to make my nonchalance as believable as possible, but I can tell Jungkook isn't buying it.

      His kind smile turns into a pokerface, and he averts his gaze to the space between us on the couch.

      "Kookie?"

       Usually when I use that petname it makes him smile, but instead his expression just gets sadder.

         Did I say something wrong?

     "Taehyung..." Jungkook trails off and sighs. I wait patiently, understanding that it is hard for him to express himself at times.

       "Did I do something wrong?"

       What?

        "You...haven't been telling me a lot of things lately. Is it because I've been hanging with Jessica too much? I'm sorry if I made you feel unimportant..."

       "No! You haven't done anything wrong!" In reality, I'm the one who kissed your girlfriend. "I'm not angry at youㅡ"

       "Then why the hell does it feel like you've been hiding something from me?!" He yells so loudly I flinch. "Everything's been going to shit lately with all my relationships and I can't help but feel like it's my fault. Jessica's been acting distant with me, Jimin's been more irritable than usual and now even you! What the hell am I doing wrong?!"

         I can't believe this. I've been so caught up in Jessica and Lola that I failed to see what my best friend was going through. He thinks everything's his fault when it really isn't.

     ( Jessica has most likely been distant because of me, and Jimin...I don't really know what his deal is.)

         Jungkook's a good guy with a good heart and I should've been there for him since that party when he kissed Lola. Sure, I was mad at him for hurting Jessica, but I was being a hypocrite since I had kissed Jessica a couple of weeks before.

        None of his actions warranted my anger. Or Jessica's. Or Jimin's. Or even Lola's. The guy has been trying his best and he's been getting shit in return.

        "Kookie." His attention adverts from the floor to me. "I don't think any of it is your fault. Jessica might be going through a hard time right now," because of me, "Jimin is probably on edge from all the drama lately and me, well I'm..."

      I suck in a breath, picking together what to say.

     "I don't know what I feel for Lola, okay?" I admit. "But I do know that she's a good person with misunderstood actions who deserves the world, and I want to give her that. It sounds crazy, but it's...she's my friend and I care for her in a romantic way."

      Saying it aloud somehow has lifted a huge weight off my chest, but now my mind is clearer and the feelings I have for Lola seem scarier. Besides, I like Jessica...I love her. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. How does Lola... Dami, even fit into this equation?

       "I'm glad you're not angry at me." Jungkook lets out a sigh of relief, but I can tell he's still worried. "And with Lola...I'm sure you'll figure it out. But please be wary of her, 형, I don't want you to get hurt like I did."

       Everyone keeps telling me to beware of Lola like she's some evil snake. But she's not. She's just a lonely girl like me. "I hear you bro, but trust me, she won't hurt me."

      Then the doorbell rings, signalling that it's past 1 and that someone's at the door. I frown. Who could be here at this time?

      Okay, now I'm just being dumb. It's 1pm in the afternoon. Literally anyone could come at this time.

      I get up to answer the door, and once I creak it open and check who's there, I feel the widest smile stretching through my lips.

      "Open the door you nutsack." Jin beams while Namjoon punches his shoulder muttering something about language. When I fully unlock the door, I'm crushed by two massive weights.

     Despite the pressure on my chest and in my head, I laugh.

     Jin screamsㅡliterally screams, "Your big brother's are back, bitch!"

Author's note

Wow double update I'm awesome.