CHAPTER TEN.
( unfamiliarity. )

  SHADOW SWAN WAS GOOD AT pretending.

  She had done it just that morning; when she woke up in her bed and got dressed, pretending like everything was fine. Or when she'd told Charlie that her talk with Dr. Cullen had been fine. Or when she pulled into the school parking lot and pretended like she hadn't almost crashed into a power pole.

It was all very fine.

  Even now, Shadow was good at falsifying her concentration. She furrowed her brow, struggling to keep her eyes on the study notes in front of her. She was sat in the far back of the class, trying not to fall asleep as the teacher droned on about a subject she could've cared less about.

  Shadow Swan was determined to (forget the Cullens existed and) pass her Chemistry test.

But, with her thoughts preoccupied, it felt nearly impossible. Shadow was far too distracted to focus on a single word in front of her. How could she? The day before had been entirely too strange.

  Now that she was wide awake, it was all she could think about. Her thoughts flickered to shattered glass and blurred figures, moving too fast for the eye to see. She clutched her pencil tightly, nervous as her teeth bit at the skin on her lip.

  Shadow wanted to push it from her memory and forget, but she couldn't. No one forgets something so wildly impossible. People don't move fast enough to cross a room in the blink of an eye.

But, people also don't have screams powerful enough to shatter glass.

  Shadow gasped softly, inhaling a deep breath as her tense shoulders relaxed. Her fingers released her clutch on the pencil. The slow calm was so soothing. No suffocation, just an ease that made her breathing come slower.

  She did not look at Jasper Hale, who sat in the desk just next to her. She did not look at Alice, who sat two seats ahead. Shadow was too terrified. She didn't feel her fear now, but the apprehension was still there.

  The knowledge of what she'd seen warned her to stay away.

  Shadow let her head fall, resting against her desk. This was the last thing she wanted to be thinking about right now. She should've been focused on review rather than distracting herself with the events of the day before.

This is all because of stupid Jasper Hale and his stupid vampire family, the Swan girl thought bitterly. Shadow sighed. She closed her eyes, deciding to get in at least a couple minutes of rest before the bell rang. It would help clear her mind. She had to focus.

  Shadow took deep breaths, slowly drifting off— but the world had other plans for her. "Psst, Shadow." She let out a low groan.

  Instead of lifting her head, she kept it down. Shadow remained ignorant to the voice, pretending not to hear as she tried to sleep. She already knew who it would be— and talking to Jasper Hale was the last thing the Swan girl had planned to do that day.

Though, Jasper didn't quite seem to get the message. He continued to try, even despite her obvious disdain. "Pssssst, Shadow!" The Hale boy's tone was more urgent now as he tried catching her attention.

  Shadow suppressed the urge to grind her teeth together. She finally turned towards Jasper. She imagined her eyes burning metaphoric holes into his head as she shot him a withering glare.

  "What?" Her loud tones hadn't caught the attention of the teacher. Shadow felt disappointed, having hoped for intervention.

Jasper stared back with wide eyes. She frowned, patience wearing thin. She'd been trying to avoid the Cullen's and had kept their encounters as brief as possible.

Since the incident from the day before, she could hardly stand being in the same room as them, nonetheless stick around to make conversation. Though, it wasn't necessarily the fear of them that kept her away. Rather, it was the fear of hurting them again that made Shadow keep her distance.

  "Carlisle wanted me to tell you that he's sorry. I am too. We should've known that it would be hard for you to take in the truth. He understands that the past few months have been—" the Swan girl tuned out of the conversation as she looked away.

This wasn't something she wanted to talk about, not with Jasper Hale. Not ever again.

  "He also added that if you want any help with your control, he'd be happy to help. He can answer any questions that you have." Jasper's words sparked Shadow's interest.

Her eyes snapped to his, almost hopeful. "Control?" She asked, confused by the meaning.

Before Jasper could reply, he was cut off by the bell. Shadow let out a breath of relief, completely forgetting about what Jasper had said as she got up and grabbed her her bag. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't let the Cullen's lead her into anymore potentially dangerous situations, and she was going to stick by that promise.

She couldn't allow herself to become distracted by that kind of reality; one where things were endless and deadly.

Shadow let go of her fear. When she'd woken up that morning, she chose to shove it into a box inside her mind; made it smaller and smaller until it was like it had never even existed. Though, not quite.

Shadow knew to be cautious. She'd lost enough already and she wasn't going to put what was left of her family at risk. Not for anything— and especially not because she wanted to play with monsters.

Shadow turned away from Jasper, not bothering to wait as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. With practiced grace, she left the room. As the day continued on, Shadow went back to ignoring the Cullen family— even in spite her ever-growing curiosity.

Still, it was all she could think about. What Jasper had said intrigued her. For a moment, she couldn't help but wonder if it meant that she could possibly control her scream.

If there was a way to stop her fits from coming and going, or even keep them from hurting others, then Shadow had to try. Jasper knew that. It was manipulative, but if it meant protecting Charlie and Bella from herself...

She couldn't risk the possibility of hurting them too.

