CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.
( kiss to remedy. )

  SHADOW COLLAPSED ONTO HER bus seat with accomplishment, having skillfully evaded the watchful eye of her teacher.

The class didn't leave for another half hour, but Shadow Swan was no longer interested in the field trip. She was already ahead of her work in biology. Simply put, Shadow had no desire to stand within the same vicinity of Edward and his shit-eating grin.

  She blew out a breath of air, unable to help the discomfort she felt when she recalled the sight of him walking with Bella. After catching Shadow's ever-watchful eye, he left shortly after. But, she would have appreciated him paying more mind to her request.

After all, Shadow still didn't know what the solution was when faced with a human finding out the truth. She wasn't keen on finding out. With Bella, or otherwise.

  Grimacing, Shadow pulled a book from her bag. She needed to distract herself. If she thought about it too much, anxiety would creep in, even in spite of every rational thought she had.

Thankfully, a different distraction caught her attention.

"For the lady."

Shadow looked up from her bag. Her eyes caught on the delicate flower being held out to her and she smiled. Though, she found herself peering curiously at the unfamiliar boy holding it.

  With long lashes, tan skin, and bright, brown eyes. He was striking. He had dark hair and even darker eyelashes. He was a beautiful person, in a manner of hard lines and lopsided smiles.

She took the flower gently from his grasp. "Thanks," she said softly. Shadow studied the pretty, little thing, twirling it between her fingers as she failed to place a name to the boy's face. Shadow had seen him around school, mostly when she caught him staring. But, he was nice enough about it. At least he gave a smile and a wave.

The Swan girl met his eyes, "What's your name?"

  The boy smiled and the glimmer in his eyes was pleased. It was clear he was eager to introduce himself. "Neil Ghostkeeper."

Shadow rose a brow, mildly intrigued. She said nothing, though Neil already seemed to know what she was thinking.

He chuckled, "Yeah, it's a pretty uncommon name."

  Shadow grinned and gave a shrug, "Maybe, but I'm willing to bet the name Shadow is weirder."

Neil grinned back; a pretty, beaming vision. The Swan girl tucked the flower behind her ear and Neil's eyes watched the movement carefully. She flushed under his gaze, shamelessly flirting.

  "Your words, not mine," Neil replied, hands raised in defence.

  Shadow shrugged, "What can I say, my parents were white."

Neil broke into loud laughter and Shadow smiled, averting her eyes. She faltered at the sight of a group of staring students and envious admirers (though she couldn't tell if they were hers or Neil's). He was handsome, after all.

  Shadow figured that other students might have escaped onto the bus, but she didn't think they would pay this much attention to her. She'd been trying so hard to avoid the whispers and gazes that followed her everywhere— but, as she gave a scan of the area, it was clear the effort remained futile.

  Shadow looked at Neil, folding into herself. "It was nice to meet you." With that, the Swan girl focused her attention on the pages of her book, trying not to think too much of the incident.

Still, it was hard not to wonder.

  As much as Shadow wanted to give the student body of Forks High the benefit of the doubt, it was hard. She didn't want to think this treatment was because people didn't like her. They hardly knew who she was.

But, Shadow had lived in the city all her life, she knew how cruel people could be.

  Still, she wondered if maybe it was because she intimidated them. After all, she saw the way the school treated the Cullen's. With wide berths in the hallway, sparing no glances but for a few with enough guts to do so, and occasionally with an awe fit for royalty.

It was stupid. They were teenagers— extraordinarily beautiful, mind you, but still teenagers. There was no reason to grant them status above, or below everyone else.

  Emmett had the kind of goofy nature that could make anyone laugh and Edward had enough brooding angst to rival any student in Forks High. Alice was an absolute sweetheart, who could make conversation with just about anyone if they let her. Rosalie was strong and mildly guarded, but she was loyal and honest. The best kind of person.

  Jasper was harder to place. Shadow figured that he had the kind of understanding about people few others did. She remembered sitting on the steps with him and how easy it had been to admit the truth. Talking with him always came with comfort.

He wouldn't judge her, because he knew how it felt.

  How could other people not see that in them. Better yet, how could they not try? She wondered if that was what set her apart from everyone else; her daring to approach something so vastly unknown.

Shadow hated it. She hated how bold things immediately placed you in the wrong side of the small-minded. She hated how it made you strange, purely by association.

