CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
( false walls. )

"YOUR PERMISSION SLIP, MISS SWAN?"

  Shadow handed over the piece of paper with a half-hearted smile. "It wouldn't hurt you to look a little more enthused, Shadow." Mr. Molina said, followed by a grin.

  She huffed a laugh, but there was no malice in her disbelief. "Enthusiasm?" Shadow promptly shook her head, "Not my style, sorry." She gave her teacher a cheeky grin before entering the crowded school bus.

  The Swan girl heard Mr. Molina laugh as drifted further down the aisle of seats. Shadow hesitated somewhere in the middle, searching for an empty window among the students. Her lips were pursed as she pretended not to notice the way every face turned to look her way.

  Shadow didn't know if her lack of attention-to-detail were to blame, but she was sure that there hadn't been this many kids in her Biology class. She had the distinct impression that there were too many eyes. She brushed the observation aside as she began to search for a familiar face among her classmates.

  "I heard her and that Jasper kid are a thing."

  Shadow inhaled sharply, but kept herself from turning to face the girls sitting down behind her. Clearly, subtlety didn't occupy their vocabulary. That or they simply didn't care.

  Either way, Shadow didn't miss the heat in their words. The ginger forced herself to continue on. But, even then, she couldn't shake the glimpses or the barely-hushed voices that followed her. It was more irritating than unsettling.

  Shadow couldn't help her scowl. She had almost forgotten how much she hated high school. Almost.

  The Swan girl's eyes quickly found Jasper's head of blond hair among the back of the crowd. Though, she found herself hesitating before she could make the instinctive decision to join him. Shadow wanted to curse herself for letting petty words get to her, but she couldn't shake the question herself.

  What was her relationship with Jasper?

  She couldn't call him a friend— not when their first meeting had been spent at each other's throats. Never-mind the fact that Shadow's friends didn't usually make her swoon. He was definitely an annoyance, but he wasn't (im)mortal enemy number one either. Edward currently occupied that spot.

  Still, Shadow trusted Jasper like she trusted no one else, and it was only at his side that the world seemed to finally balance itself out.

  What did you call someone like that?

  The Swan girl felt her heart stutter as she recalled the press of his lips against her knuckles. Some part of her knew what it was that made her ribs feel like a cage and her heart a flighty bird. She just wasn't ready to say it.

  So many things in her life seemed already predetermined and, if this connection between her and the Hale boy was one of them, then fate had another thing coming.

  Shadow knew that she was being stupid. But, she faltered as another thought occurred to her. Who knew when she would get another chance to feel something like this again? Who else would she ever feel that same safe haven with? No one else's smile could turn her stomach like his could. It felt rare enough for some part of Shadow to rebel against her rationale.

  If everything ended here and now, would she regret the chances she didn't take?

  As if he could hear the thought as it formed, the Hale boy lifted his head and caught sight of her. Shadow stilled, watching as his lips formed a frown. As he averted his eyes with a purpose, the Swan girl felt the flutter of her heart fall flat with irritation.

  Destiny was all but forgotten and suddenly Jasper Hale was now public enemy number one.

  She knew why he was acting so cold and it was infuriating. "You've got to be kidding me," she seethed, keeping her voice low enough to be lost among the noise of the bus.

  Though, she knew he could hear her just fine. "It's not like you're the one dying." The Swan girl immediately noticed his reaction; from the wince on his features, to the bunched together shoulders.

  She gave an annoyed tsk, shoving down her guilt and the sting that accompanied it. She hated this— the push and pull effect they had on each other. At this point, she was ready to throw in the towel for good, but she knew that was exactly what he wanted.

  Why make it any easier for him?

  Shadow gave a defeated huff, her own frown painting her lips as she turned to find a different seat. If she sat far enough away, maybe the connection would stop messing with her common sense. Though, Shadow found herself quickly stumbling as she turned and bumped into something hard.

  The ginger let out a gasp, the sound being cut short as arms reached out to steady her. Shadow tensed, but was quick to relax when she saw that it was only Emmett. The brunet had an amused grin on his features and, in turn, Shadow found herself smiling back.

  Emmett always seemed to have that effect, with eyes that lit up every time he spoke, like he couldn't be more than thrilled to see you.

