CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR.
( all your own. )

CONTENT WARNING: 18+ THEMES AND SEXUAL CONTENT.

THE SILENCE BETWEEN THEM was the sum of both their stubbornness and aggravation.

A volatile mix where Shadow was concerned. To make matters worse; she was tired. Not just physically, either.

Shadow Swan was exhausted in every single way the word applied.

She rubbed at her eyes, debating her thoughts. There was no way she was going to sleep. Not like this. Shadow just couldn't hold onto this anger and find purpose in it. Not anymore. It didn't matter if she had to be the first to break.

Shadow cared about nothing except the people she loved— and having them know that she loved them.

"I shouldn't have said it," she spoke softly, speaking to the space between her and Jasper. Neither of them were looking at each other.

"I don't care that some part of me belongs to you, because it's yours," she continued. "I care about losing you and I don't—" Shadow stopped, because she couldn't continue. She couldn't even imagine it.

  Losing him would mean losing a part of herself. Something made wholly of everything good that Shadow was missing before she knew him. Before she loved him.

  And how did he feel, knowing what the vision had shown them?

  God, she had been so blind, so worried about her own loss. Shadow felt something inside her break open. So much guilt and pain and anger— she couldn't carry it anymore.

It was tearing her apart to hold every emotion in and expect it to sit silently. To sit still. To be patient.

  "I love you," she rasped, speaking through her fingers as if she could hold back her tears. "I'm sorry." Shadow wasn't sure what she was apologizing for anymore.

She choked on her sobs; a tight, painful cord pulling on her throat. Everything hurt. She wanted to carve this sadness from her entirely, but it felt like a sickness.

And, like any sickness, it would have to run its course.

But, she couldn't do that. Not here, in this place she promised to make home. Not while her family could hear her sobs in the next room over. It wasn't fair to make them worry, when so much time had already passed to grieve.

"It's not fair," she whispered, "It's not fair."

"Come with me," Jasper said, his voice much softer. "Tell Charlie you're staying with Alice for the night."

Shadow looked up at him and felt her tears slow. She didn't know what to make of his request. She only knew that she trusted him, wholeheartedly. Regardless of the consequence.

"Okay," she said.

Shadow reached for her phone, wiping at the tears still drying on her face. Her Uncle was working late, which made getting her things together easier. It didn't take long afterwards to receive his half-hearted permission.

Shadow was mildly surprised. Clearly, he liked the Cullen's well-enough to disregard the fact that it was a school night. Or, he just had a soft spot for Alice.

Shadow leaned over the bathroom sink. While Jasper took over gathering her things, she took the time to wash her face. She figured some classic cryotherapy would calm her. Or distract her long enough to stop crying.

The Swan girl towel-dried, avoiding the reflection of herself in the mirror. She knew what she looked like. She had faced that expression for months. Spent hours every other morning trying to cover up the swell of her eyes, or the redness of her nose.

It would take years to forget what grief had done to her.

When she left the bathroom, both her and Jasper exchanged no words. She left the house through the front, meeting him at the edge of the lawn, where grass gave way to shrubbery and then forest. He took care to make her comfortable as he lifted her onto his back.

Shadow kept her eyes closed for the entire trip. The speed and the feel of the wind biting at her ears never got any easier. Or warmer. Approximately fifteen minutes later, she was thankful it was over.

Jasper let her down gently, keeping an arm out to steady her as she adjusted. The forest was getting darker by the minute, but there was still enough light to maneuver through the trees and brush. Jasper made quicker work of it, but eventually they found a well-woven path between two trees.

Shadow looked to Jasper for an explanation, but didn't feel like breaking the silence. If he noticed her stare, he didn't say. If she had to put a word to it, Shadow thought he seemed almost nervous. Which, in turn, only made her anxious.

The Swan girl removed her hand from his arm when she felt steadier on her feet. Again, he didn't seem to notice. A few minutes later, he stopped altogether, peering farther ahead than Shadow's eyes could see.

"Wait here," he said, gone before she could even blink.

Shadow crossed her arms, trying not to let it sour her mood. That annoyance turned to a mild sense of fear as Shadow heard a deafeningly loud creak. Then, a culmination of a hundred twigs snapping as something hurtled through the trees. The landing crash shook the ground beneath her feet.

