CHAPTER FOURTEEN.
( un-guarded. )

  SHADOW HAD BEEN EXCUSED from dinner again, on account of her near-death experience. Charlie didn't seem to know how to comfort two teenage girls, so he simply offered a night to themselves with free rein over his wallet to order whatever takeout they wanted. Shadow had managed an exhausted smile just for him at the gesture.

  She knew her Uncle was doing his best, but it was hard treading around his emotions when it came to her own. She hated lying when Charlie asked how she was doing, but she still couldn't bring herself to put that kind of weight on him. He had his own grievances to carry.

  Shadow shut the door to her room, dropping her bag and jacket in a heap by her desk. With barely enough energy to text Jasper and let him know that she was still in one piece, she couldn't be bothered to put away her things. Dragging her feet to her bed seemed strenuous enough as it was, with the promise of sleep so close. 

  And sleep would come easy tonight, or so she hoped. If she was lucky, her mind would be too exhausted to plague her into waking, but even that might have been hoping for too much. Once in the comfort of her bed, Shadow rolled onto her back, listening to the sound of someone venturing closer to her room. Sleep would have to wait, she thought as a soft knock sounded.

  "Come in," she called out, sitting up as Bella quickly opened and closed the door behind her. The brunette's lips were pursed and the furrow in her brow told of her hesitancy.

Shadow felt her anxiety spike as she recognized the distress on her features. It mirrored Shadow's own distress only a few days before; when she'd been abruptly confronted with the truth behind the Cullen family's strangeness. It made Shadow sick to think that Bella might be one step closer to figuring it all out.

Still, the elder Swan swallowed her emotions enough to ask, "What's up?"

  Bella walked over slowly, eyes roving over the room. Shadow didn't say anything to encourage her to speak. She simply pulled in her legs, tucking them in to make room for the brunette on her bed.

Bella met her eyes as she slowly sat down. "I talked to Edward at the hospital."

  Shadow tried not to show the way her muscles tensed. Instead, she kept her expression blank as she leaned back against the headboard. The picture of casual.

"To thank him?" She figured it would be better to blur Bella's memory rather than outright deny that Edward had even been there at all. Her cousin wasn't stupid. There was no logical explanation for how someone could physically hold back that hulking metal excuse for a van, or dash across the parking lot fast enough to do it in the first place.

  Bella shrugged. "Something like that," she mused, seeming unsure of how to say her next few words. "Shadow... I could've sworn he was all the way across the lot when I saw him."

  Shadow frowned. "Well, when I looked over he was already on the other side of the truck. I'm just glad he got there in time to push us out of the way." The lies were bitter on her tongue, but Shadow could ignore the discomfort.

For Bella's sake, the deception was worth it, simply because it had to be.

  "What about the dent he left on the van? He did that with his hand, Shadow. I saw it." Bella met her eyes with such an insistence that blind panic shut out any of Shadow's bland excuses.

How was she going to explain this?

  Shadow sighed, looking away for a moment. She didn't have to feign her weariness as she rubbed her eyes. "I don't know, Bella. I couldn't watch. But, I'm pretty sure that dent was from the van hitting the truck."

Bella opened her mouth to argue, but faltered as her brow furrowed. Relief washed over Shadow. It was working, Bella was confusing herself. Not that it made Shadow feel any less guilty.

  Bella took another moment, seeming to wrack her memory for an argument to support her statement. But, Shadow figured that this would happen. In fact, she was counting on Bella second-guessing herself. After all, who would believe such a wild accusation?

  Shadow felt suddenly nauseous. She hated this. She wished things could be easier, but this was the only way she could protect her family from the truth. Shadow wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them to her chest once more. The action was of little comfort, but she felt more guarded.

  Bella huffed, seeming to give up as she fell back against the bed. "You know, maybe I did hit my head or something. I mean, Edward seems to think there's something wrong up there anyways."

Shadow rose an eyebrow. "And Edward Cullen's opinion matters because?" Shadow gestured for Bella to elaborate.

The brunette simply laughed and shook her head, as if she herself couldn't believe that she was letting Edward get to her.

  "Exactly," Shadow pointed out. "I mean, the guy's an ass— and who cares what boys think?" Shadow looked at her fingernails with disinterest, as if she couldn't care less about the matter.

  Bella snorted, "You say that like you aren't completely infatuated with his brother."

  Shadow felt her cheeks burn as Jasper was suddenly brought into the conversation. That was forbidden territory, not to mention completely uncalled for. Her feelings for Jasper were her own to sort out.