  The towering Cullen boy stepped back to give her a respectful distance, though the teasing smile remained. "Not willing to brave death today, Swan?"

The laugh that rippled out of her was so abrupt and genuine that Shadow couldn't contain her grin. Only Emmett would meet that terrifying possibility with such a fearless humour and brashness. Only he would search for a way to light up that darkness.

  He rested his arms atop the seats on either side of him, seemingly unaware of the disgruntled line forming behind his back. Shadow noted the confused and irritated expressions. This wasn't exactly the best place to spark up a conversation.

  She shrugged, "Seems like my invite to the inner circle has been rescinded." She glanced to the open seat at her left and slid into it, raising her brow when Emmett quickly followed.

  "You wish. You're stuck with us now, Red." Emmett winked and nestled himself deeper into the small bus seat as if to make his point. Pushed up against the window, Shadow made a half-hearted shove at his arm.

"Can't I be stuck with you at a safer distance? Preferably in your own damn seat." Emmett only laughed and ruffled the neat hair she'd so painstakingly straightened.

She gasped, reaching up to reassemble the strands. With a wicked grin, Emmett lifted both hands in preparation to strike again. The only thing that stopped him was the slender, smooth hand that shot out to grip his wrist.

Emmett turned to Rosalie and the subtle softness that eased his expression left Shadow smiling, even as Rosalie frowned down at him. "I thought we agreed to give her some space."

The blonde lifted her gaze to Shadow's and smiled softly. Despite the words, there was no coldness on her face. Not like there usually was when directed at anyone but Emmett. Despite the acceptance of Shadow among them, Rosalie had always donned a frostiness she never mistook for a lack of kindness.

The idea that she was warming to her now— that she wanted to, even despite the loss that might come of it— made Shadow nearly choke on the ache in her chest.

Emmett shrugged, "What's the point? Despite what Jasper thinks, it changes nothing." He directed his gaze back to the Swan girl with a staggering grin. "Distance or not, you're one of us now. Nothing's gonna happen to you on my watch."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, but slid into the seat behind them without another word. Shadow's own gaze flew up to meet Emmett's and he embraced her awed stare with another easy smile. One of them. The Cullen boy didn't seem to notice the chord his words seemed to strike, that or he didn't bother to comment on it as he looked away.

  Shadow felt something inside of her soften. Even with Emmett's eyes off of her, she couldn't help the smile that touched her lips. It seemed hard to think about Shadow belonging anywhere after everything that had happened. How much effort had she put into carving herself out of spaces she'd once made a home in?

  Too much to be worth it, clearly.

  Shadow knew the words rung true long before they registered in her mind. She felt it the day Esme had taken her in her arms, with the comfort of a mother. She saw it in the expression Carlisle had taken when they discovered the truth of her vision. She even felt it with Jasper, when he gave her that smile designated purely for her.

  Somehow, something inside of them had shifted to make room for her.

  And that sense of belonging was overwhelming. It felt too good to be true. Shadow had left her home, only to find a new one. She'd severed ties with friends, but found others waiting for her. Maybe it was too late to heal the things she'd done wrong, or to reconnect with people who had long since forgotten her.

  But, Shadow knew she couldn't make the same mistake with the Cullen's— even if Jasper Hale seemed to want otherwise.

  Shadow risked another glance behind her. As she caught Jasper's eyes, she knew then that it wasn't really true. How could she let herself believe he wanted to let her go, when she saw the guilt in his eyes? There was another reason why he couldn't look at her.

  As stubbornly as she wanted to think that he didn't care for her as much he seemed to, the Swan girl knew that she wasn't the only one who felt that sting. The same one that accompanied the mere thought of leaving the Cullen's behind, like she had with so many others. But, it seemed so easy to make him the bad guy, especially while she was so afraid of what it meant for her when he wasn't.

  If anything, she was just as guilty for being complacent.

  After all, she recognized that defensive nature. She'd worn it like a second skin. She was desperate for protection against anything and everything and so, cutting ties with everyone that could hurt her seemed like a good idea at the time.

  Only now did Shadow realize how worse-for-wear it had left her instead. And Shadow Swan was going to be damned before she let Jasper take the same three months it had taken her to realize it too. He may have had an eternity of time to spare, but she didn't.