Shadow bit her lip as she pondered over it on the way out of her final class. She knew what she wanted, but she was still afraid. She wanted to go to the Cullen's and ask, but knowing her short temper and the low tolerance she had for skirting around the truth, she was scared that she would get frustrated and hurt them again.

Putting them in harms way had never been her intention. She hadn't meant to hurt anyone at all. But, if her screams were going to be as unpredictable as they had been the day before, then the reward was greater than the risk.

She'd do it— not just for Bella and Charlie, but for the Cullen's as well. Carlisle and Esme deserved better than the intolerance and the anger she'd showed them, especially after everything they'd done for her. They were offering her something no one had offered her before; help.

Carlisle was willing to share their secret and offer her assistance in adjusting to this new world and in return, Shadow had pushed them all away. Even if it was for their own good. Shadow still felt as if she were a petulant and ungrateful child.

She gave a tsk of annoyance as she paused at the entrance. She stared out the window leading outside, and her eyes found Jasper's, even among the crowded school parking lot. In a single moment of courage, she pushed the door open.

When she came to a stop in front of the Jeep, she found that he wasn't alone. From inside the vehicle, Rosalie made a point of not looking at her while Emmett called out a boisterous greeting. She smiled tentatively at Alice, who mirrored the expression from her spot in the backseat.

Finally, Shadow looked at Jasper. "So, about that whole control thing..."

  Jasper didn't bother to hide the victory. He grinned, clearly harbouring no hard feelings about the day before. Shadow had to force herself to frown back.

  "If I were you, I'd wipe that smug expression off my face. Otherwise I might be convinced to change my mind." She gave a casual shrug, as if the offer meant nothing to her.

Jasper chuckled, and the Swan girl felt her heart soar with relief. But, jokes weren't going to fix what she'd done. Jasper went to open the door for her, but she hesitated.

  "I want to apologize, about yesterday," Shadow paused, stumbling over her next words. "And for hurting you, too. After seeing what I could do, I got scared."

Shadow felt her throat go tight. "I knew my screams could be dangerous, but I didn't know how dangerous." She pushed aside the images of a crying child and blood against skin.

"I didn't want to hurt you, but you were right. It was too much all at once. So, I ran, because that's the kind of coward I am. I'm sorry." Shadow tried to let her voice carry her sincerity and, when she was done, she couldn't bring herself to look at Jasper.

Jasper's hand was cold as he reached out to touch her arm. "You wanted to protect us. That doesn't make you a coward— and it doesn't merit an apology."

  Shadow scoffed, but her heart was a mess as Jasper's hand pulled away, his fingers grazing softly against her skin.

Rosalie rolled down the window, sticking out her head of blonde hair. Her golden eyes narrowed on Jasper. "It may not to mean anything to you, lover boy, but an apology is actually very much appreciated."

  Rosalie looked at Shadow and her expression softened a little. "Thank you," she said, before her head disappeared back inside the Jeep.

Shadow chose to ignore the 'lover boy' comment.

  Jasper nodded, "Right, should we see Carlisle and get this settled then?" He looked down at the Swan girl, a kind smile on his lips.

  Shadow lifted her head too look at him, silent as she met Jasper's gaze. There was something about the way he looked at her then, with his eyes gentle and welcoming. Maybe it was the honey-gold irises, or his softened expression that made her feel so important.

  He never seemed to regard anyone else in the same way he did with her, because he was always so collected and calculating. But, whether they were liquid gold or pitch black, Jasper Hale always seemed to muster up his feelings into one look— just for her— and, right now, he looked happy.

  Shadow grinned. "Okay," she said and for a single, selfish second, Shadow Swan stole this moment for herself. She basked in the way he made her feel.

As she parted ways with the Cullens, the feeling didn't fade— because it wasn't something forced, like the suffocating calm Jasper had once enveloped her with. It was entirely natural and as easy as breathing.

  Shadow paused as she went to pull on her helmet, watching as the Jeep drove by. Jasper was too busy driving to notice her, but the sight of him was enough to reignite the already-hazy emotions.

The Swan girl exhaled a deep breath. She clung to the feeling for a moment longer, etching them into memory. Then, she compartmentalized, because she was her mother's daughter and she knew better.

  'Trouble follows, but only if you let it,' her mother had scolded her; advice that had been the result of a simple crush that led Shadow into a sour situation.

Shadow had swore to never do it again. She'd walked tightropes before. The world the Cullen's lived in was a drop Shadow wasn't willing to risk. There was no time to worry about what she felt for Jasper, anyway. There were more important things to think about.

Shadow wouldn't allow herself to hurt anyone again— and she definitely wouldn't involve her personal emotions into this. She pulled the helmet over her head and set off after the Cullens. All Shadow had to do was keep her distance, which couldn't be too hard. After all, she had spent her last few months in the city breaking bonds.

Shadow pursed her lip, saving the memory for another time. Another life. She revved the engine, pressing on the gas.

If only Shadow could have remembered how bad she was at keeping her self-made promises...

Edited 09/09/2017 @7:10 PM
Edited 12/31/2017 @4:22 AM