d a m i l o l a

I wonder when parties became so boring for me.

Some random guys bumps into me, yelling "nice ass!" as he runs the other direction, making me roll my eyes at the typical boy action. Disgusting.

Honestly coming here was a mistake, I should've just stayed at home and watched Chicago Med with my mom like she wanted us to. But apparently this is the "party of the century" where all the "hot boys" are and missing it will be very "un-Lola" of me. Sasha's words, not mine.

(God, why do I even still hang out with her?)

I see an empty spot on one of the chairs in the balcony of this giant mansion, and I waste no time getting over there regardless of how damn painful it is to walk in these stilettos. I make sure to close the doors behind me, blocking out at least some of the music.

A wave of relief washes over me when I sit down. The chair cushion is comfy, my feet can finally rest, and there aren't too many people nearby except for the guy that is peacefully sitting on the couch opposite me... wait a second.

"Hi Lola." Jungkook wears a shy smile...and green sweatpants that make me think fuck.

Boys in sweatpants are my weakness, especially boys that look like they just came straight out of a magazine. He's manspreading on the chair with a hand in his pocket and another on the arm of it; his golden skin glistens under the moonlight; and his lips are reddened with...strawberry lip balm? He said it was his favourite once.

How dare he look so good in the most casual clothing ever.

"Hey," I reply. He didn't notice me checking him out, did he? I hope he didn't. "what's up?"

He shrugs, "Nothing much. The music is hurting my ears actually." He chuckles. "I think I'm getting tired of parties."

"I know the feeling."

"정말 [Really]?" Surprise is laced in his tone. "Aren't you the queen of partying?"

I laugh lightly, amused. "Maybe it's time for the queen to step down."

His messy hair sways as he shakes his head. "A queen will always be a queen."

I can't help the butterflies I feel in my stomach; nor the heating up of my cheeks. Thank God he can't see the redness.

"Lola means nothing to me."

The memory brings a frown.

I snap out of it when Jungkook gets up from the couch, as slow as a snail, and moves towards me. The weight of the couch shifts beneath as he slumps down next to me. Right now, I can see a tiny twinkle in his eyes.

Once again, how dare he look so good.

"How's everything?" He rests his head on the top cushion, gazing at me with that look of genuine interest that can have me selling my soul to him.

I shrug. "It's g-"

"Nope." He cuts me off and shakes his head. "I don't want those fake replies. Be real with me Lola."

I blink rapidly, unsure of what to say.

I could just lie, but I know Jungkook's been having a hard time with trust, due to all the lies (Jessica) around him, so I tell the truth.

"I'm really fucking sad."

It sounds so funny coming out of my mouth. Me, the boss ass bitch all the way from Nigeria, is sad? Sad sounds like such a pussy word, and it's a pussy emotion too.

But I can't help how I feel.

"The whole thing with Taehyung and Jessica," I notice how his eyes darken at the mention of their names. "it just, it really fucked with me, you know? And I was dealing with it fine for a while till you came with your whole 'it must be hard living in your head' shit."

I glare at him pointedly, which he responds to by smiling with a shrug like an idiot.

"Did I lie though?" He raises a brow and I can't refute him because he didn't.

Looking back, I see how much I've been chasing so many imaginary possibilities instead of facing the truth. I've been chasing him for months, trying to get back that love and validation I had from our relationship. I was in a complication with Taehyung, all because I did not want to admit to myself that he was using me for a rebound and not because he actually likes me.

I've been pretending to be this boss bitch, when in reality I lost my strength a long while ago.

"Yeah," I eyes are too perceptive, so I avert my attention to the fabric of my short dress. "You were right."

For a while the muffled sounds of people in the house and the music is all I hear, until his hand touches my chin and gently holds my head up...making me look into those damn eyes.

Really, how dare he.

"You've been honest with me and I'm grateful, more grateful than you know." He says, voice as soft as butter. "I want you to be truthful to yourself too...if you keep avoiding your sadness it's just going to get worse."