  The truth of the matter was simply this; something inside Shadow Swan had shifted too, and it had more than enough room to spare.

→

  Shadow stepped off the bus with Emmett in tow behind her. "If he asks, it wasn't us who told you," he said to her, making a point of glancing behind him.

  Shadow turned, one eyebrow poised in disbelief. It wasn't as if the Cullen boy had been exactly discreet in sharing the information. Emmett rolled his eyes.

  "He wasn't listening, trust me. There were too many voices and he has trouble with—"

  "I have trouble with what?"

  Shadow and Emmett froze, features recoiled in that I'm-guilty-and-have-nothing-to-say-for-it expression. But, the oaf still had the audacity to muster his most shiny grin.

  "Nothing! Absolutely nothing."

  Shadow followed up on his statement by zipping her lips closed, adding a lock-and-key gesture.

  Jasper wasn't amused. "Right."

  As he brushed past, Shadow resisted the urge to turn towards him or apologize. It was only when he was out of earshot did she slap Emmett's bicep. Which, she was sure hurt her more than it did him.

  "Very subtle," she remarked, though Emmett simply shrugged as they were pulled into the tide of student's heading towards the greenhouse.

  Shadow took a glance around, noting the lack of the other Cullen siblings. Likely heeding Jasper's idiotic idea. From the tips of her toes, she could make out Jasper and Edward moving through the crowd.

  She turned to Emmett, "Where's Alice?"

  Emmett gave her a grin. "Vampires get sick too, you know." He winked and Shadow had to resist the urge to laugh. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how much planning went into passing the Cullen's off as normal high-school students. Surely, it couldn't be easy.

  Emmett waved a hand. "Kidding, she's just busy today. Setting up something special." The Cullen boy's eyes took on an excited spark as he glanced at Shadow, but she caught the way he quickly averted his gaze.

  He didn't explain any further and, truthfully, the Swan girl wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

  Shadow kept her gaze fixed ahead as they entered the greenhouse. Her breath caught when she saw Edward part from Jasper. The perfect chance to talk to him. If what Emmett had said was true, the Hale boy wouldn't even see her coming.

  She glanced to the left, where Mr. Molina was engaged in excited conversation about the benefits of compost tea. From at his side, Eric didn't look quite as enthused.

  Shadow grinned and turned to Emmett, giving his arm a nudge. "I'll be right back," she told him and, before he could reply, she began stealthily weaving her way through the students in front of her. She kept her 'excuse me's' to a minimum, so as to not to alert Jasper as she drew nearer.

  When her hand found his wrist, he turned to face her, only to find himself being led away from the group. Shadow cut off from the main path. Twisting and turning amongst the foliage, until the sound of the class was softened by the large plants shielding her and Jasper.

  She turned to him, exhaling a heavy breath. "That was easier than I thought." She smiled, but Jasper's expression was stony. If he was displeased with the sudden turn of events, he didn't show it.

  Shadow rolled her eyes. "Oh, geez, I'm sorry. Did you also want to learn about how compost tea speeds up the breakdown of toxins?" Jasper opened his mouth, likely to counter her words with his own retort.

  Shadow grabbed his wrist, "Too bad, blondie." She pulled him further into the greenhouse.

  Jasper pulled his hand from her grasp, "Stop, Shadow. I have nothing to say to you." He turned, making to walk away.

  Shadow whirled around to face him, her glare furious. "Fine, don't say anything, just listen— and stop," she poked his shoulder, "being such a jerk."

  Jasper paused then, seeming to consider the words. When he finally turned back to face her, Shadow felt her shoulders relax in relief. Truthfully, she'd been expecting more of a fight.

  She sighed, "Look, Jas, I know what you're doing and believe me, it won't help." Jasper stilled. Clearly, this wasn't where he'd expected the conversation to go.

  The Swan girl bit her lip. She didn't know what to say to him. There was no way she could possibly make her next words painless. To ease the blow, when they already knew the truth.

  "It's not going to change anything," she whispered, speaking the words gently— slowly, as if it would make them easier to digest. It wouldn't.

  She knew that, because nothing was ever easy when it came to her and him.

