t  a  e  h  y  u  n  g

: :

Exams are just around the corner and that's what other students are talking about now. They no longer gossip about that fight that took place a while ago in the hallway, neither do they whisper to one another as I pass by, and truthfully, I'm thankful for it.

Though the exams are stressful, chaotic, and high-key soul draining, at least I don't get to be constantly reminded of how badly I fucked up.

No one's around in the library because it's lunch time, meaning I can hide out in here. Skipping lunch isn't a problem for me anymore; it beats seeing them anyways. So I use this time to read for my upcoming math final, taking advantage of the silence that surrounds me.

The open math book is staring right at me, and I stare right back, wondering where to start and what to do and why the fuck there's four variables I have to find in this exercise.

They didn't explain any of this shit in the examples so what the actual fuck?

I stare and stare and stare until my eyes strain and my back begins to hurt a little. Yet I still don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

'Jimin used to help me with math.'

I sigh sadly, feeling absolutely pathetic for the hundredth time this afternoon. These thoughts are turning me into a depressed sack of shit.

I bury my head in my hands, trying not to remember how I ruined all my relationships with a single meeting.

And of course, it doesn't work and my subconscious reminds me of that day that began the domino effect to all the chaos.

Jessica stands nervously in the middle of my living room, looking around like she's in a whole other country. Suddenly I remember when she told me she wasn't as rich as the other kids in school to buy as many clothes as she wanted.

Namjoon and Jin are nowhere to be found, and I assume they're in their rooms doing whatever the fuck I don't care about.

Either that, or they're in the kitchen eavesdropping like the busybodies they are.

I try not to think about why Jin would let Jessica in when he knows I'm with Dami who's literally upstairs. The man can lie his way out of a murder, so why couldn't he lie for me when she showed up out our doorstep?

Now she's inside, making me both happy and confused–and a little bit irritated?

Jessica hasn't noticed me yet. Her back faces me, giving me a perfect view of her cute little ass in her yoga pants–

Wait.

'Taehyung. Please. Focus on the important things. Like the fact that she is actually here.'

We haven't seen each other since the day she saw me with Dami on that bench. Why did she text me so suddenly? Why is she here?

And why does this make me so anxious?

“Tae.” I'm brought back to reality when Jessica calls my name. She averts her stare to the  ground once I look at her, and that makes me frown. After waiting for her to speak for a while, I see that she's fidgeting with her fingers.

I know her too well. She's nervous and she wants me to speak first. But, truth is, though I'm happy to see her, I don't want to have a serious talk with her. Not after I was finally beginning to move on.

Key word is was. She's here now and those fading feelings are drawing closer, ready to envelope my thoughts with my love for her.

I told Dami I didn't love Jessica. But was that really the truth?

My certainty of it before almost feels hilarious now.

Once she realises I won't speak, she decided to take the baton. "Uhm, I–” She shakes her head, to get rid of her nerves I'm sure. "You were right, we do need to talk."

My brows furrow, confused. When did I ever tell her that I wanted to talk?

Before I can ponder on it more, Jessica begins to speak again.

"I love Jungkook, I really do." Why does she have to remind me? I fucking see it everyday. "But there's been something strange between us for a while, and even I don't understand it. I ignored it for a long time, but lately, I haven't been able to stop thinking about...you and me."

I raise an eyebrow, trying to figure out what's she's saying. A little hopeful part of me hopes she's saying she likes me, while another part wishes she'd just break my heart... so I can finally try to move forward from this.

"I don't know what I'm saying." Jessica sighs, biting her pink lips. "I guess since you started hanging around Lola I've been feeling like you don't care for me anymore. And it makes me sad. I miss being your friend Taehyung."

What? Why is she acting like I'm the one who stopped talking to her? She left me on read for goodness sake.

"Say something, Tae." She breathes. "I know you have a  lot to tell me."

What should I tell her? That she doesn't have a right to be here after ignoring me? That I have someone else I like upstairs?

That I still love her?

"Jessie," I speak without thinking, "what exactly are your feelings for me?"

Jessica's eyes widen, as if I've just asked a forbidden question. But I haven't, I asked the question that Jimin asked me after I sent that damned text. I asked the question Dami teases me with every single time. I asked the question that has been plaguing me since the day we kissed.

"Let me rephrase : do you have feelings for me?"

