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12) Little Hesitations

The drive from Kodai Road to Kodaikanal town had been nothing short of breathtaking. Morning had opened its arms slowly to the mountains, and the roads twisted and turned like a sleepy poem reciting itself.

Mist hung low like a shawl draped across the peaks, and tall trees stood like sentinels along the way. The cold breeze carried the faint fragrance of eucalyptus and wildflowers, making the journey feel like they were moving through a dream.

By the time the bus turned into a narrow road flanked by trees, the sun had gently risen above the hills, casting a soft, diffused light across the earth.

The bus slowed to a halt at Kodaikkanal bus stop, its tired engine hissing softly in protest. It was 6:40 in the morning. The chill still hung thick in the air, turning every breath visible, like tiny clouds drifting from lips and noses. Around them, other passengers began stirring-families rousing sleepy children, young couples reaching overhead for backpacks, elderly tourists adjusting shawls and jackets.

Priya adjusted the scarf around her neck and looked at Deepak, who nodded gently as he reached for their bags from the overhead rack. The aisle was narrow and crowded with motion, the kind of soft chaos that belonged only to morning arrivals in small hill towns.

As they stepped down from the bus, a gust of wind brushed past them, sharper than before. Priya instinctively moved closer to Deepak, her shoulder brushing his arm. He glanced at her, gave a faint smile.

Ahead of them, a thin stone-paved path led into the quiet heart of the village, winding between small tea stalls, guesthouses, and houses with moss-covered tiles. The sky had only just begun to lighten-hints of pink and silver barely brushing the edges. Other passengers from the bus were also moving ahead, walking with a kind of sleepy determination.

"We have to walk for five minutes," Deepak said softly, gesturing ahead. "The homestay is near the petrol bunk."

Priya gave a slow nod, her breath puffing in front of her. "It's okay. It's peaceful here."

"I can lift you if you want," he said with a smirk. It made her blush.

Their footsteps echoed lightly on the pavement as they moved forward, the sound of distant bird calls and a single bell from a nearby temple. There was something surreal about the morning-the way the mist curled over the path, the way the place was both waking up and still asleep.

Priya knew that she would sleep till noon if the climate was that peaceful.

A dog yawned lazily on a doorstep. Somewhere, a kettle whistled faintly. Life here was unhurried. Even their walk felt like it wasn't just a way to get somewhere, but a moment to settle into the rhythm of this new space.

When they reached the petrol bunk, she saw the misty sky. The sun was playing hide and seek in between clouds.

Behind the petrol bunk, the homestay came into view - a white-painted house nestled among eucalyptus trees, rose bushes and had wooden characters in windows and doors. Wooden fences surrounded it, and ivy trailed lazily over one of the outer walls. It looked more like a forgotten cabin from a postcard-old, quiet, and impossibly charming.

"It looks like British buildings," she commented. Deepak was surprised that a village girl knew sophisticated life.

A small welcome plate on the wall welcomed them charmingly. The homestay's front door creaked open as Deepak and Priya stepped inside, still brushing the cold off their sleeves.

"Hello sir. Good morning!" A guy in his 20's cheered them at the reception. It was a teak desk in the middle of the room with glass top.

"Your name please!" he asked, surfing through a list of bookings.

Deepak nodded, lifting a smaller bag onto the counter. "Yes, we've reserved Room 204. Deepak Kumar."

The receptionist's eyes scanned the sheet, then lit up. "Ah! Room 204. Honeymoon suite, sir. Very popular among young couples."

Priya immediately coughed, the sound sharp in the otherwise quiet lobby. Her eyes darted toward Deepak, who gave a strained smile and cleared his throat.

"Oh, uh... it's booked by your staff. Ah... I didn't know..." he said, his voice a touch lower than usual. Warmth creeped up his cheeks. He didn't dare to look at Priya.

The receptionist gave a knowing grin and tapped the register with his pen. "Of course, sir. The scenery is cozy and great. So we ideally book some rooms for new couples."

Priya looked down at her shoes. Deepak scratched the back of his neck.

"Please come this way," the receptionist said, grabbing the keys and leading them through the hallway. The stoned floor echoed with sand particles in their shoes, faint smell of flowers and petrichor wafted through the air.