  Jasper took a step closer, but all intimidation was lost with the desperation in his voice. "You don't know that."

  Shadow swallowed roughly, pained by his reaction. Before she could speak, Jasper shook his head, drawing himself up. "You can't know that," he repeated, the words stronger and significantly lacking emotion.

  Shadow gave a huff of laughter and, in that split second, something inside her seemed to snap.

  "I'm one of the only people who could possibly know that! Do you know how easy it would have been to walk away from you without this—" Shadow gestured between them, warmth flooding her face, "whatever this is between us."

  Jasper loomed ever closer, "Then do it, Shadow. Walk away." The ginger pursed her lips, unfazed by the intensity of his stare.

  His expression softened, just for a moment. "If you know what's good for you, you'd walk away and never turn back."

  Shadow gripped his fingers in her own. "You don't get it to, do you—" she was cut off by the sound of laughter and footsteps drawing nearer.

  The Swan girl huffed, pulling Jasper towards a door. She pushed it open, glad he didn't resist when she closed it behind them. They were outside now, barely sheltered from the light rain that had begun to fall.

  The ginger turned back to face him, mustering up her courage. "I can't walk away," she forced herself to meet his eyes, heart stuttering inside her chest. "And I don't want to."

  When he said nothing, she tried not to feel too disappointed.

  Instead, she dared to step closer, "I have spent the last three months running from every person who's reached out. I cut myself off from friends— some of the only people I had left after my parents died— because I thought it would make everything stop hurting." Shadow paused, shoving down the ache.

  She took a deep breath, steeling herself. "But, it doesn't. I thought that if I tried hard enough, I could make myself immune to the pain, but you can't. Running from the truth isn't going to solve anything. Haven't you had decades to figure that out?"

  "And what truth is that?" Jasper seethed, leaving the clear agony in his eyes open for her to see. "That I might be the reason you die?"

  Shadow faltered and she could only blink in surprise. So, that's what this entire thing was about? Not because of the all-in-all danger of this world, but because of the supposed danger of him?

  Shadow sputtered for a reply. "That's—" she grit her teeth, frustrated. "You won't be," she insisted, holding his gaze.

  "You can't know that, Shadow—"

  "I do!" Shadow spoke with such a ferocity that even the trees around them seemed to still. "I do know that, because even now," she reached out to gently touch the space below his eye, "when you can barely stand the sight of me, I know there's nowhere in the world where I'm safer."

  Jasper looked pained. Shadow dropped her hand and strengthened herself. "It doesn't matter how many times you push and shove, I'm staying. Maybe not for you, but for myself at least."

  "You can feel safe behind whatever hollow wall you build for as long as you like," she continued, "You can even call it protection." Shadow hesitated, unsure if she wanted to admit the truth.

  Finally, she turned away, looking to the window that viewed inside. She could just make out Emmett, standing beside Edward. He was laughing as he tried desperately to reattach a leaf he'd clearly plucked off.

  She smiled. "But, something is always going to slip past and break in," she told him. Jasper followed her gaze. "Always."

  Jasper looked back to the Swan girl, all fight gone. She was surprised to find that she felt it too. That deflation of tension in the air. She figured it was because they'd finally gotten everything off their chest. She was glad of it, even if it wasn't pretty.

  The Hale boy reached out, caressing the edges of her jaw. "You know, when you talk like that," he mused," it makes me want to kiss you."

  Shadow inhaled sharply. Her heart was a mess. That flighty bird, hammering against its cage bars all over again.

  That was when she noticed how close they were. Her head was tilted back to look up at him, with his own tilted down to face her. If she stood on the tips of her toes, she just might reach his lips.

  She smiled softly, "I might let you."

  It was silent, the pair holding still as everything around them faded to background noise.

  The moment was only broken when she turned away. "But, not right now," she quickly said, walking over to the door.

  She glanced back at him from over her shoulder. "Not until I know what we are."

  With that, the Swan girl disappeared inside, feeling accomplished as she left a flustered Jasper Hale in her wake. It didn't take long to find herself at the back of the group, already finished their tour around the greenhouse. She blew a breath of relief. No one seemed to notice either her or Jasper's disappearance.

