***then***
CJ

Staring out the window of the taxi, I can see the world passing by in these streaks of light and dark.
They are like patches of now and then. If as though I can no longer see my future spread out in straight line. It seems to weave and bob in front of my eyes. Always there, yet just out of reach. This past summer was amazing on so many levels. Yet, now that I have opened up to who I really am, I no longer no who I am. It seems like a contradiction? Doesn't it?

Yes, I know I lead a charmed life. You see, I came out to my parens and family this summer. We are extremely close and this boarding school, while the best possible opportunity for a kid from the "bad side" of town, has its own pitfalls.

How? You are asking. I can see it in your eyes, even if you aren't saying it in words.

My family is not quite the blue collar norm of central Ohio, my parents being well educated and hard, industrious workers, never seemed to want more from life than a happy family and a great place to live. Thus, they were never one to latch on to what the rest of society claims are the correct moral values.

So, when I sat them down 2 weeks before this school term started, and told them I was gay, they said, and I am quoting here, "Lets go get ice cream."

Standing up, my father reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. Throwing them to me he chuckled, "And you are driving, I hate it when I cannot eat my ice cream when we drive home. Darn stuff always melts and turns to goo."

Mom, being mom laughs , "Like you don't try any way! Timmy ! Put your Game down CJ is taking us for ice cream his treat!"

My little brother , is beyond full of energy. He could power the entire city with his giggles! He flies into the room and jumps on me! "YAY! But can I get a milk shake? "

"Yes," I said, hugging him to keep the tears from his sight, "Yes, dude, Yes you can!"

Lots of little things happened since that day in the middle of July. First and foremost on my list was telling him about how I like boys. He was, and still is, quite ok with it. His first thoughts on it were well beyond his 10 year old peers, "It's all about how you love, not bout who?" he bit his lip in the way he does when he is trying to figure out something. "Right?"

And from then on its was non stop asking if I have a boyfriend yet! I tell him I am in no hurry, but I wanted to be myself. Finally! Be myself and not hide who I really am. And his answer? "Thats right the right way to be ."

Another school term is starting, and I am determined to make the most out of my new found freedom., and even though I am one of the first few people here, it's as though the year is already ending.

As the taxi pulls up to the end of the traffic cue, I close my test book. I was barely able to concentrate on the subject matter anyway. I have been attending this school for 3 years. The youngest to be admitted, the youngest to graduate. Yes, I know. I should be doing something other than studying. Every single waking moment, of every single day. But, this is who I am. CJ. Pretty boy nerd extraordinaire! As Beckers would say! I cannot wait to see her. Her family has been on the Mediterranean since July. "Making the Rounds" as she says. They are so far above "filthy" rich. And a small month get away is nothing for them. The cell reception was non existent, and I would not let her call from the satellite phone, it costs way too much, that she does not know yet how things with my family turned out. Although, to give her credit, she already knew they would be fine. The last we talked, she said this senior year would be "EPIC" and she would right the perfect boy for me.

As yet I still don't see her milling around the welcome area thats set up just in side the gates.

I walk up to the main sign in area, looking at the Ivy covered building bathed in Late summer light and see Tommy sitting behind the desk. He doesn't see me yet and is shamelessly flirting with a girl that I do not recognize at first . She just giggles walks away. I could be imagining but I swear her swish walk gets wider the farther away she gets from him. Just before she walks into the girls dormitory she stops and looks back and smiles waving goodbye.

"Wow!" I laugh, "starting early this year Thomas?"

He gets this disoriented look on his face and starts to look around scanning the crowd until he sees me and his face lights up. I swear it was as though someone actually wiped a smile across his face, so fast was the transformation.

"CEEEEE JJAYYYY", his voice is that amazing mix of southern draw and British upper crust, he screams and scrambles across the folding table the school has setup.

Leaving the paperwork and books t flying the wind he grabs me into a tight embrace. He is the most self-assured, and sexually aware person I know. He is so confident In himself and other he could care less if am gay, straight, or for that matter, anything in between.

