D  a  m  i  l  o  l  a 

The past couple of days has been a blissful blur of me and Jungkook going on dates, making out every second, and just enjoying each other's company. I barely see Taehyung ( I think he's avoiding me, good), Jimin and I ignore each other, and I've made a new...friend, I guess? Amaka and I hang out from time to time, and once I could get past the fact that she's friends with tiny dick, her presence turned enjoyable. For the first time in a while, I'm actually fine. I'm happy, drama-free, and in love with the best boy ever.

It's starting to freak me out.

 After Jungkook finally got the answer to why I broke up with him, he started being more attentive...too attentive. He's overly sweet, gives me compliments every day and makes sure to remind me how much he cares for me and how worthy I am of being loved.  This is supposed to be a good thing, but it's not, because he doesn't deserve to love someone who isn't even sure if she loves him back.

I mean, I do love him back, I'm just not sure why I can't stop thinking about Taehyung

He lives rent-free in my head still, taking up space in places he shouldn't be and igniting emotions every time I hear the sound of his voice across a room or catch a glance of him speeding through a hallway. 

I don't know what I want, and this fact gets clearer every time Jungkook kisses me and  I see Taehyung's broken eyes, when he tells me he loves me and all I can think of is the time I told Taehyung I never had feelings for him, or when he tries to make me feel good with his touch and the sensation that runs through me is from the memory of Taehyung's lips. 

Somehow I think Jungkook knows this, with his strained smiles and constant affection, like he's trying to avoid the truth just like I am. We both are threading on the thin line between love and something else, and I don't know what that something else is, yet I can't shake off the fear that we're about to tip over and fall into it.

"Earth to Damilola? " A blur of a hand flashes across my eyes, pulling me out of my thoughts and into the confusion that is reality. "Are you okay?"

"Y...yeah. Just tired and all." The lies have become second nature to me now. 

He sneaks his arm around my waist, and I lean into his warmth as we walk out of the school building. Before Jessica showed up this was how it used to be, except Jimin and Taehyung would be waiting for us at the parking lot. 

Because of me Jungkook doesn't hang out with Jimin as much, and we haven't brought up Taehyung since.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

"I guess this might be a wrong time to ask you if you're open to meeting up with Jimin at his-"

"No."

The sigh he makes is so dejected it makes me feel like a bitch.

"You can go meet up with him. I can walk myself home, or take the bus." I really need to take my car to school more, but why would I drive when instead I can watch Jungkook's hands grip the steering wheel-

"We both know you've never entered a bus in your life babe." He laughs; at least it's not one of his heart wrenching sighs again. "I'm driving you home, don't  worry about it."

This is the fifth time this week he's blown off Jimin to be with me, and I suddenly remember the first time we dated, we constantly fought about the amount of time he spent with tiny dick.

Somehow, I'd take those fights over this...limbo we're in.

Jungkook suddenly comes to a halt, and I almost step on his shoes with the heel of mine.

"What's..." 

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me ." The anger in his whisper immediately lets me know who he's glaring at without having to look up. "They're blocking my fucking car-oh my god."

When my eyes land on the people he's swearing at I'm not surprised to see Taehyung and Jessica's backs. The wind catches the wisps of his brown hair and the fabric of his checkered jacket clings to the side of his body. In that moment I forget how he fucked me up, how I fucked him up, Jungkook, Jessica, tiny dick...I just want him to turn around so I can see his face. 

But that moment comes and goes when Jungkook's hand grips my waist and I realize that they're talking to...Amaka? Leaning on my boyfriends car like she owns it?

This girl is mad I swear.

Jessica says something but her voice is so irrele-I mean, small that I don't catch it.

"Let's just tell them to move out of the way." Jungkook whispers.

Then I hear Amaka say, " ... clear the air with Lola?"

What? They're talking about me? Why the fuck?

What part of 'I hate gossip' do these bitches not fucking get?

"I... just don't want to talk to her." 

Oh. So he has been avoiding me. Understandable.