I wish I could do what he's asking, to be vunerable all the time. But it's just not possible for me, and I don't think it ever will be.

"Wise words coming from someone younger than me." He smiles, and that's when I realise how close his lips are to mine. "But what about you? Are you just going to ignore your feelings for Jessica forever?"

I almost don't hear the next words he says, because his eyes drop to my lips as well.

"She made her choice." He leans in, "I'm going to make my choice as well."

Guess I was right, he is wearing strawberry lip balm.

: :

: :

"Don't..." Taehyung whispers, face unnecessarily close to mine. "Don't go, please."

What the fuck?

I notice how his eyes are trained on my lips, and though his sexy gaze has my legs turning into jelly, there's no fucking way I'm about to degrade myself by kissing a guy that called me nothing.

And Taehyung must be damn stupid if he actually thinks he can get with me after all his bullshit.

"Taehyung." I hope I sound as angry as I want to feel. Truth is I'm just so overwhelmed. "Please move the fuck away before I slap you."

"Please. Please, can we just talk-"

"You don't want to talk. I saw the way you fucking looked at me, you just want to get in my pants."

Taehyung's eyebrows shoot up and he shakes his head wildly. "What? For pete's-No! That's not what I care about."

"Really?" My tone gets harsher, and he recoils under my glare. "Because you were so damn quick to drop me after you got a taste of me." He looks like I've punched him in the gut. Good. "Now move, you piece of shit."

Once again he shakes his head."You know that's not true Dami-"

"You lost the fucking right to call me that!" I snap finally. "You lost the right to talk to me, the right to be near me, and the right to even think about me when you chose Jessica. So run back to her and leave me the fuck alone!"

I pull at the door handle, but his strength outmatches mine and he pushes on the door even harder, keeping me trapped in his arms in the best and worst way possible.

I want to pull my hair out.

"Move-"

"Not until you talk to me dammit!" He snaps, getting more desperate as I violently pull on the door. "I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry for what I said and what I did and if I could take it back to the time I was about to confess to you I would."

I can hear the desperation in his voice and see the pain in his eyes, but I can't let that sway me, not now.

"It's a little too late for your nonsense sorry. Abeg shift! "

"I didn't get to finish my confession that time. Dami, I like you."

I stop moving for a minute, frozen by his words.

"Lola means nothing to me."

Then I laugh, "You are mad."

Taehyung doesn't seem fazed by my dismissal, instead he gets even more brave, moving closer until there's just an inch between his body and mine. I can feel his breath on the top of my head as I look down at my feet, trying to ignore the fire his presence feeds me.

"I like you." He says it again and I clench my eyes shut. "I've missed you so much these past few days...I couldn't do anything, I didn't care because I wasn't with you. I'm so sorry about what I said before, it was a stupid in-the-moment thing and I'll regret it forever but, please, believe when I say that I like you."

His words are everything I wanted to hear, everything I needed to run into his arms and kiss him till we both can't breathe.

Everything I wanted. Past tense.

I can't want this now.

Things are different now, because now Jungkook is waiting outside for me to come back from the bathroom, to build on what we started earlier when he kissed me.

Taehyung made his choice a long time ago.

Now I'm making mine.

"I never felt that way about you."

"What?"

"You heard me." I keep my voice steady and devoid of emotions despite that thing in my head telling me to stop. "I was just using you to get to Jungkook. From start to finish, it was never going to be me and you."

He jumps back as if he's been burned, white eyes shining wide in the dark.

Seeing his stricken face, I want to take it back and say it's a stupid lie.

"Now if you'd excuse me," I pull open the door, letting the music blast in. "Jungkook has been waiting for a long while now."

But it isn't.

The reality of everything is that I wanted to destroy Jessica and Jungkook using Taehyung, and I've done just that.

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BITCH WTF I HAVE 20K READS DHSHDHSH I HAVEN'T EVEN UPDATED IN MONTHS 😭😭😭😭😭 I'M SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING AND I LOVE Y'ALL ❤️

This is so unedited lmao 🗿 I'm speed updating.