"Am not!" She insisted, plucking a pillow from her bed. Bella could only laugh as the object weakly hit her head before falling to the floor.

  "You so are," Bella insisted. "I hardly ever see you at school without him."

Shadow blew a piece of hair out of her face. She wanted to argue. But, as much as she hated to admit it, her cousin had a point.

Maybe, Shadow pondered, having distance between us would be good for now.

In the silence that followed, Bella sighed as she looked at Shadow. "Do you think I'm crazy?" She asked, the question catching the ginger off guard.

  Shadow crossed her arms. "Honestly? I think we just went through something incredibly traumatic," she said.

  "And even as much as the school likes to think Edward Cullen is something special, he's just a boy and—" she straightened, wiping her hands as if she'd just finished some grueling task, "— my final verdict is that boys are dumb."

  Bella chuckled as she stood from the bed. "Right," she muttered, hesitating once she was at the door. "I'm going to bed, so..." she let the sentence trail off awkwardly. Shadow launched another pillow, chasing Bella from the room before she could ruin the moment.

  When the door closed, Shadow sunk into her bed with relief. She'd managed to brush aside Bella's concern for now, but how long would that hold? What they'd been through was strange and Shadow couldn't outright deny that Edward had been there.

If the time ever came, how was she going to explain this?

  "So, you're really not infatuated with me?"

Shadow felt herself jolting into action at the sudden voice. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was met with the sight of Jasper. He sat perched on the window sill, looking perfectly at ease as he grinned over at her.

"I'm trying not to be too disappointed," he told her.

  Shadow rolled her eyes, heart still racing. "What can I say? I like my men better when they don't break in through the window." Jasper chuckled as he got up, walking over to sit down on the bed with her.

"What's up?" She asked, curious about his sudden visit. Shadow definitely did not have the energy for another deep, heartfelt talk.

  Jasper hummed, "How do you feel about being able to chew Edward out at my house? You know, instead of talking shit about him behind his back."

Shadow scoffed as Jasper leaned back to rest his head by her legs. She tried to ignore the way her heart seemed to stutter in her chest as he looked up at her. She wanted to lean down and press a kiss to his forehead.

  "I don't think it qualifies as talking behind someone's back when you're not afraid to say it to their face," she said. "He just so happened not to be around to hear it."

Jasper chuckled. "How convenient, so I take that as a yes?" He rose a brow in question.

  "As long as there's dinner involved," she replied, getting up from the bed. After the adrenaline-infused scare Jasper had left her with, she was no longer exhausted enough to ignore her hunger.

Jasper nodded as he got up. "You're in luck, Esme's cooking."

Shadow found herself suddenly energized by those words alone. The Hale boy watched her with amusement as she stood up, shrugging on a coat and slipping her feet into some spare moccasins.

  She turned towards him, hands going to her hips. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

  Before Shadow knew it, she was clinging onto Jasper. His speed left the forest in a blur of green as he ran. Shadow struggled to hold back a scream of pure terror as the wind bit at her face. She was never going to get used to this.

Shadow shut her eyes tightly. Only when it was over did she open them, quickly jumping from Jasper's grasp as they appeared in the clearing surrounding the Cullen house. How was it that despite promising herself to never do it again, she always wound up unable to resist as Jasper guided her onto his back?

  The Hale boy in question turned to her with a laugh. "God, you should see your face right now."

Shadow stuck out her tongue, while Jasper remarked on her maturity. Within a blink, he was gone. Shadow inhaled a sharp gasp as a breeze pushed the hair from her face.

  She whirled around, looking towards the steps of the Cullen house. She found Jasper perched at the top, leaning against the wooden railings. His smile was all taunt as he gazed down at her.

"Show off," she muttered.

  When the two entered the house, the expression on Shadow's features was quickly replaced with a scowl. Shadow Swan was all teeth as she glared over at Edward, who stood between their path to the living room.

"You have two seconds to get out of my sight," she told him, fingers curling into fists.

  Edward narrowed his eyes. "I think you're forgetting whose house your in."

  Shadow squared her shoulders. "And I think you forget that I can literally make your head explode."

If the Cullen boy thought this was a fight he could win, he was wrong. Besides, Shadow figured her cause was pretty justified. The cause being that he was an asshole.

  Edward's grin was positively gleaming as he ventured closer. "Not without control," he taunted. "Not unless you want to get rid of your boyfriend, too."

Edward smirked as he passed. Jasper said nothing, but Shadow could see the smile teasing at the edges of his lips. Her cheeks flared.

"You're too old to be acting this immature, you hag," Shadow snapped. She was fully aware that she'd started the argument, but anger seemed to leave her filter incapable.