"Bab-" Jungkook starts, but I cut him off.

"No, don't say anything, I wanna hear what they say behind my back." 

Amaka's expression is as poker as ever. She glances at me for a split second and that's when I get it. She knows I'm listening, she just wants to know what they'll say as well.

Her eyes are trained on me when she asks, quite loudly. "Why?" 

The remaining students that haven't gone home literally stop in their tracks when Taehyung's voice booms, shaking the entire parking lot.

"Because I'm fucking pissed at her, and if I see her one more fucking time I'm gonna-"

"You're gonna what?"

I was just supposed to listen and watch, but when he clearly wants to make a fool out of me and turn me into this big bad villain when he hasn't talked to me for weeks, that's when we have a problem. 

If he wants to fight me, he has to look me in the fucking eyes first.

"What the fuck are you gonna do Taehyung?" I make sure my voice is strong enough to cut diamonds, because unlike Taehyung I refuse to be seen as unstable. "Don't you think you've fucked with me enough?"

In a flash he's facing me, with such a burning hate in his eyes it makes bile rise up my throat. 

Where did all the love go? 

"Oh, I'm the one that fucked with you? " He's ready to tear me apart, but I'm not going to back down.

 I'm not going to lose this game.

"I find that so fucking rich when you're the one who used me to get to Jungkook!"

I hear Jessica gasp, and Jungkook's grip on my waist loosens slightly-but I just don't care. I don't care about the people watching, I don't care how this will make me look.

I just won't lose to him.

"You wan' talk about using people? How about we talk about you kissing Jessica literally a minute after you confessed to me! Or," I don't stop, my fingers move in the air like I'm playing piano, but I'm just ranting. "the time when you kissed Jessica when Jungkook and her just started dating. You never talk about that?"

Now that garners a reaction, from the crowd that's formed around us and from Taehyung, whose eyes show the slightest bit of vulnerability before lowering to slits. "Where the fuck did you get that information from?"

"Bitch please, why do you think Jessica showed up that day saying we need to talk." I mock her overly sweet voice and Jessica's expression sours. "Next time you'll put a password on your phone, you fucking dumbass."

"You went through my phone?!"

"And I'd do it again for a cookie." 

At the back of my head I feel Jungkook's warmth slip away.

"Wait wait, don't fucking spin this on me." Taehyung's ears are as red as blood, like they've had enough of all I'm saying. "I've had my punishments, half my friends don't talk to me because of what you did and entire school knows my business."

That hurts, that hurts so fucking much and I understand why it does now. And I don't know what kind of face I'm making that causes everyone's eyes to soften, but it makes me wish the ground could just open up and swallow me.

A car revs up and drives away in the distance of my brain, and I'm too pained to notice that Jungkook is gone.

"What about me?! " I've fallen into the territory of something else, and it's so fucking depressing. "Did you ever give me a full, sincere apology other than oh you're so hot and sexy Lola, I love you so much don't leave me? Why is it that none of you thought I was worth saying fucking sorry to?!"

Then it comes, oh my god-

I cry.

I start crying, in the middle of the parking lot, where other students watch and film me. My body shakes uncontrollably, letting out everything that I've been trying to hide for the past months. 

I've lost, all this fighting and scheming, and I actually lost.

"Dami..." Someone calls out my name, and suddenly I'm being enveloped in all too familiar arms. I cry as they carry me away from the drama scene and into the heat of a car, and the last thing I see is when I glance out the window to Jimin's confused face as he walks towards Amaka, before the school's out of sight and out of mind.

Sobs die down to chokes, and when my brain can no longer handle it, I shut down.

"I'm sorry."

Then it fades to nothing.

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Author's note

thank you FOR 30K READS HOLY FUCK THATS A LOTAVFKVGRFM ily

My ass be extra and it reflects in my writing yes I am aware

Just imagine it's a k drama or summ EHVNDJNVVGRN

BYE love you

 (BLONDE JUNGKOOK IS HOT)