Even if I am not sure if I'm ready to come out at school, Beckers and Tommy know. Last year they ganged up on me and told me that enough was enough. I need to just get ver being gay and start enjoying life.

They are my best friends. And, truth be told, I d not think I would have been able to make it out to myself with out them.

Beckers walks up and pinches me on the arm.

"OWWWWW! Y you're gonna leave a mark!" I pout. "Well, then! Leave my boyfriend out of your smutty thoughts!"

Laughing like a maniac I grab her into the hug. One Giant family hug and I start to cry a little because these are my friends and I have missed them so.

"Ok, OK OK <" he stammers "this is getting way to real ! I have to get back to being the gatekeeper." We all start to gather up the mess he created, when It hits me.

"BOYFRIEND?" They both turn this shade of red that is incredible seeing how tan they've become over the summer.

"Well, its li this, " he starts. But Beckers cuts him off with a big kiss.If I didn't think he could get any redder, I was mistaken! "Yes this big lug finally came out with it last week when we were Skyping."

They were just so perfect for each other. She was just the right size to make it so she had to stand on her toes to kiss him. I had notice all last term how they would just get so quite when both were in same room.

"Speaking of coming OUT with it", I started not thinking they could hear me with their tongue down each others throat so far, "but..."

"AIYEEEEEEEEE!!! She screams!, "You did it??" "Yes, Yes! Tommy is jumping around and I swear the incoming freshmen think he is the big bad giant there to squish him.

"Hold on guys!" I try to keep. Straight face, but its hard with their enthusiasm so high! "Hold on! I am not," and here I later a little because the work dis exactly what it is, "I am not sure yet I want to come out here."

This is where things usually get rough with them. They think the entire world believes what they believe: Love is Love! They also believe the best in people. Maybe it's their sheltered privileged upbringing? I am not sure. But, I guess they've heard the news about the current climate in the US. The recent events in Missouri have us all concerned. Ohio is just as bad.

"Hey, um ya you're right." Tommy states. "I always, ALWAYS have you back man." With that the happy has left and the melancholic idea that this world can be a horrible place. Beckers gets this look in her eyes. A little tear streams down her face as she leans into Tommy's shoulder. I swear I think I hear her say to no one and everyone, " But Why?"

"So! Bestie, I see from the chart you've a new room up in the high end this year?" Tommy reach and grabs the room assignment clip board from the table.

"What are you talking about? I am still in Quad land with the rest of the peons!" I am nit sure if he is trying to be silly and lighten the mood. He would never tease me because I'm a scholarship student.

"See for yourself" I grab the clipboard and there on the first page in the are marked of as double units, is my name:

4th Floor DBLE Unit A - Augustus Roberts [ } / Whitfield Sebastian Grimes [ X ]

"Well," it looks like she already checked in, what he like?" I ask Tommy. "Don't know, that was on the sheet already." I thought maybe you had finally gotten an inheritance and was leaving us dweebs in the lower halls."

"There is NO way we can afford this kind of room, the scholarship acre barely handle the quad room." Beckers tuts, literally she says, "tut tut' boys never look a gift in the ear." And then grabs a bunch of flyers and say " I'm off to get more people interested in the Music program!"

"You are so darned lucky T, don't mess this up." "Don't you know it!" He says and smiles. "Oh, I almost forgot. The old man wants to see you in his office."

"Ok," I just go drop my bag off in my room first..." I start. "No! He said Before you get to the room. No Stops, DO NOT"

And we both Finish together in a fit of giggles

" PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 Dollars!"

Clapping me on the back, "seriously he looked unhappy and was quite serious even for him."

"OK, I'm on my way."

The walk from the main entry gate to the Administrative building is actually the only straight pathway in the entire school. The thinking is that academics and knowledge are a circular process. If you have to go all the way in a circle around campus you have time to contemplate the world around you and discuss with your peers the events of the day. At one time, this may have worked, but in recent history, more people use the central pathway and run between classes. The pathway is molded after the Birch Allee' from Stan Hywet Hall in Akron, Ohio. Only longer.