  "You started it!" Edward called lightly over his shoulder as he turned and disappeared from sight. With his presence now gone, Shadow felt her shoulders relax. Though, not by much.

Jasper put his arm around her, steering her towards the kitchen and siphoning the anger from her emotions. He wove his calm into her easily and Shadow accepted it, suddenly ashamed of her actions. Sure, she had a right to be angry with him.

But, to take it out on him in his own home? In front of his family? That was too much. She shrugged off Jasper's hold as they entered the kitchen.

  "I'm going to be honest," she declared as she sat down on the free stool beside Alice. Most of the family was gathered around the island table, while Esme busied herself with the stove. "I'm probably going to end up fighting your son one of these days."

  Rosalie snorted from her spot across from Shadow. "That makes two of us," she mused as she flipped through a book.

Shadow gave a half-hearted grin, glad that she wasn't the only one irked at the Cullen boy. Though, that didn't mean her actions didn't warrent an apology.

  She smiled sheepishly at Carlisle, who was helping Esme. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have done that."

Carlisle turned to Shadow as he flicked on the stove. His gaze wasn't stern or reprimanding, simply thoughtful as he looked away. That was the worst part; the fact that he didn't scold her.

  "I won't say it's alright, but I appreciate the apology." Shadow knew better than to let his words sting, he didn't need to remedy her feelings. That wasn't his job.

"But," Carlisle continued, "I don't think it's me you should be apologizing to." He made a point of glancing to the hall where Edward had disappeared.

  Shadow couldn't help the grimace that passed over her face. "Are you sure we can't just fight it out? Don't guys do that anyway?"

The ginger made a show of glancing between Jasper and Emmett. The latter grinned, stepping up behind her to give a firm pat on the shoulder.

  "Last I checked, you're not a vampire, or a guy for that matter." Shadow huffed at Emmett's words, though she couldn't exactly refute him.

He walked around the island to stake out a spot beside Rosalie. She nestled into him, still immersed in her book. It was a sight that tugged at her heartstrings and Shadow couldn't help but smile.

  However, there were more important things to take care of than coo over Rosalie and Emmett's relationship. Even as much as she hated to admit it, Carlisle was right. She was in the wrong and, sure, maybe the blame wasn't all her own. But, that didn't make it any less her responsibility to apologize and fix it.

  After all, it was the least she could do for the Cullen's.

  Again, Shadow was reminded of the multitude of mistakes she'd made. None of it had been intentional. But, of course, the Swan girl was adept in the art of making things worse. She sighed, brushing the thought aside. She could wallow in her own self-pity later.

  "I'll be right back," Shadow spoke, rapping her knuckles against the table as she stood. She pretended not to notice Jasper's concern as she left the room.

"I'll scream if I need help," she called over her shoulder, drawing a few chuckles in her wake.

  "Please, don't. We can't afford to replace another window."

Shadow doubted that as her gaze immediately went to a shelf full of antiques. If they had enough spare change to collect the likes of gold-detailed plates, then surely they had enough to replace a window. Not that she planned on testing her theory.

  The Swan girl followed the hall she'd seen Edward disappear through and turned, coming to find herself faced with a closed door. There was no point in hesitation or prolonging the conversation either. He already knew she was there, so she knocked and waited for the welcome party to greet her.

  Shadow sucked in a breath as the door opened, revealing a less-than-amused Cullen.

He rose a copper-coloured brow, eyeing her carefully. "I'm not going to ask how you found me so fast," he said, turning to walk back into the room.

Shadow took that as a sign to follow him. She shrugged, "I just followed the stench of death and immaturity."

  Edward gave a scoff that was more amused than insulted. "What a great way to start an apology," he retorted, his back turned to her as she ran her fingers over the shelves of CD's.

Weirdo, she thought to herself, grateful that she could block his thoughts. If she were Edward, her shelves would have been filled with books upon books. Not music.

  But, the Swan girl wouldn't be surprised if they already had their own personal library stashed away somewhere. Surely, after so many years of being alive, they would've amassed some kind of wealth big enough to afford one. Clearly they had enough for this house and the ridiculously large garage attached to it. How old even were they?

Shadow gave a thoughtful hum. "Well, I like to make an entrance." Her smile was teasing as Edward finally turned to face her.

  The Cullen boy collapsed back into a chair. "As long your entrance doesn't break another window, then we're fine." He glanced to the side, making a point of looking at the glass that made up his wall.

Shadow blinked in surprise. She found it odd how she'd hardly even noticed it until now. Rain had just begun to fall, but birds could still be seen darting in-between the trees surrounding the house.