It was an old building without elevators. They had to climb upstairs to reach their room

As they reached the staircase, Priya whispered, "Why does everyone think we're here for... you know?"

Deepak leaned in, whispering back, "Because this place is designed for you know."

She rolled her eyes, but he saw the corner of her mouth lift.

The receptionist unlocked the door and stepped aside with a flourish. "Room 204. If you need anything-hot water, breakfast timings, blankets-just let me know. You will get 4 days complementary breakfast downstairs. The restaurant is adjacent to the lobby."

"Thanks," Deepak said quickly, and they both slipped into the room.

The door closed with a soft click behind them.

The room was warm and welcoming: a compact living room with two cushioned sofas, a low table and thick curtains drawn to one side to let in the morning light. A small open kitchen flanked the hall, with a window facing out to a garden. The bedroom held a large bed covered in a thick woollen quilt with pastel floral prints. The wooden floor creaked gently as they walked, adding to the rustic charm.

They both removed their jackets and shoes at the door. The cold hadn't faded but was now comfortably held at bay by the warmth of the house.

Deepak put the bags inside the cupboard and began putting things away, folding clothes neatly and setting their toiletries on the table near the washroom.

Priya wandered to the balcony and took in the scenery the receptionist told them. Even though 60% it was foggy, she could see the hill view with smallest homes throughout.

"Deepak! Have a look!" She called out for him.

"What happ-" he stopped midway of his sentence, amazed by the view. He was glad that the staff book this amazing room.

Deepak let out a soft sigh, stretching his arms wide and turned to his sides to have a deep stretch. Priya went inside and looked at her mobile. The homestay Wi-Fi was surprisingly good and within minutes she had found around 20 spots near Kodaikkanal.

"Hey," she said, eyes still on her screen, "do you know there's a rose garden nearby? And something called Coaker's Walk-it's a long stretch where people walk along the edge of the hills."

He replied, walking inside the room. "Sounds scenic."

"There's Bryant Park too. Lots of flowers, and a small greenhouse."

Deepak nodded, listening as she scrolled.

"There's also boating in the lake, and cycling routes around it. And an old church that still rings the original bell, apparently." She paused and looked up. "And a village nearby, around eight kilometers. It has handmade chocolates and some traditional crafts."

She spoke with an ease he hadn't seen in days. Not hesitant, not guarded-just excited. The kind of excitement that came from discovering new things, from being somewhere far enough from your own fears that they couldn't cling to you anymore.

Deepak sat near her in the sofa, resting his elbows on his knees. "Sounds like a full itinerary."

She grinned. "I want to see everything. But not rushed... we can go slow, enjoy it."

"We can arrange a car through the homestay," he said, rubbing his palms together for warmth. "That way you won't get too tired."

But she shook her head. "Can we hire a bike instead?"

He blinked. "A bike?"

"Yeah... I really like bike rides. I used to go with my father to school. Wind in your face, trees passing by on either side-it feels free." She hesitated, then added, "I haven't felt like that in years."

Deepak stared at her for a moment, unsure if the smile on his face was growing too obvious. There was something about the way she said it. Not with loud enthusiasm, but with quiet determination, as though this small thing-asking for a bike ride-was a step she was taking for herself.

He leaned back, expression softening. "We'll hire a bike then."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up. "You won't mind driving around?"

"I'd drive across three states if you're going to smile like that," he said lightly.

She blushed and looked down at her phone again. For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence was comforting like a soft blanket.

Somewhere, a distant bell rang-maybe from that church she had mentioned.

He turned and watched her messy hair, the sleeves of her sweater pulled over her hands, her eyes focused and full of quiet ambition.

He thought of the girl who had flinched when he reached for her shoulder, who had whispered she wanted to leave. And now, here she was, sitting across from him, planning bike rides and forest walks.

She had not healed completely. But she was moving.

And maybe that was even more beautiful.

"I'll book the bike for today?" he asked.

She nodded. "Let's ride through the hills tomorrow."

He smiled. "Together."

And for the first time in days, Priya whispered back:
"Together."