It didn't stop there. Nervously, Shadow wrapped her arms around herself as the chaos continued for another five minutes. The silence following only made things worse.

"Jasper?" Shadow called out, refusing to move so much as an inch. She doubted any surprise was worth waiting in a dark forest for.

Shadow bristled at the sounds of twigs snapping just ahead, but relaxed when she saw Jasper turn onto the path. She met him halfway, promptly taking his hand when he was in reach.

"Please, don't do that again," she whispered. Jasper only wove his fingers through her own, as if he knew it would comfort her more.

"You can blame Edward and Emmett for the delay," he told her as they got closer to their destination. Shadow could make out lights flickering just ahead.. and the sound of some type of engine.

She was suddenly impatient. Whatever it was, it was clear that Jasper was eager and nervous to show her. When the lights finally came into view, Shadow faltered at the sight it brought.

It was a cabin. Or, it looked like a cabin, only... cozier. More modern. Much nicer than anything Shadow could've imagined, had Jasper even hinted to her this place existed.

Shadow didn't give him a chance to explain, "I want to see the inside."

  Before he could respond, she was already leaving him behind. The trail leading up to the miniature deck was decorated with string lights. The path itself was outlined with flowers, rocks, and solar lamps. Shadow could only wonder at how they managed to put it all together, or when they even found the time.

However, she figured all her questions could wait. The door was already unlocked and Shadow wasted no time opening it. Immediately, the warmth of a wood stove welcomed her.

Shadow could only stand in the doorway as her eyes wandered the space. It was so small and minimal, yet comfortable at the same time. It didn't needed to be overwhelmed by decoration or furniture. It was just... ideal as it was.

Shadow took off her shoes and backpack, setting them on the small rack by the door. Jasper lingered just behind, leaving her to explore. This was what he'd been so nervous about; showing her this place.

Shadow couldn't imagine why. It was incredible. She already felt comfortable here, in this cabin, with all its isolation. There was a well-worn rocking chair near the singular window, accompanied by a coffee table. A bookshelf was nestled in the corner, already lined with hard-covers.

And then there was the door. One singular room. Considering how small the sitting area was, Shadow figured it wasn't a bathroom. She ventured further into the cabin, Jasper following slowly behind.

When she peered inside, Shadow was met with the sight of a queen-sized bed. She inhaled a sharp breath, letting the door open wide. The bed-frame was carved wood with a canopy, curtained by a sheer, green fabric to match the covers. It was gorgeous... a place almost entirely structured to Shadow's own taste.

Still, the Swan girl couldn't help herself. "So, it's a cabin with no kitchen, but there's a bed?"

"It's a work-in-progress," Jasper replied, but he couldn't look her in the eyes. In that moment, Shadow desperately wished he could blush.

She looked back to the bedroom. "This place is beautiful," she said, but even that was under-selling it. "I'm just confused on what it's for." She figured the Cullen's had designed it with some purpose.

"I built it..." Jasper said, his gaze wandering the room critically. As if there could be any possible fault with this place.

  "For you," he added softly, as if he hoped she might miss it.

Shadow felt her stomach drop as she whirled to face him, but she couldn't speak. All of this. This entire space here in the forest... designed entirely for her. Shadow gaped at the prospect of it all.

It was absolutely insane, how could she ever have deserved something like this?

"When did you even—?" Shadow couldn't finish. She didn't know what to say.

Jasper was quick to pick up on what she was failing to ask. "After the theatre. The same day Alice told me who you were to me." He looked so nervous as he explained.

  Shadow wanted to kiss him and never stop.

  "It was just floor plans at first," he told her, trying to simplify it all. As if he realized such a gift might be overwhelming. "I was trying to turn this image in my head into something real. An actual thing with dimensions and shape."

  Jasper sighed, giving the room another nervous glance. "I just wanted there to be something that I could give to you— and have you make it entirely your own."

  Shadow looked at the room once more. In every single piece of this place there was a part of him. Time and effort he had purposely taken to create something for her. A place so akin to the haven Shadow had always, so selfishly wanted.

  And he'd given it to her.

  "Why?" She asked, so incapable of understanding how anyone could possibly do this for her. The kindness and care in the gesture itself... Shadow couldn't help the way her eyes stung.

  "If I can't give you the rest of my life, I want to give you this," he said. "This place is yours. Cry. Be angry and upset and grieving— do everything you feel like you can't when you're anywhere else but here."