  Mostly, she hated that she was letting it bother her and it quickly became obvious that Neil felt the same way.

He heaved a sigh as he sat himself in the empty spot beside Shadow. "Are you really going to let them get to you?" He sounded disappointed by the mere thought of it. "I mean, we both know they're all jealous."

  Shadow couldn't help her laugh. "Flattered. But, I'm more annoyed than bothered."

Shadow realized her lie all-too-late. She winced, biting down hard on her lip. The words had rung true once, but that was before she let them dictate her decisions. Like she had with Neil, just now.

  Neil clearly disagreed. "Really? 'Cause I don't think that's why you turned away from me so quickly." He didn't seem to miss much when it came to people.

Shadow looked over at him, relieved to see that he was more amused than insulted. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "it's been a long day."

It was true for the most part. A lot had happened, from dealing with Bella's truck nearly breaking down that morning, to having Eric ask her to prom this afternoon. Truly, Shadow had a lot going on, but mainly it concerned a certain Hale boy and the words he'd said to her.

  Shadow sighed heavily at the thought, "Honestly? I think we both know why they stare and it has nothing to do with my striking good looks." Shadow tried for a teasing tone, but just thinking about it made her want to deflate.

It had been bothering her for so long, it completely drained her of all fury. She was just tired now. A fire burnt out.

  Neil nodded, but Shadow didn't miss the way his smile turned wry. "Right." He glanced out the window, reaching over to tap on the glass. "The infamous Cullen family," he muttered.

Shadow followed his pointed finger to where Jasper and Emmett exited the greenhouse, closely followed by the rest of the class. She opened her mouth, curious to why his voice seemed to turn bitter. But, before she could ask, Neil was already getting up.

"Well, I better go before the boyfriend discovers me." In spite of the words, the Ghostkeeper boy's mischevious smile told of how little he cared for the idea.

  Shadow furrowed her brow. "He's not my boyfriend."

  Neil smirked. "His loss."

Then, with a wink, he disappeared down the aisle. Shadow grinned as she leaned back into her seat. It had been a while since she was flirted with like that, but it was a nice change of pace. At least some small part of the student body wasn't so bad.

"So, you're not going to prom then?" Came Jasper's voice as he slid in to share her seat.

Shadow tilted her head towards him, less-than-amused by his words. "I don't know yet, but I'd appreciate it if some people," she poked his bicep, "Namely you, would keep their ears to themselves before someone screams them off."

Shadow tried for a threatening tone, but there was a teasing smile on her lips. Jasper grinned, the expression sending Shadow's heart racing. The way he looked at her always made her feel as though his smile was hers and hers alone.

"Alright. I'll try to keep my ears to myself next time." His promise fell flat as the glint in his eyes suggested otherwise.

  The Swan girl rolled her eyes, but she wasn't really annoyed. Between the two of them, Shadow had already wasted too much energy on petty emotions. She wanted this peace with him, the one that had formed in the absence of their anger.

Shadow watched as the bus set into motion. The trees drifted by and light rainfall pattered against the window. All she felt was a sense of wholeness.

With him, the world made sense.

  It wasn't as if Shadow had forgotten her parents or that Jasper's presence seemed to fix every wound torn open inside of her. But, having a friend like him at her side made her feel okay. It wasn't a complete healing, but she was getting there, and that was enough.

It was progress.

  There were times when Shadow still felt guilty. As if it were wrong to feel so secure. Surely, she must've understood that all the things she cared for would eventually end with some tragic crash-and-burn.

  Her vision was stone, cold proof of that.

  However, in spite of her guilt and the fear that followed, Shadow found it hard to regret everything. Maybe it was selfish of her to want this for herself. For her to think that she rightfully deserved it.

  Life had given her enough things to feel sorry for, but Shadow didn't feel that way about trusting the Cullens. Not for a second. This was something she wanted to hold onto.

Shadow smiled as she settled back in her seat, resting her head on Jasper's shoulder. Though, deep down, she knew that she was right. Peace was one thing that rarely ever lasted.

  Shadow was a fool to believe otherwise.

→

  The moment she was in the safety of her room, Shadow collapsed face-first onto her bed. After the field trip, her day had been followed by a History test which thoroughly drained her. Shadow let out a loud groan into the mattress, which Jasper seemed to find amusing as he chuckled from his spot beside her desk.