500 yards long and 20 wide, the pathway is lined with 75 yearly oak trees that form a wall like exterior. For me, I always find it creepy and intimidating. I arrive at the admin building and make my way inside.

Mrs. Yoder is the definition of Office Administrator. Every hair tightly wrapped in a bun that seems to never move. She never loses her cool. She also never lets anyone else lose it in her presence. The office is arranged in a sort of U shape with a counter when you first walk in. To the right is the Professor's mailboxes. Yes, Thats what they call teachers here, lol very Harry Potter! To the left is the Disciplinary Deputy's Office, A.K.A. Vice-principle. Ad directly across from you is the Headmasters Office.

"Augustus, punctual as usual. Thank you for attending to us before settling in to your new accommodations." To me she has always sounded like Mary Poppins.

"Yes ma'am it was not any trouble. I think there is a mistake with the room though. My family cannot afford it." Some people would be ashamed of a statement like this, but my father has always taught me to own who and what you are in life. Yes, you can aspire to more. But, never expect more than you have earned. And NEVER EVER take what you have not worked for. SO the new room a almost triple the cost is not in my budget. The scholarship awards are very specific about their coverage.

"Oh, dear boy." Her eyes get slightly miss and the smile on her face is genuine, " there has been no mistake. The Head Master will see you shortly. Please have a seat and I will let you know when he is ready."

She lifts the potion of the counter to allow me access to the waiting area. As I walk in I notice I am not alone. I see someone sitting in the farthest portion of the waiting area. All hunched into themselves. I cannot tell if they are a boy or a girl. They have their hard hung low. Their hair is so amazingly silken. Its Brown, but so dark its almost black. I can see streaks of red? Blue or darker yet even, flowing through it. Every time he moves, and yes it's a he, a different shade is caught in the sunlight, I am transfixed. He shakes the hair from his eyes. And looks through at me, and sighs a little before turning back to what I now see is the Official student handbook. His eyes. HIs eyes. I can't help myself. I will remember those eyes forever I think to my self. They are the color of the ocean on a sun filled day. You know the way the light catches the waves and bounces back to you? It fills your heart with joy. I can't seem to catch my breath when Mrs. Yoder says to me, Augustus, you can go in now.

Standing, I suddenly feel very lite headed and stumble. Just as I am about to fall on my face and make a fool of myself, I feel a very strong grip steady me and hold me up. "Steady on mate. Maybe you shoulda Stan a wee bit slower? Meh? "

All I can think about is how tiny he is. Laughing I say, " thank you I guess I um well erm," I made the last noise kind of in my throat and I am think about how can someone do this to me? " I get this way when I don't eat enough. Thank you for keeping me form face planting."

"He gets this look in his eyes like you doesn't understand what I'm saying. Its very distant and almost immediately, as if he suddenly smiles and his eyes light up, "Och aye the noo", not an issue Augustus. With that he reacts into a bag sitting on the Bech and pulls a granola bar and hands it to me. " It's all protein, and full on vegan. But, it is pretty magic." I have no clue what that means but his hand wrapped around my arm feels like magic and I can't seem to talk.

He nods his head to ward the Head masters Office where Professor Twines is standing watching our exchange, " I think it's your turn. Then he puts ear buds back in and sit down on the bench, and is gone again into his own little world.

His voice is so Oliver Wood it sends goose bumps every - freaking - where !

"Augustus, young man you know you should not let your sugar level get so low. Are you ok ? Do I need to call the nurse?" He asks, worry evident on his face.

"No. Sir. I will be fine. Um, " I point toward the boy sitting there, " He gave me a protein bar. I should be fine until dinner."

"Well, I suppose." He does not look convinced. "Your father would have my hide if..." he shakes his head and continues a huge smile starts to gather around his face. "Shall we?" He indicates his office with one hand. And I walk in still unable to think about anything other than his touch on my arm and the goose bumps running down my spine.