  Shadow pressed her hands to her eyes as if she could shove the tears back in. She felt the sobs building in her chest. How could anyone possibly hold this much love inside them?

  "Everything and anything I can possibly give you is yours," he spoke softly, brushing the hair back from her face. "The only thing I could ever ask of you is to be content, Shadow. That's it."

  Content. Not happy. Not nice, or placated. Just content.

  Shadow tried and failed to wipe the remaining tears from her face. "You know, normal girls would settle for a necklace," she told him, taking another peek at the bed.

  "Think of it as an early birthday present," Jasper told her, as if gifting someone a cabin were a completely acceptable gift.

  Shadow couldn't help her laughter. "That's usually where the necklace comes in," she said, reaching up to wrap her arms around him.

  Jasper secured his own around her waist. "I like the cabin better," he insisted, pressing a kiss to her mouth.

  Shadow grinned, seeking another before he could pull away. "Me too," she agreed. "Lots of privacy." She couldn't help letting the invitation slip into the remark.

  Jasper chuckled, but there was something in the sound that told her she'd said something dangerous. "We're just sleeping."

"Oh, so you're taking me to bed?" Shadow continued, hopping up to wrap her legs around his hips.

Jasper caught her easily, honey-gold eyes never straying from hers. With his hands beneath her thighs, Shadow felt her body warm. The intensity was only made worse with her quickening pulse.

"Behave," he said, but the warning meant little with every kiss he placed against her skin.

Shadow sighed. "Such a virgin."

The taunt was light-hearted and he knew it. Still, Shadow gasped when dropped her on her back, letting her land on the covers of the bed. She didn't get the chance to question the actions as he brought his mouth to hers.

Shadow was completely at his mercy as he kissed her, tongue against her own. His fingers trailed an icy path down the length of her exposed waist. When he pulled back, she bit lightly at his lip, letting it drag gently through her teeth.

NSFW (18+)

Jasper groaned. The sound only enticed her more. The promises for 'just sleep' were wasted breath now. Shadow tried to stifle her pleased gasps as Jasper lowered his mouth to her neck, a weakness he fully intended to take advantage of.

Shadow was struck by the desperate need to get out of her clothes. When Jasper lifted his shirt over his shoulder's, she immediately followed. He didn't argue, even as he paused to let his gaze linger over her body. His eyes were dark and everything about it was thrilling and new.

Shadow sighed as his kisses travelled further down her neck until he hovered just over her chest. She curled her fingers through his hair. His mouth trailed light paths over the little skin exposed on her breasts.

"I can take it off..." she offered, the words barely there. She hardly even registered speaking them at all.

He paused. "We don't have to go that far..."

"I don't want you to stop," she whispered. "Please."

Jasper didn't seem to require any further instruction. His hands reached behind to unclip the bra, though she was sure she heard it snap. He still hesitated as she took it off, lips against her skin as he buried his head into her neck.

  Shadow wasn't a patient person. She guided his hand up to cup her breast. It was the only hint he needed. He brought his head down and Shadow moaned when he brushed his thumb teasingly over the peak. Then it was his mouth, teeth grazing over all the sensitive spots.

Shadow was reeling. When he stopped to leave marks, she took the time to breath. He dotted her skin with light bruises from his lips. Every mark deliberately laid out.

"It's late..." he whispered, but his lips gave no indication of stopping. Instead, they inched lower, until he hovered just above the waistband of her jeans.

Shadow couldn't speak beyond her growing desperation. She undid the first button and then Jasper was taking over. He tugged the material from her hips, chuckling when she eagerly helped to speed the process along.

A cold kiss pressed against her inner thighs and Shadow was left gasping. "Please," she almost whimpered. It was the only word she could manage.

Jasper made a helpless sound that only left Shadow more aroused. He pulled the fabric of her underwear down slowly. Agonizing in his teasing.

"You're the worst," she hissed, knuckles against her teeth as his fingers rubbed slow circles against her thigh.

Jasper gave a breathy laugh right as his tongue pressed against her. Shadow was completely unraveled. The way his mouth felt was nothing short of devouring— each movement calculated as he brushed against her clit.

Her hands were in his hair, desperately curling against him as he moved lower. His tongue slipped inside her as he angled his nose to brush against her every sensitive spot. Shadow didn't care to quiet herself, the moans mixing into cries and gasps.