"Well," she began, still entranced by the sight. The room was beautiful. "You don't have to worry about that, I didn't come here to scream your head off." Shadow tore her eyes away from the glass to look at Edward then, who regarded her carefully in return.

He nodded. "Yeah, I think some apologies are in order."

Shadow gave a breathy chuckle as she sat on the armrest of the chair opposite him. You could say that again, she wanted to joke. But, the Swan girl didn't think this was the right time to play funny.

  However, when Edward suddenly leaned in, eyes earnest, she was taken by surprise. "How did you do that thing yesterday? With your hand?"

Shadow frowned, confused by the turn in conversation. She'd expected some snarky remark or something similar to it. Maybe even an apology first, if she was lucky. Clearly, she wasn't.

  She struggled to reply, "Um, I thought we were apologizing..."

  Edward waved a dismissive hand, "Consider it accepted."

  Shadow sneered, not bothering to hide her insult. It wasn't as if she was the only one with words to say. "Yeah, you too, thanks." The Swan girl made the disdain in her voice blatant as she rose quickly from her spot.

  Edward heaved a sigh. "Okay, look. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have said what I did," he told her, "but back at the hospital, that thing you did with your hand?"

Shadow furrowed her brow, too confused by the question to bother with Edward's insincerity. The Cullen boy made a frusterated sound. Shadow shot him a glare for his impatience.

"It's not like you're being clear!" She snapped at him, pacing as she thought back to the moment before she left the hospital.

  Edward guided her thoughts, pointing her back to when she'd grabbed his wrist. "When you were talking about how you would have done something if you could, I could feel your thoughts. Like they were my own. I saw the car, then the memory of your father. I felt all of that— including your fear."

  Shadow inhaled sharply, her eyes darting to meet Edward's as she froze mid-pace. He stared back at her, but said nothing as she let the words run through her head. She'd been too angry to think twice about what had happened.

However, as she went back to the argument, she could distinctly remember the feeling behind grabbing Edward; the intent for him to understand.

  "So, is this supposed to be another power of mine?" She asked, sitting back on the chair.

Edward gave a shrug in response and Shadow knew it was stupid to even consider asking him. It wasn't as if he were qualified to answer, but he could be of use in proving her right.

  "Okay," the Swan girl began, sitting down properly. "Then let's try it again and see if it works. It's the only way to make sure."

  Edward rolled his eyes. "Right, because my word isn't enough on its own?"

  Shadow watched as he raised his brow, seeming to expect some kind of denial. The Swan girl knew he was only trying to be difficult and she didn't have time to tread around his feelings.

  Shadow leaned across the space between them, patting his cheek with a smile. "I trust you about as far as I can throw you," she said, the words too sweet to be genuine. "So, yes, it's not enough."

  Edward scowled, but didn't resist, even as Shadow grabbed his arm. Though, he did narrow his eyes in caution. She gave him another look.

"Stop being distracting," she scolded. The Cullen boy gave a scoff, but his expression softened slightly as Shadow began to concentrate on their task.

  She wondered how the mechanics of this whole thing worked. Could he read her thoughts now, just by touching him alone?

He looks so dumb right now, the Swan girl thought as she studied his fixated expression. Like he's constipated, she continued, grinning when he made no reaction.

  Edward looked up and met her expression with a glare. "Can you at least try to be serious about this," he insisted.

Shadow dropped the grin and replaced it with a stern look. Apparently he didn't need telepathy to know what she was thinking and Shadow hated being predictable. She tried to think of something else.

  Moments passed, but nothing seemed to happen. Edward grew more and more restless. Finally, he sighed, exasperated with Shadow's lack of progress. For someone with endless time on his hands, he sure seemed annoyed about wasting it.

"Just think about something," he told her, "anything clear enough that you can vividly remember what you felt about it. Like the car accident or some other trauma—" in retrospect, Edward did try to catch himself, that much Shadow would amend.

  However, it was too late, and the words left that wound inside her burning. Air evaded her lungs as her mind drew back to the night of her mother's death. It was if she were there again, seeing the blood, feeling her muscles bunch up in terror. Yet, Shadow still had enough conscious mind to watch as Edward's expression twisted into one of agony.

  He could feel all of it, she knew it, and that was enough for Shadow to instantly draw back. She snatched her hand away as the instance was broken. But, Edward still looked pained as he clutched at his chest. His mouth opened and closed, trying to form words, but the Swan girl knew he wouldn't be able.

  Not even she could form a response to what just happened.

