Authors note : i have been inactive bc i have external exams. Im almost done though, one paper left. Yaya.
This chapter is meh but eh.

ｄａｍｉｌｏｌａ

Have you ever felt the strong urge to ruin something perfect?

Perhaps it's the blinding jealousy, or the painful feeling that is humiliation-or even both. Doesn't matter, I hate it.

I hate the joy I get when imagining something wicked happening to Jessica, or Jungkook breaking up with her. I absolutely hate the hope that bubbles within me whenever I don't see them together in the cafeteria. I hate it, because I know it means I'm still stuck, still yet to move on.

A boy; his name was Reg. He was sweet, with sinful intentions, but still sweet. We dated, for a week. It ended, I dumped him. He asked why and I told him the truth; I just wanted to use him so I could feel what Jungkook felt when he used me.

I yelled at my stupid followers, they were trying to console me a day after the party. Their fake pity fucked me up. It made me realise that no one knows my side of the story, so there's really no one to help. I'm alone.

I've realised it's always been this way.

My mirror half hangs on the wall, shards of it missing. One night of self hate and dejection made me throw a shoe at it. I was disgusted with the pitiful girl in front of me, I still am.

Anger. I've directed my anger at all sorts of people. Anger at my mother, for not being around to help me. Anger at Jessica, for stealing Jungkook's heart. Anger at Jungkook for making me feel the way I do.

But I'm mostly angry at myself, for letting all of it happen, for letting him love me.

It feels like I'm on water. His lips move against mine in a soft urgency, a reminder of the past we once shared. Jungkook groans softly when I boldly straddle his lap, pulling his body closer to mine. He smells like the good old days- mint and cherry pine. At the back of my head, I wonder what I smell like to him. I wonder what he's thinking, if he's doing this because he misses me, not because he's misses someone else.

He's the first to pull away. Whereas I, am still revelling in the feeling of his lips on mine in a daze. I slowly get off him, and that's when I see something click in his eyes. And his soft and adoring expression turns to a shocked one.

He runs a hand through his hair and laughs awkwardly, and I snap out of it to stare at him as he speaks. "I-씨발 [fuck] . This is-I mean that was-I'm sorry."

A part of me wants to ask, "What are you sorry for?". I stay quiet and still, and my uncharacteristic behavior seems to stress him the more.

"Lola, I'm sorry" Again, he weaves a hand through his chestnut hair - a colour that I remember saying would look shitty on him if he ever dyed his hair -and tries to stand up. I grab his hand just in time, switching back to my normal, detached self.

"Jung-"

And that's when I hear a sob. It's a loud, ugly sound that echoes through the library.

Jessica stands behind one of the shelves, her hand clasped around her mouth and body shaking violently.

Jungkook looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jessica sneers, it's the first time I've seen the ditsy girl angry.

"You fucking bastard."

Two weeks after, and I hear news that Jungkook and Jessica are back together again.

It annoys me that I was nothing but an obstacle for them to cross.

Biology has always been my favourite class. Understanding why living things work the way they do and learning new things about how we all need each other( though some emos would agree to disagree). I'm always at the front seat, never willingly answering questions; just listening. Some boys seem to be in this class only to try and get with me, but I don't want that. Boys that come onto me never get picked.

Jessica is acting like the greatest know-it-all of all time, and is answering every single question Mr. Jeff throws at her. I roll my eyes. How can Jungkook stand her?

Her eyes catch mine, and her smile suddenly turns to a frown. I smirk, the knowledge that I have a negative effect on her makes me happy.

Why does it make me happy?

Classes end, and I sit down while everyone rushes to the next class. I have a free period that I'd like to spend on my own for a change, rather than sucking some dude's face off at the back of the school hall. I hear someone speaking...Jessica is still here.

Guess she was waiting for Jungkook, because he shows up at the door and envelopes Jessica in a hug.

Does he not see me?

There it is again. The anger. I'm not angry that Jessica and Jungkook are together, or because of my lingering feelings towards the bunny boy. I'm angry because how dare they? Right in front me?

"Which kain rubbish be dis? [what kind of rubbish is this?]", I stand up. My heels clank against the ground and it is then Jungkook notices me. Like every single fucking person in this school, he only notices me when I try to demand attention. He only noticed me when the sound of my heels reached his ears.

I walk past the couple, intentionally hitting Jessica with the curve of my ass as I walk. Petty, but I couldn't help myself.

I hear someone call for my name, I don't know the emotion behind it and I don't know if it's Jungkook or Jessica. But I don't care. I need to not care anymore.

A familiar male crosses my path in the hallway. His walk oozes confidence, as always. Clear skin and a sharp jaw, just the way I like my boys. And though he has a lean body, I can tell he's built. Not in a muscular way, but like a dancer's body. An idol's body, even.

I make an effort to bump into the eye candy, he grunts in response and the sexual part of me - Tomi, I call her - wonders if that's how he'd sound if he were balls deep within me.

An idea crosses into my mind, and I smile slyly. It's a bit of a cruel one, I don't care anyways.

I want to ruin something. Someone.

"Oh!", I feign surprise, "I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's okay Lola", Taehyung replies, eyes not meeting me. I smile.

"What class do you have now?"

"Free."

"Me too. Wanna go to the field with me?" I know his reply.

"Ah, sorry. No."

He's still not looking at me. So I grab his chin, and force his eyes to meet mine. Eventually they do.

"Aren't we friends?" I pout. "Or did we just hang out because I used to date Jungkook?"

When Jungkook and I started dating, Taehyung and I hit it off immediately. We were so friendly with each other it even got Jungkook jealous whenever he saw us interact. But like a cigarette butt under a boot, our relationship fizzled out along with my romance with Taehyung's best friend.

Something changes in Taehyung's gaze, his mouth twitches ever slightly. But he clears his throat

I smile too. But for different, more nefarious reasons.

"Fine fine. Let's go, 친구[friend]."

"I hope that doesn't mean bitch" I snort.

Taehyung's smile widens, and I can practically see his walls breaking down. Good,we're still friends.

It'll make my plan much easier.

"No no. It means friend. 암캐 is bitch."

I make an 'ah' sound, "Also, for the record, don't call me that. I find it offensive."

Taehyung and I walk together now, casually strolling. If a hall monitor were to see us, they'd be pissed. But with Taehyung's charm and my sultriness, I think we'd fare just fine.

"That's a rude word. I'd never call a girl that," Taehyung informs me. "even if she did kiss a taken dude."

My eyes snap to meet his. He's staring at me so intensely.

I see no judgement, only questions, and honestly I'd prefer the former.