"No!" She sharply says, hurting me once again. "It's nothing like that, I love you as a friend. But you just made me so confused by being so romantic all the time, I guess, and I lost track of what I want."

"And by ' what you want ' you mean Jungkook?"

I don't notice the bitterness in my voice until Jessica gives me a hard, warning look.

It takes me aback because she's usually so sweet.

"Taehyung, I love Jungkook, I've only ever loved Jungkook." She tells me slowly, as if she's speaking to a child.

Annoyance bubbles within me.

This is what Jessica does, she hates confrontation and having others think she's a bad person so she'd rather deny until even her herself believes her lies. A part of me feels empathy that she thinks that one mistake suddenly defines her whole personality.

The other part of me is just done with her bullshit.

"What about our kiss then? Did you mistake me for Jungkook?" I ask. "I saw it in your eyes Jessica, I swear you looked at me like you loved me, like you had feelings for me too."

She can't lie to me. She just can't. I know she's trying to push her feelings down because she doesn't want to look like a bad person. I know she's trying not to hurt anyone so she keeps her darkest secrets hidden.

I know that deep inside her golden heart, there's a little bit of black she refuses to let anyone see.

She huffs, crossing her arms like a kid. "Of course you'd mention that kiss that was so long ago." She rolls her eyes as if everything I say is irrelevant. "I didn't look at you any way. Like I said before, I love Jungkook."

That's no longer a valid point.

"Is that your only counterpoint to everything I say?" I snap. "I know you fucking love Jungkook. I'm asking if you love me too. You can love different people at the same time you know."

I would know. I'm talking to Jessica while Dami's in my bedroom, waiting for me.

"Oh, like you?" She bites back, cheeks reddening in anger. "You claim to love me, yet you're having nocturnal activities with Lola, who just happens to be Jungkook's ex girlfriend." She sneers. "You can't love two people at the same time, because that's just being a playboy."

'She just has to drag Dami into everything, doesn't she?'

Also, what the fuck is 'nocturnal activities'?

"First of all, you saw me kiss Jessica, not put my dick inside her." Jessica's nose scrunches up at my foul words, but I don't pay attention to it. "I'm not with Dami out of spite or whatever the fuck you're thinking. Dami helps me forget about you."

"So you're using her?"

"Wha–Jesus Christ, I did not say that." I pinch my nose between my fingers. Why are we even talking about this? " Why are you even on my dick with this case? Last time I checked you're not my girlfriend, so you don't get to fucking police my life."

"I'm mad because it feels like you're playing me!"

But she just said she has no feelings for me.

"What the fuck? We're not dating! You're with my best friend and I'm with you mortal enemy. Why do you act like we're in a relationship?!"

"I don't!"

"Jessica, you do! Stop hiding your true feelings and just tell me already! Because I'm fucking tired–"

"I LIKE YOU, OKAY?!"

Everything halts.

My breath. The beating of my heart. The tears that roll down Jessica's cheeks.

The world around us turns to background noise fast, so fast I don't even notice Dami standing at the top of the stairs, eyeing me down with her phone in her hand.

"I like you." Jessica sniffs, and I'm forced to look at every piece of her since she's all I can see now. Her eyes, her pink cheeks, her hairline, her lips, the little black dots that litter her neck.

She's so pretty.

"But I love Jungkook, and you like Lola, so I didn't want–"

"Lola?" Her name sounds foreign in my mouth.

Jessica blinks confusedly, "Lola... you like her, right?"

Lola...Lola...Lola...

Oh, Dami.

I like Dami?

Right now, with my senses being bombarded with Jessica's essence, and her lingering "i like you" still in the air—my relationship with Dami almost feels non existent.

"No, no." I shake my head, holding Jessica's hands in mine. Her face of surprise makes me smile.

I'm thrown back to the days when I pined for her attention like a dog. Her words opened up a new door, where I can finally be with the person I've been running after for a long time.

The door to another world, another reality where I move on from Jessica and see what's there with Lola is still there. But I pay no attention to it.

Because–

"–Lola means nothing to me."

And with those last words, I kiss Jessica for the second time.

Author's note

i do not know how tf this even happened

But i have 7k reads

I know i don't say this enough bc i suck at sentiments,but truly, from the bottom of my heart, I really do love anyone who has ever taken their time to read this story. Whether it be silent, voting or active readers, idc i love you all the same.

Thank you for reading. 💖