*****

Priya opened the wooden door beside the living room and peered inside. The kitchen was small but functional-ceramic-tiled counters, a clean stove with two burners, an electric kettle, a basic spice rack, and a narrow window that opened to a view of trees swaying gently in the cold morning breeze.

Behind her, Deepak stepped in. "You need not cook. The homestay provides us breakfast. We can have dinner outside. Relax and enjoy this trip."

She turned, leaning slightly against the sink. "But it's a nice kitchen. We could try cooking once with the local and fresh produce."

He looked surprised. "You want to cook here?"

She nodded, then smiled. "I mean we could cook together. Since one meal is taken care of, we can try simple things. Maybe evening tea, or a humble dinner."

Her voice was casual but she was offering a small way to coexist in quiet companionship.

"I'd like that," he said, his tone equally quiet. "I think... I've missed seeing you do little things like that."

She looked away, brushing her hair behind her ear, and then walked past him, heading towards the living room again.

They both knew there was no more escaping the fact that they were alone sans office stress or phones. No reasons to stay in separate rooms.

The silence between them was open to hyrdles which terrified them.

By noon, their first brunch arrived, since Priya didn't want to go out of the room. They moved the small dining table to the balcony, to have a beautiful view and talked about the chill air. The conversations stayed safe and surface-level since their trip could end up in anything.

After the meal, Deepak cleared the plates and offered to make coffee. Priya, standing near the window, was watching a squirrel run across the garden.

"Do you think we'll be able to sleep in the same bed?" she asked quietly, not turning around.

He paused, his fingers tightening around the kettle handle. "I... I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She turned then, facing him. "That's not what I asked.... We haven't started this relationship on a good note... But..."

He met her gaze. It wasn't accusing or defensive.

Just tired and honest.

"I would say I don't know," he replied truthfully. "I agree with you that we've been through so much in the past few weeks. I don't even know the real you... You don't know me. I don't expect anything."

Priya walked up and took the coffee mugs from the counter, placing them on the table. "I don't think I can pretend I'm not scared. But I also can't run away from everything."

She sat down, wrapping her fingers around the cup, letting the steam warm her face. "This place... it's peaceful. I feel like we have space here. To just be."

Deepak sat across from her, his expression unreadable. "You don't have to rush anything, Priya. I mean it."

"I know. But also..." She hesitated. "We can't live in a loop. Always scared to move. Always holding back."

He nodded slowly. "So what do we do?"

She smiled faintly. "Maybe we just... figure out how to be with each other. Not as husband and wife. Not right away. But like two people trying to trust the other."

There was a long pause.

Then, she said, "Let's do one thing a day that makes us feel a little more comfortable. With this space. With each other."

Deepak looked at her for a long moment, then agreed. "Okay."

*****

It was 10.30 pm already and they stood beside the bed awkwardly, unsure of how to begin or end the day. The room was chilly and silent, the only sound being the soft creak of the wood and the occasional rustle of trees outside.

They both were tired with the travel and a small stroll around the local markets.

Priya turned to Deepak. "Do you mind if I sleep here? I... I don't want to sleep alone tonight. But just sleep."

He nodded. "Of course. Even I need to just sleep." He emphasized the 'just' part, to ensure her.

He took the left side. She took the right. The quilt was thick and smelled faintly of lavender. They lay there, side by side, facing the ceiling.

She whispered into the darkness, "Thank you for waiting. Even when I was pushing you away. I was asking for a divorce and what not!"

He turned towards her, though she didn't see it. "I was angry and felt betrayed during the first night...."

She didn't reply.

"I understood that something is stressing you. You asked divorce only two times, the first night and after your panic attack." He continued. "If you really wanted a divorce, you would've not stopped before I gave you one. So, this marriage was never the problem to you, it's something else...."

But moments later, he felt her fingers reach for his. Cold. Hesitant.

He gently held them, keeping them warm, "Whatever you are bottling inside you... I will listen to it and help you in every way possible. Maybe this trip will ease your heart... I will wait before making any advances with you. Please trust me and open up..."

No words followed.

But her hands were still entwined with his. And she slept in the warmth.

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