"Fuck," she whispered, grinding against his mouth. She was so close...

Jasper pulled back and she cursed with the sudden lack of sensation. "You're so pretty like this," he told her, his voice low. She felt herself ache at the sound.

"It's too distracting." He laid back against the bed and motioned for her to sit up. Shadow knew what he was asking.

When she was angled just above his face, Jasper's fingers dug into her thighs. He pulled her down and she gasped as his mouth settled against her. His pace never slowed, tongue slipping back into her while he brushed against her clit again and again.

Shadow was shaking. She gripped at the headboard, orgasm inching closer as her toes curled. She was begging at this point, desperate for him to keep going and never stop. His fingers were pressed so deep into her skin, aching with the restraint he was forcing himself to keep in check.

She came hard against his mouth, cursing as he gripped her harder to ride out the high. Shadow was weak, desperately telling him how good he felt. Her whimpers and moans quieted to a pant when it was over, her body flinching with the new sensitivity.

SFW (13+)

Shadow slipped beneath the blankets, reaching for the first shirt she could find. The exhaustion that settled over her was overwhelming. Jasper reached out to help as she pulled his shirt over her head. Once covered, she promptly curled up under the covers.

  When Jasper stepped out, whispering something about turning off the lights, the Swan girl found herself suddenly nervous. Shadow could never figure out how the next part was supposed to go. She was used to a sudden departure (mostly on her behalf)... but, spending the night? It was never a part of the plan— not like this.

  Jasper might as well have been her first, for all that she knew.

  Shadow wished he had been. She wished her heart had never tried to love before him. There were a number of things she would've done differently; if life had gifted her some kind of foresight to their future.

  For one, Shadow would have never fought against it. She would have accepted being Bound to him from the moment they met. She would've waited patiently for it to settle into place— would've told him that she had been waiting all her life to love him.

  And that loving him was the greatest parting gift the world could have ever given her.

Shadow watched as Jasper took his spot on the bed next to her, waiting patiently for him to lay down. When he didn't, she rose. Her hand stretched out to reach for him, fingers trailing down the scars along his back. They hardly shocked her anymore, but the anger always simmered to life at the sight of them.

"If you're preparing some heartfelt confession, I'll pass out right now," Shadow teased.

A small part of her hoped that wasn't the case. She didn't want to spoil this. Not with a fight.

Jasper leaned against her touch, "No," he spoke softly, "Just thinking."

Shadow wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself against his back. The coolness of his skin was always refreshing. She planted a kiss along the blade of his shoulder, waiting patiently to hear his thoughts spoken aloud. Whenever he was ready.

It didn't take long for him to find his voice again. "Do you think the world is punishing me?"

Shadow was stunned by the bitter nature of the question. But, it didn't take her long to figure out the source. She knew without asking.

"The world doesn't care about us," she whispered, lips hovering over a particular gash along his back. "There's no logic in assuming we were so important, that the world had to humble us itself. That it picked us out of the whole lot to punish."

"Then why does it have to be you?" He hissed, but there was a broken resignation to the words. No amount of begging would change things.

  There was a long silence, then, "Do you think things could have been different, if I had stayed away?"

  Shadow didn't bother responding. They already knew the answer. "It doesn't matter," she told him. "I would have chosen you. Always."

  "Don't you think that's a little twisted?" He asked, finally turning to face her. His half-smirk made it clear that he didn't care if it was. Neither did she.

  "I think it's a little too late to start debating the ethics of this Bond," she told him, weaving her fingers through his. "I also think that I'm tired and I should sleep."

  Jasper leaned into her, kissing her softly. Without hunger. His hand went to her thigh, smoothing over the skin with a light touch.

  "Alright," he said, settling onto the bed next to her.

  Shadow felt entirely at ease as his arms wrapped around her, tucking her close against his chest. Nowhere in the world felt more secure. More safe.

  As she fell closer to sleep, Shadow was only partially aware as Jasper pressed a kiss to her temple. "I love you" he told her.

  It was the only night Shadow slept without a vision.

Edited 02/25/2016 @3:02 AM
Edited 07/07/2023 @4:53 AM

AN: The smut was NOT planned... but the sudden inspiration overtook me and here we are. I hope you all enjoyed, there's only a handful of chapters left before we're done !!! But, fear not... you'll like the ending.