06/15/25

every time i feel your eyes on me
there's a wire wrapped around my throat

i hate it when you look at me
because i hate what i become
i cut the broken parts out of my body
to be complete in your eyes

but i say you don't matter
you and your judgement
your opinions
because i know that's for the better

in reality, i care so much about you
that i'm too embaressed to tell my friends

i notice every little thing
like when your mood changes suddenly
i can hear it when your steps
sound harsher than they usually do
i can see the stress and anger in your eyes
and it feels like they're my own

in my mind, i run to you
with all my problems

but whenever your eyes fall onto me
even if it's just for a little second
i become smaller, weaker and softer
and i pretend like i don't
absolutely want you to notice me

i tell myself that you don't matter in silence
because when i say it out loud
even i realise i'm lying

god, i lie so much when it comes to you
that i actually convince myself sometimes
but then your silhouette pops into my head
and i am reminded, again and again

that nothing about you is forgetable
no matter how many times i lie
my eyes always look for you in a room
and i don't see that ever changing

you have made me feel pathetic
craving your attention like that
and i care so much more
than i would ever admit

because saying it out loud
makes it so much more real

and i can't let this be real