  The seconds drew by until, finally, Edward seemed to come back to his senses. The brunet drew in a large breath as he ran a hand through his hair. It was clear that he was distressed, but Shadow didn't know what to tell him. She was used to being the one who was comforted, not the other way around.

  Though, when he looked at her again, with such a foreign expression, she found her words quickly.

"Don't look at me like that," she seethed, pushing his face away. Edward swatted at her hands with care, the familiar glare returning. Immediately, the Swan girl was rendered un-guarded.

  "Like what?" Edward demanded, but his eyes softened after a moment. Shadow tensed. "I'm just trying to be—"

  The Swan girl was quick to cut him off, her gaze furious. "What? Comforting? Well, newsflash, Eddie, you're not." Shadow didn't mean to snap, but having that look come from Edward of all people was enough to spark her anger. "I've had enough pity to last a lifetime and I definitely don't need it from you."

  Edward shook his head as he sunk into his chair, clearly exhausted by her attitude. "You make it really hard to be sympathetic," he told her.

  Shadow didn't miss his scoff of disbelief as she gave a casual shrug. "Good. I'd rather you keep treating me like an enemy instead of some sob story." Even as she said it, Shadow knew how bad it sounded.

But, it was just the truth. She felt better when people weren't bringing up her past or the tragedy that had rendered her parent-less. It made it easier to grieve at her own pace.

  Edward chuckled, "You? An enemy? You're more like a nightmare."

  Shadow grinned, glad that he seemed to be cooperating. "See? You're doing so well already." She leaned over to give his cheek another pat.

Edward caught her hand just before she could pull away and Shadow was struck by the sudden sincerity in his eyes. A moment of silence passed where the Cullen boy tried to find his words.

"Really, Shadow, I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean to be so ignorant," he told her, the words genuine. He seemed desperate for her to believe him.

  Shadow had enough sense to not make some smart-mouthed retort. She gave an awkward smile. "I know you didn't, so don't worry about it."

She gave a nervous laugh as she finally managed to pull her hand away. "Now stop being so nice, it's weird."

  Edward grinned and suddenly the Swan girl was at odds with herself. She had no idea if she liked being at adversity with him more than this moment right here— when it felt like maybe they could be friends. It was almost nice.

  Until he opened his mouth, of course.

  "You don't have to tell me twice, it feels like my tongue already burns from being nice to you."

Shadow drew back at the remark, caught off guard by the overdone harshness. Leave it to Edward to be subtle about it, she thought to herself. Though, she was glad that the moment had passed.

  However, just as she opened her mouth to give some snarky reply, she was cut off by a chill that stole its way across her skin. Shadow felt herself tense. In a sudden, overwhelming sense of fear, her hand gripped the armrest with force. Edward watched her with a furrowed brow, concerned as he seemed to mouth something to her.

  Shadow quickly realized that he was speaking her name, looking for some type of response. But, she couldn't hear him over the sound of blood rushing through her ears. The Swan girl winced as her head began to throb and thoughts forced their way in.

Shadow closed her eyes and, in the next instant, she could see what her subconscious was trying to warn her about.

  It was like a memory of something she'd seen, but couldn't properly recall. First, there was simply the forest, deep in the thick of it where human trails could no longer be found. The blurred shapes among the brush darted across her vision with ferocious speed before manifesting into figures.

  They had the shape of people, but all Shadow could see were their crimson eyes. It was enough to tell her what they were. It was enough to warn her.

  The images stopped abruptly and Shadow could feel the scream building in her throat. She ran to the door, completely forgetting her shoes as she dashed for the outdoors. If she'd been able to remember that there was one person who could have helped— one person who could have put her fears to rest— then maybe she would have stayed.

  However, in her panic and fear, all rational thoughts seemed to flee as Shadow leapt off the steps and landed on soft, damp grass. The Swan girl didn't stop to think or consider her actions. Her mind was stuck in flight mode as she sprinted towards the woods, eyes wide with terror as she ran.

  Though, she could never outrun what was bound to happen. It wasn't long before Shadow was collapsing to her knees among moss and dead leaves. Her throat ached, raw with the effort as she tried to stop herself.

  But, there was no holding it back and the ear-splitting scream tore through the woods.

  Birds cried in symphony with the sound, taking flight as Shadow collapsed on her back. Above her, an endless sight of grey clouds and trees seemed to spin until Shadow could no longer stand it. She shut her eyes and the world faded to black.

Edited 02/15/2016 @12:27 AM
Edited 10/01/2016 @1:19 AM
Edited 10/01/2017 @3:15 AM
Edited 08/02/2019 @4:55 AM