  Shadow trailed aimlessly along the aisles, giving a thoughtful hum as she studied the plants around her. She gently ran her finger along the curve of a leaf, jumping when a sudden nudge came at her shoulder. She turned, a polite smile on her lips at the sight of Eric.

  "Hey, what's up?" She didn't think this was a friendly visit. Not with the poorly muffled laughter sounding behind her back.

  Shadow risked a glance behind her, furrowing her brow as Edward and Emmett caught her stare. The former gave her a thumbs up and a grin. She narrowed her eyes at him, turning back to the Yorkie boy with a cautious expression.

  He gave an awkward smile, adjusting his coat. "Not much. I just wanted to catch up, we haven't really been able to talk since your first day." Eric gave an oddly nervous chuckle.

  Shadow bit her lip as she recalled the scene in the hallway— and the embarrassing moment with Jasper promptly after it. She'd lost the paper since then, but it wasn't as if she'd been intending to use it in the first place.

  Still, she felt somewhat bad for not having called. While she might have lacked interest in him, he would've been a nice friend to have. Shadow would've liked to think they could still be friends, but things were different now. There were risks to bringing people into her life. Risks that involved revealing a secret that wasn't just hers to keep.

  Shadow gave a timid smile. "I'm sorry I never called. I lost your number." She tried for some semblance of truth, but still couldn't help but avert her eyes.

  Though, she didn't miss the way Eric seemed to visibly relax at her words. Clearly his nervousness had stemmed from the fact that he thought she hadn't called on purpose. Which, she had— but, he didn't need to know that.

  As Shadow studied the boy before her, she found herself realizing that she didn't really care for the risks as much as she thought she did. Sure, she considered them. But, normal was something she'd desperately needed in her life, long before the Cullen's had shown up.

  Having Eric approach her now made her realize how much she missed having friends. Or, well, friends that weren't vampires.

  "It's all good, I'll just get yours from Bella." Eric gave a casual shrug, drawing a look of surprise that Shadow quickly tried to hide. He was blunt in a way that she hadn't expected, not to mention completely shameless. Shadow tried to tell herself it was... refreshing.

  "Anyways, I wanted to ask, did you have a date for prom?"

  Shadow froze. She opened her mouth before slowly closing it, not quite sure of what to say. This was not what she'd been expecting. To tell him that she didn't have one would ultimately lead to him asking her to be his date, which was something the Swan girl definitely didn't want.

  After a moment of internal debating, the Swan girl finally replied. "No, I don't." She didn't bother asking why he wanted to know.

  "Oh? Well, would you like to be my date?" Shadow couldn't mask the nervous expression that crossed her features. She brought her thumb to her mouth, biting down softly on the nail. After noting her silence, Eric was quick to become nervous himself.

  "Of course, you don't have to if you're waiting on someone else." Eric briefly glanced at something ahead of them.

  Shadow followed his gaze, finding Jasper among the crowd fairly quickly. Her lips softly parted with the realization. The idea of going to prom with Jasper was hardly imaginable. The idea of going to prom at all seemed... out-of-reach in a way that pained her. Would she have that much time?

  "But, you know," Eric said, "if you don't get a date, I'd love to be yours." He smiled sweetly.

  Shoving her thoughts aside, Shadow couldn't help the grin that formed on her lips. He was cute. Cute enough to warrant a reply, regardless of what she felt about the whole idea.

  "I'm not waiting on anyone," she explained, "It's just that I wasn't really planning on going to prom." In truth, she'd completely forgotten about it altogether. "But, I'll think about it since you're asking."

  Eric nodded enthusiastically, satisfied with the answer. "That's great! Well, I'll see you around, okay?"

  Shadow nodded and Eric turned to walk back to his friends, a victorious grin lighting up his features. Shadow couldn't help but let out a chuckle. He seemed content with the reply he'd been given, even despite the fact that the Swan girl hadn't said yes.

  In the end, even as much as Shadow planned on keeping to herself, the people of Forks (both human and otherwise) were beginning to grow on her.

Edited 08/08/2019 @8:47 AM

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love my dumbass children... they really be out here like:

  Jasper: If you knew what was in your best interest, then you'd have already left.

  Shadow, has never known what's good for her like ever, Swan: Jokes on you, I have absolutely zero interest in doing what's in my best interest.