  Shadow shifted to give him a glare. "You know, I don't recall giving you permission to come into my room unannounced. Or is lurking just a side effect of vampirism?"

  Shadow sat up, thankful that she had the forethought to let her bras dry in the closet. At least she'd saved herself one more embarrassing encounter. Privacy was one thing she simply was not afforded when it came to this house.

  Jasper gave a sheepish smile, "Sorry, I should have asked."

  Shadow hummed a half-hearted reply as she looked over at him. He looked so at ease in her room, peering curiously at anything he could lay his eyes on. He smiled upon seeing the pictures tucked into her dresser mirror.

  "Are these your friends?"

  Shadow watched as he pointed to the lowest photograph on the left, a strip of pictures taken in a photo booth. She shrugged. "They were, but we don't talk anymore."

  She sighed with the memory. "It was hard to keep up with everyone after my dad passed. I had to take care of my mom after that." Shadow felt guilt creep back in, but it was different this time.

  She moved over as Jasper joined her on the other side of the bed. Momentarily, she wondered if it was the first bed he'd been on since changing. Vampires didn't sleep, after all.

"It must have been hard, growing up so fast."

  Shadow smiled, pulling her knees to her chest. "I had my fair share of teenage rebellion. I went to parties, drank when I shouldn't have, all that good stuff."

  Jasper seemed amused at the thought as a chuckle escaped his lips. He was silent for a moment afterwards, before his gaze turned serious. It made her nervous.

  "Is it alright if I ask you a personal question?" He asked her.

  Shadow thought it over for a moment, but there wasn't any real hesitancy. She trusted him well enough. So, she nodded her agreement.

  "What does it feel like?"

  Shadow furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

  Jasper paused, worrying over the right way to put his question into words. "I mean, are you angry? Or are you just... sad."

  Shadow looked down at her blanket. He wanted honesty, so she would give him that. Just for him.

  "I don't know. Sometimes it's both, but it's not always constant," she admitted. "Why? Can't you just find out with your empath ability?"

  "I figured it would be less invasive if I just asked," he said, and Shadow was endeared by the thought.

  "Thanks," she replied softly. "So, you're able to control it?"

  "Not really," he told her, "It's more like being able to focus just on one, particular feeling. It was harder on my own before the Cullen's and Alice, but they give me something good to focus on."

  Jasper smiled with reminisce. Clearly it was a good memory, to have joined the Cullen family. It made Shadow more grateful for them.

  "I can manage it better now," he continued, "I can tell the difference between my own feelings and other people's."

  Shadow tilted her head. "So, who are you focusing it on right now if you're not doing it to me?"

  "Bella," Jasper said with a grin, "She's a very peaceful person to be around."

  Shadow laughed, because she figured that was true enough. Bella wasn't a turbulent person. Not in the way her spitfire cousin was.

  Shadow figured it had something to do with Bella taking after Charlie's calm disposition. He was the chief of police, after all. It seemed like an unspoken a requirement.

  "I like being around you," she found herself admitting. It was unabashed. "I used to be so scared of how you made me feel, but not anymore."

Shadow didn't mention that the idea of her possible death was the reason behind her sudden change. She didn't want to ruin the mood, with Jasper looking at her so carefully. It made her breath catch.

"How do I make you feel?" He asked, leaning closer without subtlety.

Her heart beat faster. He was letting her decide on the space between them. He was letting her make the choice.

And Shadow kissed him.

He wasn't taken by surprise. Instead he softened, curving into himself for her comfort. His lips were soft, but cold. It wasn't that tense, stone-like feel of every other part of his body.

Shadow felt warm all over. They pulled apart for only infinitesimal seconds, before he was kissing her once more. His mouth went from her lips, to her cheek, to her jaw. His descent to her neck was slow.

Her neck.

She let out a gasp, pulling back to stare at him. His eyes were dark, her breathing ragged. He closed his eyes, clearly struggling as he hovered above her.

The moment was over when he disappeared from sight, leaving Shadow both confused and alarmed.

Edited 02/18/2016 @12:38 PM
Edited 10/01/2018 @3:52 AM
Edited 09/01/2022 @ 5:16 AM

AUTHORS NOTE: Some apologies are probably in order, since I abandoned this for so long. COVID was a rough time. School was rougher... but I'm back and I intend on finishing this story now that it's fully edited! Thank you to everyone who waited patiently, it means so much. Much love!